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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this girl should be suspended for punching dd in the face?

123 replies

Crazybit · 12/01/2012 20:47

dd in year 7 (aged 11) was in a corridor at school today, lots of pushing going on apparantly, dd was pushed into a girl, the girl turned round and punched her in the face.

The other girl had the upper school t shirt on so was at least in year 10 (minimum age 14) and ran off after it happened.

Thre girl has not been identified yet, dd did not know who she was nor did her friends but the school are going to attempt to find out who it was..by descriptions/pictures.

I don't know what the procedure is for this type of thing but what kind of consequences are likely/should their be?

dd has got bruising and headache but I'm quite worried about the psychological impact too as she was already suffering from anxiety related to a violent incident a few months ago.

Any advice on how I should deal with this? Don't want to baby her but also don't want to be unsupportive...also, I don't know what the school are going to do but AIU to push for suspension..or even to get the police involved?

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 12/01/2012 22:22

Sorry but fgs weevils being "punched in the face" is just part of a learning curve and OP ought to let it go?!!! In what other context would this be considered acceptable? In your home, on the street, at work?

ChaoticAngel · 12/01/2012 22:43

Being punched in the face is assault, no matter where it happens.

lurkinginthebackground · 12/01/2012 23:04

I would ring the school and see what progress thay have made before going to the police.
Hope your dd is ok.

startail · 12/01/2012 23:16

YANBU, I hope the school deals with it promptly and firmly.
Violence against pupils is sometimes swept under the carpet, while that against staff isn't.
DD1 assumes the boy who thumped on of their teachers was expelled, he's not been seen again.

Jux · 12/01/2012 23:35

Well, I would call police. Basically, if you really want to excuse yourself later in order to maintain a good relationship with the school then you have all those excuses - pregnancy, husband away, etc. Though if the school can't maintain a good relationship with you after your daughter has been punched in the face while in their care then It should be in special measures. Bending over backwards to appease you, they should be.

PinkAndPurplePirateGirl · 12/01/2012 23:49

I'm shocked at whoever suggested the OP is "having a hissy fit" for wanting to involve the police if the school don't deal with the matter properly.

ilovesooty · 13/01/2012 00:11

Violence against pupils is sometimes swept under the carpet, while that against staff isn't

In my experience assaults on staff are regularly swept under the carpet too.

With regard to the OP: I'd involve the police.

Boomerwang · 13/01/2012 06:56

Blimey the number of people baying for blood is pretty astonishing! Take it a step at a time but don't turn into one of those double barrelled nostril flarers screeching about getting the police involved and threatening all sorts. Mind, also don't let your kid think you can't be bothered pursuing justice on her behalf. If you're not happy with what you see as double standards or prejudice, for god's sake don't wave that issue about willy nilly as the school will slap a label on you and refuse to get further involved. Be discreet for your kid's sake, ask her what she would like to see come of this and then go through the possible outcomes with her to see which she is most comfortable with, then support her rather than have her support you.

If she wants the other kid dead then hide her pencil sharpener.

echt · 13/01/2012 07:03

It's assault. Take it to the police.

samandi · 13/01/2012 08:34

I can't imagine why it wouldn't be assault and a child with a criminal background should surely be expelled, just the same as if the assault happened to an adult at a workplace. Why should things be different because they're kids? 14 is well over the age of criminal responsibility.

But then I don't know anything about how these things work in practice so these are just musings, not advice. In my school things like this didn't really happen, but it must be a pretty miserable existence for those who have to deal with this and on top of that being told it's a "learning curve".

Tiredmumno1 · 13/01/2012 08:59

Learning curve Hmm - most stupid comment I have read this week

Tiredmumno1 · 13/01/2012 09:02

Op see what the school are doing first, then make a decision whether to involve the police.

It's disgusting and no child should have to put up with that behaviour, what ever happened to being tough, you never would have got away with it when I was at school!

dandelionss · 13/01/2012 09:18

Do middle class secondary schools have T shirt school uniforms?
It won't be up to you how the child is disciplined and strictly speaking the school shouldn't tell you because of confidentiality.
Protecting youir child is your business, dealing with the offender is the business of the school and other parents.

Chandon · 13/01/2012 09:19

something similar happened to DS1, but in primary (he was 8 and got punched in the face by an 11 year old.

In our case, I am still a bit shocked how it was dealt with.

Firstly, both boys were called into HT office, as it was dealt with as a "fight" (The big boy just walked up to DS, who was having lunch by himself minding his own business), so DS was very upset and thought he "was in trouble" on top of having been punched. DS was so upset and hurt, the school called me to come and pick him up.

Yet, the school did not exclude the boy, as he has SN and the school used it as an example to tell all the children to be careful around this boy and to not provoke him. I went into the HT office to ask how they were dealing with the situation, and HT told me to understand how we need to look after these vulnerable children, meaning the big boy (he is from a really sad background, I think he gets beaten by his stepfather, it's horrible).

Anyhow. The whole thing was dealt with completely different from what I expected! So I think it is good to go into the school and talk. You cannot demand for another child to be excluded, incidentally.

Hope they find out who it was, and that they deal with it well (ie get the girl to apologise, assure you and DD that they will try to ensure this won't happen again). It is worth asking the school for its Behaviour Policy (all schools have one) or other relevant policies. They (should) have a procedure they follow with incidents like these.

ddubsgirl · 13/01/2012 09:27

my ds1 was knocked to the floor,head stamped on,kicked in face & back,i pulled him out of the school,they didnt even call me to tell me he had been hurt!!!,they sent him home on the bus with head injury,all that happened to the 2 boys that did it was excluded for 2 days,sadly ds1 has been the traget for bullies since yr 2 and has had alot of stuff happen to him and had the same shit that the other kids has sn so we cant do anything so they get away with it.

ragged · 13/01/2012 09:29

There are lots of reasons why I wouldn't take it the police, this is just the least of it. Might matter more to OP, though, than my other reasons:

The comeback to your Dd could be harsh, if OP escalates this to a police matter. If she wants her DD to be able to pass by that teenager or her friends in the street without hassle or threats, I wouldn't take this to police.

NoMoreMarbles · 13/01/2012 09:54

what a stupid comment to make re: "learning curve"Shock

My parents had a similar attitude when myself and my siblings were picked on in school. my dad regularly commented that it will "toughen us up" and we should "feel ashamed that we don't have the backbone to stand up for ourselves"Hmm
i was bullied in junior school and "toughened up" in senior school getting into a fight with a bully over a name he was calling me and got suspended...my dad grounded me and i got a hiding with his slipperSad

my poor brother regularly got attacked, both verbally and physically and again noone did anything about it. the school said that despite the bruises and the fact that it happened on school grounds, it was both not their issue to deal with and there was not enough evidence to do anything about it anywayAngry when my Dbro stood up for himself after putting up with this from primary school all the way through to secondary school (Y8 IIRC) the school suspended my Dbro and the bullies got away scot freeAngry the bullying did tail off for a while but resumed and nothing was done unless it involved my brother fighting backHmm

i think the OP should speak to the school and advise them that she expects this older child to be punished and will be taking the matter further if they cant come to a satisfactory resolution. it is assault. if you found yourself being punched whilst in Marks and Spencer it would be assault, why is this any different?

zipzap · 13/01/2012 10:16

I think what's happened to your dd is horrible.

But the thing that stood out in your op to me that no one else seems to have commented on is you day your dd was pushed into a girl who turned around and hit her.

She could argue that she thought she was being attacked and was fed up of being a repeated target of being hit so lashed out herself. If she turned around to hit your dd then she didn't know who was falling on her or why. I'm not saying that she was right to hit out for a moment- but as others have said occasionally they (or friends/siblings) have been bullied, nothing has been done until they snap and something happens to them that they just lash out and that's when the teachers finally take notice. I could imagine a different mn thread 'my dd has been bullied for ages amd the did nothing, now she finally lashed out after being pushed hard in the corridor they are punishing her'. It could equally be that the girl was a nasty bully too of course!

However, the one who really ought to be hauled up for this is the person that pushed your dd hard into someone else. If they knew she was pushing her into a bully who would react badly that's even worse. But pushing somebody into anybody else is a nasty thing to do to anybody that gets caught up and hurt by it, and could cause nasty injuries on it's own without any extra bullying or knee-jerk reaction ones added on top.

I do think the school should remind everybody about behaving in corridors though, especially if this looks like people are doing it for fun... Hope your dd manages to regain her confidence.

Lueji · 13/01/2012 10:46

zipzap is right.

Your DD got into a situation and I can sort of understand the other girl's reaction.
Not that I agree with the punching.

However, it seems that who pushed probably did it on purpose.

I would also work with DD on trying to avoid such situations where she finds herself in the middle of the mess.

diddl · 13/01/2012 13:05

I also think that zipzap makes a good point.

I in no way condone what the girl did, but if she was in the middle of the pushing & was trying to get out...

It sounds like the sort of thing that I would have walked all the way round the school to avoid!

Here in Germany my children have a lot of their lessons in their form rooms iyswim.

I thought that that was ridiculous.

Not so sure now.

FabbyChic · 13/01/2012 13:09

If I was you I'd react the same probably even worse, I would go to the police and prosecute for abh, it is actual bodily harm no one should get away with that.

Original poster
Crazybit · 13/01/2012 13:53

Zipzap, from what i'm aware, it was simply a case of lesson change over and there was a lot of pushing and shoving as in when you're in a queue, not that she flew into her.

I have waited all morning to see if school contact me. No.

I called dd at lunch and she has just been told that the year 11 head has not heard anything on the grapevine. Nothing else has happened with dd. I have tried calling the teacher who is supposed to be dealing with it but there is no answer.

OP posts:
OldMumsy · 13/01/2012 15:20

Mention on a call to the office that as you have not heard from the school you will be informing the police. That will get their attention.

ENormasSnob · 13/01/2012 15:21

I would contact the police.

Just as I would if I were assaulted.

Maryz · 13/01/2012 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.