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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that the school is taking the PISS?

100 replies

SwedishKaz · 12/01/2012 13:01

Sorry for the language in my subject.
My son is in Reception, and we've been given a letter last Friday to say that they're starting "Reading Friday", inviting parents in EVERY Friday for the first 15 minutes to share a book with your child. The whole thing sounded very jolly, and about enjoying books.
I'm all for enjoying books, and I've read to my son since he was born! He loves books.
HOWEVER, I am a working mum. My husband works. I have the privilege to be able to drop my son, and then I rush to work to get there on time.
I don't have 15 minutes every Friday to stay in school!

On Monday we received a REMINDER (in bold letters) about how we must attend the session each Friday. Oh, we could let the teacher know if we can't and she will link our child up with another parent. Great. My son is 4!!! The fact that other parents are there and not his is going to upset him.
I tried to tell him about it yesterday, in a very positive manner and explain that I wouldn't be able to be there but that he could read with his friends' and their mum or dad. He started crying.

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Sirzy · 12/01/2012 21:53

Exactly Worra. It would appear schools cant do right for doing wrong here.

Schools should be providing opportunties for parents to play an active part in their childs education as much as possible. I dont see how anyone can think that is wrong. Of course there should be no expectation that people can always take part but that doesn't mean things shouldn't be done.

LiegeAndLief · 12/01/2012 22:03

I'm not sure I understand the point of this. Surely the parents who come in are the ones who are interested and involved in their child's education (and obviously have the luxury of time) and ALREADY read with their kids at home? Presumably the parents who don't give a shit and don't read at home won't bother.

This would annoy me a lot as on the days that I don't work I have a 2yo with me who is not condusive to calm reading. We do loads of reading at home and in the library, ds reading to me, me reading to him, school books, home books, etc. I'm not sure I'd be jumping up and down with enthusiasm to go to a forced 15min reading session at school, but like the OP, he'd be devastated if I didn't.

WorraLiberty · 12/01/2012 22:06

dealer that's just plain odd isn't it?

Our school doesn't have its own after school club...it's a ten minute walk away, so a TA lines them all up and they walk there in a line...all wearing high viz vests.

Sirzy I think some people look at things in an alternative way, and instead of seeing schools as including the parents who are around in the day, they see it as excluding the parents who aren't.

urbanproserpine · 12/01/2012 22:09

I say again, surely a good option is to have parents come in on a voluntary basis when they can, but not at the same time. As has been said, how heartbreaking for those kids whose parents can't come on the same day as everyone else's, and how raucous and disruptive it would be if everyone's parents did come on the same day in any case.

Also, um, some dads, maybe, might do some of this....? Dads, are you there?.

dealer · 12/01/2012 22:16

Absolutely!

I get upsetness from dd2 when 'all' the other parents go in (actually no more than about 8, but it seems like all to her, with loads of grownups about.)

But she loves it when James' mum, or Skye's mum hears her read. That seems special to her, but she doesn't feel like I should be there.

I was the mum who heard readers when the other 2 were little but life's changed and I now work silly hours.

WorraLiberty · 12/01/2012 22:18

That's the thing, I've never seen a child get upset when their parent doesn't go in...unless they'd promised they would.

Kids have to accept that not everyone's home set up is the same

And actually, they do tend to accept it far better than we give them credit for.

dealer · 12/01/2012 22:30

The last thing I managed to go to, there were at least 2 other children sobbing, who I tried to include, they weren't having any of it though.

Dd2 probably doesn't seem upset, but she always comes home asking why I wasn't there (even though I'd explained in the morning) and is very dissatisfied with my reasons. 'But you're alllwwaaays at work. ' I get the whingey voice back.

Now if she's got a letter about something she'll often give it to me grumpily and say something like, ' mum's are supposed to come in, but you can't because you're working.' (Even though I make about half of things.)

WorraLiberty · 12/01/2012 22:37

My middle DS (12) used to think he was 'the lost child' cos I went to everything for his eldest brother and everything for his youngest brother!

I couldn't do the same with him because the youngest was born as soon as he started Nursery school.

Oddly enough, he's the most independent and 'into school' of the 3 of them.

loopydoo · 12/01/2012 22:37

Our school has this on a Thursday but you don't have to go. In fact, usually there's about 3 of us. It's very relaxed though; if you go, you go and if not, nobody minds. It's a nice way though of making parents feel welcome at school and it gives you a bit of time to let your child know you're interested in what they do at school.

Obv, for working parents, it's not a thing they can do but nobody is writing down who goes and who doesn't. Just see it as a little extra if you feel like it.

wisecamel · 12/01/2012 22:57

Aargh. Hate this kind of thing - makes me vv . If I wanted to HE, I'd bloody do it. Since I choose to send them to school, the deal should be: I drop them off for 9am, having fed them and washed them - they get taught stuff - they get picked up at 3.30pm - we get on with our lives. Mine are both primary age and get reading, tables, spellings, history and english homework every week. If I went in to read with them as well, it wouldn't be worth sending them at all!

loopydoo · 13/01/2012 08:23

This really isn't about reading though - it's more about involving parents; especially those who spend very little time reading with their kids (imo)

loopydoo · 13/01/2012 08:25

should have said - involving parents in the school community.

That said - I wholeheartedly believe that teachers/TAs should be listening as many children as possible reading every day. In our last 'outstanding' school - the children only ever read to an adult during group reading. I think is appalling but I guess the teachers don't have enough time. Strange how they used to when I was at school in the 80s. Just shows how much red tape there is now.

Hecubasdaughter · 13/01/2012 08:44

YANBU, the 'you must' would infuriate me.

Where we used to live the school used to have lots of days where the parents had to come but younger siblings weren't allowed under any circumstances. Many parents didn't have access to child care and obviously didn't have the option of asking another mum from the class as they had to be at the school too. Anyone not attending would receive a snooty letter implying they didn't care about their dc. Makes me glad we moved.

alongtimeago · 13/01/2012 09:00

The 'you must' would make me a bit

Apart from that I think it's a good idea - it's not about reading per se, it's about getting parents engaged in their children's learning.

Next week there'll be a thread along the lines of 'My children's school keep me at arms length, never let parents through the door and I don't know what goes on in class. AIBU?'

Damned if they do and damned if they don't.

seeker · 13/01/2012 09:23

Hang on. So are you saying that because WOH parents can't get into school, schools should never organise anything that involves parents going into school?

Hecubasdaughter · 13/01/2012 09:35

No seeker people are saying they shouldn't make attendance compulsory and they shouldn't write letters that make people feel bad when they can't go. ~Many posters are also pointing out that it's not just WOH parents who can't go.

seeker · 13/01/2012 09:38

I'd like to zee some of these guilt inducing letters. It would be very unusual for a school to assume that all parents could attend, or give them a hard time if they couldn't.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 13/01/2012 09:54

Parents are so quick to have a go when no one hears their child read for a few weeks, what are schools supposed to do?

There is a problem in that the parents who can be bothered to come in are the parents who bother to read with their child at home, but if schools didn't have parent helpers to hear children read, some children would get individual reading time very rarely. A few children in a class who persistently struggle with reading because their parenst dont do it with them will hold the rest of the class back, and take up extra time that the teacher could be using on progressing the whole class. So even if you read with your child at home, reading with other. Hidden in the class will still end up benefitting your child.

It's sad that some children will be upset that their parent doesn't come in, but the alternative is worse.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 13/01/2012 09:55

Auto correct is at it again, sorry! Other. Hidden means other children!

Acanthus · 13/01/2012 11:31

There's no way the school, with its long experience of trying and failing to et parents involved, thinks this is compulsory. The OP is getting her knickers in a twist because she has less experience about school. I'm guessing this is her first child. It will all be fine in the end

Original poster

SwedishKaz · 15/01/2012 11:43

It's been great to hear all of your responses, and I've taken everything aboard.
Special thanks to funnypeculiar - I wrote an e-mail to DS's teacher using almost exactly your words!
I've calmed down and have come to the conclusion that I can't always be there for my son. I just have to explain to him that the school is not always right, and there is no way I'm making excuses for working. I want my child to know that being employed is something to be proud of.
He cried and begged on Thursday night for one of us to come to "Reading Friday", and it was heartbreaking.
It's just one of these battles that I can't win. I needed a rant. Thanks for listening and thanks for all your opinions.

OP posts:

DrCoconut · 16/01/2012 01:45

I do feel that primary schools assume parents don't work far too readily. I have not experienced plays being held in the evening etc. Everything is in the middle of the day when we're at work and it is disheartening. Surely "he who pays the piper calls the tune" should apply a bit?

funnypeculiar · 16/01/2012 11:26

Glad it was useful. Did you get a reply?

VonHerrBurton · 16/01/2012 11:33

you must come? Omg, I would feel fucking angry if I got that sent out to me!

So what would a ft teacher at that school do if his/her dc came home with that letter? I am amazed that this can be anything more than a gentle reminder.

I'm angry for you, OP. Making people feel shit about something thay have no control over.

I know the teacher wouldn't notice, they wouldn't be the only one etc - but my kids would notice and they would be gutted. That's crap.

TheRealTillyMinto · 16/01/2012 12:29

we must attend the session each Friday how was this worded OP?

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