To have sobbed about this?

[muffinino82]

Long so as not to drip feed.

I fell off my horse at around 12:45 after he bucked and then bolted, landed very heavily on my side, fracturing my ribs, hurting my knee and back, banging my head (although I had a hat on). I was up in the top field, approx. 60 acres up a steep hill away from the farm. My horse galloped all the way down the hill to the bottom gate and the farmer came up to get me in his Land Rover. I was initially going to be air-lifted to hospital but went in an ambulance and got back to my house at around 8pm.

Stupidly, I borrowed a friend's bridle because I forgot my own after cleaning it. I tried to ring her around 6pm to tell her what happened. I eventually got her at 9.30 (and joked that I was annoyed about her inturrupting Sherlock), told her I had a confession about the bridle. I then went on to tell her somewthing else and she cut me of. I tried to ring her again but no luck.

She rang me back at 10.30 and launched in to a rant about the bridle, saying she was very, very angry that I'd used it, that she will have to take her tack home now because she can' trust me, that it's just an awful thing to do, how it cost £80 and if it was damaged it she can't afford another. I told her I was really sorry and I had never done it before but that I genuinely couldn't remember why I'd done it at that point. She kept repeating how angry she was and I kept apologising and I said that if it was damaged I would replace it. I felt awful about it but I said I couldn't tell her the condition of the bridle because I didn't see it. She said I have to go up the yard first thing tomorrow and check it and if it's damaged, replace it by 4pm as she wants to ride (which I was a little at as she hasn't ridden him in weeks but whatever). I said that's fine, I'm really very sorry, I completely understand her anger etc. She didn't ask how either I or my horse are. She said that she accepted my apology but in an arsey tone and still kept on about how angry she is. She couldn't remember the make of her bridle so i don't actually know what to get.

In the end I told her I'd have to end the call because I was crying and really upset and in pain.

AIBU to think that she could have accepted my apology and been a little more caring, despite my enormous fuck up? I feel really shit, in so much pain and am very worried about my horse. I'm also panicking that I will lose my nerve and can't sleep. I have helped her with her horse a lot, have given her my first aid suff and given her ideas for her new farm. I just felt that she coulld have been a little more understanding when I was clearly very upset, although I get that she's annoyed. The girl who was with me when I fell off took the bridle off my horse and said it's ok, so I'm going to go up and clean her bridle then send her a picure to see if it's ok.

It's astonishing how people behave, going by some of the people's threads on here

Couldn't agree more, betty

My cob was a complete plank. The thought of all that muscle power combined with a brain is, frankly, quite terrifying.

Ha, exactly! He has Welsh in him, too, even more terrifying. Worryingly, I have a full Welsh youngster who's bred to show, although he's very lovely if clever at the moment.

It's all adding up now, maybe I should have seen it sooner but I need to get a handle on this behaviour. It's so much easier to piece all the little incidents together in retrospect. Thing is, he's normally so well behaved out hunting and during dressage that I didn't really think much of it. I think the hunt being next door whilst we were warming up on Saturday just tipped him over the edge. He can have a couple of weeks out in the field to chill out, have his back checked and then we'll see how we get on.

I'm going up the yard soon to see the stupid creature (horse, not friend). OH doing all the hard labour whereas I get to make up feeds and feed them - yay! I will check the bridle and I'm sure it will be fine. Friend certainly showed her true colours last night, I really hope she does move at the end of the month!

It's astonishing how people behave, going by some of the people's threads on here

Couldn't agree more, betty

I agree. I've read a few posts and been gobsmacked at how some people behave, but it wasn't until last night I really had something similar to post. Astonished by her reaction is the correct word; I posted because I just could not believe it!

Your friend should have enquired about how you and the horse were, but I would guess that she assumed that both were ok because you were on the phone talking about a bridle, not injuries.

I think you were out of order to take her stuff without asking. I don't know the horsey etiquette though and it might be an ok think to do. But if someone took something of mine that was that expensive, I would be pretty livid as well. The fact that they got injured while using my stuff wouldn't really make much difference to how pissed off I was that my stuff was taken in the first place iyswim.

You ran the risk of upsetting her when you took her property without asking. The fact that you got hurt doesnt excuse that. I don't know why posters are making out she is so bad for being annoyed at you, and I don't know what you are on about by saying she showed her true colours.

Since when was it wrong to be annoyed when someone takes your things and possibly damages them?

Glad you are OK. So at no time whatsoever did she ask about you or your horse?

I'm not a confrontational person but in this instance i'd be furious. I'd give her her money/precious bridle and say "Thanks very much for asking. I've fractured my ribs and i'm very shaken but at least you've got your bridle back, eh?"

Then i would never ever speak to her agin because she is not a friend.

Simples!

YANBU how rude and awful. I would replace the bridle and dump the 'friend'

i have read all the threads on here and noone has commented on this:

the owner of the bridle hasnt ridden for about 4 months and has a tatty old bridle with a bit broken and only one hole left.

is that because she thought the bridle wasnt fit to use, and wouldnt use it herself for fear of it breaking...... then when OP phones and says i've been hurt using your bridle, she may automatically feel guilty and somehow responsible (either morally or legally) for the accident.

Had the OP asked to borrow it first - she may have been told - 'it worn and damaged and i wont use it in case i get injured'?

She may have felt guilty that she didnt remove it from the stable.....

Good point Boohoo.

I doubt it, seeing as she banged on about it being an £80 bridle and wanted it replaced.

She's just a cunt. :(

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll - I know, it was wrong to take it, but she hadn't noticed it was damaged in any way. I did tell her I'd taken it when I could have said nothing and just cleaned it up and I told her I'd replace it from the start if it was wrecked. I understand why she's peeved but surely the most important thing im that situation is that your friend and her horse are ok?

I don't know what you are on about by saying she showed her true colours.

Because I have repeatedly apologised, told her I would replace the bridle, and she is still not really accepting it. I've know her for 4 years, have helped her numerous times, given her my first aid stuff, checked/helped out with her horse, I think she could cut me some slack. To demand that I go up the yard first thing and get her bridle by 4pm, when I can't drive and OH has to work at 1, is being a bitch. I've told he that if I can't replace it today, for example if the bridle's not in stock, I will let her have one of mine until I can. If your good friend was injured and very apologetic about something like that, would you repeatedly tell them how angry you were and not give a shit about them? That's what I mean, that despite me saying I will replace anything that's damaged and make amends as best I can, she's still more concerned about the bridle than me or my horse. Yes, I'd be pissed off, but I would be relieved that neither person or horse was very badly injured. Priorities.

She rang me and said that the manager had told her what happened, about the air ambulance etc. I said that I was sore but I had to confess to her about the bridle (because I felt bad about it). She then cut me off before I cold say any more. I tried to ring her a couple of times. When she rang me back she said she couldn't believe I'd taken it and shouted at me about not being able to leave her tack up there, how it cost £80 etc. At no point did she ask what injuries I had or if my horse was ok, although she knew I'd been to hospital. She asked why I hadn't told her earlier and I said because I was in the hospital for 6 hours with fractured ribs. She said 'well, I'm sorry you're in pain and have been to the hospital but what about my bridle? I can't afford to replace it'. I told her again that I would check it and if damaged, that I would replace it. She kept repeating how angry she was, I kept saying I'm really very sorry, I'll replace it and she kept saying well I know you're sorry. That's why I ended the call, she just wasn't listening to me and was just getting nastier.

She sounds like a right piece of work. If you were my friend I wouldn't even mention the bridle. I would be very concerned about you and offering my help until you were feeling better.

have read all the threads on here and noone has commented on this:

the owner of the bridle hasnt ridden for about 4 months and has a tatty old bridle with a bit broken and only one hole left.

is that because she thought the bridle wasnt fit to use, and wouldnt use it herself for fear of it breaking...... then when OP phones and says i've been hurt using your bridle, she may automatically feel guilty and somehow responsible (either morally or legally) for the accident.

Had the OP asked to borrow it first - she may have been told - 'it worn and damaged and i wont use it in case i get injured'?

She may have felt guilty that she didnt remove it from the stable.....

I don't really know but I think it's more that my horse is an idiot tbh than the bridle

I think she may be setting you up to buy her a new bridle. Why would she be banging on about you possibly damaging it? Sounds like it's already on its last legs.

No idea about bridles and wotnot but you have been hurt in what sounds like a scary fall and fairly traumatic aftermath.

Bugger the bridle. You did a nice sorry and attempt to right things, leave it at that. You are no doubt feeling v. upset - naturally - because you are hurt and in pain and shock. You don't need the horse bitch making it worse.

Clean it, put it back and avoid her.

Thanks, I thought that as a friend she would be a little more forgiving, especially considering I've helped her a lot. I thought that's what friends do, forgive each other? Right, off to clean the notorious bridle!

I agree northcountry. It seems slightly odd, banging on about an old, damaged bridle being worth £80 and needing it replaced so urgently, when she's not ridden for 4 months.

you expect her to cut you slack but wont even consider stuff from her point of view. you have no idea of what you interupted with your phone call. It could have been WAY more important than Sherlock.

you have no idea what that bridle meant to her

you have no idea of what she really felt just what she said in a moment of stress.

I think that you should cut her some slack until you know all the facts from her point of view.

Having said that - you need a big hug, and the last thing you needed after such a traumatic day was your mate having a go.

I do hope that you mend quicky- both your injuries and your relationship with your friend

I see what you are saying and I do understand. She should cut you some slack, but as this has only happened recently and you were at fault, I would give her some time to calm down and realise what is most important. She might realise that she overreacted and calm down, but I think it is understandable that her initial reaction when speaking to you was one of anger.

You are expecting her to ask about you and the horse, but you said she had already been told what had happened by someone else. So she probably knew that you were ok and that the horse was too.

Maybe she was very concerned for you when she first heard what happened, you don't know because you weren't the first to tell her. I'm not saying you should have been, she was out of order saying that you should have told her sooner, but you are not in a position to judge whether her first thought was for you or for her bridle.

I think she is hoping you will replace her tatty old bridle with a new one.

Given most horse riders know of people who have suffered serious injuries from falls, your 'friend' is surprisingly blase about your injuries. I hope you feel better today and are able to get out and about.

On the subject of how the horse is behaving, I wonder if the hunting is playing with his head? We have a shire who us so kind and gentle and is fab to hunt but if he hears/sees the hounds out and about but is not with them he goes potty! Perhaps your cob is the same now? We simply cannot ride him if the hunt is about which is a pain as we are on the border of three hunts.

I would second checking his back as his muscle will have changed his shape. Also riding in his double for a while. Can you get someone with a glue bum to ride him over that ridge a few times incase there is something there he is reacting to?

Well, my first reaction was "self-centred person, who hasn't got past being the toddler stage of "my toy!"". But I see you want Devil's Advocacy.

Perhaps finding something to be angry about is her coping technique, when she's worried about someone or just doesn't know what to say or do. My husband has that unpleasant trait. Last time, I told him he had to rein it in (it's a Horse thread), and that feeling angry at hurt people was horrible. Having it pointed out to him was a nasty shock, I think, and it hasn't happened since.

ok as a horse owner myself i would be cheesed off if someone used my horses bridle but if she was my 'friend' it wouldn't be a problem. i would be concerned for her welfare and the horses welfare.
for her to be ranting like that and not even ask after you or the horse i would be seriously considering our 'friendship'. if she is having money problems and is worried that her bridle is damaged i can see why she would be upset. but to overlook the fact you have been quite badly hurt is a bit too precious for my liking.
i would just make sure she knows you will pay for a new bridle if its damaged. to be honest all i can imagine being damaged is probably the reins if your horse trod on them and they snapped. the rest of the bridle should still be in tact and there would only be a need to replace a set of reins which is easily done from your tack shop or online.
if she still carries on ranting and there is no damage and she still hasn't calmed down tell her to piss off!

I third checking his back, by the way. You need to be checking everything. I know that. Wry occasionally, you get a horse that is just plain bonkers, but I'm a firm believer in the fact that horses do what you tell them to do, or that do what they do for a good reason. You need to be asking yourself "why" the horse is doing this, and get it sorted sharpish, before this happens again and someone is hurt really badly. You need to think, is his bit pinching, has he banged his poll and got tender. Are his teeth ok. Is his back out, does his saddle fit properly. Does his saddle need re flocking. Us his saddle broken. Has he got a pain elsewhere. Am I over feeding, am I feeding him the wrong thing, has his exercise to feed ratio changed. Then, if that's all fine, then you need to get someone to watch you ride, and see if you are subconsciously telling him to do this. You really would be surprised, the instructions people give without realising. Dd for instance, when she worries, grips tightly with her thighs and knees, and shortens the reins, bit by bit, until dpony is fit to blow! She doesn't realise she does it at all! It's taken months of riding with jockey length stirrups and rainbow reins, to get her out of it, and dd isn't a beginner by a long shot!

YY when I'm nervous I know I subconsciously grip and lean forward. Not a very bright thing to do.

I hope you have taken a photo of the bridle, just in case she damages it further in an attempt to get a new bridle claims you have damaged it.