Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel sad for the baby

85 replies

inspireme · 19/01/2012 21:07

Sil has a 6 month old baby as do I. I try not to see her much as I really don't agree with her parenting and I spend most of the time biting my tongue about some of the things she does regarding the babies safety and feeding like not strapping her into to buggy/carseat for example.

Had a conversation with her today and came away feeling very upset about the situation. Basically she has been feeding DN toddler milk for a while because the tubs are 2 quid cheaper on offer somewhere, not sure if that's really bad but I'm sure there's a reason why it's made for children over 12months.

She started weaning at 13 weeks so by now baby is well onto solids, I asked her what she eats in a day and the list is,
adult size bowl of porridge morning,
Petis filous yogurt (sp?) mid morning,
potato gravy butter salt afternoon time,
ambrosia custard pot evening,
another yogurt at bedtime, and crisps during the day,

She's never had fruit or vegetables yet apart from the
potato.

Now i know this isn't great, but I though well at least
she getting bottles, but her exact words were " she
doesn't really take bottles anymore" when I asked how
many ounces she takes she said 6oz in morn and 1 oz
before bed.

She has had numerous colds, ear infections and currently has bronchitis, not saying they are related but
maybe they are who knows.

I have previously posted about her and was told keep out so I have done so, but ffs it's getting hard when a
baby's health could be at risk.DH and I are getting worried, and really would love to say something but
know it will probably result in a fall out and he's very
close to his family.

Yes I know AIBU to be wearing judgey pants over someone else's parenting, but I need to rant and there's only so much DH can listen to when it's his Sis.

On iPhone so sorry in advance for spelling mistakes!

OP posts:
QueenOfFeckingEverything · 19/01/2012 21:27

Spike - aptamil (I think) have some new powdered gubbins for 2 plus. It was advertised during OBEM the other week, so I bet its on offer everywhere atm.

MorelliOrRanger · 19/01/2012 21:27

This Book gives you ideas for weaning. Maybe you could buy it and sort of leave it lying about.

Pixieonthemoor · 19/01/2012 21:28

Yikes! Can your dh talk to their mother or can you approach your MIL?? Some one needs to say something.

Original poster
inspireme · 19/01/2012 21:29

Wouldn't blame anyone for not believing my tbh. But I'm only going by what she has said. I've seen her putting a pot of custard into her on about 2 mins, and still can't believe it!

Her DH's family are all very obese with very big appetites so maybe this is on the babies genes? Hmm

HV was with her on Tuesday and seems to think all is fine bit she
tends to lie quite a lot do probably didn't tell full story, although my HV is the same and I don't rate her tbh, but she's seeing me next week.

She's DH's sister, he has said a few things but she goes all defensive, like one day her bottle was really dirty and DH said do you not was and sterilise anymore and she said I do, but DH said it was disgusting so probably a lie.

OP posts:
marshmallowpies · 19/01/2012 21:29

It's very, very difficult to be in your situation, but things like crisps and salty gravy for a 13 week old sound very bad - I'm feeling slightly ill just at the thought of those things being given to a 13 week old!

Tackling it directly would be so very tricky, though - is there anyone else in the family/close friend you could talk to, find out if they share your concerns, and see if the HV could be alerted by you collectively. That way it's a joint effort and not all the burden of it on you.

SpikeInTheBasement · 19/01/2012 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coraltoes · 19/01/2012 21:30

Jog on. No 6 month old can eat that much porridge.

EllenandBump · 19/01/2012 21:30

My LO was put onto toddler milk at 14months and has just finished his final tub of it aged 18months. I was told by my health visitor that it is pointless buying and i would be better off with whole cows milk cos its cheaper.

LivingDead · 19/01/2012 21:33

I really doubt that she gives the child the same thing every day, I could be wrong though. The porridge and petit filous are fine obviously, I remember my Mother said I was weaned on mash and gravy Hmm.

I honestly don't believe that she would give the child this diet every single day, maybe she is just giving what they have for dinner plus extras.

I would have to be 100% that this was all the child ate every single day before reporting to anyone. Btw I would judge you for rice cakes, they are totally empty calories and boring to boot, why the hell would you give your child, what amounts to the polystyrene of food to eat.

PermanentlyOnEdge · 19/01/2012 21:33

The car seat thing bothers me more. My DP has a good friend who is a stay at home dad. He came to pick us up and take us out for the day when my DS was 18 months and his DD was 3 months. I realised he was going to set off without strapping her in, and said 'you haven't strapped her in' thinking he'd forgotten, but he said he didn't bother cos it was a rearward facing seat so she wouldn't fly out! I found myself refusing to travel unless he did up her straps and explaining just what would happen if he was rear-ended. I was still well in my pfb phase, but still, I felt I would be culpable for not speaking out if she got hurt while I was in the car.

I do think YANBU. I would try to get someone else to speak if you feel you can't. I think if you don't try it will eat away at you, and you can't avoid family as you might do a friend.

slightlyslimmerkath · 19/01/2012 21:33

If this is real it's a safeguarding issue. Report .

troisgarcons · 19/01/2012 21:34

Well, much is made of government guidelines (which any set of parents will tell you change at the drop of a new survey) ...... DH was weaned at 6 weeks on milky mushed farleys rusks and supplememented with condesed milk - BFing was absolutely taboo in the 60's ..... my kids are all teenagers nd you weaned at 10-12 weeks onto baby rice

Even I'm Shock @ condensed milk for a 6 week old. He seems to have survived it. And if memory serves me correctly MILs midwife/HV/whatever they were called in the 60's recommended it.

Hajdeby · 19/01/2012 21:34

SMA do a toddler milk (stage 3) that comes either ready made in cartons or powdered in the normal tubs. I know because its a green coloured tina nd is easily mixed up with the stage 1 soy milk I buy. More than once I've got to he til and thought 'bugger...'

Original poster
inspireme · 19/01/2012 21:35

Believe me she can eat, and actually cries looking the next spoon, I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it myself.

Not being bitchy but sil isn't very well educated so books are a big no no, I gave her a book when were both pregnant and she laughed and said I couldn't read that.

She doesn't really cook either mil makes the potatoes for her. Mil is more or less the same school of thought so no hope of her intervening.

They think I'm being all new age and silly with finger foods, fruit and veg etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
inspireme · 19/01/2012 21:41

Yeah it's the SMA milk because it's on offer on asda baby event atm she was going to get it today, but it wasn't until I seen the leaflet back at home I realised that's the one she was on about. I argued they cant do offers on infant formula but thought I was wrong wish I had stood my ground now.

Yes she does get the same thing every day, sil is a stickler for routines, used to hold bottle of her if it wasn't exactly 4 hours, and give her a lot water in first few months.

OP posts:
hardboiledpossum · 19/01/2012 21:42

Tell her HV. What she is doing is dangerous.

I'm pretty sure Breast feeding wasn't Taboo in the 60's, maybe in certain circles but my Mother and Grandmother bost breast fed as did my partners mother and grandmother.

Original poster
inspireme · 19/01/2012 21:54

The carseat thing I've never seen first hand other family members have commented on it so don't know how often it happens.

What is more worrying? The toddler milk, lack of bottles and diet, or just everything together? Feel crap at the thought of 'telling on her' but I know it's not right what she is doing.

OP posts:
LittleWaveyLines · 19/01/2012 22:02

You are not "telling on her", you will be trying to get expert intervention to save that poor baby's life. That is a dangerous amount of salt for such a small baby... :(

Viewofthehills · 19/01/2012 22:03

To get some perspective: the milk is not dangerous. Not so terribly long ago it was advised to wean on to cows milk at 6 months and that generation of humans survived.

However, salt IS dangerous as are unwashed bottles. Petit filous are full of sugar and are quite expensive as well as being totally unnecessary.Natural yoghurt and pureed fruit is cheap, would this appeal to her? Custard does add to the daily milk intake, again too much sugar.

So,I am not disagreeing that this is a poor diet, but pick your battle. I would say in priority order: Salt is directly dangerous, unwashed bottles can cause infections which may be dangerous, so much sugar will lead to dental decay and painful dental work at an early age as well as risking obesity. I would let the milk one go for now, although I agree it isn't ideal.

skybluepearl · 19/01/2012 22:04

bad diet. talk to her HV

Original poster
inspireme · 19/01/2012 22:09

Will have to speak to DH about it but HV is with me next week so will maybe tell her without saying who it is and get her thoughts on it. I just hope she's not exaggerating for effect, as she seems to think everything is a competition so may be adding on just to make my DS look like a 'baby' compared to her LO (yes really she's that immature) who's eating so well iyswim. she's in such a rush for baby to grow up.

OP posts:
BeautifulBlondePineapple · 19/01/2012 22:11

That does sound like an awful diet - far too full of salt & sugar.

For those doubting how much a 6mth old can eat: I have one. He can wolf a bottle of milk at 7am and scoff a breakfast of 1 weetabix + 1 banana or an adult bowl of porridge (his weighed the same as mine today!) less than an hour later. Then he wants lunch at 11.

LilBlondePessimist · 19/01/2012 22:12

Why are people accusing the OP of not being for real? I agree that the information is appalling, but not unbelievable.

Original poster
inspireme · 19/01/2012 22:15

Wish it wasn't real!

OP posts:
MistressofPemberley · 19/01/2012 22:15

Either do something about it or don't. Authorities are there for this sort of thing.
FFS.