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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that the school is taking the PISS?

100 replies

SwedishKaz · 12/01/2012 13:01

Sorry for the language in my subject.
My son is in Reception, and we've been given a letter last Friday to say that they're starting "Reading Friday", inviting parents in EVERY Friday for the first 15 minutes to share a book with your child. The whole thing sounded very jolly, and about enjoying books.
I'm all for enjoying books, and I've read to my son since he was born! He loves books.
HOWEVER, I am a working mum. My husband works. I have the privilege to be able to drop my son, and then I rush to work to get there on time.
I don't have 15 minutes every Friday to stay in school!

On Monday we received a REMINDER (in bold letters) about how we must attend the session each Friday. Oh, we could let the teacher know if we can't and she will link our child up with another parent. Great. My son is 4!!! The fact that other parents are there and not his is going to upset him.
I tried to tell him about it yesterday, in a very positive manner and explain that I wouldn't be able to be there but that he could read with his friends' and their mum or dad. He started crying.

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Kayano · 12/01/2012 13:04

I think it a bit for
You and your son but I get why they have done it. Iyswim

ChitChatInChaos · 12/01/2012 13:06

EVERY Friday???? That's a bit OTT. Why not just do something on a rota system, where you come in once every few months. Then even working parents have a chance of coming occasionally.

It's not nice, but your DS wil learn to deal with it. Think of the children who don't get dropped off or picked up by parents - they cope!

LivingDead · 12/01/2012 13:08

Ooh YANBU we have a reading morning on Fridays too, tbh I think it is utterly pointless, it's noisy and cramped and not exactly conducive to actually engaging with a book. I have been once .

There seem to be multiple come and endure enjoy cooking/crafting/time wasting with your child each term, have to say it does my nut in.

noexcuses · 12/01/2012 13:08

Is the classroom big enough ?!?

YANBU

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/01/2012 13:09

In theory it's a great idea....but in practice, there will probably be quite a few other parents who won't be able to participate....especially if they have workplaces that don't allow any flexibility with work times.

Explain your situation to your child's teacher...and maybe keep explaining to your child the situation with your work and how you can't be there. Hopefully he will be proud that you work...and understand the situation.

Is it worth having a chat with your work to see if they could allow you to come in a little later on Friday's?

HollyGoDroopy · 12/01/2012 13:10

We have to go in Mon and Thurs. The teacher counts how many parents have attended and puts the number on the whiteboard.

It is also frowned upon to help our dc take their outdoor stuff off when we go in to do the reading.

Sidge · 12/01/2012 13:10

That's rather heavy handed.

My DD3 is in Reception and they have Open Classroom every Friday morning so that parents can stay until 0930 if they like and join in with their child.

But it's not compulsory and I'd be mighty pissed off if the attitude was "You MUST come".

I'd be having A Word with the teacher...

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/01/2012 13:11

I think it's good thought that schools try and get the parents involved...if this scheme doesn't work (or is more trouble than it's worth) then they will have to think of other ways.

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 12/01/2012 13:12

Ds's school does a similar thing for an HOUR every Wednesday. I don't work but I have a 15 month old and no-one to watch her and I don't really want her to destroy the classromm in 0.2 seconds. Ds hates that I can't go - I've managed once when his dad was off. I feel shit about it. I can understand why they do it though.

Acanthus · 12/01/2012 13:13

Well school are damned if they do and damned if they don't, really. I suggest you get the mum of one of his friends on board in advance, so he knows who he'll be with. He'll be fine when he gets used to it.

silverfrog · 12/01/2012 13:13

It does sound a lot.

thankfully dd2's school do nothing of the sort. there are several opportunities for parents to sign up as helpers though (swimming, various events, general play stuff etc) and even though I am a sahm, I can never make it to these (I have to take dd1 to school, 15 odd miles away).

dd2 is 4 too, and she has coped with the fact that other mums are always helping, but that I can't. your ds wil understand - it is just the way his life is, he knows no different. Don't feel guilty about it.

sparkle12mar08 · 12/01/2012 13:13

Think yourself lucky it's only once a week! Our shared reading sessions are twice a week, but there's never been any pressure on working parents to attend in the way your school seems to be doing. I'd say that out of a class of thirty kids there are rarely more than 10 parents and that's a good day. I doubt the teacher will actually notice you're not there although it sounds like your son will need lots of positive reinforcement.

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2012 13:14

Our Primary school did this. If I went and saw some children who didn't have Mums that could come I used to ask them to sit with me and DS and all look at the book together. It was horrible when I had two at the school, I had to do alternate weeks.

TroublesomeEx · 12/01/2012 13:14

It'll be an initiative born out of something from their school improvement plan so they are going to put the pressure you to attend because they have to explain to the SIP officer what they've done and the impact of it!

It's sad for you and your DS, but I bet he won't be the only one in that position.

It's important for parents to get involved but this does seem excessive.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/01/2012 13:16

We did this when DS was in reception til the end of year 2 - it was called shared reading. I too am a working mum and I tried to go as often as I could but more often that not he would end up reading with some one else. He understood, he knew mummy needs to go to work and so as long as he knew on that day I couldn';t make it he was fine.

I think its good for our kids to know that we do have other stuff going on, we cant do everything with them - your DS will be fine. It's a lovely thing for the school to do so no, they are not BU, and your son will not be scarred for life if you dont make it.

Dont beat yourself up, it's hard enough being a working mum, loading yourself up with guilt makes it a million times worse.

Ephiny · 12/01/2012 13:16

I don't see how they can tell you that you must attend. Education is compulsory for children, not their adult parents!

It's a nice idea for those who can make it, but their attitude would annoy me.

funnypeculiar · 12/01/2012 13:18

Completely see where you're coming from - it's a lovely idea, but their assumption that every child has a parent who can stay every week is bonkers. And clearly unhelpful to the many parents who can't manage this. I would write a letter to the teacher & cc a copy to the head pointing out that whilst you hugely support the initiative, the way that it has been communicated is extremely unhelpful for parents who are working & unable to attend. And point out that this has caused your son distress.

Fwiw, I bet lots of parents can't manage it (what about parents with younger children - is the place going to be crawling with toddlers too?) so I suspect your son will by no means be on his own.

In the meantime, manage it with your son by telling him some parents will be coming in, and others won't - and perhaps suggesting a special time when the two of you can read together instead (I know you do this anyway, but a special timeslot might underline it for him, iykwim)

Pancakeflipper · 12/01/2012 13:18

You won't be the only parent and there will have been parents in the years earlier whose parents couldn't make it. Don't make it a issue and don't feel guilty. Teachers know not all parents can be there and you don't lose parent points if you cannot do it.

Our reception and infants classes hit on a brill idea to try to involve people who couldn't always be there. Every Friday morning they would have 1 dad come into class to read a story to them after registration. Dad's could add their name to the rota and could then arrange to be late into work one Friday every few months. The kids loved it. The dads were abit embarrassed but they soon lost stage fright and seemed to compete to be the bestest dad book reader ever. All of them enjoyed it.

SootySweepandSue · 12/01/2012 13:19

YANBU. I think it's a bit off of the school not to even acknowledge that there are working parents, that's what annoys me. I would suggest maybe doing something special with your son afterwards, but really you shouldn't be put in this situation and it wouldn't be good to have to 'make it up' to him regularly. Do you have any idea how many other working parents there are in his class?

jandymaccomesback · 12/01/2012 13:20

It's highly unlikely you will be the only one who can't make it and your DS will soon find that out.

Sirzy · 12/01/2012 13:22

Like others have said nice idea but not the trying to force parents to attend. Having it as an open session which parents are encouraged to attend at least once a term would be better and more realistic for most.

Possibly a long shot but is there a grandparent or aunt who could go with him occassionally?

Iscreamtea · 12/01/2012 13:23

Every week IME these things are difficult for the majority of parents not just the working ones. I'm a SAHM but that's because I've a baby at home. It's not too bad bringing him as a baby but as a toddler it's very difficult (as I experienced with DC2 attending for DC1). There aren't that many parents hanging around at home with no other commitments who can just drop everything to come into school. If you can it might be worth trying to go once in a half term rather than every week, but if you can't you can't. It sucks but you and your DS will have to get used to it.

Kladdkaka · 12/01/2012 13:23

Is there someone else who can go in your place? My retired father did all the school time stuff in place of me when I was working.

crazygracieuk · 12/01/2012 13:26

The schools that my children went to did the same. I used to read to 2 or 3 of dd's friends as well as her. It was not the norm to attend the sessions- when I went there were about 5 parents in a class of 30. The others were working or not interested in attending.

molschambers · 12/01/2012 13:26

Eh? Well I don't work on a Friday and there is no way I'd want to be doing this. Apart from the fact I'd have to take my pre-schooler or arrange childcare. My kids get a school library book to take home every Friday. We read it at home at a time that suits us. I think it's a daft idea tbh. Once a term, fine. Once a week is just OTT.

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