To do the same thing again?

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

Its that time of year again.

Its Billie's birthday tomorrow. She would be 20.
TWENTY.
She would be grown up and at uni and working and have a boyfriend that I could terrify.

But she is not is she? She is dead and she will never get past 14.
So I can let off her ballons with her little brothers. One who talks about her all the time and two who never met her.
I can buy a cake with butterflies on it and we can eat it and I will think about her.
I can expect my family not to send a card or call me.
Then the day after I can start the countdown till her anniversary in April.

So please, please help stop this happening to someone else's child or loved one.

I know I do this twice a year and its getting boring but PLEASE
sign up to give blood
sign up to give bone marrow
give a little money to Clic or TCT or anyone you want to.

Please do something. Telling others what they can do is just as useful and giving a pint of blood because I know not all of us can.

This year is particularly important because last time I went to give blood (December) they told me I couldnt give any for at least 12 months.

I cant help, I have let her down so I need people to help give those pints that I cant.

I have to get through tomorrow. I really dont want to.

MrsDeV, I am so sorry. I am thinking of you now, and I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I can't donate bone marrow, but I have recently signed up to donate blood. I know how important it is - I hadn't realised what a vital part of cancer treatment blood transfusions are.

Your sons will always know Billie, even though they never met her. Your memories, and those of your older son, will keep her memory alive for all of you for always.

Whatevertheweather, so so sorry for your loss.

Please let some good come out of such pain and loss.

Sometimes I hate this world that a parent can have there child taken away it just isn't right. I can't begin to imagine how that must feel.

I will think of you tommorow MrsDeVere and I will think of your beautiful Billie next time I give blood (booked for I think march)

((((giant unmumsnet hugs))))

Whattodo I think that would be very lovely. Tell them how clever she was and how funny and brave.

Thank you all.

I start these threads and always think that no one will post because they must be fed up of me going on. Not because I think you are all mean but just because, well I dont know why. I suppose because there are so few people I can talk about her too and none that I can really talk about her in detail.

Thats not all their fault of course. Its hard to talk at length because really I would just keep talking and talking and never stop.

Or sometimes I can hardly bear to speak because I cant get past the terrible way she suffered and it has broken me into peices.

I will think of you tomorrow

I donate blood, platelets and am on the bone marrow register. Please help, I look after children who desperatley need all the above to live and it breaks my heart to see the poor little ones who dont make it, just as it breaks my heart to hear about Billie Mrs DeVere.

This is the link to donate blood if you live in Scotland

www.scotblood.co.uk/

You haven't let her down at all! There are so many people on here who only started donating blood because of you telling Billie's story (myself included), she would be so proud of you.

I can't donate atm as I'm pg but I will make dh call and make an appointment tomorrow.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow xx

MrsdeVere, my son is 20 tomorrow, too. What time was Billie born?

I can't donate because of the medication I'm on, but have talked to my children about donating blood and bone marrow and they are going ahead now.

Billie is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. All of us here think of her, you know. There's nothing in the world sadder than losing a child. It's any parent's greatest fear. You've gone through such a dreadful time and you're so brave talking to us about it.

Tomorrow your children will eat cake and let the balloons fly free. I hope you have a lovely day.

She was born at 3.05pm Blether.
I hope your son has a great birthday tomorrow.

Sweetheart - I'm a sobbing snotty mess, I can just feel your pain and your ache for Billie :(

You have not let Billie down, how can you even think such a thing? You are a wonderful Mum - to all of your children.

As I said on the thread the other night, Billie will never be forgotten, not by an awful lot of people. Some people IRL are beyond the pale and it angers me on your & Billie's behalf - but for eveyone you can name who has let Billie down - I bet there are at least 20 (IRL) who remember her, even though they are not in your life. Billie was a lovely girl and very striking - you just can't forget a kid like that.

When we were 'talking' on the thread the other night about what could be done in her name next year for her 21st - I thought this year would hit you hard, the first in her 20's - as you say, leaving her teenage years behind when she'd barely started being a teenager. Life is unfair. Very very unfair.

I think you should ask MN if they can change the thread title for you - to something more Billie related - or something more catchy that more people will read... look how many people are doing something because of this thread already...

YOU do amazing things on MN (and I suspect IRL!!!) by spreading the word. A thread in January & one in April to remind people how important it is to sign up is not 'boring'. It's important and selfless that you post about Billie like this - it saves lives.

I love to hear you talking about Billie - you don't need to stop, you can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on - just as much as you like x

I really do understand what you mean when you say I wish I had my daughter. I love my sons so much but I miss my girl. I will never be a grandmother to her beautiful children. I will never hold her hand whilst she gives birth. I will never get to hold her children. Bloody unfair :(

You will get through tomorrow because you are strong and because you have no choice :( I'll be thinking of you - be kind to yourself.

MrsDeVere, I will be thinking of you, Billie and the rest of your family tomorrow. You definitely have not let her down and this thread is a great tribute to your wonderful girl. Thank you for sharing a little glimpse of her with us.

Please, PLEASE everyone else - do help out in one of these ways if you can. My DD had more than 20 units of blood/platelets during her chemo and I know other childhood cancer patients who needed much, much more blood than that. 80% of childhood cancer sufferers will now survive, but without the blood, bone marrow and resources MrsDeVere is asking for, children will lose their battle unnecessarily and that is an unspeakable tragedy. Despite all the progress, childhood cancer is still the biggest killer of children in this country. Ten new children are diagnosed every day in the UK, and these children need as much support as they can get.

Thank you.
I usually think of something rude to put in the title to make people look but I just didnt have the heart today.
MNs has been particularly mean today and its lovely to be reminded that there are so many lovely people on here.

I dont mind the thread title being changed but I cant think of anything right now.

So suggestions are welcome.
I am dropping off now cos I took something to help me sleep

If I log in tommorow and the title has been change that will be find by me

Goodnight everyone and thank you for helping me get through this evening x

You don't 'know' me but reading about your beautiful daughter, my heart hurts for you.
I am angry at how cruel life can be, but anger is a great motivator and I am moved to finally shifting my butt and signing up to the AN register.

Thoughts are with you tomorrow.

There are no words, my DD turns 14 next month.
A tear for your beautiful Billie and strength for tomorrow.

Much love to you, MrsDV (hester here) xxx

Mrs D, so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how hard each day has been since you've been without her.

It's my birthday tomorrow (my eldest thinks I'll be 23, but I'm a bit older than that!). Unfortunately, I can't give blood but I will make a donation to a children's leukaemia charity and will put an extra candle on my cake just for her.

Wishing you all her best memories for tomorrow xxxx

so sorry for your loss, never given blood before myself but after reading this thread have just followed the link another poster gave and signed up :) out of curiosity, i dont know my blood group, does that matter? and if i tell them i dont know it, will they be able to tell me there and then ?

Thanks for your post, you have inspired me to give blood and sign up for the bone marrow register in her memory.

I hope your family do acknowledge her birthday in some way. I am sure she is in their hearts even if they do not express it or mistakenly think they shouldn't.

MrsDeVere - I am so incredibly sorry.

It's taking all my concentration not to cry at this thread and all that you and your darling daughter have been through - my in-laws are here staying at the moment, and they'd wonder what on earth was wrong with me!

I have never donated before, but I've just made an appointment to do so - might as well take advantage of their being here to mind the kids. This coming Wednesday at 2PM I will give blood for the first time.

And while I'm at it, I'll get off my procrastinating arse and find out about donating platelets, specifically, since my Mum received so many of those infusions before she died from ITP.

Happy birthday to Billie.

Happy birthday to Billie. Wishing you strength to get through the day MrsDeVere xx

Thinking of you today MrsDeVere.

Happy birthday to Billie.

Just posting today for you MrsDeVere

Happy birthday Billie, your wonderefulness lives on through your wonderful mum, and you have been the sole reason so many on MN have donated blood/bone marrow/money. You will never been forgotten by those who know your story and knew what a brave girl you were.