Fricking d fricking h and my THIRD fricking jumper ruined. AIBU to express mild irritation?

[Slambang]

I mean, how bloody difficult is it for a highly intelligent human being to learn that cashmere/ wool/ silk jumpers do not go in a hot wash and a tumble dry?

The first (a beautiful red pure silk jumper my parents bought me from China) - the colour is now in garish streaks. Looks like a tie dye.
I kept my cool. Explained it was ruined and what not to put in a hot wash.

The second - a pink stripey wool job. Now suitably sized for a larger doll. I kept my cool. Explained AGAIN what doesn't do well in a tumble dry.

Today my favourite turqoise cashmere jumper. Shrunk to a quarter of the size and holey.

Today I raised my voice and threw said jumper on the floor.

Dh thinks I am being totally unreasonable as he was 'only trying to help'. He has walked out in a huffy strop.

To add context dh has been made redundant. We are both in a panic about money. I trying and sometimes failing to be sympathetic rock. But I feel this is Not An Excuse. Am I right?

Lonnie, if I was stupid enough to fill up a diesel car with petrol more than once DH would be justified in going mental. I wouldn't blame him for flipping his lid the first time

Don't put your special washing items in with the general laundry?

Why not? They're LAUNDRY aren't they? Again, not difficult for an adult to pay enough attention to the washing NOT to ruin stuff. If they can get a job, and not be sacked for incompetence, then they are capable of sorting out washing. In the same way as with the aid of the internet, I can find out how to wire a plug. Or put up a set of shelves. Or build flat-pack furniture. What sex I or my partner are should be irrelavent. We would both be adults, therefore we would BOTH be equally capable of all jobs.

Exchange one of your new cashmeres for one for him & see if he ruins that!

What is all this-"don´t put special things in the laundry"-isn´t it blöödy obvious that something like that doesn´t just get thrown in with everything else?

My dp does this too. The best one was when I bought a lovely cardi and he shrunk it after its first wear but not too much of a disaster as it fitted teenage dd. He then washed it again and it was the right size for 3yo dd

Huntycat, spot on. Reminds me of web.mnstate.edu/racek/Psych%20of%20women%20asssignments/The%20Politics%20of%20Housework.docthis

Sorry this

A grown man or woman should not make this mistake 3 times. It's not complicated, it's just everyday life stuff which he should have got right by now, and would if he cared enough. This is a perfect example of someone 'helping out' and actually creating more work and stress (i.e. cooking and leaving the kitchen in a state after, washing up and leaving things on the side 'to soak', hoovering and leaving the machine in the middle of the hall when done, ironing and leaving the board out when finished, dressing/bathing child and asking where are nappies/vests/towels etc... It is infuriating and unacceptable IMO.

Blackduck - I haven't seen that article before. It's good. I wish I had read something like that 14 years ago. Maybe I wouldn't have wasted so much of my life in crappy relationships being treated like a skivvy. I won't be doing THAT any more! IMO it's a sign of a greater disdain for a woman than should be accepted in a relationship - if they were true partners, equal partners, then the jobs would be done equally, and to an equal standard. Talk about that standard BEFORE you move in together. (Which, BTW, I DID do with my Ex-P) and STICK TO IT (which I didn't do. Because it was so insidious that I didn't notice it at first). When you DO notice it - explain to your partner what your expectations are.

And if they don't meet them then think VERY carefully whether you want to spend the rest of your life like that. I didn't want to continue being a skivvy. And Ex-P didn't want to change. The two things were mutually exclusive. Therefore it is one of the reasons we are no longer together. In order for us to continue in a relationship together, either HE had to change what he wanted and expected from our relationship, or I did. Neither of us were willing to change our expectations. I was NOT going to accept being treated like a skivvy. He was NOT going to stop treating me like one. Hence we are no longer in a relationship.

Don't LOWER YOUR expectations to meet theirs. Don't expect them to change without a fight - they will lose out by having to do more 'womens work', while you will be gaining by having to do less 'womens work'.

jenny60 - That is by no means an exhaustive list of what my Ex-P was like! That only covers a tiny portion of it.

Why put stuff that needs hand washing or dry cleaning in the washing basket? Surely that is a recipe for disaster and you really need to look to yourself as the person to blame as it was you that put it in with other washing, all he was doing was transferring it to the washing machine. Do you stand and sort everything coloured in your wash basket before putting in the machine because I don't if its in the basket so far as Im concerned its suitable for a machine wash.

Items that need hand washing or dry cleaning are put elsewhere.

HuntyCat, if your comments were written by a man people would be falling over themselves to shout "controlling" (probably in bold italics).

But feel free to leave your partners if they screw up the laundry.

Well, talk about airing your dirty washing in public...

Just a little update for those kind enough to have read and posted. All 4 jumpers went back to M&S today as they were the wrong size. I had fallen in love with one but it was the most expensive (£69) so I have asked dh to promise to buy me it when he gets a job. I didn't want to keep any though because as Huntycat pointed out, dh did not buy them as a generous gift. It was a bit more of a 'well, if your bloody jumpers matter that much then I'll blow all our money on them. Happy now?' kind of a gift.

He agrees that he did it to shut me up and is a bit embarrassed. We have agreed neither of us will spontaneously buy unneeded stuff at all.

As for the men and laundry argument. To stick up for dh, he actually does as much or more of the household washing and ironing than me, which makes all the arguments along the lines of 'poor men, how can we expect them to know this stuff because they are So Big and Important?' a bit WRONG. He is a capable human being just bloody careless and I will continue to give him the credit to have the capacity to work the washing machine without holding his hand.

He read this thread and Troisgarcons he has offered to buy you a coffee.

fabby how many laundry baskets do you have? It's not exactly complicated to take stuff out of a basket and put it in the machine one piece at a time- wool stuff gets put aside and washed either by hand or in a special care wash.
I can understand absent minded ness once. But he's ruined three jumpers in a row.

He's not a child, he's an adult. Whether or not he has a penis should not affect his washing machine loading abilities.

Well, it's easy for a small silk top (as an example) to get mixed up in a giant king-size duvet cover. Easy whilst rushing in the morning to just not see it and stick the bedding in on a 60.

That's regardless of sex - male or female can make the same mistake.

(disclaimer: yes I know it's not what happened in the case of the op, it's an example of why it's sometimes a good idea to separate special care items from the usual bulk items)

Luckily DH doesn't really put a wash on without me asking (and even then he checks what should go in and the temperature!). I do however, keep separate things I would be gutted if they were ruined, I just like to do them myself. It might not be 'right' but it's a simple way to avoid heartache and an argument. I have however shrunk one of DH's jumpers by accident (wool and went on a 40 wash!) it was a lovely fit for me until I shrunk it again by accident

What - I'm controlling for expecting NOT to have to be a skivvy to a man? I really HAVE heard everything now!

For long and boring reasons, my partner puts on all our washing. We have two washing baskets, one for normal washes and one for delicates. Someone (and obviously we both blame each other ) has just managed to shrink my favourite wool dress.

The ensuing argument did not make him feel emasculated, ffs. Mildly guilty, perhaps, but his testicles are intact.

One laundry basket here. Sort through as you load.....
I am seeing a zillion baskets - whites, coloureds, delicates, wool, hand wash.......
Blimey it ISN'T rocket science...

One laundry basket here too. Check as you load. Also, while you're at it, check pockets for pens, tissues, money, etc. If dh puts his socks in balled up, that's how they go in the machine. I was not put on this earth to unravel his smelly socks .