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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to expect parents to NOT take pictures at soft play when it is well posted that the centre forbids it?

188 replies

CurlyBoy · 10/01/2012 20:45

I took my 2 yo boy to soft play today. One reason I like this one is that it has a policy of no photographs (the other is that they have proper coffee). This policy is well signed and is on the "rules" sheet that everyone should read and sign that they have done so. Our little guy is adopted and I can't risk any pics of him posted online. We really don't want the birth family to be nosing around. For all I know the photographer could be friends with the sister of birth dad or something.

Today I saw two different families photoing their kid. The first time I didn't say anything because my boy wasn't in the area but the second time he was. I asked a staffer if I was right about their policy (I was) and then asked her to make an announcement over the PA system to remind everyone.

If people can't follow the rules of an establishment then they shouldn't go. The policy is there for a reason!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 10/01/2012 20:46

If that is the rules then they should follow them or go elsewhere

Whatmeworry · 10/01/2012 20:46

When the law is an ass, people ignore it.

Molehillmountain · 10/01/2012 20:47

Yanbu. And I think staff should police their rules a bit better including the age related sections. No one likes to remind other children and parents

Millicano · 10/01/2012 20:49

idiotic rule IMO.. Presuming ev ery adult in the room is a paedo or another sinister motiver for being there.

Sirzy · 10/01/2012 20:49

Millicano? I assume you haven't read the OP?

NatashaBee · 10/01/2012 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

levantine · 10/01/2012 20:52

Yanbu. There are two soft plays near us, one is really strictly run, which is good. The other is a bloody bun fight.

It IS possible to run them properly. I'm glad you said something

mistressploppy · 10/01/2012 20:52

I'm glad you posted this because I've always been a bit Hmm about 'no photography' rules (but wouldn't break them, too law-abiding Grin)

I'd never have thought about a situation such as yours. I've learnt something. This is why Mumsnet is fab.

YANBU.

Original poster
CurlyBoy · 10/01/2012 20:53

Yes they did Natasha.

Sirzy is right Millicano, did you actually read the OP?

OP posts:
Pippinintherain · 10/01/2012 20:54

I met a friend from out of town at a soft play recentley. It was lovely to see the kids playing together yet we weren't allowed to take photos because of that stupid rule.
Seriously, what are the chances of a friend of his birth mum seeing a pic online of him? Do you worry about someone recognising him in the street?

Original poster
CurlyBoy · 10/01/2012 20:54

Thanks mistressploppy!

OP posts:
frumpet · 10/01/2012 20:54

I think this is a difficult one , on the one hand yanbu for not wanting your child photographed if you believe there is a risk to the child from their birth family or even if you simply sont want any hassle from them . On the other hand it seems a shame that the majority of parents cannot take photographs of their children to protect the minority. Personally i would of removed my child from the area or politely asked the parents to ensure my child wasnt in the photo is they are going to share them on the internet .

yellowraincoat · 10/01/2012 20:55

I dunno. I can see your point, but how likely is it the birth parents would randomly come across a photo? How are you going to prevent him ever being in any photos?

It does annoy me when people don't follow rules though. I was in agony in a dental hospital yesterday and this woman was talking on her phone even though there were loads of signs saying (and it's just common courtesy) not to. I wanted to lamp her.

janelikesjam · 10/01/2012 20:56

YANBU. I hate people keep taking photos of me/around me all the time when I'm just having fun, with son or not. I don't want me in the picture, I don't want him in the picture, end of. Why didn't you get her camera and just smash it into the ground (just kiddin). But people are just SO unconfrontational sometimes its ends up people doing what they want without respecting other people. That said, did they know the policy?

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 20:56

If that's the rules then they should follow them

The chances of your child's adoptive parents stumbling across an image of him amongst the other billions of images on the internet, are similar to finding a particular lost grain of sand in a desert.

Original poster
CurlyBoy · 10/01/2012 20:57

Pippinintherain - Actually we do a bit. We try to avoid areas where we know the birth family live. As for "what are the chances?", I have no idea. With a birth dad that is extremely violent that is one chance I am unwilling to take.

OP posts:
janelikesjam · 10/01/2012 20:57

getting angry now. 3 glasses of wine. (stressful day). why don't people confront people more, sometimes nicely (its not clear) sometimes shittily - they know its against the rules.

i went to the cinema yesterday, OK I'm ranting now. Within 10 minutes some idiots were giggling at a really sad moment. I told them to shut up. yay!

Pippinintherain · 10/01/2012 20:59

Then surely you could just politely ask them to make sure he's not in the photo?
I think it's harsh that we can't picture our kids having fun because of the minority.

At our playgroup Christmas party we were told by one dad we couldn't take photos because he fostered the child. He however was snap happy and didn't care if our kids got in his shot.

mistressploppy · 10/01/2012 20:59

It's not really a great hardship to not be able to take photos at one specific venue though, is it, really?

ecclesvet · 10/01/2012 21:00

Curlyboy if you are worried that someone might recognise him, then why would you take him out in public at all? That's a far greater risk, surely?

pigletmania · 10/01/2012 21:01

Whilst I sympathise with your situation op, I agree with worra, that the chances of your ds birth family finding images of your child are very slim. It is sad that people cannot take pictures of their own children's milstones or childhood to keep for later, very sad. This never happened in the past, what have we come to now. Our softplay is not like that, thank goodness you are allowed to take loads of pictures, I always though make sure that its just of dd and not of anybody elses child, but cannot be responsible if they accidently come into my shot.

ecclesvet · 10/01/2012 21:02

Ah, x-posted.

KarenJones · 10/01/2012 21:02

I always assumed "no photography" rules were linked with paedophile hysteria and thought them ridiculously alarmist and overbearing. Then I read the op and realised that there are actually good reasons behind it. Situations like yours honestly never occurred to me op, I have been educated.

So YANBU Grin

Original poster
CurlyBoy · 10/01/2012 21:02

frumpet - I have no idea why this place has this rule, I'm sure it's not just for me. It is one of the reasons why I choose it. The issue is rule following and not whether the rule is good or bad.

janelikesjam - It is very well posted what the policy is.

The chances of a pic of him being seen by someone who knows him is not as unrealistic as you think. Still, it's a chance I can't take. I have been in the park with parents taking pictures and I have moved my boy and asked to make sure he wasn't in any they already shot.

OP posts:
janelikesjam · 10/01/2012 21:04

Why not take a picture of yourself and your family, why involve others without their permission, nothing to do with paedophilia, its just kinda rude.