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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have sobbed about this?

109 replies

muffinino82 · 16/01/2012 01:11

Long so as not to drip feed.

I fell off my horse at around 12:45 after he bucked and then bolted, landed very heavily on my side, fracturing my ribs, hurting my knee and back, banging my head (although I had a hat on). I was up in the top field, approx. 60 acres up a steep hill away from the farm. My horse galloped all the way down the hill to the bottom gate and the farmer came up to get me in his Land Rover. I was initially going to be air-lifted to hospital but went in an ambulance and got back to my house at around 8pm.

Stupidly, I borrowed a friend's bridle because I forgot my own after cleaning it. I tried to ring her around 6pm to tell her what happened. I eventually got her at 9.30 (and joked that I was annoyed about her inturrupting Sherlock), told her I had a confession about the bridle. I then went on to tell her somewthing else and she cut me of. I tried to ring her again but no luck.

She rang me back at 10.30 and launched in to a rant about the bridle, saying she was very, very angry that I'd used it, that she will have to take her tack home now because she can' trust me, that it's just an awful thing to do, how it cost £80 and if it was damaged it she can't afford another. I told her I was really sorry and I had never done it before but that I genuinely couldn't remember why I'd done it at that point. She kept repeating how angry she was and I kept apologising and I said that if it was damaged I would replace it. I felt awful about it but I said I couldn't tell her the condition of the bridle because I didn't see it. She said I have to go up the yard first thing tomorrow and check it and if it's damaged, replace it by 4pm as she wants to ride (which I was a little Hmm at as she hasn't ridden him in weeks but whatever). I said that's fine, I'm really very sorry, I completely understand her anger etc. She didn't ask how either I or my horse are. She said that she accepted my apology but in an arsey tone and still kept on about how angry she is. She couldn't remember the make of her bridle so i don't actually know what to get.

In the end I told her I'd have to end the call because I was crying and really upset and in pain.

AIBU to think that she could have accepted my apology and been a little more caring, despite my enormous fuck up? I feel really shit, in so much pain and am very worried about my horse. I'm also panicking that I will lose my nerve and can't sleep. I have helped her with her horse a lot, have given her my first aid suff and given her ideas for her new farm. I just felt that she coulld have been a little more understanding when I was clearly very upset, although I get that she's annoyed. The girl who was with me when I fell off took the bridle off my horse and said it's ok, so I'm going to go up and clean her bridle then send her a picure to see if it's ok.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 16/01/2012 22:05

Hunting a fox with hounds is banned. It's not illegal to attend a drag hunt though, or to just take the hounds out for exercise.

muffinino82 · 16/01/2012 22:23

Why did you use her crappy bridle?

Because I'm an idiot Wink I'd cleaned mine and forgotten to bring it with me. I was supposed to be going to work in the afternoon and didn't have time to get mine. There were no others that would fit my horse so I picked it up thinking I was only going out for a quick ride and it would be ok. I was going to give it a wipe over when I went back up the yard later. Learnt my lesson the hard way!

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 16/01/2012 23:01

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. You were sobbing down the phone and apologising and she already knew the details of your fall.

Wonder how you would have acted if it was the other way round. She sounds very cold and full of herself. Sorry.

Don't apologise to her again.

oldmerryolesoul · 16/01/2012 23:04

You say she borrowed a saddle and tried to get out of giving it back ? Then throws a wobbly over you borrowing a bridle ? Selfish mare...

MortaIWombat · 17/01/2012 10:07

Have you heard any more from her, op?

Vickles · 17/01/2012 10:27

sorry to hear about your accident...
i agree with everyone else! not unreasonable to be upset.
you obviously have a good friendship - in that you can take the piss out of each other - calling each other numpty etc.... so, in your position, not that i can ride or even attempt to get my fat arse up on a horse!!!.... i would have done exactly the same!!!
is this out of character for her to blast you like this?
is everything ok with her?
i agree with the others to not continue being apologetic about the bridle...
i would replace it... (despite it's tatty state) - but i would make it clear that i wasn't happy with her bollocking first - without no regard for my health!
and would be a tad frosty i'm afraid.... as i would be very hurt by her reaction.

if however, she can apologise for her bollocking and ask after my health... i would let it go.... but, it sounds like either:

there's something going on with her- to snap like that - is she ok? bad day?
or, do you have the friendship that you thought you had.. as in, are you on the same page about your friendship

hope everything works out, and i'm sure it will...
just don't be too door matty about it (not that you are... but, if you can apologise for you taking it etc... she should really, after calming down, be bloody ringing you to check you're ok, at least!)
xxx

muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 13:32

I haven't heard anything since her text at 3pm yesterday asking about the bridle. She borrowed a saddle from a mutual friend and didn't give it back despite several requests. She did give it back eventually after she bought her own saddle.

I don't kow, maybe she had a bad day. But I still don't think that, had the roles been reversed, I would have been more concerned about a bridle or even a saddle that would be worth a lot more, over her and her horse. Yes, I would be peeved, but they are only possessions that can be replaced (and that I would have replaced). The bridle is now in better condition than it was when I picked it up so I'm not feeling guilty or going to apologise again.

I'm not a doormat Grin but I was already upset, in shock, exhausted and in pain, so on top of that, I was very, very upset by our conversation. I did tell her I was in pain and that I had been in hospital for 6 hours. If she doesn't care about that and still doesn't, fuck her.

What upsets me most is that she hasn't even sent me a text to ask how I am or, even more importantly, how the horse is. That, I think, is well out of order considering that she has had time to calm down. She hasn't sent me a text to say that she has found the bridle and it's ok or whatever. I'm not going to open communication with her because, frankly, I don't really care what she thinks about the bridle now.

I'm now looking forward to seeing my instructor tomorrow and discussing where to go from here in terms of how to start riding again and if she can see any obvious problems that are causing the beast pain. I'm also getting her horse dentist/physio numbers to get him checked over. I think he may actually just be acting like a tit. I know him well enough now to know what he's like. Either way, we'll get it sorted.

I'm now sat covered in deep heat and arnica gel, which has helped a lot. I smell lush, as you can imagine. I can only hope Alexander Skarsgard turns up now as he will be unable to resist me! Grin

OP posts:
muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 15:01

I've just read back what I wrote and realised that, having done guilt and remorse, I now appear to be going trough the angry stage Angry

Blush
OP posts:
TheresASpareChairOverThere · 17/01/2012 15:16

I'd just stay in the angry phase, she sounds like no kind of friend at all! I can't be doing with people like that, all matey in one direction then utterly shitty if you borrow something back.

I used to look after someone's pet's for them if they couldn't do it. I stopped when one day I found a grumpy note near the pet stuff saying I 'still' owed them a STAMP! FFS, one stamp! I had given that person hours and hours of my time traipsing around feeding pets when away and they get arsey about a stamp. Still annoys me now.

Hope your ribs heal ok.

keSnowBi · 17/01/2012 15:23

you go muffin!

Lovecat · 17/01/2012 15:26

muffin, I hope you're feeling better (and smelling wonderful :o)

My horse is out on loan and he has a Stubben bridle in his wardrobe, that I bought specifically for dressage competitions. It cost an arm and a leg and my loaner knows that it's for competition only.

However. If she were to ring me saying she'd had a fall, cracked ribs, concussion et al, I wouldn't give a shit if she'd borrowed the Stubben to do it in, my main concern would be her and the horse. Tbh, if she'd said to me 'and I'm sorry but I borrowed that bridle because of [whatever]' I'd have said don't be so daft as to worry about something so silly! Things can be replaced. People and animals can't.

You look after yourself and your boy and don't give the selfish, thoughtless twit another minute of your time!

Angry on your behalf!

muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 16:04

Thanks all. Alexander hasn't turned up yet Sad

TheresASpareChairOverThere Shock That is all I can say

keSnowBi - I think the deep heat burning my sides and back is helping to stoke the fire!

Lovecat - I have a Jeffries for showing/dressage and I would be the same. A little annoyance might fleetingly cross my mind but it can be replaced. I would think it was heat of the moment but she still hasn't contacted me about anything. I don't think she rode yesterday, either, after all the fuss about the bridle having to be there by 4 so she could ride. She kept emphasising that she had to ride because her horse is in, although she'd loose schooled instead on Sunday, and having one of my bridles as a stop gap wasn't good enough, for some reason. One of the other girls was there between 12 and 5 and didn't see her. I dunno, what an oddball she's turning out to be! Anyway, she's leaving at the end of the month to live with her fiancee on the 10 acres/7 stables land he's bought for her.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/01/2012 17:24

Muffin, I am so sorry to have to say this, but I really don't think it would be good for your health or your recovery if Alexander were to come round now - you'd get all over excited, and you might exacerbate your injuries.

So - and this is just because I am such a kind and caring person - I will look after him here for you, until you are fully fit again.

keSnowBi · 17/01/2012 17:36

you're just a hunk, a hunka hunka burnin' love

(and so is EvilWolef too, clearly) Grin

lolaflores · 17/01/2012 17:47

I AM LOVING THE HORSE TALK. I have loved horses from afar all my life. I can never own one. though I tell DH that the bottom line for a job offer is "can the wife have a pony". So jealous, though I knock getting thrown is not lovely. And the old bitch is having a 7 stable piece of land bought. Sounds like a bit of a madam. You take care and keep up the horsey talk up, I understand none of it but just love reading it.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 17/01/2012 19:09

There's a whole horsey forum on MN.

smellsofreindeersick · 17/01/2012 19:15

If you were my friend and had been thrown from a horse I'd be bloody worried about you bridle or no bridle.

At the very least I'd give it a day or two until you were feeling much better before I even mentioned it.

WineOhWhy · 17/01/2012 19:27

YOu do know what is going to happen dont you? She is going to claim you caused the existing damage and ask you to fund a replacement. Can you prove the bad state of the bridle at the time you borrowed it?

Backinthebox · 17/01/2012 19:42

I am not going to make any comment on the OP's accident or her friend's response.

I'm just going to mention that on yards up and down the length and breadth of the country friendships are jeopardised regularly because someone borrows something without asking. It's just not worth borrowing stuff, especially without permission. Borrowing stuff is a big NO NO. It doesn't justify your friend's overreaction, but it's not a surprise to me either. I've known people be asked to leave yards because they 'borrowed' a slice of hay.

muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 19:55

That's very true, Backinthebox, but she is (was?) a good friend that I have know for years and I wouldn't have minded if she'd borrowed my bridle, really truly would not have. I've given her things numerous times, albeit with permission, obviously. Her reaction, at least today and yesterday, to be an utter bitch on the phone to me when I felt bloody awful and not to give a shit about me or the beast now that she knows the bridle is fine/in a better condition, is also a big no no imo.

OP posts:
muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 19:57

Being asked to leave because of a borrowed slice if hay, without other stuff happening as well such as borrowing slices from everyone on a regular basis, is a little bit much too imo.

OP posts:
muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 20:02

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
Muffin, I am so sorry to have to say this, but I really don't think it would be good for your health or your recovery if Alexander were to come round now - you'd get all over excited, and you might exacerbate your injuries.

So - and this is just because I am such a kind and caring person - I will look after him here for you, until you are fully fit again.

>

keSnowBi
you're just a hunk, a hunka hunka burnin' love

(and so is EvilWolef too, clearly)

Cracked rib or not prepares fists

OP posts:
muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 20:06

Backinthebox, that came out bitchier than I meant it too, although the sentiment is the same Grin If the roles had been reversed I do think I would have been more relieved about the rider and horse than pissed off about the bridle, who wouldn't be? The other way around is just, well, need to get a grip, really. Yes, I would have no doubt been peeved, but it's only a bridle (that is, in my role-reversal scenario, my bridle...oh, you know what I mean!).

OP posts:
muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 20:14

I did take a couple of photos of the bridle before I cleaned it. I was going to send one to her to show her it was ok but thought she might think I was really taking the piss then!

I know yards are a law unto themselves, the smallest thing can really get to you and the etiquette is different, but we've been friends for quite a while and I just didn't think she'd mind because I would do the same for her (not mind if she borrowed he bridle). I'm not trying to paint myself as an innocent, I'm not as I did wrong, I admit that, but it is a little over the top considering I promised I would put it right for her in the phone call and as it happens there's luckily no damage to the bridle.

OP posts:
muffinino82 · 17/01/2012 20:18

Deep heat and arnica have really done their tricks today, alternating co-codamol with ibuprofen is the way forward plans how I can get back to riding without anyone on the yard seeing and therefore shouting at me Grin

OP posts:
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