Is it unreasonable to expect parents to NOT take pictures at soft play when it is well posted that the centre forbids it?

[CurlyBoy]

I took my 2 yo boy to soft play today. One reason I like this one is that it has a policy of no photographs (the other is that they have proper coffee). This policy is well signed and is on the "rules" sheet that everyone should read and sign that they have done so. Our little guy is adopted and I can't risk any pics of him posted online. We really don't want the birth family to be nosing around. For all I know the photographer could be friends with the sister of birth dad or something.

Today I saw two different families photoing their kid. The first time I didn't say anything because my boy wasn't in the area but the second time he was. I asked a staffer if I was right about their policy (I was) and then asked her to make an announcement over the PA system to remind everyone.

If people can't follow the rules of an establishment then they shouldn't go. The policy is there for a reason!

I can see why you are concerned. But if they parents are just taking photos of their own children, rather than the venue in general surely it can't be a risk?

I do agree that it's frustrating when people don't follow the rules when they matter to you but I guess we all do it sometimes a little bit - the ones we personally don't think matter. Sneaking a little over the speed limit, using a phone while stopped at traffic, parking for a moment on a double yellow line. Perhaps if the public in general clearly understood the reason for the photo rules ( I didn't entirely i must admit) they might be more likely to follow them.

Even if they do put the photo onto somewhere like FB and your child is in the background - what are the chances of someone stumbling over that photo and recognising the child?

I understand your concerns but it is important for me to capture these moments of my young son enjoying himself so that his family overseas get to experience it.
I don't use social networking sites or post photos on line.
But I am not going to stop photographing my boy in his early years just because a very tiny handful of people might object.
None of the play places we go to has this policy thankfully.
If they did, we wouldn't go.

Exactly don't use a facility if you don't agree with the rules - but why do people think they can just disregard any rules they think are ''silly''??

I used to work for BT in data protection and remember 2 cases where details were given out in very 'innocent' circumstances and 1 person was killed and another very badly hurt.

I'm with you Curlyboy and I don't see why you're getting such a pasting. Regardless of whether others think the risk is real, you choose to go somewhere becuase of that policy becuase you have decided (after knowing all the facts which we don't) that there is a risk. As you say, you didn't make the rule but I think you are perfectly entitled to raise it if you think the rule is being ignored and putting your child at risk.

I also agree that it comes down to consideration of others, you don't know the circumstances of the other people in a soft play centre so if there is a rule for no photogarphs then you should abide by it.

While I do understand the OP's concern, I also feel the whole issue is now a total over reaction i.e. no photos in public places. The objection to me taking a photo of my DD in a public place like a soft play area stems from the assumption that I will put that photo online for all to see. I don't put photos of my DD online, so the 'risk' as it is perceived is not actually there. The OP may not know me, and expect consideration with regard to 'rules' but the assumption is that the photograph will end up in full public view on the internet assuming that everyone except the OP is putting photos online with no security in place to prevent the photo being made public to all and sundry. Yes, there are people who do this, but I'm not one of them. If I was challenged by the OP, I would advise him that I'd make sure their LO was not in my photo, and that my photo would not appear in any social network website - would that be enough? Or is the OP entitled to 'demand' more consideration than that?

I think the whole issue has gotten out of hand. I completely get that there are many vulnerable children out there for many various reasons, but I do not personally put them at risk, nor do I put my own DD at risk by putting photos online. I do wish to keep a photographic record of milestones and special moments, and so far I have been denied the right to do that many times because of the overbearing 'rules' that are in place with little or no understanding of the actual legal bounderies that surround this matter.

even if, by the remotest of possibilities these random stangers post a pic on FB, AND by chance your DS is in the background and if he is recognisable, and if birth family happen to see it, how would that help them know where you live?

Because face recognition technology is becoming more freely available and accurate - there will probably be open source one available soon . Once a picture is on the internet it is searchable - so 'random' pictures are no longer so random. Would you really want some nutter to even know the local of where your child lives if they were the target ?

No wonder people are 'surprised' with what they find on their kids computers and when their identities are stolen etc.

The technical naivety of some of you is surprising and the lack of sympathy for someone trying their best to protect their child is for me upsetting. He has been told by SS not to have the child's picture on the net for good reason but your need to have picture of your child in some balls overrides his child's safety?

My local soft play centre has a no photos rule. So I don't take photos!(Well I did once, but there were literally NO other children in that section)
I moan about it though, because I love photos of my children, and am a keen scrapbooker. However, I figured the rule was there for a reason (despite knowing people who have adopted, it never occured what that reason was) and therefore abide by it.

And also it probably not some random stranger from 100 miles away taking the photos and posting them - I dont know everyone by name in our village but I know what school/nursery most of the kids go to, so if someone facebooked me about a photo I could give some major clues.

It's not a "random" chance! Someone who uses the same soft play centre could post that pic on FB and be friends with the cousin of the birth mother who then reposts it to her thread and them birth mum sees it (for example). The place is heavily branded with the centre's logo so is easy to identify.

Thank you Overcooked and good point raspberryroop.

YABU
If every social situation is ruled by THE most extreme of circumstances it just becomes a souless, paralysed place.
It is such a random chance that your son will be tracked down because of being in the background of a photo on someone elses facebook page {hmm}
I love the piccie of my 1 yr old in the ball pit from soft play which I took on my phone.....really? No one can EVER have a piccie of their child in case your's is inadvertently caught up? Random.

Face recognition technology? best we all stay in then!

YANBU about other people not obeying the ban on photography. They should take their child elsewhere.

I don't agree with blanket bans on photography at all and believe they are often over zealous but I would never be arrogant enough to ignore a restriction like that when it is on private property.

It is because of the soft play centre being so heavily branded that photographs are an issue. Same reason with school, the school uniform is branding. This is not a paedo on every corner issue this is simply not wanting to publicise information (ie the branding) which shows where a child goes regularly. Following the degrees of separation theory it is easy to see how a careless photograph could locate a child.

Those of us who don?t have to think about such problems should be heartily grateful and do our bit to help those who do have this to worry about.

Those of you who deliberately flout a rule which bans photographs in a particular area are being incredibly selfish. The rule exists, follow it. If you don?t like it then take your child elsewhere. The OP chose this location because photography wasn?t allowed. Now his enjoyment is being spoiled by a few arrogant and self-centred individuals who cant or wont follow a simple rule. It isn?t like you are being told you cant ever take photographs just not in one particular location.

The point is that these people that were taking photos of their own child in this heavily branded place didn't take any pictures of OP's chills, nor did they try to.

Curly, you are saying that it shouldn't matter about whether people think the rule is silly or not, they should still follow it. But the two things are linked. People won't follow rules if they think they are silly, that's just the way it is. And when a person is only taking pictures of their own child, it poses no risk at all to yours.

Yabu to get so het up about this, I'm sure if you had just politely said to the person with the camera that you would prefer it if they kept your child well away from any pictures, they would have obliged. They would probably have also been embarrased into putting their camera away because it may have occurred to them that you had a good reason, and they would learn for the next time. As it is, they will probably just try harder not to get caught next time.

Just as they should respect your right to protect your child, you should respect their harmless wish to take pictures of their own child. A little cooperation on both side would have gone a long way.

understand your worries to some extent but think not so much yabu but the rules about photos these days are completely unreasonable. Woudl have thought that the cousin or whatever actually seeing your son in the play place if itstheir area would be far far greater than them seeing a random photo on internet. I'd think your worries are misplaced tbh

yanbu to want people not to break rules.
but it is a daft rule,parents love taking photo's of their children.
you yourself say you have heaps of photo's of your child, so why should other parents be stopped?
slowly this rule is appearing everywhere. it is often used by school and such to make money out of parents.
another thing, my on is keen on photography, he goes about taking photo's of interesting things/buildings, scenery. now he has no interest in taking photos of children but how can you be sure that a person like him won't accidentally have your child in the photo, they then put it on fb, with your child there in the background, how do you stop that? do you ban all photo's (genuine question)

CurlyBoy has said the reason they choose to go to the soft play is because of the rule. I would suggest that those who don't like the rule go elsewhere if they urgently need to record every second of their lo's childhood. To be honest I wouldn't find this rule as annoying as not being able to take pics of the school play because in that case you have no choice - your child goes to that school and it effectively means you can't have any record of the nativity play or whatever (an event which I would argue is a one-off rather than just another day iyswim). I can't imagine what it must be like to have to go through life worrying that your child might be recognised and tracked down so my heart goes out to you CurlyBoy and anyone else in your situation.

Ok so I'm guessing the child was adopted against the parents will so you think they'd like their child back?

As if they have chosen adoption for a 'better life' for their child I can't really see why it would matter if they did randomly stumble across a picture of him.

Tbh, I take pictures on soft play. Of my children. I have no interest in other people's children. You are more likely to bump into the mothering the street than it is she will recognise him from a grainy photo on Facebook.

Mother on the street

''It's not 'arrogant' to take photos exclusively of your own child'' - No but it is arrogant to think the rules don't apply to you !