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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that we should fall out over this

106 replies

hellokittyrules · 16/01/2012 11:36

i meet up with a couple of friends every friday at least i try and go i find social situations very hard. i maybe see them once amnth
anyway went to friends house last friday
dd2 is 3 years old this week she kept saying that she needed the loo so was up and down about 8 times only did one wee in that time!!
the last time she went up i let her go on her own bad mistake!!
she came into the lounge and announced that she had poo on her hands and showed me
so headed straight upstairs to sort out problem only to find my friend whose house it was had already found messy bathroom - was a tiny bit of poo on wall abit ob floor and loo seat.
we both cleaned it up with wipes and i had to clean dds filthy bum and hands
anyway cleaned up then went downstairs
by this time is was gone 5pm when i usually leave as girls need there tea
and also thought i had better go as dd2s hands still had poo on even though i had wiped them
was expecting friend to follow she came down 5 mins later!!
was waiting for her so i could say goodbye
anyway left all ok
texted at 9pm that eve to say so sorry
got a reply sat aft to say she wasreally cross that i didnt say sorry and that atext 3 hours later isnt good enough
and why was i running out the door would i have even said goodbye if i hadnt come down
i texted back saying so sorry if i didnt apologise as i thought i had and i am not very good in situations
and that i wasnt running away
she alsosaid that she had better not come round fri i had offered my housefor fri
havent had a response !! nowwhat

OP posts:
DoesNotGiveAFig · 16/01/2012 11:42

Confusing. SHouldn't you have washed DD's hands to free them of poo?

I think you should have apologised at the time and then made your excuses and gone home. "I'm really sorry about the mess, I'll just take DD home now and get her cleaned up, it's tea time anyway."

Groovee · 16/01/2012 11:46

I'm totally confused. Why didn't you apologise at the time?

ViviPru · 16/01/2012 11:46

"thought i had better go as dd2s hands still had poo on even though i had wiped them" Confused

I can't get past this. Sorry - not very helpful I admit.

SpikeInTheBasement · 16/01/2012 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gigondas · 16/01/2012 11:48

Er If I was your friend I would be a bit pissd off too. I know dd had Been up and down a lot but I wouldn't leave dd unsupervised in a strange house (also why did you not wash her hands rather than having to go home and do itHmm). I know kids do have accidents but you dont have to be pleased about it .
I think I probably would have replied quicker than 3 hours later again but Tbh that's a moot point.
If your df doesn't want to meet up that's down to her - it does sound a bit ott but I can sort of see why. One of dds friends was sick all over our stair carpet on a playdate - an accident and all cleared up but the smell lingers and everytime I walked past and caught a whiff I was annoyed with boys mum( as seemed that boy wasnt quite well) completely unreasonably . I did calm down tho.
Maybe your friend will and you are just a bit sensitive as you admit that you find socializing tricky at times.

BupcakesandCunting · 16/01/2012 11:49

It does sound a bit like you buggered off to leave your friend to clean your daughter's plop up, sorry.

Correct course of action would have been: stick DD in shower and hose her down then get cleaning products i.e Dettol/disinfectant and clean your mate's bathroom down.

emsyj · 16/01/2012 11:50

Is/was she a close friend? Sounds to me as though you were mortified and wanted to get out of there asap, and she has taken umbrage as she expected you to flap about for ages apologising and cleaning etc.

It wouldn't bother me if someone did what you did, but people are strange. It is very unkind for her to be angry at what happened IMO, and very petty to now continue it and say she's not coming round on Friday. It's just a poo.

SilentBoob · 16/01/2012 11:50

Is this the elusive poo troll?

ZillionChocolate · 16/01/2012 11:51

I'm surprised that you didn't apologise at the time, you should have.

squeakytoy · 16/01/2012 11:52

Sorry but you do sound unreasonable. I dont really understand much of your post. Either you see them every week or you see them once a month?

Surely you must know if you apologised or not for you daughter getting poo everywhere. That cant have been pleasant for your friend to have to clean up, and I really fail to see how your daughters hands could be left with poo on them after you had wiped them? (wiped??? why not soap and water for heavens sakes?)

And from what you have posted, you scarpered out of the door without saying goodbye... which just sounds very rude.

SpikeInTheBasement · 16/01/2012 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 16/01/2012 11:56

I am very sorry, what a horrid situation

Your social awkwardness comes out very clearly in your post, and your distress. You dashed off because dc's needed their tea ?

Love, a poo on the hands/bathroom situation is really not a big deal. All of us with kids have been in a similar scenario. The way to handle it would have been with humour, and stay until all traces are gone from room and from child. One simple apology eg. "oh my goodness I'm so sorry I should have stayed with her" should have been enough, if you are good friends.

This has been built up into something entirely different, possibly you are making even more of it because of your social anxiety ?

Go round to see your friend. Explain to her you panicked and didn't handle it well. Do not text or phone. I am sure she will soften, especially is she is aware of your problems in these kinds of situations. And if she isn't, tell her. You might find offloading a bit helps you both

Good luck x

ViviPru · 16/01/2012 11:56

Picturing the scenario, I'm imagining that together you 'got the worst off' with wipes, then she continued to do a deeper clean with disinfectant after you'd gone downstairs.

If she's anything like me she probably became more and more irked as she cleaned the bathroom, probably chuntering away to herself about what a bloody nuisance this all was, and by the time she'd finished and got downstairs, she was no doubt thoroughly pissed off about the whole episode. Then in her eyes, you left without a sincere apology (whether this is true or not is subjective).

For you to then drop a text later on was probably the final straw, hence her knee-jerk reply. Again, if she's anything like me she'll probably be alright about it today now she's slept on it and its all water under the bridge. Or poo troll under the bridge. Whatever.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse · 16/01/2012 11:59

Can I just say, AF, that I think that was a lovely post and that the OP should do exactly as you suggest. Smile

Lordy, we've all had poo situations ... oh yes, siree! Grin

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms · 16/01/2012 12:00

You should have insisted your friend go back downstairs to the other guests while you clear up, - She shouldn't have had to do any of it.

I think I would have been annoyed too, - mind you if I had 'found' her in that state I would have told her to stay put and I would have called you upstairs to deal with it, - and we would have all had a good laugh about it.

Also I wouldn't have let my 3 yr old to go unsupervised to the toilet at someone else's house.

Sorry - but you did handle it badly. Perhaps you could apologise to that effect, don't make excuses for yourself and how you don't handle situations very well - just plain and simple apologise.

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms · 16/01/2012 12:02

and we would have all had a good laugh about it

that didn't sound right, I mean of course a laugh with you about it not about you - that would be just horrible Blush

prettyfly1 · 16/01/2012 12:05

AF that was a really thoughtful and sensitive post!

I struggle with social niceties too so am sympathetic. I have a child who is prone to this sort of thing as well and I have learned that best course of action in any embarrassing situation with a child is

  1. Apologise
  2. Sort out affected child first
  3. Attempt to clean mess
  4. Make excuses politely, apologise again, leave.

Its really hard as my anxiety hits hard in these situations and I end up torturing myself, but as AF says if this is a good friend, she will get it.

Killmenowpls · 16/01/2012 12:14

Your friend sounds a bit mean. We have a group of dc that meet usually at my house and if this happened I wouldn't be cross at all. I think this sort of thing has happened to most parents and if you're good friends it really shouldn't matter.

Original poster
hellokittyrules · 16/01/2012 12:27

thank you everyone!!

  1. I don't meet up very often with them i feel very awkward in social situations and girls can be a handful especially dd1 who is 6 and has dyspraxia
  2. i decided to make a special effort to go along
  3. i explained that i didnt go up with dd2 because she had been up and down to the loo constantly which was annoying instead of socialising spent all the time going up and down to the loo
  4. friend only seemed to have broken up dirty chunks of bar of soap didnt look very nice and no soap in a bottle!!
  5. friend found bathroom mess before me so found mess first i came up with dd2 to find her already there
  6. she started giving me toddler wiped to cleanwall she started on floor with floor wipes and cleaned loo lid
  7. i then wiped dd2s bum then went downstairs got shoes etc ready as in hall on way down and them i waited in hall for friend to come down
  8. i am not sure why i didntr apologised the whole incident is a blur
  9. so wish i had found mess on my own then could have locked door and cleaned it all
  10. texted out of politeness
OP posts:
Boomerwang · 16/01/2012 12:34

I agree with killmenowpls it sounds a bit like completely crossed wires and it could be sorted out quickly if you tell her what you told us. Don't leave it to fester, it would be a shame.

I'm used to the sight and smell of poo so I wouldn't be too bothered as long as there was an attempt to clean it up, however small.

I'm also a bit short sighted about these things and might easily have gone for wipes if they were the first thing to hand, then kicked myself later about the disinfectant or soap and water.

Boomerwang · 16/01/2012 12:35

oops now your post is there I needn't have written mine. Sounds like you got it all sorted out.

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms · 16/01/2012 12:36

From that I think the main bit she will be annoyed about is being left to finish clearing up although I understand you were in a panic by then and just wanted to go.

So try to apologise again focussing on that, try to explain you panicked and it was a blur, and you realise that you should have made sure it was all cleared up yourself.

If she doesn't accept that then I would have to reconsider whether you really want her as a friend, - she doesn't seem to accept your social anxiety as an explanation.

Original poster
hellokittyrules · 16/01/2012 12:38

should i expect her to respond i hv sent her 2 texts and dont want to keep texting her

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 16/01/2012 12:40

why didnt you just shout upstairs "got to get going, dd2 needs a proper clean up at home, I am sorry, will text you later" though? You knew your friend was in the bathroom cleaning up the mess that your daughter had made, and unless she lives in a mansion, if you had called upstairs, she would have heard you.

I appreciate you have social anxieties, but to just run out without saying a word is really not on.

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms · 16/01/2012 12:40

What had you text her so far, kitty ?