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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely furious with my 'friend' for letting me down?

108 replies

ivorycoast · 29/01/2012 18:38

I've been waiting several months for a hospital appointment to come through to see an ortho surgeon. Letter finally came last week with an appointment for this wednesday at 2.45pm. Tried to change the time as it is bang in the middle of the school run but was told not possible to re-arrange.

DH at work during the day so can't do the school run. Would normally ask my parents but they're away. I have a friend that lives in the same cul-de-sac as me and her dd is in the same class as mine and we often take turns picking up the kids from school, having them over after school etc. I've helped out my friend quite a few times, looking after her two dc when she's needed to go somewhere, having her dd when she was too ill to go to nursery and my friend had to work and so on.

I asked my friend if when she picks up her dd on Wednesday after school she could take dd home with her for an hour until I get back from the hospital. She said yes. This was last Wednesday.

I had a text from her today saying 'sorry, really frantically busy next week, lots of tidying to do at home, can you get someone else to pick up your dd?'

I am absolutely furious. Friend knows I'm only asking her because I've got a hospital appointment and that I don't really have anyone else to ask. Plus she will be picking up her dd that day anyway, its not like shes got anything else planned.

I replied saying 'don't really have anyone else to ask'.

She hasn't replied.

AIBU to think she should help me out when I've helped her out in the past?

OP posts:
snice · 30/01/2012 13:34

I've been racking my brains and the only reason I can up with for her needing to do 'frantic tidying' would be if you were putting your house on the market and had a viewing!

More likely I suspect is that her daughter has been asked for tea by someone else so your friend is trying to wriggle out of your arrangement

porcamiseria · 30/01/2012 13:37

trim the friend and tell to never ever ask for a favour again. cow face!

Groovee · 30/01/2012 13:37

I wouldn't bother raising it with her but when she asks you to take her child to school, just say no! She see's you as a walkover!

agedknees · 30/01/2012 13:40

Ivory, phone the ortho sec and ask for the appointment to be made later in the day after you have picked up your dd.

If that does not work, phone the clinic the day of your appointment and speak to the nurse running that clinic and explain the situation. It happens loads in my clinic, and I always just put the patient down on the list at a later time.

Regarding your post. I think your friend IBU. Hope everything goes ok with your ortho appointment.

Scholes34 · 30/01/2012 13:53

On the occasions I've had appointments with a consultant, the clinica has been running 90 minutes late by 11.00 am. It is quite possible being slotted in further down the list, after your DD has finished school, won't be a problem. However, taking her out of school for a short time probably isn't a problem either. Much better solution than sister taking time off work.

Original poster
ivorycoast · 30/01/2012 15:56

aged and scholes thanks for the advice.

I saw friend when I picked dd up today. She said she has a friend coming round on weds after school with her child so didn't want an extra child ie my dd there.

Can't say I'm overly impressed with that as a reason. DD is a social creature and pretty well behaved at other peoples houses so I can't see her being a problem. I get that under normal circumstances it might not be ideal for my dd to be at friends house when she has people over but this is a one off emergency.

Anyway, sister happy to pick dd up so guess I should just let it go now!

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/01/2012 16:00

Make sure your answer to your friend when she asks for a favour in future is a loud "NO". And how rude that she lied to you on the text, I would be really annoyed with her about that too tbh

peeriebear · 30/01/2012 16:08

I do hope in future that you make it crystal clear you're not available to help her out. What a rubbish excuse. Your plans were in place first!

SilentBoob · 30/01/2012 16:10

I now need to know whether or not she asks you to walk her daughter to school again this Wednesday.

CalamityKate · 30/01/2012 16:14

She said she has a friend coming round on weds after school with her child so didn't want an extra child ie my dd there

But she'd already said she'd have your DD! Therefore, she should have said to her friend (if she really couldn't cope with an extra child Hmm ) "Sorry, I'm looking after Ivory's DD that day, cana we make it another day?"

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/01/2012 16:17

I have a feeling that when you start saying no to your friend she will have a hissy fit and fall out with you big time. I speak from experience. Don't worry though you will be well rid of her!

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 30/01/2012 16:20

I think we have the same friend.

No YANBU. But I also cannot believe the hospital appointment is really that inflexible. Can you get your GP to ring up and beg from an alternative slot?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 30/01/2012 16:22

OP, think that is really bad of your 'friend' given that you have waited for your hospital appointment for so long. I would be tempted to explain to her calmly that she knows you have found it difficult to get this appointment and that you are very disappointed that she has booked in a social event after you had arranged this with her. Then of course next time she needs a favour explain you are too ill/too busy to help out.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 30/01/2012 16:24

I can believe the hospital appointment is that inflexible, particularly given its a long awaited one. It is bad enough trying to change the times of my midwife appointments let alone for anything more serious.

Original poster
ivorycoast · 30/01/2012 16:26

silent I will update whether she asks me to take her child to school this weds morning. I'm taking great pleasure in thinking of a suitable reply...

I'm kind of glad I know the real reason now, the 'frantic tidying' excuse upset me, in that it was so lame!

OP posts:
ballstoit · 30/01/2012 16:27

BreastMilk I have never been able to change a hospital appointment that's been sent out to me, unless I'm prepared to wait another 6-8 weeks. Sounds like the OP has already been waiting a while, and understandably wants to attend this appointment.

OP I'm glad your Sis is able to help, and tbh would be very unimpressed with any 'friend' who behaved like this. As others have said, I'd be saying 'no' to any further requests for help from her.

Hope the appointment goes well.

Original poster
ivorycoast · 30/01/2012 16:29

Thanks ball Smile

OP posts:
JustHecate · 30/01/2012 16:41

That's fairly shitty of her.

The ONE day you really need her help, after all you do for her, and she arranged a bloody playdate and says she can't now help you out while you are at the hospital because she has arranged for some other child to come and play?! No way would I do that to a friend.

zookeeper · 30/01/2012 19:47

renaldo I have taken all my children with me for countless hospital appointments - the staff are fine with it - I don't know why you think it should be a last resort

saladsandwich · 30/01/2012 20:44

i would be tempted to let her down by agreeing to have the child then changing my mind but i'm petty and childish

what an utter cow though, i hope your hospital appointment goes ok

Feminine · 30/01/2012 20:49

yanbu :)

A really shitty way to behave, such a lame excuse.

TBH if you say you will help, you bloody well do.

I don't care what you had to do.

This is a 'friend' that you are better off without.

ZenNudist · 30/01/2012 21:04

She sounds like a using cowbag Grin I'd take great satisfaction in knowing that you pulled back from offering to help her out in the future. However, where the favour doesn't put you out I'd do it and make the point that you'd appreciate it if in the future she reciprocated favours and at the very least didn't agree to help then drop out.

She has let you down to do something that doesn't sound very important to me, she could have rearranged her dd's friend.

Secrecy · 30/01/2012 21:08

I'm with Calamity - she shouldn't have agreed to the visitor because she had already agreed to look after your child. She has really let you down and she has been thoroughly rude in the process (yes I know you really need this but I have just had a better offer!) I hope you get the satisfaction of turning her down in kind.

Good luck with your appointment! X

ImpOfThePerverse · 30/01/2012 21:23

Not sure which is worse out of frantic tidying and having friend round, both utterly lame, avoidable or work-roundable situations.

Good luck for Wed, with the appointment and telling your neighbour 'no'!

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 30/01/2012 21:52

YANBU - I can't believe the 'frantic tidying' wasn't an excuse!!

It's a bit singed of her really, as this is effectively the end of you doing each other favours and the winding down of your friendship. It's all just a bit awkward now, isn't it?

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