To wonder why "Ms" seems to mean more than the opposite of "Mr"?

[mamhaf]

I've kept my maiden names, so I'm Ms Mamhaf - haven't been a Miss for many years and Mrs Mamhaf would be my mother.

So, why would the shop assistant filling in a storecard application for me say: "you're separated then?" after I'd given her my title as Ms? (marital status was another box for her to tick)

And then give me a quizzical look when I answered, "no, married"?

I used to think Ms meant divorced actually

That was quite a few years ago though, when it first became popular to use.

Some people do have a problem with Ms - beats the hell out of me why, given that it's no longer the 1950s. I think most people assume you're trying to make some sort of a point and really, I'm not. I use my maiden name (OK, there I am making some sort of a point) but am way too old (and too married) to be a Miss. Hence, Ms.

I wouldn't even answer the marital status thing, I'd say "No, I didn't specify". I don't understand why it's anybody's business in the normal course of events.

I have that too. I use Ms - just as I did before I married. But people usually assume I am divorced.

I have been 'Ms' Greenwing since I got married 20 years ago because I kept my maiden name but was no longer 'Miss Greenwing'. (Much to the horror of MIL in may add!)
I have never thought of it as potentially meaning a separated/divorced woman and nobody has ever suggested that to me.
To me, it always denoted a woman with feminist leanings who might be single, married or anything in between but felt that was her own business and nobody elses!

Exactly, Greenwing. I have used Ms. since I was eighteen.

I always thought a Ms was a divorced lady as well

I wouldn't specify marital status unless I needed to, but it was obviously part of the credit rating application - and I wanted to get the discount by taking out a card.

I think a man would've been asked the same about marital status, but without any assumptions about his status.

Miss before marriage, Mrs during, and Ms after!!
I dont know anyone who has kept maiden name either? Is that quite common as well?

My wedding ring must've confused her though, because she assumed separated rather than divorced.

It's all very complicated nowadays

Thank fuck I very rarely write to anyone, I'm too bloody scared after reading MN

You say you haven't been miss for years. No, because you are married - so why not use Mrs? Mrs Manhof would not be your mother because presumably she had a different second name ( I would hope so anyway!). I too would assume that someone who used Ms was divorced because there is no reason to use it otherwise.

mumnotmachine - I know lots of people who didn't change their names on marriage. Mainly men, admittedly.

I've always kept my name, mainly because the idea of changing it with my bank, passport office etc. exhausted me

And if you don't change your surname when married, whose surname do DC have? Do you do double barrelled?
One of the main reasons I got married was so that we would all have the same surname

LOL Mumhaf- clever!!!

ysmb -
a)Mrs (my maiden name) wouldn't be correct

b) Nobody else's business what my marital status is

Sorry Mam- are you Welsh? I'm about the only one of my friends who isnt a Mam either- I'm Mum!!

as a foreigner I find all the miss/ms/mrs thing very confusing, never quite know what box to tick.
in my language there is only mr and mrs for adults.

I have been Ms since I was about 19 - for reasons of feminism and it being nobodies business if I am married or not (just like a man who uses Mr).

However, I did change my last name when I married to DHs name. Mainly because it would be easier, once we had kids, to all have the same name.

Yes, double barrelled in my younger DCs' cases. Older ones have their father's surname (which I regret now - wish I'd double-barrelled that). So in our household we have 2 As (older DCs), 1 B (DH), 1 C (me) and 2 B-Cs (younger DCs). It's really not a problem - people seem to understand.

Good Lord! Nodoby's business? I shouldn't think most people care whether you're married or not. If you want to use Ms then go ahead, but don't start bleating when people think you are divorved.

DC are double-barrelled, and yes, I'm Welsh.

I had the opposite recently - at hospital appt, consultant said to me, 'Mrs or Miss Peasant?'

I didn't say, 'Dr actually'

I said, 'Oh, Ms please'.

He said, 'Right - are you married - oh no, you just said'.

Some people just live in Devon the 1950s.

I always think of double barrelled as posh!!!
Some surnames just dont double-barrel well though?
My maiden and married names dont gel well barrelled
Do you choose your partner by how well the surnames go (!)