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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To steal from the church toddler group?

165 replies

DemBabies · 10/01/2012 14:06

we're 2 days away from pay day and literally have no money. We are ok for food, nappies etc but we ran out of toilet roll today and so when I went to the church toddler group this morning I stole one from their loo Blush I now feel really really bad about it. Not only did I steal but from the church!!

OP posts:
suzikettles · 10/01/2012 17:15

If you'd asked in my church they'd have absolutely said no problem. They'd have also been completely happy with you just taking one without asking and understood that you would have felt embarrassed.

Put one back next week if you can, or put the value of it in the collection box - same difference.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 10/01/2012 17:27

Speaking as someone who used to work for a church... there are many, many church-bogroll-thiefs amongst toddler group attendees. More than you would ever realise

But as others have said, next time just ask. Have a quiet and discreet word with one of the leaders, and they should be able to tide you over with essentials without making an issue of it.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 10/01/2012 17:29

I dont think you are a wicked person but you shouldnt steal. Its not ok.
You could have asked. If they had said no they would have been horrible and I can see it could be embarrassing to ask.

But if you are planning to replace it I wouldnt feel bad about it.

You need loo roll, its not like you nicked money or toys.

But the problem is that when you run a group like that people can be very light fingered and it can cost a bloody fortune. If everyone lifts a few bits everyso often it really adds up.

Churches and church groups are a target for real theiving gits (cos I dont think you are a real one).

Somehow its ok to nick from Christians, even poor ones, because they have to forgive you or something.

We had people come in during the service and steal handbags from elderly member and I remember one single mum who had all her money stolen. Poor woman was in bloody bits.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 10/01/2012 17:30

As I said before, I think the church would have given her the toilet roll had she asked.

As it is, she didn't, but she's planning to replace it and she's already feeling bad about taking it. There's no need to put the boot in.

Our children's centre (attached to a church) have a clothing rail so people can donate/take clothes as need be. They have a small kitchen area which some families use to cook the only meal they get to eat together (during access visits usually) and they have a laundry area because some of the families who use the centre cannot afford a washing machine at home.

They'd be the first to give the OP all the toilet roll she needed if they knew she needed it, and even if she just took it, they would take the attitude that someone must have really needed it and only be sorry that they didn't know who it was, so they could help more.

OP I hope that things are easier for you next month, but if you are struggling I am sure the people at the playgroup or church would be happy to help in any way they can if you feel you can confide in them.

Deadsouls · 10/01/2012 17:32

I wouldn't worry about it IMHO. Christian values and all that, don't the church want to help those in need. Just pay it back in kindness to someone else, and take a loo roll back when you can....honestly don't worry

Maryz · 10/01/2012 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2012hellokitty · 10/01/2012 17:34

i don't condone stealing either
agree sounds like u need some budgeting advice if u get desperate enough that u cant afford loo roll which is an essential item

ProfessorSunny · 10/01/2012 17:35

YABU. Stealing is wrong.

BalloonSlayer · 10/01/2012 17:39

Arsecleanliness is next to Godliness, you know.

For goodness sake, she was desperate. If the church couldn't be compassionate about taking a bog roll with the intent to replace it at a later date, I wouldn't want to be a member.

OlympicEater · 10/01/2012 17:41

"If the church couldn't be compassionate about taking a bog roll with the intent to replace it at a later date, I wouldn't want to be a member.
"

Exactly that ^

Sirzy · 10/01/2012 17:43

I agree with others just ask in future. I know if you asked the vicar at our church he would happily (and confidentially!) help, and also make sure you were ok for other essentials until you got paid.

puddinghead · 10/01/2012 17:52

I think you could have made do with some newspaper for the time being.

BeetrootPasty · 10/01/2012 17:53

It's a loo roll people - not the collection plate! Maybe if the OP limits herself to one sheet per "visit" in the future she will, in time, make up the difference Hmm. Some people can be so judgey - do you really think a church would begrudge a single measly toilet roll to a family in need? Really?

What should we do if we accidentally drop a loo roll into the toilet? Should there be a limit of sheets per visit - after all, overuse, could be seen as stealing? Hmm

I bet it wasn't even Andrex!

WeatherVane · 10/01/2012 17:53

Hmm If she can't afford loo roll ..... where is she getting the newspaper from?

Thruaglassdarkly · 10/01/2012 17:57

If you stole under those difficult circumstances from our church, people would want to help you out, not judge you.

BeetrootPasty · 10/01/2012 17:58

Raiding the local paper recycling box perhaps WeatherVane? Oh, hang on, that would be stealing too.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 10/01/2012 18:16

Who is saying the church wouldnt be compassionate?

FFS she nicked something. Stealing is not ok but she is going to replace it so its not a big deal. But why do people think that stealing from a church is ok?

Its taking the piss. I am Christian I dont think it means I should be cool about someone mugging me.

If the OP is so badly off she cant affford a loo roll she did what she felt she needed to do. But she could have asked to borrow one.

That would have been the better option. But 'borrowing' one without asking with the intention of paying back is hardly a mortal sin in this case.

BalloonSlayer · 10/01/2012 18:33

It was I who said "if the church couldn't be compassionate..." and what I was trying to say by that was that the church would be compassionate - I know this because I go to church and know that generally speaking compassion is what churches are about.

All these suggestions of asking someone. First there is the embarrassment. Then the person who runs the group looks worried and says "Oh I don't really know. . . um . . . oh look there's one of the churchwardens, I'll ask him if it's ok." The churchwarden says he is not sure about the money side of things, better check with the Vicar but the Vicar's not in so they think perhaps they ought to ask if the Treasurer is OK with it and in the end it becomes an agenda item at the next PCC meeting as to whether a parishioner may take a roll of toilet paper or whether this could be construed as "setting a precedent."

But taking a bog roll in a time of need, and returning it in a time of plenty is something that should be, and would be, understood and would not be a problem.

I should perhaps stress that the definition of stealing involves the intention to permanently deprive the owner of their property. As the OP intends to replace the roll of paper that does not apply in this case.

And this should never be compared to mugging, which is a crime of stealing involving violence or the threat of violence.

HappyMummyOfOne · 10/01/2012 18:50

Theft is theft regardless of small or large.

If things are truly that bad for the OP then looking for work, taking a second job, better budgetting etc should be done rather than helping herself from others without asking.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 10/01/2012 18:54

I was talking about the general tone of some posts rather than any particular one ballon

Like a. there would lots of people sitting around being outraged at the idea of a woman needing a loo roll
b. churches should smile kindly upon anyone who feels the need to pinch something.

I dont think they should tbh.

I have run small groups with tiny budgets and its a horrible feeling when you realise something has been taken, however small. There is always that 'if they had just asked I would have given them it but why steal it? feeling.

I didnt compare the woman's actions to mugging, I used it as an illustration of why Christians or any other religion shouldnt be ok about being stolen from any more than an atheist.

I dont think 'I was going to bring it back' would be accepted in a court if someone 'borrowed' something from a shop. If you leave without paying for it, you have stolen it.

As for the rest of your post - you appear to be agreeing with me.

TheParanoidAndroid · 10/01/2012 19:00

Its a fucking toilet roll people. Get over yourself. Jesus wouldn't mind.

AChickenCalledKorma · 10/01/2012 19:01

I run a church toddler group. I would have been very happy to lend you a loo roll, or indeed a pint of milk or packet of biscuits in those circs. Or lent you a couple of quid to go and buy some.

I wasn't too impressed by the drug addict that sneaked into our church hall and nicked my laptop last Easter Sunday, though Sad.

KatieScarlett2833 · 10/01/2012 19:05

what would Jesus say?

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 10/01/2012 19:11

Jesus would say 'dear child take some loo roll to wipe thy arse and the arses of your children but next time ask love. Bless you'

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 10/01/2012 19:11

I went through a terrible time financially a couple of years ago. My Vicar told me that if I had to choose between food and loo roll, buy food and take a loo roll out of the store cupboard. I guess it was different because I was told I could do it (I think I actually was that skint once or twice) but I can't imagine the church would mind the op's circumstances.