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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is a peculiarly nasty way for a grownup to treat a child. Warning IL related.

205 replies

lightofmylifelol · 11/01/2012 21:42

Namechanger as I'm not sure if SIL is on here. Cutteduppear, mortimer, pearlbarley.

Well I have a lovely little boy of just 5 - he started Reception in September and is absolutely sailing through lol - the teacher is really impressed with his abilties (she told me to keep doing what I have obviously been doing with him as he's so ace [proud]) and all my mummyfriends are AmazeGosh when we talk about reading levels. Smile

Anyway, so I do whitter abit, lol, but what happened today was this - DMIL and DFIL come round 3 times a week to help me out - I have a lo as well, and it's just so exhausting having one at school and a smaller one isn't? So they tend to do things like washing and ironing and DFIL loves to throw the hoover around - they also bring a meal to help me out and pick DS up from school twice a week and play with him here. It's usually lovely although DFIL has taught DS to drink the remains of his crisps from the packet.

So, to today, DS decided to teach gramps how to play "duminoes" pmsl, of course gramps is a good sport and pretended that DS was actually teaching him. Awww. BUT he didn't let DS win! 7 games in all they played - and gramps absolutely whooped him 6 times out of 7. The eejit. DS was exceedingly upset and cried for hours, I tried all the tactics in the book, explaining to himabout people being mean, and ice cream and extra stories at bedtime, but to no avail. The little soul went to be very saddened by the whole experience.

This really isn't on is it? We never have let him experience such unkindness before. No-one would not let a 5yo win would they? It just crumples children, and they're only young once, it's such a shame.

They've gone now but I've just sat here and thought about it and I'm fuming.

AIBU? And WIBU to speak to gramps it?

Angry
OP posts:
AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 11/01/2012 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fanjolamps · 11/01/2012 23:58

Hahahahaha. That is all.

HedleyLamarr · 11/01/2012 23:58

The cutted up pear thread is utterly inspired. Just sums up toddlers completely :o

empirestateofmind · 12/01/2012 00:01

Well I enjoyed the link to the cutting up pears thread- I'd not seen that one before.

Thanks SOH, I have started my day with a smile. Off to get ready for work now.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 12/01/2012 00:06

Pearl barley is a fab classic thread about...1001 uses of pearl barley. Is much funnier than this unauspicious description suggests.

dearprudence · 12/01/2012 00:10

I totally love amazegosh and I pledge to use it at least 3 times before the week is out.

hopkin · 12/01/2012 00:21

This is fucking shit.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 12/01/2012 00:28

where is the pearl barley thread?

I hearted the cutted up pear thread

FriggFRIGG · 12/01/2012 00:33

I fink I know who this is.

I'm going to bed now,night-night.

Oh,
4/10, must try harder. Grin

Doomfinger · 12/01/2012 00:52

I think it's fair to play to their level and not like you're playing an adult pro. My eldest likes to make sure everyone wins, celebrates in everyone's win. Even cheating so I win! I like to make sure everyone wins but I don't go out of my way, just play to their level.

Even as an adult it gets a bit boring when one person constantly wins (OH plays a game with his mates that they keep a tally for over the year and they take great delight in telling him he has -150 points, which whilst he doesn't care what he scores it is boring to hear) especially if they're not a good winner, which in my book is as bad as being a bad loser.

I had an uncle growing up who used to have tantrums if he didn't win games, he'd play aggresively against us in card games or board games because he had to win. I remember wrestling with him and my brother as a child and ending up bruised because even that he had to win!?!? I'm the eldest and this was all before I was about 13 so I'm not talking about playing against older children.

SmileItsSunny · 12/01/2012 03:28

Ooh I feel like a real MNer, I think I know who this is! Well done, I love Amaze Gosh, very 'Miranda'...

quirrelquarrel · 12/01/2012 07:19

YABVU, not nasty at all let alone "peculiarly". Why is five too young to learn? Especially if he's clever (why is that relevant?). It's mostly a game of chance- good lesson in how to deal with not getting what you want. And if it was a question of technique, your DS would watch and learn.

He cried for two hours because he lost a game? Are you sure you're not basing this (over the top IMO) on that? Telling him his grandfather was mean- well, that's the most U thing about the post. So, he won't crumple again.

In British schools it's always all about letting the kid win, letting the kid feel good about themself for doing very little. Very bad for the poor child.

fuzzpig · 12/01/2012 07:39

Your ILs sound lovely lol I'd love to have childcare help like that lol

I do sometimes let my DD win games but certainly not all the time, she is 4 and can understand that she doesn't need to win! Your FIL just didn't think of it, I'm sure he wasn't doing it to be mean.

lol :)

ginmakesitallok · 12/01/2012 07:41

I haven't read the whole thread - but our jobs as parents isn't to protect from the nasty things in life as long as possible - it's to help our children to build resilience so that they can deal with the nasty things in life. Learning that sometimes you lose is a very important lesson.

CrotchFlakes · 12/01/2012 08:13

You think parents should protect children from the nasty things in life? Is that why FIL is doing your hoovering?

aldiwhore · 12/01/2012 08:31

Wuth 'luck' games, its a leve playing field, everyone equal (the Wii is GREAT for this, you can't let someone win, the computer decides, there's few tears), if its a game like Chess then help is always at hand, I wouldn't make a particularly tricksy move to beat a child, but I would just let them win either.

My 8 year old now beats me at most games, he's had to think about tactics. My 4 yr old is improving massively.

We all enjoy playing together, we're not massively competitive, but who doesn't like to win? I admit that every so often I ask the family to go easy on my youngest on certain games, but not to let him win, just to let him enjoy.

MadBanners · 12/01/2012 08:34

so, you explained to your ds about people being mean, ie his Grandfather! The grandfather who comes round 3 times a week, and helps you do normal household stuff, that is so exhausting for you! How Lovely! So now your ds thinks his gramps is mean, when before they had a perfectly lovely relationship! Do not be surprised if next time, Ds does not want to play with Gramps as is he mean!

melika · 12/01/2012 08:40

Does the OP come from LA! (the way it is written) sorry its a wind up.

empirestateofmind · 12/01/2012 08:46

I think it is ShowofHands.

pranma · 12/01/2012 09:22

You are crackers letting a child win is just silly better to praise to high heaven the one game he did win.

PosieParker · 12/01/2012 09:23

Do people really talk like you in real life OP?

To be honest I was annoyed just reading your OP before I got to the losing and the response of a spoilt child. And seven times, really?

'lo' argh another netmums abomination...

Too many skin crawling things in one post to be believed.

stillfrazzled · 12/01/2012 09:34

Had to stop reading 'cutted up pear' on the train because all the laughing and snorting was getting me Looks.

Mittzchief · 12/01/2012 09:38

I think Miranda Harts friend has gorn and got her self upduffed and is a secret MNer... 'bear with Bear with... I am simply amazegoshing my friend BuntySphinxter about G and T little Tarquin's SuDoKu ahievermondos.....'

trulyscrumptious43 · 12/01/2012 09:42

Loving AmazeGosh. Am going to start using it in RL.
Thanks!

hackmum · 12/01/2012 09:49

The moral is...don't make jokes on the Internet.

Constantly amazed by how many people don't get what is clearly a spoof. I mean, just read the bloody thing.

I particularly enjoyed "So they tend to do things like washing and ironing and DFIL loves to throw the hoover around - they also bring a meal to help me out and pick DS up from school twice a week and play with him here."