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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do the same thing again?

125 replies

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/01/2012 19:48

Its that time of year again.

Its Billie's birthday tomorrow. She would be 20.
TWENTY.
She would be grown up and at uni and working and have a boyfriend that I could terrify.

But she is not is she? She is dead and she will never get past 14.
So I can let off her ballons with her little brothers. One who talks about her all the time and two who never met her.
I can buy a cake with butterflies on it and we can eat it and I will think about her.
I can expect my family not to send a card or call me.
Then the day after I can start the countdown till her anniversary in April.

So please, please help stop this happening to someone else's child or loved one.

I know I do this twice a year and its getting boring but PLEASE
sign up to give blood
sign up to give bone marrow
give a little money to Clic or TCT or anyone you want to.

Please do something. Telling others what they can do is just as useful and giving a pint of blood because I know not all of us can.

This year is particularly important because last time I went to give blood (December) they told me I couldnt give any for at least 12 months.

I cant help, I have let her down so I need people to help give those pints that I cant.

I have to get through tomorrow. I really dont want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/01/2012 20:49

bumps I gave blood 9 mths after DS 4 & 5 were born and I was still bfing. I dont remember being asked tbh.

Thank you everyone who have made that first step or who already do or who are going to pester others or who have made donations to childhood cancer charities.

It means so much to me.

When those who knew her in RL seem to have forgotten she ever was.

There are people who never met her who are doing things because she was.

She asked me when she new she was going to die 'will people remember me?'

I told her they would. That she was so very special and so wonderful that she touched people with her beauty and intelligence and wisdom.

Because she did.

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 19/01/2012 20:57

You are most definitley not being unreasonable to celebrate your beautiful daughters birthday.

I have unfortunately had to come off the bone marrow register due to being diagnosed with an autoimmune condition, but am currently nagging DH to get registered.

I do however continue to give blood whenever I can (has to be a certain period of time after my medication dose changes).

I am saddened to hear that you extended family no longer acknowledge Billie's birthday or consider how you will be feeling, especially on special days such as tomorrow.

Be gentle on yourself and I hope that your hadsome son's enjoy thier cake!

TroublesomeEx · 19/01/2012 21:05

MrsDeVere I don't know you and I never met your daughter.

Your messages aren't 'boring'.

Your daughter is a beautiful, beautiful girl.

She is not forgotten because, as you say, there are people who never had chance to know her who will be thinking of her tomorrow and acting in her name.

I will echo "be gentle on yourself".

scarletforya · 19/01/2012 21:10

Hi MrsDeVere

You dont know me either. I used to read your other thread about the bogus bungalow and went in to look at your pictures to see it. Then I saw your daughters picture and just thought what a beautiful, gorgeous girl.

You didn't let her down in December or any other time. Think of all the people who will give blood/bone marrow in her honour because of you.

I hope you find a moment tomorrow when you feel her close and know she is at peace.

x

BirthdayBump2012 · 19/01/2012 21:19

Wishing you all love, and I shall be thinking of you.
I am so so sorry I can't donate blood but I will donate as much money as I can, and I will tell Dh so one of us can try.
You have not let her down, just looking at the thread you have made a diffrence and I would not of thought of donating otherwise.
All the best

bumpybecky · 19/01/2012 21:20

MrsDeVere you've not let her down at all :(

I've not given blood for ages, but thanks to the link above I've just booked at appointment :) I'm already on the bone marrow register.

I hope you can enjoy the cake tomorrow in memory of your beautiful daughter

TOTU · 19/01/2012 21:20

MrsDeV

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter.

If I could give blood or sign up for bone-marrow donation, I would. But I can't due to a blood transfusion I had and now I'm too bloomin' old apparently! I looked into donation as one of my sons has leukaemia.

I know the cake you mention as I bought the same one for my daughters birthday last year.

Wishing you strength and peace. x

IloveJudgeJudy · 19/01/2012 21:24

Mrs deVere, so sorry for your loss. Have given blood for over 20 years now, with breaks in between for having DC and living abroad. Just gave blood over a week ago. Am trying to get DS1 who has just turned 17, to start. DH can't as he's had a blood transfusion. We are both too old for marrow. There was a drive a few years ago at the primary school, and we were already too old.

That is a really beautiful picture of your DD. I'm sure she isn't forgotten by people who knew her. There was a girl at my DC's secondary school who had leukaemia. My DD still talks about her and she was a few years older than DD, so I'm sure that people from your DD's school at least, still talk about her and haven't forgotten her.

G0ldenbrown · 19/01/2012 21:42

I've never given blood but that took my breath away. Does anyone know if you can do it with a low white cell count? I'll look into both tomorrow

ReindeerBollocks · 19/01/2012 21:47

Have donated money to Clic in aid of Billie (and you) today. I can't donate blood or bone marrow. I am sorry.

I am sure she was brilliant and amazing and could have achieved anything (and everything). I'm so sorry cancer took her away from you.

Thinking of you both today and tomorrow xx

annalovesmrbates · 19/01/2012 21:56

Oh, I have a little tear in my eye. I am too old to donate bone marrow but I really am going to find out when/where I can donate blood. Thoughts with you.

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 19/01/2012 22:03

I looked at the photo of Billie absolutely ages ago in your profile and I remember exactly what she looked like and how stunning she was, she isn't forgotten.

I can't donate blood (low iron) but dh can and I will mither him at once.

You come across as such a loving, caring, devoted mum to all your kids, I'm so sorry Billie isn't with you anymore. Its not fair, its not right, there's no reason for it. The fact you do keep going every day is testament to you and her.

Take care of yourself, I will be thinking of your beautiful daughter tomorrow.

Whatevertheweather · 19/01/2012 22:03

Oh MrsDeVere i'm so sorry Billie was taken from you. She was a beautiful girl. You could never let her down.

I can't give blood just now but I will make a donation to clic now in Billie's memory. My baby dd died of cancer in August. It's a cruel and wicked disease.

See how you and beautiful Billie are inspiring so many people to make a difference. Much love to you xx

OriginalJamie · 19/01/2012 22:08

Mrs DV - you are a credit to her now, as she was a credit to you.

Happy Birthday Billie

Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/01/2012 22:08

Thank you.

I am going to share this poem again because its beautiful

The Recall - Rabindranath Tagore
The night was dark when she went away,
and the slept.
The night is dark now,
and I call for her,
"Come back, my darling; the world is asleep; and no one would know, if you came for a moment while stars are gazing at stars."
She went away when the trees were in bud and the spring was young.
Now the flowers are in high bloom and I call,
"Come back, my darling.
The children gather and scatter flowers in reckless sport.
And if you come and take one little blossom no one will miss it."
Those that used to play are playing still, so spendthrift is life.
I listen to their chatter and call,
"Come back, my darling, for mother's heart is full to the brim with love, and if you come to snatch only one little kiss from her no one will grudge it."

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/01/2012 22:11

Whatever I am so sorry. How terrible for that to happen to your darling baby.

Oh my love, I am so sorry.

Its not fair, its just not fair.

Its very kind and brave of you to post on my thread x

OP posts:
zukiecat · 19/01/2012 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 19/01/2012 22:12

Will be thinking of you all. X

topknob · 19/01/2012 22:12

I don't 'know' you at all but have seen you posting..just to say how very sorry I am to read about beautiful Billie :( lots of love to you x

zukiecat · 19/01/2012 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/01/2012 22:14

Zukie thats lovely that your DD has a butterfly cake too. I hope she had a lovely birthday x

OP posts:
Hassled · 19/01/2012 22:14

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

As to whether people will remember her - I don't need to look at your photos to picture her face - I can see it as I type. She had the sort of face you just don't forget, and from what you say the sort of personality you don't forget either.

Lots of love to you.

IAmOptimusPrime · 19/01/2012 22:15

What a beautiful poem for a beautiful girl. I have seen her picture on your profile too, she is not forgotten.

I am also going to give blood x

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 19/01/2012 22:16

I have not donated blood in many years. I will book online now to do so.

So very sorry for your loss, Mrs DV.

whattodoo · 19/01/2012 22:19

What a beautiful poem. I can 'read' how much your heart aches.

I give blood but I'm too old and fat to donate bone marrow. I admire TCT enormously and your post has prompted me to donate again.

Your DSs may not have met Billie, but I am sure they have a very strong sense of who she was because of the memories and images you have given them.

For a very boring and irrelevant reason I am planning to take cake into work to share tomorrow. I hope you don't mind if I take some butterfly cakes and tell them about Billie and how they should honour her by booking an appt to give blood.