that we should fall out over this

[hellokittyrules]

i meet up with a couple of friends every friday at least i try and go i find social situations very hard. i maybe see them once amnth
anyway went to friends house last friday
dd2 is 3 years old this week she kept saying that she needed the loo so was up and down about 8 times only did one wee in that time!!
the last time she went up i let her go on her own bad mistake!!
she came into the lounge and announced that she had poo on her hands and showed me
so headed straight upstairs to sort out problem only to find my friend whose house it was had already found messy bathroom - was a tiny bit of poo on wall abit ob floor and loo seat.
we both cleaned it up with wipes and i had to clean dds filthy bum and hands
anyway cleaned up then went downstairs
by this time is was gone 5pm when i usually leave as girls need there tea
and also thought i had better go as dd2s hands still had poo on even though i had wiped them
was expecting friend to follow she came down 5 mins later!!
was waiting for her so i could say goodbye
anyway left all ok
texted at 9pm that eve to say so sorry
got a reply sat aft to say she wasreally cross that i didnt say sorry and that atext 3 hours later isnt good enough
and why was i running out the door would i have even said goodbye if i hadnt come down
i texted back saying so sorry if i didnt apologise as i thought i had and i am not very good in situations
and that i wasnt running away
she alsosaid that she had better not come round fri i had offered my housefor fri
havent had a response !! nowwhat

Stop texting. I hate texts, as you dont know if the other person has even seen it. Just ring her up and actually speak to her. She is your friend, not a stranger and words can often be misunderstood in context in texts.

Oh bless you - as others have said poo things do happen!

Id suggest what AF says too but understand that probably is exactly what you wouldnt handle well!
I hope you can sort this out, maybe if the others do come to you they can help you work through it, be honest with them about how difficult you find these situations and they might just embrace the opportunity as they have no doubt noticed you have difficulties. Good luck and let us know what happens.

sounds like your ffriend is being unreasonable to me - can't imagine ever falling out with a friend over a bit of toddler poo.

stop texting and go and see her

if I were her, I would find the texts annoying

go talk to her

Give her time to respond. If she doesn't come back down then the problem is more hers than yours, as you have apologised.

This has reminded me of my first job. My Boss came back from an appointment at a customer's house with a change of trousers on and looking very distressed. He mumbled something about having an upset stomach and making a terrible mess of Mrs X's lavatory. I had to arrange flowers to be sent to her that day.

I never knew just how much of a mess he meant but just felt so awful for the poor woman who had god knows what kind of mess to clear up after a complete stranger.

See it could have been worse for your friend

i dint run out without saying a word.
i was waiting in the hall when she came down i said thankyou for helping me clean up dds mess
then i starting putting dds shoes on which were really muddy so put them on on the mat
then say thanks for today nice to see everyone
see u later

I think if you want to resolve this then it needs to be done quickly and effectively, letting it go on will just make it harder to get back on track with this group of friends.

Stop focussing on what you did right, she believes an apology is due to her so she's not going to take the excuses mixed in with the apology because they negate the apology and make it empty (please understand I am talking from her supposed view point here)

It's like saying "Sorry, but..." it doesn't sound like you're sorry at all.

Call her, plain and simply say sorry for what happened, I should have handled it better, and I'm so sorry.

i was waiting in the hall when she came down i said thankyou for helping me clean up dds mess then i starting putting dds shoes on which were really muddy so put them on on the mat then say thanks for today nice to see everyone

well that sounds a bit different to how you explained it originally then

if I was you I would pop round to see her for a cuppa, apologise for running off - just say you were hugely embarrased about the pooey hands and didnt know what to do with yourself as situations like that make you very embarassed. dont forget to apologise for running out.
Texts and emails dont do an apology justice.

She's annoyed that you left her upstairs on her own to finish clearing up the mess. You stood around in the hall, putting your DD's shoes on, still not helping her and as soon as she came downstairs, you buggered off. You didn't give her a chance to talk to you about it and calm down.

You do need to go and see her and apologise. No buts.

pop round with a box of chocs, be ultra apologetic.

i dont think i could pop round would be too awkward!!!
i came downstairs as i thought the clearing up had been finished

more awkward than it is already ??

text i sent 3 hours later -
hi sorry for poo incident, thanks for today great to see you x

then she responded next day in aft -
actually i am quite angry not at dd at you
you never apologised then you were running out the door i appreciate that dd needed a change of clothes etc. but would u have even said goodbye if i hadnt come down
i think it is best that i don't come on Friday

(i was very shocked when i got this text wasnt away how bad it had got!!)

then i texted straight away-
i didn't mean to make U angry and upset! firstly i am not very gd in situations like that! i thought i had apologised for it sorry if i didnt
and i wasn't running out of the house i was going because it had gone 5pm and girls needed there tea. i was waiting for you to come down before i left! i would never of walked out and not said goodbye i made areal effort to meet up yesterday.
if u don't want to come fri don't worry noone else is anyway. it would be a shame to lose r friendship over this

then texted yest
again i am so sorry about the whole situation on Friday
i realise i dealt with it all in the wrong way i should hv apologised at the time so sorry that i dint! i alsi realise that my timing of leaving urs was bad
but dd had poo on her hands even though i had wiped them! i also should hv gone up with her to the loo and stayed with her but she was annoying me she must hv gone up 9 times and had only done one wee!
i also was aware that it was late i thought that when i came down all the cleaning up was finished
i thought that u were coming down not long after me
i was just getting the girls stuff ready and then i was waiting for you before i left. why would i be running away without saying goodbye! i am not that sort of person i would never be so rude
i find it so hard socialising with people and made areal effort to come and also offer my house once a mnth too and then people seem to be busy

I think as a friend that you must already be quite hard work....

I take it from your OP that you are invited to meet up with these other mums every week (my friends and I used to have an arrangement like that) and that you don't actually manage to make it to this meet up very often - about once a month and thats a huge effort for you....

I suspect if you managed more often the you WOULD be compfortable enough to say "Ehm, Sandra, any chance of a sponge and some flash so I can clean this up".

I have a daughter with toileting issues, esp around poos. If you don;t feel confident asking people for things in social situations then get a large shoulder bag and fill it with some flannels, a small towel, some top to toe wash, some anti bac gel and some flashwipes and be prepared for any eventuality...

But yes, pop round, apologise, and make this appointment every week as a matter of priority

i wont be seeing them every fri!!
i offered my house for this fri noone avaliable
they never text to say whose house
basically i used to meet up when i just had dd1 since having dd2 they stopped really

i try and meet up once a mnth
i always let them know if i am not coming via text
i always offer my house once amnth - the last 3 times they hv all had appmnts

I sympathise with you - this must have been mortifying for you, particularly with your lack of confidence in social situations.

But, reading your last post, you seem to be thinking about this all from your own point of view, and not considering hers at all.

As much as yoy have apologised in your third text, you have mitigated every action you made with a 'but...'.

All I suggest is that you leave it a few days and then pick up the phone to her and talk directly. Isn't your friendship worth having an awkward conversation for?

As much as you find socialising difficult, it doesn't seem as though your friend feels as though you handled this well, doesn't feel you are genuinely sorry and (if I were her) may feel that your text implies you are the 'victim' in this and she should feel sorry for you.

Give her a call, bite the bullet and put this behind you. Friendships are too valuable to lose because you're nervous about a difficult conversation.

I am sorry but I think she is using this as an excuse to finish the friendship

Actually, I don't know why I suggested waiting a few days before calling. You should call her straight away.

Your apologies were terrible:-

The first one was barely there "hi sorry for poo incident" not enough really was it?

The second - you made a load of excuses and laboured how much effort you had made, - to someone who was already cross this would have come across like you thought you had done her a favour just turning up.

The third - again you might think you were explaining things but it just comes across as excuses. Also the last bit is clearly blaming her for the other friends suddenly being too busy.

You have a chance to salvage this, - with a bit of humour.

Don't send any more texts, you either need to call round in person or send a 'sorry' card.

Say you're sorry for the whole incident and you didn't realise at the time how badly you had handled it, but you do now.

Say you're sorry because it turns out you're pretty crap at apologising too.

Don't say ANYTHING ELSE!

Sweetheart, you are getting it very wrong

Are you taking onboard any of the advice on your thread ?

i have decided to wait and see if i get a text back