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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give a girl boy's stuff?

117 replies

beatricequimby · 11/01/2012 20:38

I try to make expensive purchases, like winter coats, unisex (eg red anoraks) hoping they will do for all my children. Same with their bikes. I buy a red one and expect them all to use it turn. My girls do still have plenty of girls clothes and toys as well but this saves me money and I suppose I don't really like everything the girls own being pink or purple. But my dd (5) is objecting more and more to this (big fight over the red bike cos she wanted a Barbie one.) And none of my friends do it, their girls just have girls stuff. So AIBU?

OP posts:

spottyscarf · 12/01/2012 22:42

I do feel a bit sorry for your DD- if it is a present for her, why shouldn't she have the barbie bike, or a pink one, if she wants it? As someone else said, when she grows out of it, if you don't want your DS to have a pink bike you cn sell it and put the money towards a bike for DS.

I'm totally not one for gender stereotypes, I have DDs and they have cars etc as well as dolls, but I think all little girls tend to go through a pink phase and you just have to go with it, to an extent.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 12/01/2012 23:13

I'm glad you can see her point :) What are you going to do about it?

You said I have to say that I used to be be quite pleased that my ds liked pink stuff when he was 3. But now he is nearly 8 and would be totally teased if he had a pink bike so I would not expect him to use one

... so surely if your DD is being teased you wouldn't expect her to use a 'boys' one? It doesn't matter that we think the red one is gender neutral, clearly all the kids don't agree and she is getting teased about it. So you say that wouldn't be fair on DS you have to question yourself about why that is OK for DD really don't you.

The following type of thinking (sorry not picking on just this poster, others said similar things) ...

^I have just bought a lampshade for DD's room. The boys each have a lampshade with boats on it. I've bought the same one for DD - and avoided the frankly pathetic 'cupcake' / 'fairy' / 'flower princess' versions labelled 'FOR GIRLS' Why on earth should a girl not like boats? Yet the shop assistant was rather surprised/critical.

So why didn't you buy them all lampshades with flowers on them? Why is it the 'girl' that has to 'compromise'??

Destiny065 · 13/01/2012 01:57

quirellquarell- no i do agree with what your saying however my ds is still young and when she goes to school she gets called names if she doesnt have all the best of gear! And im not saying that kids should have the best of everything because that shouldnt be the way either, but i believe you should be reasonable with them in a way because my ds gets really upset because of the comments from other kids its not the same anymore at school its just a competition with the kids nowadays to see who has what and if they dont then they get mocked for it and get called poor trust me ive seen it. I defo dont think that they should have everything they want because then they will just expect it all the time but they should be able to have some girly things. a little girl is obv going to want pink things its just being a little girl

iscream · 13/01/2012 03:38

I agree with everything you are saying OP. However, if the bike means so much to her, I'd splurge and but the bleeping Barbie bike. But I would make it clear I was not making a habit of buying Barbie things, and make her promise to not ever ask for anything Barbie that wasn't for the doll.
Check your in-box...just sent you something that may be useful.

marblerye · 13/01/2012 10:56

It is quite depressing as the mother of a girly girl to have everything they like described as pathetic or rubbish or tat. It seems unfair that a boy can be influenced by peers and marketing into choosing a thomas the tank engine t-shirt or a bob the builder scooter and nobody bats an eyelid but when a girl is subjected to the same pressure and chooses a hello kitty t-shirt or a barbie scooter then it is sneered at. DD is very stereotypically girly, i am not, it doesn't mean I am better than her, more empathetic, cleverer, more original. It just means she gets pleasure out of things that are alien to me and vice versa. Yes she is influenced by society and by marketing but so am I and so are her brothers and it is just mean to force her into having stuff she doesn't want to make a spurious point about how things that she likes are shit and things that are stereotypically male are valued.

(this rant isn't really about things where there is a clear cost issue, more about the general ridiculing of stereotypical girls stuff)

GrimmaTheNome · 13/01/2012 11:58

Some stuff marketed for girls isn't tat - there's nothing wrong with a sparkly pink bike, scooter or skates so long as they go. There's nothing wrong with a lot of the craft stuff (except that in this case boys who won't accept pink glitter lose out). Trouble is a lot of 'girly' products are pathetic versus the non-girly - case in point see the lego friends thread.

stealthsquiggle · 13/01/2012 12:02

marblerye I hear what you are saying, and I do occasionally test whether my resistance to pink plastic tat is based purely/largely on it's pinkness, but actually I think I am fairly OK on that, because I had a DS first, and refused to buy him plastic branded tat as well - or, at least, had the same approach - for example, DS had BobtheBuilder/Lego/brandofthemoment branded pants and PJ's but not "outerwear" - DD has the same, but with Disney Princesses / Hello Kitty, and I generally refuse to pay more for something purely because it has some brand on it - for example, I didn't want DD to have a Barbie scooter because it was a rubbish scooter compared to the non-Barbie (but still pink) one for the same price.

I am not a complete fascist, though - if other people choose to waste their money on branded tat for either DC, I will not object . I don't want her to have Barbie dolls, either, because I hate them, but I expect I will lose that one in due course and TBH she isn't really asking for them yet.

4madboys · 13/01/2012 12:10

i didnt buy branded stuff for my boys either, other than pjs, underwear, i just dotn like it full stop and a lot of branded products like the scooters and bikes are crap, not just barbie but the thomas tank, spidermen ones etc, i woulndt buy those either i would buy a good quality childrens bike, kona, marin, dawes, scott etc just the same as i wont buy a bike from halfords as they arent very good quality, its not just about it being barbie/bob the builder its the quality of the product you are buying, i think that unfortunately lots of 'branded' products are an inferior quality.

GrimmaTheNome · 13/01/2012 12:16

Its the functionality that matters. I've not been able to find any wristguards for rollerskating which are as good (and fit DD properly) as the ones she's had since she was 3. Which are pale pink Barbie, as it happens. Now, DD absolutely despises pale pink and barbie, but she wears them because they work. She's going to take them on her school ski trip because - having hurt her wrist in the past - she knows they could make the difference to being able to ski or not. If her friends take the piss, well, that's fine, she knows they work even though they look like crap. And her ski suit is a navy one probably intended for boys

StandingAlone · 13/01/2012 12:17

YANBU at all and very sensible. I had two girls but still buy unisex for the big purchases so that I can pass the items on once the DD's have used them.

My lovely friend sent me all of her boy's bits when DD1 was born (clothes, toys, coats etc) and I still used them.

I am sick of the sight of pink, DD1 is a out and out girly girl, the pink ensembles she puts together hurt my eyes
DD2 I think is going to be more tomboy'ish and loves picking out boys and more masculine clothes and toys. My aunt wanted to get the girls presents for Xmas and DD2 asked for a tool set while DD1 asked for a princess dress.

redridingwolf · 16/01/2012 11:43

Quote from above :-

The following type of thinking (sorry not picking on just this poster, others said similar things) ...
^I have just bought a lampshade for DD's room. The boys each have a lampshade with boats on it. I've bought the same one for DD - and avoided the frankly pathetic 'cupcake' / 'fairy' / 'flower princess' versions labelled 'FOR GIRLS' Why on earth should a girl not like boats? Yet the shop assistant was rather surprised/critical.

So why didn't you buy them all lampshades with flowers on them? Why is it the 'girl' that has to 'compromise'??

ANSWER
ChippingIn - thanks for your comment, and I don't feel picked on, quite glad you asked actually, because it's an important point.

The reason I got boats for all of them is that I think boats are more interesting than flowers or cakes. The main objection I have to the ultra-girly stuff is that I think the themes and colours are boring. Obviously that's just my view.

As a matter of fact, DS2 has a flowery pillowcase (because he likes it) and also has all the pink cuddly toys that people gave us for DD lined up in his cot (she is too young to be interested in toys yet). And DS1 is about to start ballet lessons because he asked if he could.

So I am absolutely not against boys having/doing traditionally 'girly' things, and would be equally cross at anyone stereotyping them. I think part of the problem with the idea that boys and girls must have only specifically 'boy' or 'girl' things is that it limits their own thinking before they are old enough to develop genuine preferences.

When DD is old enough to have a preference (she is 7 months) then I will let her choose, as I let the boys choose now. But I will try to make sure that she doesn't feel railroaded into only choosing from a limited selection labelled PINK and FLUFFY for GIRLS (just as I don't force the boys to choose from KHAKI TOUGH STUFF for BOYS).

And I do expect them to share a lot of stuff, which will be a mixture of colours. (pink will be one of them)

vimonoff · 16/01/2012 11:48

god just get her a barbie bike

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 19/01/2012 00:08

RedRiding :) Your 'reply' to my post comes across quite differently to your origninal post :) It sounds like all three of your children will have lots of options. However, there are other people on here saying a similar thing to your original post and it's quite clear that only 'boy' colours/things can be unisex but 'girl' colours/things can't - which really doesn't seem right to me.

tigerlillyd02 · 19/01/2012 00:19

My DS is only 2 so he has dolls etc at the moment. I doubt he'll be wanting these in a few years time. I have no problem with it. I do only buy boys clothes for him though and as well as the dolls and a puschair etc, he does have lots of 'boys' toys too.

If I had a girl, I very much doubt I'd put her in boys clothes as, to me, part of the joy of a girl will be shopping for lots of pink. Just as I shopped for lots of blue with DS. But, in terms of toys, If she liked tool benches etc, then that wouldn't be a problem. If she wanted a pink bike, I doubt I'd say "tough you'll have to have DS's".

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with it though. Just personally, I like to buy the boy/girl stuff, if that makes sense?

redridingwolf · 19/01/2012 15:43

Chipping - you do have a point. I think I feel that a lot of 'girl' stuff around at the moment is a kind of synthetic, manufactured femininity that is a bit forced. All the extreme pink sparkliness. It doesn't feel like true 'girl' stff to me but something that retailers are pushing on girls. So I don't really want that for dd or for my ds's.

The kind of girl stuff I remember from my childhood wasn't l

redridingwolf · 19/01/2012 15:47

DAmn iPhone. - wasn't lLike this. I would be haPpy for any of my 3 to have dolls, flowery things, etc but not this horrible sugary fake tat. But no doubt I will be beaten into submission over the years as with most other stuff!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 19/01/2012 18:25

It depends on your DD I suppose, she might be a 'sparkly pink stuff' girl or a dirty knees girl - or if you are very lucky 'a bit of both' girl :)

I think you can avoid a lot of the 'sparkly pink stuff', if you are doing the buying, until they're old enough to notice, but once they do notice - they know what they want and most of the time - that's the same things as their friends!

Pink is a colour many people are drawn to - most small children like it, we just tend to steer boys away from it and girls towards it.

We only have ourselves to blame for the manufacturers making more in pink or blue and less in neutral colours - what doesn't sell, stops being made.

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