Fricking d fricking h and my THIRD fricking jumper ruined. AIBU to express mild irritation?

[Slambang]

I mean, how bloody difficult is it for a highly intelligent human being to learn that cashmere/ wool/ silk jumpers do not go in a hot wash and a tumble dry?

The first (a beautiful red pure silk jumper my parents bought me from China) - the colour is now in garish streaks. Looks like a tie dye.
I kept my cool. Explained it was ruined and what not to put in a hot wash.

The second - a pink stripey wool job. Now suitably sized for a larger doll. I kept my cool. Explained AGAIN what doesn't do well in a tumble dry.

Today my favourite turqoise cashmere jumper. Shrunk to a quarter of the size and holey.

Today I raised my voice and threw said jumper on the floor.

Dh thinks I am being totally unreasonable as he was 'only trying to help'. He has walked out in a huffy strop.

To add context dh has been made redundant. We are both in a panic about money. I trying and sometimes failing to be sympathetic rock. But I feel this is Not An Excuse. Am I right?

How irritating. Just tell him not to wash any of your clothes at all anymore, that's what I told DP after he ruined a really lovely white dress of mine. He does his clothes, I do mine. It's so much better.

Yanbu, my dh does this ALL THE FUCKING TIME and it drives me crazy. I now put my non tumble dry clothes in a separate pile to be washed by someone who can read the fucking label me.

I've made mistakes like that before but 3 times is taking the piss somewhat

I dont let my DP near the washing. He does the shirts, that's it.

Lets think about this. He's lost his job. He 's trying to help. You're telling him he cant do it correctly. Wow, bet he's feeling a million dollars at the moment, I bet his self respect is flowing right over.

If you want to totally emasculate him keep going on the way you are.

3garcons - I suppose that's why I feel so guilty

Either he doesn't give a shite about your jumpers, or he's doing it on purpose so you tell him to stop doing your washing

I cannot abide my DP doing the washing, even though it's one of few things he actually enjoys doing around the house.

I have to hide anything delicate from him so it doesn't get chucked into the machine, never to come out the same size or colour again.

Do your own laundry then. Or put your jumpers in a separate hamper labelled "not for washing machine".

I feel your pain. On the very rare occasions I ask DH to do the washing he always seems to shrink something or wash something delicate in the wrong cycle. I think not putting jumpers in the tumble drier is just common sense. He says I should separate the washing first and specify how each item should be washed. By the time I have done that I may as well do the washing myself!

Separate laundry basket for anything delicate and a large laundry pen X on the most obvious label.
I'm a SAHM so laundry is my job, although DH hangs stuff to dry and is the only person who irons.
I write workshop on things else he ruins nice stuff

I put all washing into the linen basket except for clothes that have to be handwashed. Perhaps you could adopt this system and avoid any more ruined clothes.

I never put my jumpers anywhere near the wash - even I might put them in by mistake, and dh would definitely put them in. I keep them in my room until I'm ready to hand wash.

But dh does drive me mad by putting my stuff in the dryer. Even putting a sign on the dryer saying 'do not put tryingtoleave's clothes in the dryer' has not stopped him. He says he can't tell the difference between my clothes and 3 y o dd . So, again anything special I do try to make sure I take responsibility for - but I don't want him to refuse to wash altogether.

I sort the washing in the morning before I go to work. Whoever is in first puts it on. He will only put the washing on if there is a bag on top of the basket, so I can be sure he won't fish my delicate handwash stuff out and shove it in the machine. I have managed to get him to learn clothes on 30, sheets/towels/undies on 40 and he is fine with that.

"Trying to help" by doing the washing? Yeah, we're not in the 50s any more.;

And YANBU.

I think you're a bit U. At ours, whenever there is a sensitive item to be washed, it is put away separately and not in the laudry basket with the rest of our clothes. Your DH is trying to help.

Don't feel guilty for pointing out that he has done it wrong when he has. What is he- an adult who is capable of learning that not all fabrics can be washed in the same way or some delicate little flower with only half a brain? Why should you have to hide your upset when he has paid no attention to what you have said and ruined your things? Why is your feelings of upset more important than his right not to be faced with the consequences of his actions?

As to how to resolve the situation - of course you should be able to trust him to do the laundry, but as there is good reason why you cannot, is there a household chore that you currently do that you could swap with him? Let him continue to do his own laundry though.

Dh did this once to a sweater I loved - it was a genuine error, and when I explained to him that some things couldn't be washed/tumbled, he took that information on board and hasn't made that mistake again. One mistake is understandable (though still a bit irritating) - doing it several times is just dim - so no, you are not being unreasonable to be pissed off about this!

My dh's bad laundry habit was not separating whites and coloureds, so all of his and the boys' white shirts go a uniform dingy grey. He has done this to pale coloured stuff of mine too, which does piss me off, especially after the first time and the first explanation of what he's done. The message is getting through now, and we save all the shirts for a big whites wash once a week, but he will still put other pale stuff in with darker items, so I don't put my pale stuff to the wash - I wait and do it myself. Clearly I used up all his laundry-intelligence-capability on the pure wool jumper issue - I wish I'd known in advance about this, as I have far more pale/white stuff than pure wool stuff. 20/20 hindsight.

Oh - and leave the bastard!

Had to post here because I had this over and over again, was doing my head in, and if it wasn't ruined woollens it was tops I was trying to keep white getting shoved in with black stuff. Have changed my life with one of those double laundry bin things from Ikea-one compartment for white, the other for coloureds and the old bin gets used from woolly stuff which goes in machine on nothing other than the cold 'hand wash' cycle on pain of death. No longer have to wrestle laundry basket of him to inspect as he heads to the machine. So much better but I do need to get a life

I agree he's doing it on purpose. Unless he has a condition that makes it difficult/impossible for him to read labels (serious). Or something like early signs of Alzheimers?

YANBU to turn his favourite sweater into the dog's bed, let alone MILD irritation!!!!

In fairness to your DH, men's clothes tends to be less fussy than women's. I have a triple laundry basket in the utility room where clothes get sorted into. Anything that needs special treatment goes into a separate basket. DH knows not to touch that basket under ANY circumstances.

Anyone that doesn't do the washing normally finds it difficult because you have to check all the care labels carefully and it takes AGES. But unless you do that, you won't ever be able to do the washing properly and on it continues. VERY annoying.

My MIL, who is usually brilliant at this sort of stuff, ruined a favourite top of mine because she didn't realise it was woollen (wool that is the thickness of cotton t-shirt fabric). She assumed it was fine because it wasn't a jumper or something silky so didn't check the care label. I looked at the top, looked at her and said 'the top's made out of wool' with a gutted expression on my face. She replied with 'how was I to know that?' (Erm, a sorry would have been nice...) She was TRYING to be helpful, and my bloody DH had gone and fetched everything out of our bedroom that he thought could do with a wash as she asked him to do. The fact that the bloody thing hadn't needed a wash because I hadn't worn it for 9 months as I had been PREGNANT completely by-passed him (MIL was there to help after DS1 was born), let alone the fact that I hadn't WANTED her to do the bloody washing....

(Woah, where did that come from after nearly 5 years???!!!)

Dh home.
Aplogies made.
Lessons learned 1- separate my delicates, 2 - dh more fragile than I realised 3 - Some people don't even credit their partners with the intelligence to separate a wash 4- I am not good at being a rock.

YANBU Once, fair enough, anyone can make a mistake but three times is ridiculous.

5- he needs to buy you three new jumpers when he gets a job