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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the school is taking the PISS?

100 replies

SwedishKaz · 12/01/2012 13:01

Sorry for the language in my subject.
My son is in Reception, and we've been given a letter last Friday to say that they're starting "Reading Friday", inviting parents in EVERY Friday for the first 15 minutes to share a book with your child. The whole thing sounded very jolly, and about enjoying books.
I'm all for enjoying books, and I've read to my son since he was born! He loves books.
HOWEVER, I am a working mum. My husband works. I have the privilege to be able to drop my son, and then I rush to work to get there on time.
I don't have 15 minutes every Friday to stay in school!

On Monday we received a REMINDER (in bold letters) about how we must attend the session each Friday. Oh, we could let the teacher know if we can't and she will link our child up with another parent. Great. My son is 4!!! The fact that other parents are there and not his is going to upset him.
I tried to tell him about it yesterday, in a very positive manner and explain that I wouldn't be able to be there but that he could read with his friends' and their mum or dad. He started crying.

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable?

OP posts:
sausagesandmarmelade · 12/01/2012 13:27

Brilliant idea sirzy

Perhaps the school would allow an alternative family member to get involvede in this way...

An Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent....

Great opportunity for the wider family to get involved in supporting their family member and his/her education.

5Foot5 · 12/01/2012 13:28

Exactly what funnypeculiar said but I think I would make it a strongly worded letter.

Yeahthatsnotgonnahappen · 12/01/2012 13:28

Seriously?! I would be bloody outraged!! I can see sort of where they're coming from but what a wonderful way to get in a dig about working parents. I'm even more shocked it seems really common.

I've just had a massive rant at dh about this and he suggested that perhaps he should be the one to go into school to chat about things like this - I may have got a wee worked up Grin

Pancakeflipper · 12/01/2012 13:29

Our infants has a squad of ladies all retired who go into school one morning to listen to reading. It's got a waiting list of ladies wanting to go - they do the reading then go for a pub lunch. Apparently it's the thing to do once retired in our village.

ohdearwhatdoidonow · 12/01/2012 13:29

YANBU - my DS 10/13, I've been faced with this sort of judgement since they were in reception. Once I'd been thru the guilt with the 1st, I eased off. They are both in G&T so done them no harm having a working Mum. Take it easy on yourself! x

Pancakeflipper · 12/01/2012 13:30

I mean the ladies doing the reading go for a pub lunch. The kids stay at school.

Callisto · 12/01/2012 13:31

The fact that it is 'compulsory' would piss me off no end. And I would be having words with the school on that aspect alone.

LondonMumsie · 12/01/2012 13:31

Can you find someone else? I have always managed to have SOMEONE there for my kids - me, DH, godparents between jobs, grandparents, uncles, a friend from church, another class mum, etc.

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/01/2012 13:32

Our infants has a squad of ladies all retired who go into school one morning to listen to reading. It's got a waiting list of ladies wanting to go - they do the reading then go for a pub lunch. Apparently it's the thing to do once retired in our village.

Love the community initiative!! Smile

Very positive all round!

EdithWeston · 12/01/2012 13:33

If they run it at the same day, at the same time; then they are causing additional (and unnecessary) problems, as they have essentially divided parents into two groups for the whole year, based on their availability that specific hour. This is certainly not their intention, but it doesn't look as if they have stopped to think about how to maximise participation.

Now, many changes (like weekly) would be chaos, but it shouldn't be difficult to change the time of session each half term, vary which day they occur and have some at the end of the day rather than the start. They should tell parents they realise some may not be able to make the first timings (and explain there may be other timings later in the year) and request for planning purposes that they would like to know by (insert when) whether you can attend.

Hulababy · 12/01/2012 13:34

The school are being unreasonable to expect all parents to stay every week.

I work in a school, so there is no way I could spend 15 minutes at DD's school every week. My school wouldn't give me the time off to do this. And DH needs to get to work too, he has clients to see, things to do.

We try to attend, between us, as many things as possible - assemblies, meetings, etc. We support DD with homework and with reading and always have done and will continue to do so.

I doubt you will be the only parent who cant do it and esp not every week too.

mishtake · 12/01/2012 13:36

Amazing how some of these schools have no concept of working parents.
My youngest son's school thankfully does and so people are invited to volunteer for reading duties. Much more sensible.

I wouldn't like the idea of being compelled to read to my child in a school environment either - we spend hours in libraries and reading at home - I don't need to sit in some grotty classroom and read to him for a pathetic 15 minutes.

empirestateofmind · 12/01/2012 13:39

Are any of the teachers at the school also parents? I wonder how they would feel about this- they wouldn't be able to go to their own child's school on a Friday morning.

It is outrageous that parents are expected to do this. So many parents have jobs or other commitments, often other family members live miles away, parents might have very small children who they can't leave somewhere but who would be a disruption in a classroom.

I have always worked full time and would have been extremely cross about something like this. Luckily it never happened.

KirstyJC · 12/01/2012 13:46

DS1's school did this for one morning only, in Reception year. Both me and DH worked FT and we got the time off......we were the ONLY parents over 2 Reception classes that came in. Shock

I happen to know at least 5 other Mums and 1 Dad who had no other children to look after or work to go to. I even mentioned it to one mother and she just shrugged and said she had washing to do....Hmm

OP - you DEFINITELY won't be the only absent parent, please don't worry.

Bathsheba · 12/01/2012 13:48

Goodness - I'm a SAHM and I wouldn;t manage that...!!

I have a Mummy group at church that I go to every Friday and DD3 is 2 tomorrow - I don't want to miss a chunk of Mummy group every week as both me and DD enjoy it so much, and DD3 wouldn;t be welcome in the classroom every week.

I can think of 1 Mummy in my whole group of school mum friends (both SAHM and WOHM) who would actually manage that every week

aldiwhore · 12/01/2012 13:50

I help out it class, my son hates it. The other kids aren't sad their parent isn't there. I think the wording of the letter is harsh, and absolutely lacking in empathy or understanding for busy parents (and you don't have to work to be busy... I have other children, and a FIL who needs my time too).

I think in essense its a good thing to invite parents into the classroom IF they can be there, but there should never be that expectation.

BrianButterfield · 12/01/2012 13:54

empirestateofmind, I was thinking that - I mean, any parent who is a teacher will literally never be able to go. Nice idea, but terrible to make it 'compulsory'.

edam · 12/01/2012 14:02

Folkgirl's right, they'll have been told 'to get parents involved in reading' in their School Improvement Plan - so this is the school being insensitive and clumsy about how they are covering their arses. I suspect they may not be doing too well in reading...

But don't worry too much, lots of other parents won't be able to make it either. Upsetting for ds but he won't be alone.

VikingLady · 12/01/2012 14:17

I thought school was for teachers to teach the kids? And as parents, you do your bit at home? Is this a new idea, because I've never heard of it before! Am expecting DC1 soon, and I certainly won't have the time to do this - I'll have a job! (economy willing)

Sirzy · 12/01/2012 14:19

Viking this like this aim to - rightly so - build good relationships between home and school and encourage parents to take an active role in the education. Anything like that is good in theory but it's the "you must come" attitude here which is the issue.

urbanproserpine · 12/01/2012 16:39

Isn't it a bit crazy manic with all those parents there? My DS1 would have gone bananas with that many people in the classroom.

I think it's great to invite teachers in, but why not suggest a way that parents can come in in small groups or on their own? One of the most rewarding things I did when DS1 was in reception was to ask to sit in for a morning. I was the only parent and I made myself scarce in the corner. Very valuable to me, and other parents were surprised, and 'didn't know you could do that' - well if you don't ask... I actually just really wanted to know what they actually did, and how they were once the craziness of arrival was over.

urbanproserpine · 12/01/2012 16:41

Sorry that was 'invite parents in'

WorraLiberty · 12/01/2012 16:46

They did this in my DS's school for a couple of years

Only the same 4 parents turned up (me and 3 others) because even SAHM's usually have little ones at home so they can't make it in.

I wouldn't worry about it OP. It is a bit of a pointless exercise but to my knowledge, non of the kids got upset unless they were expecting a parent who didn't show up.

Me and the other 3 Mums just took a table each and read to all the children.

threeprinces · 12/01/2012 16:49

Our school does this twice a week for key stage 1. It is not compulsory though at all, about half of parents make it. I generally promised I'd go once a week.
YANBU to be naffed off that the school are making it seem compulsory, that is out of order. That said though YABU to presume that an imitative as a whole shouldn't go ahead because some parents can't make it. You've chosen to work for whatever reason, that's just tough you can't be there. Btw I also work so am not judging that decision at all, I just think you can't expect everyone else to always adapt to your situation.

Eglu · 12/01/2012 16:50

I was just going to say that worra. It is not only parents that work who wouldn't be able to go. I have DD who is 6 months, I'm sure the op's school don't want babies and toddlers there too.

Really badly thoguht out idea. I imagine there are a lot of parents who can't make it.