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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely furious with my 'friend' for letting me down?

108 replies

ivorycoast · 29/01/2012 18:38

I've been waiting several months for a hospital appointment to come through to see an ortho surgeon. Letter finally came last week with an appointment for this wednesday at 2.45pm. Tried to change the time as it is bang in the middle of the school run but was told not possible to re-arrange.

DH at work during the day so can't do the school run. Would normally ask my parents but they're away. I have a friend that lives in the same cul-de-sac as me and her dd is in the same class as mine and we often take turns picking up the kids from school, having them over after school etc. I've helped out my friend quite a few times, looking after her two dc when she's needed to go somewhere, having her dd when she was too ill to go to nursery and my friend had to work and so on.

I asked my friend if when she picks up her dd on Wednesday after school she could take dd home with her for an hour until I get back from the hospital. She said yes. This was last Wednesday.

I had a text from her today saying 'sorry, really frantically busy next week, lots of tidying to do at home, can you get someone else to pick up your dd?'

I am absolutely furious. Friend knows I'm only asking her because I've got a hospital appointment and that I don't really have anyone else to ask. Plus she will be picking up her dd that day anyway, its not like shes got anything else planned.

I replied saying 'don't really have anyone else to ask'.

She hasn't replied.

AIBU to think she should help me out when I've helped her out in the past?

OP posts:
lisad123 · 29/01/2012 23:27

Why couldn't dh take time off?

Miette · 29/01/2012 23:33

Next time she asks for a favour, tell her you are going to be too busy washing your hair that day, or that you will have a headache.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 30/01/2012 11:22

i'm totally lost at your sister taking time time off work to collect your child rather than the child's father Confused

you never did reply to all the people who asked about after school club OP.

renaldo · 30/01/2012 11:32

I am really shocked at people suggesting bringing children to a hospital appt - it should be a LAST RESORT

Pixieonthemoor · 30/01/2012 11:36

Does your dd have another friend whose mother you could beg for a play date? You could return the favour a few weeks down the line and I am sure that your dd would enjoy it. Regarding your neighbour, I cannot fathom why she thinks 'tidying' is a good excuse. It is not like you are getting your nails done - it is a long-awaited hospital appt ffs. Wouldn't be doing her anymore favours tbh!

littlemisssarcastic · 30/01/2012 11:37

OP, Why did you set about persuading your sister to lose time at work to pick up your DD instead of your DH missing time at work?
And who is it easier for if your sister misses work to pick up your DD?

I am confused as to why your sister is doing what your DH should be doing? Confused

Bluebell99 · 30/01/2012 11:42

In this situation my dh would be taking time of work to do the school run. I can't understand why your dh isn't doing this?

OrmIrian · 30/01/2012 11:44

Get DH to do it.

littlemisssarcastic · 30/01/2012 11:44

Upon reading the OP again, I am wondering if the friend doesn't want to pick up your DD because she thinks your DH should do it too.

You say your DH can't do it because he works during the day, but so does your sister, and you have persuaded her to take time off of work.

What is the difference?

OP, you seem to be frantically looking for someone to pick up DD from school, you usually ask your parents, then your friends, then you persuade your sister to take time off of work...I don't understand why your DH can't take time off of work??

frumpet · 30/01/2012 11:51

To be fair in the current workplace climate i wouldnt ask DH to do it , if i were in the op's shoes . Plus not everyone can afford to lose a days pay .

NeatFreak · 30/01/2012 11:55

If I had an appointment I couldn't miss but at short notice like this it is unlikely that my dh could take time off. His diary is filled weeks in advance to coordinate with lots of other people so it would be very tricky to change it. He does leave early two or 3 times a week to have the dc while I work but non-emergency one-offs like this would be almost impossible. However, I do have a group of friends who would be happy to help out, are you sure there isnt anyone you could ask at school?.

gardenplants · 30/01/2012 11:57

She isn't your friend. Don't help her anymore.

littlemisssarcastic · 30/01/2012 11:58

I agree frumpet which is why it makes no sense to ask her sister, who also has to take time off of work to pick her DD up.

Personally, in this situation, I would wait until the day before, and get her DH to explain he needs to finish work early on emergency leave if OP hasn't found anyone who doesn't have to take time off of work to help preferably.

I'm quite sure the sister wont be able to claim emergency leave for her sister's DD, so imo it is still better to ask the DH.

Alternatively, what about the suggestions of after school club?

CamperFan · 30/01/2012 12:02

Ha ha yank, I wondered if you would take it that way! Grin

WineOhWhy · 30/01/2012 12:57

I woud be upset by such a lame excuse becuase:-

  1. how frantic can the tidying be if she knows about it 4 days in advance? and
  2. How hard is it to stick a DVD on and tidy up round all the children (cant see how 1 extra makes a difference and if school aged presumably will be ok to do something quiet like watching a DVD)

If she had just said "really sorry, something urgent has come up and I cant do it any more", I think that would be easier to accept (i.e. sounds like there is a real reason she does not feel comfortable sharing) but she must know that "urgent" tidying is a rubbish excuse so I woudl be concerned she is giving soem other message here.

Original poster
ivorycoast · 30/01/2012 13:10

To answer the question about why DH can't take time off work. Well, he works 2 hrs away with a long train commute. Leaves the house at 7 to get to work for 9. To get home in time to pick dd up he'd have to leave work around midday, so would only be at work for 3 hours.... Not realistic.

DH has taken quite a few days off recently to look after dd when I've been unwell (hence the hospital appointment) and cant afford to take any more time off.

BUT this isn't the point. The point is I've done loads of favours for this lady and the one time I ask her to help me, she makes up a pathetic excuse about tidying her house. This is what upsets me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ivorycoast · 30/01/2012 13:14

And to answer the question about after school club, well the school doesn't have one.

OP posts:
PopcornBiscuit · 30/01/2012 13:16

You could say that you really need her help with a lift and you're more than happy to give her as much help as she needs with the tidying/housework once you get back!

littlemisssarcastic · 30/01/2012 13:17

In that case, I don't think I could be friends with someone who

A. Is quite happy for me to do lots of favours for her, but is not prepared to help me in an emergency or
B. Does not feel able to tell me the real reason as to why she is not prepared to help me or
C. Thinks 'frantic tidying' is a reasonable excuse as to why she can't help me in my hour of need.

What are you going to do about this friend person OP?

Scholes34 · 30/01/2012 13:20

Why does everyone seem to ask for favours via text? So much better to speak face to face - surely you see each other in the playground/near home? "Can't you ask anyone else?" "Well, that would be difficult, because . . .. The alternative would be sister taking time off work . . .." "Well that would be so much more inconvenient for everyone, of course I'll pick your DD up."

Don't ask favours via text unless you're sure you're going to get the answer you want.

ceebie · 30/01/2012 13:22

Talk to her calmly before jumping to any conclusions. It can't be about tidying the house - that would be ridiculous! There must be something more to it.

Original poster
ivorycoast · 30/01/2012 13:22

scholes if you read my OP you'll see that I did ask my friend in person and she confirmed in person she could pick up my dd. Of course I would always ask in person rather than text.

My friend then texted me yesterday to say she was too busy tidying her house to do. I could have rung up in a huff I suppose but was too busy worrying about what the hell I was going to do at such short notice.

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 30/01/2012 13:25

Take your DD with you. It's possible the hospital has a creche. If she's too old for the creche, she can sit and read whilst she waits for you. I had an evening emergency with DC2 and simply gathered up DC1 and DC3 and took them with me, so I didn't have to worry about who was looking after them.

everlong · 30/01/2012 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

devonhorns · 30/01/2012 13:29

You hadn't mentioned before that you DH has already taken lots of time off already and that's why he couldn't do it. So that's clear now.

Your right to be upset, but don't waste anymore time on this whole thing.

Are you doing pick up today, if so ask one of the other the parents at school and don't go into all the details, just say you have been let down and please could they help, it's a real one off. I'm sure one of them will.