Is it unreasonable to expect parents to NOT take pictures at soft play when it is well posted that the centre forbids it?

[CurlyBoy]

I took my 2 yo boy to soft play today. One reason I like this one is that it has a policy of no photographs (the other is that they have proper coffee). This policy is well signed and is on the "rules" sheet that everyone should read and sign that they have done so. Our little guy is adopted and I can't risk any pics of him posted online. We really don't want the birth family to be nosing around. For all I know the photographer could be friends with the sister of birth dad or something.

Today I saw two different families photoing their kid. The first time I didn't say anything because my boy wasn't in the area but the second time he was. I asked a staffer if I was right about their policy (I was) and then asked her to make an announcement over the PA system to remind everyone.

If people can't follow the rules of an establishment then they shouldn't go. The policy is there for a reason!

I do understand why you would not want photos taken of or near your son due to your circumstances and yes if the rules are no photos then yes people should take note of said rules.

If I take a photo of my child in a public place then to be honest the last thing I want is another child being in the picture so I always make sure its only my child in the picture as I am really not interested in other children so don't want them appearing in my pictures.

So I think YANBU

The key thing is there are no pictures of the boy, that's all that really matters.

well its a stupid rule and i have never been to soft play area with that rule, if you dont want your son in pics and you see someone taking them then move your son or ask them to make sure he isnt in the phots.

fair enough you complained as someone was breaking the rule but i can see why they were! i wasn sorting through our stored photos on the pc the other day and there are some lovely ones of my boys at a soft play area, i would be pissed if i couldnt take pics of MY kids when out and about playing.

i can understand the rule they they have at nurseries, schools etc, but they normally give you the option of signing to say yes for pictures which is perfectly reasonable, you can choose to say no and i would say yes, but just banning photography in a public place is daft imo.

Stupid rule not surprised people ignore it

why are you so worried about a picture , but no information, whihc over time could lead the birth family to you/him?

You have described yourself. You have an american accent, you have a blue door, curly hair, married to a yorkshire lass, adopted in march last year, go to soft play, are a joiner (made redundant) etc etc

Think about it, in just a coupleof minutes I have a fair picture of who you are. It is possible for you to be found, by posting the above in facebook. Does anyone know this family blah blah

Am try9ng to spell it out to you, that you are not helping yourself, but getting hysterical over a picture when you are prepared to give out such alot of info.

now, just get this thread deleted. please

YANBU, at all. hope it was all ok in the end.

Curlyboy we are concerned more about our older two being photographed then the youngest as they were both older then 6 and had very definite features and are recognisable from pictures of when they came to us by looking at them now, the youngest was about the age of your son and he has changed so much in 2 yrs, The bigger concern if I were in your shoes is would the BM recognise you or your wife from a picture?

Rules will always be ignored if they are silly. I can't see why someone, you don't know,taking a picture of their own DC is going to be any danger. People with cameras are obvious-move the DC.

As a parent I choose which rules to follow and which to ignore, but try to do that with respect to those around me.

curlyboy if you're in the same locality as the birth parents, I understand the concern and worry, but whilst taking photos of every child in a softplay would (in my opinion) be disrespectful and slightly weird, I also think that panicking at the sight of a camera 'just in case' is also weird.

My sister is in the adoption process, this may one day be an issue for her, I would still possibly take a photo of my nephew on a day out. The beautiful, righteous, innocent act far outweighs the the risk of the bad. Your child will pick up on this and wonder why mummy always goes funny when a camera appears, you should probably explain your reasons, if you cannot manage them. Not a dig. A very difficulty situation for you, but that doesn't make the world unreasonable.

What slanket said. I hope there is no Facebook page!

As an aside for those who are querying finding pictures amongst billions, it really isn't that far fetched when already there are already search engines that search faces (although fairly poor at the moment). Facial recognition technology is in its infancy, but it can already quickly tag thousands of photos on my hard drive and has learned to recognise everyone in my immediate family, tag the photo and make it quickly retrievable.

Google has a patent on facial recognition with social network aiding (source). It really isn't unrealistic to assume that we're only a few years away from this being a really big problem.

Have you not adopted the boy in order to give him a better life though? Hiding, dodging and living under the radar are not healthy for any of you. Complete nutter's are complete nutter's and there is nothing you can do long term but get them locked up really if they are that dangerous. Better to live a life and face up to the bully then let them win by ruining yours and the people that just want a birthday photo or two.

canyou - BM has never met us.

Slanket Still, there is nothing on there that could help the birth family find me, even if they thought I had their kid. It'd be a guess at best, where a photo is very obvious. My Facebook profile is set to ultra private so finding that would be no help. I believe I have this risk managed. Thanks for your concern.

aldiwhore - We take loads of pictures as do some friends and relatives. They all know the score and don't post them.

nothingoldcanstay - We are not hiding or living under the radar. We choose some areas to stay away from and where we go to play. He DOES have a much better life. Frankly, if you knew the birth dad's history you wouldn't be so flip saying we should "face up to the bully"!

WHY are you so paranoid about this? I cant beleive that one of the reasons you go is because photos are banned

overparanoid

OH.....I see why

Unlesss the picture was taken next to a sign saying where you live what exactly do you think is going to happen?

If they were that bothered about finding him they would probably hire a pi anyway because quite frankly it is alot easier to get someone to track you down then try to work out which softplay in the country your child is playing in from a photo.

I agree with the majority of posters that it is a stupid rule, my childminder frequently takes pictures of my DS in soft play areas and at baby groups to go in his scrapbook, and she will sometimes text me some, they only have my DS in them and they are precious to me, I can see that he is happy and having a good time and interacting.
Also, because I work I take him out and about and I am always taking photos (of only him) because he changes so much all the time I like having these things to look back on.
If for whatever reason (and I can understand your reason to a point), you are uncomfortable with this then move your son out of the picture.

People should be careful to only take picture of their own child, rule or no rule.

Its sad that you can't have a picture of your child at one of their favourite places when they are small because of a tiny minority. Especially when most soft play places do birthday parties, who doesn't take picture of their children at their own parties? For that reason, it's understandable that people break this rule. Same as plenty of people break rules about taking your own sweets into the cinema. It's a rule that you can't, but that doesn't make it a good rule that people will feel it is unacceptable to break.

If they are going to have a rule, which i can understand that they might want to for the sake of families like yours, it should be that you can only take pictures of your own child. It might be harder to police, but you should be watching your own child carefully if you need them to not be photographed to make sure that no one does point a camera at them. You shouldn't expect to be able to spoil something for other families that can be done harmlessly.

YABU
A random photo on the internet is very unlikely to be seen by birth mum, she probably wouldn't recognise him anyway, and if she did, how would it help her trace him if you didn't know the person taking it? The picture won't have your name and address attached to it?
The rule only exists for a very tiny minority of paranoid people.
People like you are ruining the pleasure that the majority of parents get from taking photos for their own memories, for some theoretical risk.
If you don't want photo's taken of him, ever, then stay indoors and spoil your own fun, not everyone elses.

The rule is the rule and they should have obeyed that.

Having said that, one of the great joys in life is going through old family photos either in albums on on the computer. However, the anti-paedo and terrorist hysteria now means that the simple act of taking a family snap makes you and instant suspect. Total bollocks.

I love taking pictures and have a couple of good cameras. The aggression I got led me to write to the met police asking for their policy. I now carry their reply letter in my camera bag saying that I don't need anyone's permission to photograph in the street. Same goes with respect to my kids and grandkids.

YABU. If I want to take a picture of my child then I will.

End of.

If you have an issue with photos being taken then don't take your DC out.

There are several signs in the soft play centre with it's name on it. So it's easily Googled. All they'd have to do is stake out the place. It's NOT paranoid. Our social workers detailed several cases of something similar to this happening.

I am NOT spoiling anyone's fun FFS! The place has the rule, weather you think it's valid or not. I'm just expecting people to abide by the rules the venue sets. There are plenty of soft play places that don't have the rule. If you want to photo your kids go there and don't spoil MY fun!

As for birthday parties they only do them after normal hours so there are no other kids there.

ILoveGreggsSausageRolls Then you'd be banned from this soft play per their policy. I will NOT live in a box my whole life just because I had to adopt rather than have a child naturally.

YANBU. If I need to have photos of DS I'll go to a soft play that permits them. Many places, like the school where we took DS for swimming lessons said they would permit photos if all the parents were in agreement. They could do this in the case of a birthday party at soft play couldn't they?

And I often refer to my son as 'the boy' as well. Indeed DH and I call him that in RL too. What of it smug?