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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to be dreading DH going on this work trip? :(

126 replies

MistyMountainHop · 10/01/2012 15:38

cant even be bothered to N/C. DH has got to go away for 2 nights soon (he'll have to stay over as its 200 miles away) for a "management conference"

for "conference" read: compulsory jolly piss up Hmm

his company is mostly male orientated especially the management and from what i have seen pretty anti-women. so basically its a big group of men all together drinking and acting like macho twats

when he went last year it was awful. i ended up at the hospital the first night he was away, as one of the dc came down with such a bad vomiting bug i just did not know what to do. i was on my own with a 4 yo and a very poorly 1 yo. was trying to ring him for about 2 hrs and he wasn't answering. i was frantic and ended up having to ring the hotel direct to ask someone to go and find him. when he finally came on the phone he was clearly hammered, i was furious with him and he couldn't see why.

i am pretty sure the reason he didn't pick up his phone is because he didnt want "all the guys" to rib him for answering his phone to his wife. he claims his phone was playing up and that was why he wasnt answering Hmm

and then, to add insult to injury, later that night / early hours of the morning as was so drunk he fell out of bed and cut his head so badly he had to be blue lighted to a&e. i have done some nurse training and i know he could well have died if one of his work mates hadnt found him unconscious and bleeding. i mean ffs this is a grown man who normally is the model father and husband. .

it was a week before we got married and i was so angry i honestly nearly called off the wedding :(

aibu to be dreading this one after last year. he knows i am worried and even said me him and the DC could book a hotel in the town where the conference is so he can sleep there with us, but i don't want to look like a control freak who won't even "let" her husband go away on his own for a night or 2.

sorry this is long.

OP posts:
t0lk13n · 15/01/2012 18:51

Oh Lord...wish my husband would go away for two nights! He works nights but always comes home!

MistyMountainHop · 16/01/2012 09:27

lol tolkien :o

OP posts:
naturalbaby · 16/01/2012 09:39

YANBU given his history.

the last time my dh went away for work i was nearly on medication for anxiety and my dh doesn't have a history of bad behaviour!

kateecass · 16/01/2012 09:57

I really shouldn't have read this thread! My DH is off to the US for 7 days in March for work. He's only been away one or two nights before. Think I'll ask my Mum to come and stay for a bit now!! If the kids end up being ill and going to A&E this will be the time!!

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 16/01/2012 10:12

I go away with work on conferences 2-3 times a year, for 4 nights each time. Yes they are a piss-up, but guess what? They are WORK. The daytime aspect of conferences are usually pretty hard work; letting of steam in the evening is par for the course.
Your DH is doing something very right to get such a big promotion and I suggest that you let him get on with it.
You're coming across as extremely domineering and needy.

AnyFucker · 16/01/2012 10:20

I am glad you are feeling better today

but you do know yabu, don't you ?

please do not even consider going to stay nearby

frumpet · 16/01/2012 10:22

My DH goes away with work , he usually gives me a call from his room at some point . However if i needed to take the children to hospital i wouldnt ring him , unless they were critically ill , if it was just broken bones , concussion , needed to be admitted for re-hydration etc i wouldnt ring him because i am the parent in charge and i am capable of dealing with it , if i dont feel capable then i shouldnt be left in charge .

QuacksForDoughnuts · 16/01/2012 10:50

YANBU at all to be dreading it, but you would BU if you stopped him going/camped out next door. I have similar anxiety regarding OH working away - lucky to have a chance to get it out of my system before having kids I guess - and we've had to negotiate a lot over the years about acceptable levels of contact. Sometimes it's down to good morning and goodnight texts, just so we each know the other is ok. If one of us is away for more than a couple of days and has downtime/a train journey we sometimes have a phone call, but not in the situation like you describe. My suggestion is that you fill any spare time with activities you and the children enjoy but their dad doesn't...

Yesmynameis · 16/01/2012 10:53

Frumpet I would want to get hold of my DH if I was taking DD to hospital. And I would expect him to get hold of me if the situation was reversed too.

I'd be livid if I was away in the UK and DH had taken DD to hospital and not let me know...

I'm not saying you are wrong, but don't want the OP to feel like she's totally mad for having wanted to get hold of her DH when en route to hospital with the DC. I think that's a pretty normal reaction imo

EnjoyResponsibly · 16/01/2012 11:06

OP you know you're being an old worry nuts so I won't talk to that.

My DH works away a lot, usually in places where time zones make it hard to stay in touch.

It's natural to be a bit worried if you don't hear, but I'd advise you now to arrange loads and loads of activities for the days he's away. Take the kids out for tea, get your mates round in the evening. See it as an opportunity for fun, rather than a 48 hour worry-up.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/01/2012 11:20

OP remember that last year you did manage to contact him. OK it was a faff and he should have answered his phone but you did get in touch.

I think it is unlikely there will be a repeat this year of two trips to A&E.

For what its worth my offsite last year was in another European country so I would have had to fly home if DH had rung me saying there was a problem with the kids. Yes, I would have expected him to contact me but there's not a lot I could have done about it.

It sounds like you did cope even though you found it stressful.

loopylou6 · 16/01/2012 11:21

Wow some of you have been mean.

its not weak or pathetic to arrange to call each other. my DH and I have two set times to call eachother in the day and he only works 8 till 5 30 but shock horror we miss eachother and like to have a quick 5 minute gab a couple of times a day.

Op from the sounds of things, I don't think your DH will be repeating his previous behaviour, his offer to stay with you in a hotel sounds like he learned his lesson. You'll be fine :)

zimm · 16/01/2012 11:27

OP YANBU ignore the usual Stepfords. Especially Frumpet you sounds like a martyr whose DH must be a bit useless if she wouldn't phone him in the vent of a DC being admitted to freakin' hospital!!! YWBU to go and stay near him or stop him going but are not unreasonable to dread it - but MN is not teh best place to post this type of query as the stiff upper lip will be out in force whilst minding their 7 DCs, keeping their 5 bed houses clean and solving cold fusion all whilst their DH is off on some exhausting conference bless his tiny little high powered socks .

AnyFucker · 16/01/2012 12:10

Gosh zimm you sound a bit upset Hmm

frumpet · 16/01/2012 13:15

Zimm , i would ring him once the situation was sorted , but he tends to be 200 plus miles away ,so its just pointless to ring someone so they can sit so far away worrying and not being able to do anything to help. Also you were spot on , DH is useless Wink

frumpet · 16/01/2012 13:25

Loving the idea of being a stepford wife [ glances round HA hovel and trys to remember last time i washed jeans ].

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 16/01/2012 13:28

Christ, if DP called me twice a day, every day whilst I was at work I would probably have to murder him.
"How are you?"
"Same as I was three hours ago, you?"
"Same."
"Great, bye."
"Bye. Speak to you in three hours."

RillaBlythe · 16/01/2012 13:41

I've taken DD to a&e twice recently, both times while DP was at work, & I didn't call him Hmm. Both times I waited until we had been seen & dealt with to send him a quick message letting him know the score. What's the point otherwise? He's at work & can only leave for an emergency.

HowAboutAHotCupOfShutTheHellUp · 16/01/2012 13:52

DP goes away on business for two weeks at a time every couple of months; he is on the other side of the world, a 14 hr flight away. Sometimes I don't speak to him for 24hrs due to him being in back to back meetings, and the time difference. Sometimes he drinks with overseas colleagues. Sometimes he even gets drunk with said colleagues. He is a grown man. Somehow I survive (because I am a grown woman). Some people are VERY needy Hmm

MistyMountainHop · 16/01/2012 15:52

yeah i know i am being U

and no, AF (and anyone else) i am not going to stay with him, no way. can't believe even considered it Blush

OP posts:
frumpet · 16/01/2012 16:17

To be fair we have all had moments of minor madness regarding our families , think of it this way , you coped well last time , you will cope again , why not spend the time planning a mini break without the kids or DH Grin

MistyMountainHop · 16/01/2012 16:31

sounds like a good plan frumpet

although am currently trying to force persuade dh to take me to new york later this year, this trip away could well be currency in my favour......

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/01/2012 16:38

It will be ok, Misty, honestly

MistyMountainHop · 16/01/2012 19:13

ta AF :)

its a week tomorrow. eek. so you can all expect me on here after DC have gone to bed, slightly pissed and rambling about any old shite to take my mind off it :o

i do honestly feel LOADS better anyway from the sensible ladies on here you have given me a good telling off. so thank you ALL! Flowers

OP posts:
MistyMountainHop · 16/01/2012 19:13

i meant WHO have given me a good telling off ffs!

OP posts: