To have sobbed about this?

[muffinino82]

Long so as not to drip feed.

I fell off my horse at around 12:45 after he bucked and then bolted, landed very heavily on my side, fracturing my ribs, hurting my knee and back, banging my head (although I had a hat on). I was up in the top field, approx. 60 acres up a steep hill away from the farm. My horse galloped all the way down the hill to the bottom gate and the farmer came up to get me in his Land Rover. I was initially going to be air-lifted to hospital but went in an ambulance and got back to my house at around 8pm.

Stupidly, I borrowed a friend's bridle because I forgot my own after cleaning it. I tried to ring her around 6pm to tell her what happened. I eventually got her at 9.30 (and joked that I was annoyed about her inturrupting Sherlock), told her I had a confession about the bridle. I then went on to tell her somewthing else and she cut me of. I tried to ring her again but no luck.

She rang me back at 10.30 and launched in to a rant about the bridle, saying she was very, very angry that I'd used it, that she will have to take her tack home now because she can' trust me, that it's just an awful thing to do, how it cost £80 and if it was damaged it she can't afford another. I told her I was really sorry and I had never done it before but that I genuinely couldn't remember why I'd done it at that point. She kept repeating how angry she was and I kept apologising and I said that if it was damaged I would replace it. I felt awful about it but I said I couldn't tell her the condition of the bridle because I didn't see it. She said I have to go up the yard first thing tomorrow and check it and if it's damaged, replace it by 4pm as she wants to ride (which I was a little at as she hasn't ridden him in weeks but whatever). I said that's fine, I'm really very sorry, I completely understand her anger etc. She didn't ask how either I or my horse are. She said that she accepted my apology but in an arsey tone and still kept on about how angry she is. She couldn't remember the make of her bridle so i don't actually know what to get.

In the end I told her I'd have to end the call because I was crying and really upset and in pain.

AIBU to think that she could have accepted my apology and been a little more caring, despite my enormous fuck up? I feel really shit, in so much pain and am very worried about my horse. I'm also panicking that I will lose my nerve and can't sleep. I have helped her with her horse a lot, have given her my first aid suff and given her ideas for her new farm. I just felt that she coulld have been a little more understanding when I was clearly very upset, although I get that she's annoyed. The girl who was with me when I fell off took the bridle off my horse and said it's ok, so I'm going to go up and clean her bridle then send her a picure to see if it's ok.

It only started (the leaping/bucking) when we met the beagles, so that time I can safely say it was over-excitment! He did it again on Saturday warming up, having had a bit of a hissy about the hunt being over the way. I flicked him with a schooling whip to get his attention, the reins very loose, and he did it. Yesterday I was literally just sitting on him, completely relaxed, hardly touching the reins, and he disappeared from underneath me. It felt very much like the spooks he's always done. That's what so odd. It's probably just a co-incidence that he spooked in the same place as another horse, or it could be there's something really silly, like a rock casting a shadow, that sets them off.

He had his his teeth done a couple of months ago but I will get them re-checked. Each time he's had a different bit in; dressage sweet iron eggbut snaffle, hacking plain eggbut and yesterday was a sweet iron loose ring snaffle. They fit him as far as I can see but when I get his teeth checked I'll get them checked, too. His saddle is fine itself, it's not broken and it's Wintec CAIR so no reflocking, but again I will examine that closely. He will need a good bit in when hacked out, the double which he's used to, just in case and at least then I can use it on the plain ring and then the curb if needed.

His feed has been the same for years - a handful of chaff, a carrot, some pink powder.

Thinking on it, he has a sarcoid between his back legs that's dying off and is a bit red. He could have caught that, I suppose, it's very possible.

It's quite possible he tweaked something when we met the beagles, yes. That's when the problems really started. I'll get hold of a back person to have a look at him. He's one of those that won't tell you he's in pain until it's really bad, so it's always a bit hard to tell and I always feel bad if that happens He'll have a couple of weeks off now whilst I recover so hopefully we'll both settle down.

I have an excellent instructor so I will have a chat with her and go through all this. She may be able to see something I can't. It could just be he's being an arse, he's always been a little prone to running off, and it could be having the hunt around has just wound him right up. He's lovely to hunt, and normally I know where they are if I'm not out myself, but the beagles and the hunt Saturday caught me by surprise!

She maybe didn't get a sense of what a scare you'd had by the way you were joking on the phone.
And tbh I might feel a bit back-footed if someone rang me and complained about the time they were ringing me.

Uh, there was nothing more important than the final Sherlock last night, end of We have always been quite banter-y together, iykwim, so I said it as a joke, sort of 'OMG, you do realise you're inturrupting Sherlock, don't you? What's the matter with you?' I call her a muppet and she calls me worse, that's just how we are. It's difficult to describe in words but you know, we're just silly together, really.

Oh, and most importantly, the bridle is fine. The reins were a bit muddy but I have thoroughly cleaned it as much as I could without taking it completely apart as it was very stiff from not being fed and I couldn't pull too hard on the stops! I took some photos of it just to show it's ok.

Maybe she was having a crap day, although as far as I know she had gone to another town, gone up the yard and then home. She sounded ok until I told her about the bridle. Maybe it was misplaced anger, I have done that myself when you're just relieved that someone is ok. But really, to rant for minutes at someone who is crying and upset at themselves really is a bit off imo. Or at least, it was the tone of her voice that upset me as much as anything, really quite nasty the way she said things, although it's difficult to put that across her. Plus not to ask after us both did upset me more. She may have something going on, though, I really don't know. I just wanted a little understanding and if I really didn't give a shit about her or the bridle I wouldn't have bothered posting or got so upset. It's an everyday sort of bridle, used for hacking and schooling. I haven't heard from her yet so I'll have to wait until she goes up the yard and sees the bridle.

Learnt my lesson!

you must be sore - and shocked too, after a fall like that. I don't like this time of year. the horses can smell spring coming, and are pretty fed up with stables etc, so mine always over-reacts. I'd get his back, and maybe feet, checked. And have a lesson or two. Failing that a market harborough for a short while is my magic cure (not draw reins)

oh this is about your friend. i think that you answered your own question when you said that she had a saddle on indefinite loan, but won't even lend out her bridle. It's not as if she turned up to ride and her bridle wasn't on it's peg because you had it. will she try and make that you have destroyed her bridle, which sounds like it was on its last legs, to make you give her one of yours?

She maybe didn't get a sense of what a scare you'd had by the way you were joking on the phone.
And tbh I might feel a bit back-footed if someone rang me and complained about the time they were ringing me.

Maybe she didn't, that's true. I just tried to explain the way I said it, perfectly par for the course for us but not sure I've put it in the best way? It was very jokey and she took it fine until I mentioned the bridle. But you could be right in saying she didn't realise how much of a state I was in. Caught me at the wrong moment!

you must be sore - and shocked too, after a fall like that. I don't like this time of year. the horses can smell spring coming, and are pretty fed up with stables etc, so mine always over-reacts. I'd get his back, and maybe feet, checked. And have a lesson or two. Failing that a market harborough for a short while is my magic cure (not draw reins)

oh this is about your friend. i think that you answered your own question when you said that she had a saddle on indefinite loan, but won't even lend out her bridle. It's not as if she turned up to ride and her bridle wasn't on it's peg because you had it. will she try and make that you have destroyed her bridle, which sounds like it was on its last legs, to make you give her one of yours?

I am sore today, all over, including my head that was saved by my hat! I think maybe he did just get the wind up him but I'll have everything checked first, to make sure. He was shod on the 6 January and he's not lame today, so I think his feet are fine. I was supposed to be having a lesson Wednesday, have been having them for a year and a half with this instructor, so I'll have a good chat to her instead about what's going on. I think maybe it's just everything came to a head with winter and the meets with the hunts, just fried his brain.

I've given the bridle a good clean and it looks fine now.

she sounds horrible. Avoid her!

Just spoken to my instructor and she said she'd have a look at him Wednesday. At least she'll be able to point out anything obvious that I've missed until I can get everything done. She's worked with dressage horses for 10 years so she's pretty good at picking up on things gone wrong.

Good news that the bridle is OK - and more importantly, I hope that you are feeling a bit better today, and that you will get some proper rest now that you've checked the bridle and your horse. >

Whilst I understand what boohoo says about it being natural to be annoyed if someone borrows something expensive without asking, I think that this 'friend' has vastly overreacted, especially as she didn't even know if the bridle was damaged, and to go on and on when you had apologised profusely and repeatedly, and pledged to replace the bridle if neccessary, and were clearly in a very emotional and upset state - that's not the attitude of a real friend.

As a comparision - when I was at university dh (dp then) lent me his car - it was the first car he had ever owned - and coming off campus one day, I skidded on some oil, lost control, and ploughed into a tree, damaging the front wing. When I rang him to tell him what had happened, his primary concern was that I was OK, not the damage to his car and what was I going to do about it. That's the right priority, imo.

SHe sounds like she behaved very badly, but did she actually know what had happened?

You say you borrowed it without asking, so she couldn't have been there to see or hear about your accident.

Then you spent time trying to contact her to let her know, but when she did get back to you at 9:30pm you told her off for interrupting a TV programme, said you had to make a confession about her bridle but then changed the subject to something else entirely and this annoyed her enough to put the phone down.

Then when she rang you back she was cross with you and you were upset with her.

You sound like you were confused through all the conversations, so perhaps she just didn't know how badly hurt you were. And since you were talking about TV programmes, rather than about your injuries, and then saying you had to make a confession but were changing the subject, she thought you were just messing her about and got cross.

We don't know what sort of day she had been having before she spoke to you, and although it probably wasn't as eventful and upsetting as yours, if she thought you were just messing about on the phone and had been careless with something of hers, that you took without asking and that she can't afford to replace, she reacted angrily without thinking.

If it helps, my Uncle was involved in a car accident one Christmas, nobody was badly hurt but his car was a write-off, and he had to ring my Aunt from the roadside to tell her what had happened. Her first instinct was to shout "and I bet you've broken your Mother's fucking Christmas present haven't you!?" at him. She felt awful about that later on, but the shock made her focus on the wrong thing. Perhaps that's what was wrong with your friend.

Either way, I hope you are feeling better soon and that your friend realises she behaved badly and apologises to you. Sounds like a really frightening experience for you. Hope your horse is alright too.

Then you spent time trying to contact her to let her know, but when she did get back to you at 9:30pm you told her off for interrupting a TV programme, said you had to make a confession about her bridle but then changed the subject to something else entirely and this annoyed her enough to put the phone down.

I have explained that I made a glib remark about Sherlock which she took well, she laughed, and is normal between us. I still say it was more important than my ribs

I didn't change the subject after telling her about the bridle, sorry if I implied that. After telling me how angry she was a couple of times she then asked me why I hadn't told her sooner (than 9.30) and I said because I was in the hospital with fractured ribs.

I've been asleep for since 2.30 as I couldn't sleep well last night and am exhausted. I had a text from her at 3.05 asking 'hi (my name) any sign of my bridle?'. Not are you ok, is the horse ok? I know she's worried about it but she said she was going up the yard to ride at 4, so she could have text or rung me to ask how we are first, then the bridle. Even if she's angry, I would have appreciated a thought for me and him, preferably first, as she knew I was going to sort the bridle out.

And when I say me and him, I do of course mean him and I. Drugs are confuddling

I haven't heard anything else, so I guess the bridle was in a satisfactory condition.

To ask after the horse would be more appreciated than to ask after me.

"Me and him" is fine, you wouldn't say, "I would have appreciated a thought for I".

And your friend is a bitch.

OldLadyKnowsNothing - You just made my ribs hurt!

So how is the ornery one?

OP - your friend is a complete cow.
Do not, under any circumstances, apologise again for using the bridle. You have already done so and she has been absolutely horrible and very uncaring. I would definitely be giving her the cold shoulder from now on.

your friend is allowed to be annoyed that you borrowed her tack without permission. that is all. It does not give her the right to behave like a total cowbag. Texting at 3am to check on the bridle? Ludicrous.

She sounds like a twat op; I would tell her that a true friend would have been more concerned about me than a stupid bridle.

Then you spent time trying to contact her to let her know, but when she did get back to you at 9:30pm you told her off for interrupting a TV programme, said you had to make a confession about her bridle but then changed the subject to something else entirely and this annoyed her enough to put the phone down.

For the record, I finished the call because I was sobbing too much to speak, so I told her I was too upset and in too much pain to carry on, and the last thing she said was 'The bridle needs to be there by 4'. Not sure if she has ridden tbh.

So how is the ornery one?

Stop it now, please, you're just adding to my pain!

I don't know, I haven't heard anything else so I've left it there. It's stressing me out as it is. Sorry, when I said she text me at 3, I meant 3pm. I fell asleep around half two this afternoon and woke up around 5.15pm to find the text, so theoretically she should have found the bridle and ridden by then so there was no point texting back. TBH if she doesn't even give a shit how my horse is, I'm done with it. There would be hell to pay if the situation was reversed and her horse was ignored. The least she could do is ask after him. If anything, I returned the bridle in a better condition than I got it, which is what I was going to do anyway, as it hadn't been cleaned for months. It was all stiff and hard to clean. I know that's not the point when I shouldn't have borrowed it in the first place, but at least I've made amends as best I can.

Slinks off to facebook stalk

you could have handled the phone call better, yes, but then you did'nt expect this reaction - isn't hindsight lovely!

Keep that righteous anger stoked, muffin. I think she'll just pretend she didn't get all shittty with you, so it's up to you to remember and not put yourself in that situ again.

If she does want to discuss it again I think it would be good to be honest - you have apologised profusely, you won't do it again, you've cleaned the thing and checked it's ok, what more is there to say? I think to not even ask how you are when you've been in hospital, or check how your horse is, is really quite unpleasant. Perhaps ask her why she hasn't asked. evil smile

Don't apologise even one more time. You have apologised enough! She has had every opportunity to show concern for you or your horse and there's not been a drop of it. What a chuffing cowbag.

I would have been fine if you (as a friend) had borrowed my equipment. Is it worth texting her to say 'once again I am very sorry for borowing your thing - but am also sad that you haven't asked how i am - or my horse'

Why did you use her crappy bridle?

Hope you're feeling better and I hope your horse is ok. You friend is being a twat btw.

Can I just ask though, I thought hunts were banned or am I wrong?