that we should fall out over this

[hellokittyrules]

i meet up with a couple of friends every friday at least i try and go i find social situations very hard. i maybe see them once amnth
anyway went to friends house last friday
dd2 is 3 years old this week she kept saying that she needed the loo so was up and down about 8 times only did one wee in that time!!
the last time she went up i let her go on her own bad mistake!!
she came into the lounge and announced that she had poo on her hands and showed me
so headed straight upstairs to sort out problem only to find my friend whose house it was had already found messy bathroom - was a tiny bit of poo on wall abit ob floor and loo seat.
we both cleaned it up with wipes and i had to clean dds filthy bum and hands
anyway cleaned up then went downstairs
by this time is was gone 5pm when i usually leave as girls need there tea
and also thought i had better go as dd2s hands still had poo on even though i had wiped them
was expecting friend to follow she came down 5 mins later!!
was waiting for her so i could say goodbye
anyway left all ok
texted at 9pm that eve to say so sorry
got a reply sat aft to say she wasreally cross that i didnt say sorry and that atext 3 hours later isnt good enough
and why was i running out the door would i have even said goodbye if i hadnt come down
i texted back saying so sorry if i didnt apologise as i thought i had and i am not very good in situations
and that i wasnt running away
she alsosaid that she had better not come round fri i had offered my housefor fri
havent had a response !! nowwhat

hellokittyrules - I haven't read all the thread but just posted something similar that happened to me today before seeing your thread and I so sympathise with you!

Hopefully you will both be able to laugh about it soon.

I think the blithe 'sorry 'bout the shite' text probably wound her up.

Fair enough you buggered off because you were mortified - but since then you should have called the woman. You cannot apologise for the text. Just call her and say that you are mortally embarassed, really genuinely sorry and can you move on.

Continually texting like a 15 year old isn't doing you any favours. No wonder she is exasperated.

syd thankyou do u have a link for your thread

Agree with af and get orf and others who say you need to ring her. waiting for text won't sort this and makes this thread a bit pointless if don't want the advice

I'd have washed her hands and used the bleach to clean. I would have apologised and at least said goodbye. :)

And why have you started
Another thread on this in chat ?

like i say no squirty soap for hands
i did say goodbye

gigs thats my buisness

hellokittyrules -if i'd noticed your post first I wouldn't have put my post up as the stories are rather similar :)

Not sure how to link to my thread but I'll try -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1384939-to-ask-what-things-your-little-ones-have-done-to-embarrass-you

Seems like someone is not liking the responses and wants to get different ones.

I think she wants more of us to say that "Yes, the OP is not being unreasonable for apologizing 3 hours later and that her friend is being an unreasonable twat, who is dropping their friendship over a bit of poo."

You've behaved appallingly. YAB SO unreasonable!

1. You sound like you think you've done everyone a favour by going along to this social event ("making a special effort").
2. You didn't supervise your daughter because you couldn't be bothered ("she had been up and down to the loo constantly which was annoying

instead of socialising spent all the time going up and down"). If you can't manage her behaviour and train her not to mess about asking for the loo when she doesn't need to go (obviously on this occasion she was mainly doing it for attention), you have to take her every time. You do not let a 3yo roam out of sight and earshot in someone else's house.

1. You left the bathroom before the clean-up was finished, leaving your friend to finish the dirty job while her other guests had to amuse themselves downstairs.
2. You then left her house without apologising. A casual text apology several hours later is not good enough.
3. You are now trying to resolve the issue with more text messages. Are you 13 years old?

You sound like a nightmare and if I were your friend, I wouldn't contact you ever again. Don't hold your breath for that text from her.

I think it sounds like the whole situation got blown out of proportion tbh.

However, reading your subsequent posts it sounds like you social awkwardness is at the heart of this. You say they never come when the meet ups are at yours?

Maybe you need to join other groups and make some new friends who will accept you for who you are. Social awkwardness is difficult and you need support not condemnation.

Also agree with AF if you want to salvage this you need to visit and talk about it face to face. Intonation doesn't exist in text.

Okay... It's okay to be socially awkward. It's okay for small children to have accidents too.

However, if I was your friend, I'd be pretty upset by your behaviour, even though I'm used to cleaning up poo. Because it's not about the poo.

You acted blase, I think, and as if you didn't care that there was poo in random places, in her house. She must have felt as if you were treating her like a housekeeper. Or like a waitress in a cafe, except it was poo, not a pile of washing up. I'm sure you didn't mean to seem like that, at all, but you need to tell her that. She's not a mind-reader. No-one is!.

Do you want this woman as a friend? If so, you're going to have to apologise properly. Not a half-hearted "sorry" in a text. Phone her, and tell her you're incredibly sorry for scuttling off, and you genuinely didn't realise it was treating her house like a hotel. Tell her you panicked. Tell her you're really sorry!

Wow, I'm really on the opposite side to the majority on this one! Maybe the years of care work / toddlers / pets etc. have just rendered me immune to the horrors of poo. (Or perhaps I just have low standards!)

I just don't understand the expectation of a grovelling apology from the op for a toddler poo incident. Kids are poo making machines, it's what they do! If I invite a toddler into my home, I just expect random acts of mess, chaos and destruction including wee and poo accidents. I offer flannels and changes of clothes where necessary and get on with the cleanup myself. I would never expect a guest to clean up after an accident or apologise for a normal act of toddlerdom. We've all been there (see "cube of poo" and "shat upon pouffe"), so why make someone feel uncomfortable over a perfectly normal occurrence?

OP, I sympathise with the social anxiety and I know it sucks. But I can't help but wonder if you'd feel a little less anxious if your friend was more laid back? Obviously this is only one incident, but do you always feel the need to apologize to your friends?

I agree with everything wellwisher said, I would be infuriated if somebody neglected their toddler giving them the opportunity to shit all over my bathroom, then leaving me to clean up their mess.

You should have been looking after your child, that comes before socialising. You should have apologised immediately. You should have insisted on cleaning up the mess and disinfecting the bathroom (while further apologising).

I wouldn't allow you back into my home. You need to grow up, take responsibility for your offspring, learn some manners and start respecting other people. Otherwise you and your children will be very unpopular and probably barred from many homes.

You can google social etiquette and I am sure there are plenty of sites that can help you by giving you rules on how to behave properly.

Well, op you can always bring your 3yo 'round to mine. I honestly won't care if she goes to the toilet and gets poo on my wall.. Biting, kicking, slapping and meanness would bother me, but bodily functions are all fine.

Arf at 'I wouldn't allow you back into my home' !!!

It is abundantly clear to me from the OP's posts that she was just crushed with embarrassment at the poo situation, and not trying to run away and shirk her poo-cleaning responsibilities.

In my book, if someone is a guest then you, as host, do any cleaning up required (after said guest has offered to do it and you've done a bit of social dancing 'no, I will do it' - 'no, you sit down, you're the guest' etc etc). I am really genuinely shocked that there are people out there who would view this as terrible behaviour by the OP. Absolutely stunned tbh.

I think its the fact that she didn't apologize until 3 hours later. If she would have done it immediately, I think it all would have been fine.

I don't have a show house but I would be upset if someone didn't apologize for breaking something or their kid has an accident on my carpet or bathroom.

Accidents happen. Just apologize immediately. Not 3 hours afterwards. Or if you do apologize 3 hours later, be really apologetic because manners indicate you should have done it immediately.

Agree with emsyj. I've had a friend come over with an ill toddler who vomited all ove my sofa and all over the floor. I just cleaned it up whilst she sorted out her toddler and thought nothing more of it. She then dashed off home, I said goodbye and that was that!
Children DO poo and wee and vomit. I think ops friend is being incredibly precious.

Fuzzy - I totally agree with you.

I think a good friend could have seen you were flustered and mortified, basically you were trying to get the poo-covered child out of her house (as she still had poo on her clothes) and personally I think that was the best thing to do.

If they know you have social anxiety, a bit of slack can be cut. My child recently was sick in a well-known restaurant chain, and they were sooooo nice about it. These things happen, and yes, we did rather flee (after offering to clean up) through embarrassment.

I don't think you necessarily handled it well, but your anxiety shines through and personally, clearing up a bit of sick and poo would be nothing to me, I'd be more interested in trying to make my guest not feel bad, I would even have left the bleaching til after they had gone and the child was in non pooey clothes.

I think people have been overly harsh on you here, good friends would have helped you get out of the door first, and wouldn't text you saying they are angry and not coming round your house next week. At most, they might have said they were surprised you rushed off (with a poo-covered child?)

I wouldn't be thrilled about cleaning someone else's poo off a wall, child or adult, social awkward or not.

I agree with advice from Anyfucker

I also agree with Anyfucker.

OP, this is not the first time a toddler has had a poo incident at someone else's house and it wont be the last.

I understand it must be very daunting to approach your friend and speak to her, rather than texting, but I would think about what I was going to say, write it down if it helps, ring her up, and apologise.

If anyone has any suggestions as to what OP can say when she phones her friend, I think that would be most helpful, since OP seems to be struggling with this and I have no idea off the top of my head.