Expecting that a 7 year old could make a simple meal?

[bigbarnfarmer]

I would like my kids to start taking more responsibility, they totally take for granted all i do, like most their age i imagine. However given they are getting older i want to help them become more responsible and more independant.

My 7 year old enjoys food, like sto help in the kitchen and has been making cups of tea for a while now. I was thinking tomorrow i might let him prepare a simple meal, with minimal supervision.

AIBU? and does anyone who thinks its fair enough have any simple meal suggestions.

Haven't had time to read all the replies but in my opinion YANBU in your own personal situation (ie your DS is keen, sensible and importantly you said he's big for his age) but that may not be the case for everyone.

With a less sensible child or one like my DD who is 9 1/2 but tiny, it would be a different story. I let DD help out a lot in the kitchen and always have done but it needs to be judged on what the child is physically capable of - DD would adore to make me a cup of tea in bed but seeing as she can only just reach the kitchen counter, standing on a stool with a kettle of boiling water doesn't sound like a very safe plan! Likewise she is sensible but quite clumsy so I'm not keen on her using the oven or cooker just yet.

Doesn't stop her doing other things though - she's baked gingerbread men and fairy cakes completely on her own except for me putting them in and taking them out of the oven and is now progressing to simple meals - jacket potatoes are a good start as there are lots of toppings that need plenty of chopping/mixing/peeling etc while the potatoes are cooking eg we have one with tuna, mayonnaise, natural yoghurt, red pepper and apple which is delicious.

DD learnt some of her kitchen skills at Brownie camp including how to peel veg which for some reason she loves - she did all of the potatoes, parsnips and carrots for Christmas dinner this year and was very happy about it, as was I!

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that by age 7 kids should be abke to boil an egg. And hstess badge at brownies was one of the first I got so I was 7 and that involved making tea. Go for it!

YANBU and some of the responses on this thread are hilarious and very stealth boasty.
Well done for being such wonderful mommas btw.

Our job as a parent is to prepare our children for a happy and independent life. A life where they will be able to feed themselves and keep themselves clean and healthy.

Children LIKE doing things for themselves it gives them confidence and helps them to feel valuable by contributing. My older children were making their pack lunches at 7. Not because I was too lazy to do it but because they wanted to and it was fun for us to do it as a family.

They could make a proper cup of tea by 8 years old.

DS2 has different abilities so we do things differently with him but DS3 & 4 will be making tea and lunches at that age as well.

My DS1 has can cook and clean like the adult he is (he just turned 18). He is able to look after himself and can manage on a very small food budget. This didnt happen overnight.

I cannot stand to hear people moaning about lazy older children and complaining about how no one appreciates them when they have never shown the children what to do. Children do not just wake up one day and think 'I had better start doing my own washing and picking up after myself, poor Mum is run into the ground'

I will always remember my mother rounding on me and shouting at me how selfish and lazy I was when I was about 12/13. I had no idea what she was on about. It had not occoured to me to do anything as I had never been asked or shown what to do.

We do our children a huge diservice by not gently guiding them and then expecting them to fend for themselves when they get to adulthood.

Families are a team not a group of clients being served by a maid.

my experience of 7yr olds is all brownie-related and all brownies can get their hostess badge although some of the younger ones would be working together with the 10yr olds, i wouldn't let them lift the kettle if it was clearly too heavy for them or up too high.
i guess it depends what you mean by 'minimal supervision'? ime baking is a good starter as there's lots of 'prep' but not so much dealing with hot things.

I don't really care what the Brownies do with 6 year olds.
Childrens A and E have too many incidents of burns cases from children handling food/fluids at boiling temperatures.
My DD is very independent - can use the washing machine, looks after her pets, makes pizzas, bakes etc . So I'm not a parent who cossets her child .
It is possible to nurture life skills in a 7 YR old without expecting them to make a cup of tea or make dinner .

YANBU.

I left home not having a clue how to cook except stick a tray in the oven with some frozen shit on it. My poor exh got fed on the same. Once I tried to cook a proper meal. Filled in with finely chopped ginger rather than garlic as I didn't have a clue what to do with the head of garlic and the ginger looked easier to prepare!

I only learned to cook when I met dh. Now everything is from scratch, including bread and pasta - with four kids it is cheaper. The kids love to help, and the 6yos are quite capable of making coffee. The only thing I don't let any of the kids touch at all is hot oil when we are frying. dd is 11 and makes a mean crab tortellini and wants to be a chef when she grows up!

They can all also do the laundry, and work the dishwasher, hoover and polish. DS1 is disabled but also pulls his weight - he was cleaning windows at the weekend. I don't let any of them iron yet, or clean the loo - I worry about germs, probably irrationally! I've told them, we all live here together, we all pull our weight, then we all get time to play too. I am NOT their slave. The only thing they do moan about is cleaning their room, like any other kids!

I've only read the first 3 pages, and whilst I agree that 'taking for granted' is par for the course with children, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting them to learn to appreciate what others do for them generally. It's just part of showing awareness of and consideration for others, surely?

On a cooking front - my DD is also 7 and tall/grown up for her age. I probably wouldn't let her near the kettle yet for the sake of my own sanity (although she's just started Brownies so will no doubt have to get over that ASAP!) but tbh I admire your patience OP. DD can do toast, cereal, sandwiches & salad & will help me make pies occasionally. I'd like to give her the chance to try cooking a meal but would probably end up in a straight jacket if I let my her attempt to cook a meal by herself. DH is a chef and he's never done anything with her in the kitchen which probably says it all!

We were baking cakes and biscuits at this age with minimal supervision. Yes, you might burn your fingers on the oven, but tbh I am 48 and I still burn my fingers occasionally when I'm baking. No worse than grazing your knees falling off a bike - and presumably bike riding is not equated with sending children up the chimney?

To me, cooking is like bike riding and playing football and other childhood pursuits: something that you do for fun and which may involve minor injuries (though in the case of football you may have to accept rather more serious injuries). A lot safer than softplay.

But I would make sure to approach this in a spirit of fun rather than "this is to stop you taking things for granted", that sounds a bit miserable.

My 3yo cooks with me - so I will let her chop soft things, peel and other "easy" prep tasks. She helps mix cold things together, such as salads, marinades etc, and is allowed to watch me whilst I cook the hot stuff. So far we have made all manner of cakes, muffins, biscuits etc, simple stuff like sausage rolls, pizza, fish pie, shepherds pie, tray baked vegetables, oven baked fish.

I wouldn't let her anywhere near hot water or stove-top cooking. No idea when I will think that's safe - its a balance for me between learning to cook, learning to help out, and staying safe.

Cups of tea at 7 - I probably wouldn't. Draining boiling water from a heavy pan of pasta, also probably not. But I see no reason why you couldn't help with the more dangerous bits and he still does most of the rest of it, but with very very close supervision.

I learnt to cook gradually by 'helping' - from stirring and eating cake mixture to weighing ingredients and gradually becoming properly helpful. I enjoyed it and the habit of taking part and learning led me to want to cook for myself.

Cooking a proper meal came with doing my brownie cook's badge at 8 or 9. I made fried sausages, boiled potatoes and a boiled green vegetable and do remember that being a challenge at first, learning what temperature, for how long and timing it so everything was ready at once. There was spitting fat and boiling water involved, so awareness of safety, which I was old enough for by then. I could certainly make cakes alone and with friends by 9 and began to cook meals from that point but mostly simple things like heating up hot-dogs, baked beans on toast and scrambled eggs, then by 11 was more confident and able to experiment with recipes.

I always felt very sorry for friends who weren't allowed to 'help' because their mothers were too busy and always needed to prepare meals as quickly as possible. They may have been taught something later but it took all the fun out of it. Fun and learning, not obligation, is important.

I think children are often over cosseted.

As a volunteer I let an 8 year old buy do a fry up breakfast for everyone at a youth hostel. He loved it and was very careful. However, he admitted afterwards that he wasn't allowed to do anything in the kitchen in case he hurt himself.

But there are some tasks that I would worry about e.g. draining pasta from boiling water is not easy if you are not that strong when holding the pan, liquids in microwaves can be unpredictable, deep fat frying is dangerous and a kettle is not okay for a child not strong enough to easily hold or reach it.

But most things are fine if taught properly and gradually.

And when I went to uni, some of the students had no idea how to do basic tasks such as peel veg. Their safety awareness was also often very poor, because they hadn't been taught how to do things safely.

lottie yes I agree at a young age it should be about fun and learning .
Thankyou to the person who mentioned the child safety knife by Pampered Chef . I have googled it and will get one so that I can feel a bit easier about DD and younger DS preparing veg .
Thankyou also to the person who posted a link to the website and child safety in the kitchen .
I do agree that safety out weighs the need to learn to cook at a young age .
The important thing is that if they show an interest , encourage that by giving them the time to develop their skills and independence . It's all confidence boosting
Person who mentioned busy mums not having the time to teach their children - I dont work , but due to the time of day I do get stressy and tired doing dinner ,and always just want to get on with it (dh is often out at that time ) .My DC do lots in the house, but your post prompted me to remember to try and involve them even more at meal times .

Other things I learnt to do between 7 and 10 (I see you're interested in your child learning to be more independent generally, which makes lots of sense - if you go too far the other way and don't put the time into teaching, they leave your home perpetually dependent, which is a handicap):

Hanging up laundry
Laying the table
Washing Up
Making my own sandwiches for packed lunches
Vacuuming
Digging and weeding the garden
Ironing (around 8 or 9)

At 11 I was paid to do ironing and did it happily for the (quite paltry) money. It must have been more than pocket money at the time and was before I had any other opportunity to make money (before a paper round at 13). I remember learning to iron competitively, when the mother of a male friend said 'x can iron pillow cases now' (progress from handkerchieves) and I could do shirts and anything else by 10 or 11.

My 5 yr old dgs can assemble some nice dishes (eg trout and veg parcels) but mum does all the chopping/hot bits. Seven is a bit young even for kettle I think. I would wait another couple of years for cooking but could do salads/sandwiches now.

The thing is, learning to prepare vegetables, make a pizza etc are quite safe. Even if they do burn themselves on the oven, its only a little sore place on a hand for a day or two.
BUT the most frequently performed tasks like making tea, boiling pasta, are the most dangerous, as a mistake here can result in a huge scald covering the front of the body.
I went to school with a girl who had been badly scalded as a child, and her scars were terrible.

My dd1 is 6 and loves cooking, she has made toad in the hole, fish cakes from scratch, a roast etc and cooks tea every Saturday.

She is 6 so of course it's done with supervision but she loves it and I want to encourage that. I didn't learn these things at home and so had a steep learning curve when I moved out. I don't enjoy cooking now. Interestingly I can remember the only time I was allowed to make a meal at home as a child it worked well and was tasty and I enjoyed it so I honestly think that the not knowing how for so long has had an impact on my enjoyment,

I fully intend for all my dc to learn the basics and be able to make a good selection of basic meals before they leave home, I was 20 when I mastered shepherds pie, my 6 year old can make it now, I know which one I think is an unhealthy situation. Off to bake scones with my 2 year old now!

have been musing about why i wouldn't let my 6 year old use the kettle, despite the fact that she knows full well it's hot and dangerous so wouldn't be careless with it. (small kitchen, she's been sitting beside an oft-boiled kettle while i cook since a baby).

it's not just that kettles are taller now and require a wrist strength that they didn't formerly (my mother's russell hobbs was one of those fat little things, you lifted using your whole arm), but the fact that most kettles now sit on those bases, so a child has to be tall enough and strong enough to lift a kettle up and over, iykwim? whereas when i was a kid it was enough to lift it and tip? i just odn't think that it's safe at dd's height for her to be lifting it, when she'd have to lean on the counter with her other hand and that might send the stool she'd be standing on out from under her.

believe me, my children cook and have seen me cook but i just cannot think that handling boiling water in a tall kettle with a base, while her feet are off the ground, is a smart parenting move.

Rather than leaving the dc on his own why not cook WITH him?! That way he learns kitchen safety, sees how to prepare food etc and spends quality time with you too. If we do everything for our kids they become self indulged shits totally incapable of coping without us.

As long as we show them how to be safe, keep an eye on them and take over anything that might be dangerous, such as removing things from an oven etc they will survive just fine and enjoy it.

DD is too young for all this lark but having seen the way that my 9yo niece's hand shakes when she lifts the kettle I won't be introducing boiling hot liquids any time soon. She has the maturity but just can't lift the bloody thing, even with not much water in, it's too heavy for her.

YANBU

My brother is quite slow to learn things and as a result my rather impatient (and very busy) mother never got him involved in cooking. As an adult he is nervy about following a simple recipe, as if there is some special "magic" to it rather than just trying things out, and tends to eat the same couple of meals day in day out, heavy on the sandwiches. As I was a bit quicker at getting the hang of stuff I was making gravy, jelly (yes with boiling water OMG), baked potatoes etc from a really young age (perhaps 4? I remember I had to sit on a high stool to see the gravy in the pan :o), macaroni cheese, as well as cakes, scones etc, and will try any recipe now, or just improvise in the kitchen.

I met those people at uni as well, who didn't know what a washing machine looked like (literally) and wouldn't cook anything from scratch. It's not doing anybody except yourself a favour to keep your kids out of the kitchen.

Plenty of kids grow up in homes where there is a constant very hot heat source in the form of open fires or agas etc, and they are honestly pretty good at understanding that it is HOT.

i don't think there's an objection to kids stirring hot things, is there? just to picking up kettles when they're not strong enough to do so? that hardly seems like cotton-wool parenting to me. i would trust my dd not to fool around with a kettle, for sure. i just wouldn't trust her wrist muscles to be strong enough to get the thing back onto the base without it falling over.

mine have been making jellies, for example, for years. but there i pour the hot water into a measuring jug before they tip it in. kinda hate the 'omg BOILING WATER' snidiness on this thread tbh.

This has made me think about encouraging DS2 back into the kitchen to cook. He can make lovely scrambled eggs and chocolate cakes but we have let it all tail off over the last few months.

Time to dust off the cookbooks for him.

My DD (now grown up) always loved to help me cook and is still interested in trying new recipes and feeding herself well. DS1 (now mid-twenties) hate, hate, hated being asked to come out into the kitchen and help out. He is still completely crap at cooking, is totally uninterested in nutrition and, at university, had to live on oven chips and sausage rolls. I wish I'd pushed him a bit more.

Dear god I have been reading this thread in bewilderment.

I have 2 dds. dd1 is 7 - she has severe ASD, and she packs her lunch each day (assembles snacks and fruit into her lunchbox) and helps me cook her hot meal to put into her flask (puts rice into the saucepan; helps spoon in the bolognaise sauce etc). if she is having sandwiches then she can make her own sandwiches (under supervision otherwise she would use the whole jar of hney ) she is also a dab hand at weighing things out, and makes far less mess than me when measuring out and transferring ingredients when baking etc.

dd2 is 4. her absolute favouritest thing at school (she started in September, and loves school) is cookery club. she stays on for after school club each day, and on tuesdays she does cookery. she comes home brimming with ideas, and also loves helping us out in the kitchen. she sits up at the table, and helps chop vegetables, will mix and stir as directed.

why on earth woudl anyone not teach their children to be helpful, independent, and give them a head start in life?

how much of the so-called 'healthy eating crisis' that this country is going through is due to the fact that err, there are a whole load of people out there who cannot cook. at all. not the simplest thing.