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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel sad for the baby

85 replies

inspireme · 19/01/2012 21:07

Sil has a 6 month old baby as do I. I try not to see her much as I really don't agree with her parenting and I spend most of the time biting my tongue about some of the things she does regarding the babies safety and feeding like not strapping her into to buggy/carseat for example.

Had a conversation with her today and came away feeling very upset about the situation. Basically she has been feeding DN toddler milk for a while because the tubs are 2 quid cheaper on offer somewhere, not sure if that's really bad but I'm sure there's a reason why it's made for children over 12months.

She started weaning at 13 weeks so by now baby is well onto solids, I asked her what she eats in a day and the list is,
adult size bowl of porridge morning,
Petis filous yogurt (sp?) mid morning,
potato gravy butter salt afternoon time,
ambrosia custard pot evening,
another yogurt at bedtime, and crisps during the day,

She's never had fruit or vegetables yet apart from the
potato.

Now i know this isn't great, but I though well at least
she getting bottles, but her exact words were " she
doesn't really take bottles anymore" when I asked how
many ounces she takes she said 6oz in morn and 1 oz
before bed.

She has had numerous colds, ear infections and currently has bronchitis, not saying they are related but
maybe they are who knows.

I have previously posted about her and was told keep out so I have done so, but ffs it's getting hard when a
baby's health could be at risk.DH and I are getting worried, and really would love to say something but
know it will probably result in a fall out and he's very
close to his family.

Yes I know AIBU to be wearing judgey pants over someone else's parenting, but I need to rant and there's only so much DH can listen to when it's his Sis.

On iPhone so sorry in advance for spelling mistakes!

OP posts:
spottydogpencilcase · 19/01/2012 21:10

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Feminine · 19/01/2012 21:11

There is nothing you can do.:)

I think you are right to worry, I would.

Why don't you lead by example perhaps? if you saw more of her, some of what you are doing might rub off?

Tricky situation.

spanky2 · 19/01/2012 21:11

I can see why you are upset. My friend is completely the other way, and won't let her dds eat chocolate, crisps, too much bread..(wtf), But it is not actual abuse. I'm not sure what you can do tho...
You are right. It is not a good diet.

Bunbaker · 19/01/2012 21:12

You can judge all you like. I agree with you. I would find it hard to bite my tongue. There was a case a few years ago about a baby who died because the parents gave it mashed potatoes and gravy and the baby died of salt poisoning.

What does your SIL? Does she have as bad a diet as well? If she is so hard up she can't afford baby formula is she entitled to get some free?

SpikeInTheBasement · 19/01/2012 21:13

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imaginethat · 19/01/2012 21:13

It's her baby so really she can do what she likes unless she is committing a crime or so negligent that child services need to be informed.

Not strapping her into carseat is illegal and, as difficult as it might feel, you would be doing the right thing to report her for this. Though I think better if first ask DH to talk to his sister or her DH about it.

About food, there are no food police. You may be better to limit your time with her if you find it so distressing.

WorraLiberty · 19/01/2012 21:13

You say I try not to see her much as I really don't agree with her parenting

And yet you asked for a list of what the baby eats during the day? Confused

Personally I don't believe a 6 month old baby could eat an 'adult sized bowl of porridge'...let alone all the other foods listed on top.

MorelliOrRanger · 19/01/2012 21:13

Formula aside, does she know what she should be feeding her, finger foods etc?

No child needs added salt, it's very very bad (can be fatal) for them.

Maybe you could buy her an Annabel Karmel weaning book, they are full of fab ideas.

As for not being strapped into her car seat, surely she knows that's illegal?

Eglu · 19/01/2012 21:14

I think I would contact her HV if I were you. The baby should be having a minimum of 20oz of formula a day. And that diet sounds dreadful.

marriedinwhite · 19/01/2012 21:14

I'm not surprised she doesn't want much milk with all that in her tummy.

G1nger · 19/01/2012 21:15

My sister first introduced her son to baby rice at 6 weeks. And to cheesecake at 3 months. If she's a fucking idiot (and she is) then so is your SIL. Yanbu.

samneedschocolate · 19/01/2012 21:15

crisps..... really...?

troisgarcons · 19/01/2012 21:15

6 month old? crisps?

does she have a full set of teeth and can chew?

Sorry, don't believe it. A 6 month old would choke because they cannot masticate that sort of food.

QueenOfFeckingEverything · 19/01/2012 21:16

Worra - if not getting much milk, they could eat that much food.

She sounds like she doesn't know much about infant nutrition [understatement]

Is she receptive to suggestions or advice? Could you have her round for a meal once a week and try to give her some ideas/confidence to try healthier stuff?

SpikeInTheBasement · 19/01/2012 21:17

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QueenOfFeckingEverything · 19/01/2012 21:17

And yeah, people do give babies crisps at that age. One of my friends used to give her 4 month old Wotsits because 'they just melt in the mouth' making them an ideal weaning food Hmm

inspireme · 19/01/2012 21:18

I'm sure spotty, she has basically ate the same thing since 14 wks after 2 days of baby rice she has been on 3 meals a day. She tells me all herself and if she's questioned says the HV said everything she's doing is fine.

feminine my DS wax eating rice cakes today doing mostly blw, and she wouldn't understand that they weren't crisps! Confused

bunbaker she's no more hard up than anyone else just tight when it comes to buying baby stuff.

Anyone know about the toddler milk thing??

OP posts:
SpikeInTheBasement · 19/01/2012 21:19

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CoolRunnings · 19/01/2012 21:20

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MorelliOrRanger · 19/01/2012 21:20

Toddler milk is not suitable.

Personally, I'd be contacting her HV if you know who it is. She is being abusive to that poor baby. (through lack of necessary care).

mamadoc · 19/01/2012 21:21

DS is 6mo, he has 2 teeth and he can eat nearly an adult bowl of porridge so it is possible!
In fact he eats 3 pretty full meals of whatever we're having (today risotto and shepherds pie) but does include fruit and veg and still has 5bf a day too- he's just a hungry boy!

Heavensmells · 19/01/2012 21:21

Do you think she may need educating as to what to (or not to feed her baby)? Surely these cannot not be informed choices she is making. Adding salt to a 6 month old's lunch is downright stupid. She needs to be made aware that it could really harm her baby and if she is aware then the baby needs protecting.

SpikeInTheBasement · 19/01/2012 21:24

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ViolaCrayola · 19/01/2012 21:24

Could the HV make a visit to her, without SIL knowing she had been notified? Like a 6 month check-up about weaning etc? Maybe the HV hasn't really seen the full picture (crisps, toddler milk, no veg etc).

I actually had a HV visit around that time as I'd moved into a new area. She gave me a really helpful simple booklet ('Food for Babies' or something) that was genuinely informative with lots of good tips. Annabel Karmel might be a bit of a bit jump from where your SIL is now. This was more like suggesting a good balance of all food groups, how much milk should be taken etc at different stages.

I agree it is worrying and especially if the baby is ill.

Feminine · 19/01/2012 21:25

What about visiting when yours is eating something in the BLW way?

You could tell her all about it, some might just rub off.

Those that are saying babies can't eat crisps are wrong, they shouldn't but they would find it easy to do skips or quavers. :(

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