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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have just sent my 5yr old to bed without dinner ?

120 replies

CoffeeDog · 09/01/2012 17:21

just walked up to local shops (5min walk) whilst we were in there she kicked/punched/pushed me repeatedley because i wouldn't buy x y z ? Got Really stroppy when i told her there would be NO moshi monsters today/tomorrow and increased the kicking my leg hurts like a bitch now

If i didnt despratley need milk/bread for breakfast i would have marched them all straight home... but no i had to stand i a long queue with her screaming and attacking me... thankfull very nice man behind me reminded me that this was him yesterday and will be somone else in a hour ;)

So we marched home and i have thrown her in her room (removed cd player) put her pj on her bed and told her i will not see her untill morning.

AIBU not to let her out for tea later / see daddy - he gets in at 630-645?

OP posts:

birdsofshoreandsea · 09/01/2012 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

headfairy · 09/01/2012 19:19

fabby, the thread's moved on... she's eaten

headfairy · 09/01/2012 19:21

op, I don't agree with withdrawing food as punishment either, but we've all lost it in the heat of a tantrum. Once it's outthere I do think you either have to follow through (or you risk the next time your dd won't believe you when you make a threat) or you have to look like you're going to follow through and hope like hell your dd apologises as she did.

I think her apology was really lovely... and I'm not sure of your bedtime arrangements tonight, but I think it should be you having a chat with her. She needs to understand how much she's hurt you. Perhaps you can show her the bruise. She needs to learn the consequences of her actions aren't just the punishments she receives but also the pain you feel.

headfairy · 09/01/2012 19:23

sorry, didn't make that very clear. If my ds had apologised like your dd did, then I would use that as an excuse to revise the punishment, ie no nice treats or pud after dinner and no stories at bedtime, just a quick cuddle and off to bed (for an early night, sounds like you both need it :o)

MrsJasonBourne · 09/01/2012 19:25

Oh goodness, this was me tonight! Are we twins?

Dd1 proclaimed as soon as she was home from school that she was going to have something to eat before her tea. I said no. She whined and asked for one small yoghurt. I stupidly gave in. She had three. I said 'well that's your tea tonight then, perhaps you'll know better tomorrow'. Cue more whining later because she's hungry. I gave in again (I know) and let her have a few beans & sausages that were leftover in the fridge, on strict instruction to eat it all. She came to me later and said she'd finished and was going to bed. I found the plate full of beans in the kitchen.

Grr.....

ohmygosh123 · 09/01/2012 19:32

If you show her the bruise the next morning once its come up, then she will get a real shock, if like me you bruise really easily. I did that with my daughter (now 5) last year and she hasn't hit me since. TBF it was semi-accidental - loose flying limbs and OTT behaviour - but it hurt - and she couldn't believe she had done that! It was a most impressive bruise in comparison to the kick

I have also sent her to bed without dinner, but only when she has refused it and had a complete strop, and she chose what we were having, then said how she didn't like a single part of it and it made her sick. Again I only had to do it once, probably because I didn't relent when she said she was hungry when I was putting her to bed. Think I must be evil compared to most of you.

By the way, even if she's had a snack, going round supermarkets late in the day makes her tired and hungry, so I nearly always end up giving her something on the way home, even if it is just a plain slice of bread.

ohmygosh123 · 09/01/2012 19:51

Oops I missed the bit out, of her spitting the food out onto my plate etc!

Bunnyjo · 09/01/2012 19:53

Glad this has resolved itself, it sounds to me like she was tired or is coming down with something - DD is a sweet angel, but can throw some massive wobblers especially after school.

I do think your OP implied you weren't going to feed her

So we marched home and i have thrown her in her room (removed cd player) put her pj on her bed and told her i will not see her untill morning.

AIBU not to let her out for tea later / see daddy - he gets in at 630-645?

But I am glad you decided against that, food should never be used as a punishment. Hope you all have a much better day tomorrow.

ohmygosh123 · 09/01/2012 19:55

TBH if it was me I would have gently restrained her to stop her hitting me. Although admittedly it is easier with a 3 year old (as she then was) than a 5 year old!

Dancergirl · 09/01/2012 20:00

Agree with the others - YABU to use removal of food as a punishment. It's one thing for children to go without dinner if they refuse to eat what's made etc but I wouldn't not give dinner for non-related bad behaviour.

A no tv day (or two) works well as a punishment for my nearly 5 year old (after a warning).

foreverondiet · 09/01/2012 20:15

I think YABU, sorry.

My 21 month old DS2 has gone to bed without dinner but thats because he refused to eat it and I refuse to fall into trap of making alternative. I tried to feed him and he refused and he wouldn't feed himself.

Withholding dinner for any other reason isn't acceptable.

I'd also say that attempting to go to the shops with (tired) kids after school isn't a good idea. I'd rather do alternative breakfast / nip out after DH gets home that drag them to shops.

NorthernWreck · 09/01/2012 20:25

Some people have no option than to take their tired kids to the shops.I sometimes don't.
My ds walks home with me uphill for 20 mins after we have been to the shops.
Kids do actually need to learn to behave, tired or not.
By the way, the majority of calls to Parentline are about older kids hitting their parents, so to come down hard when they are young is not such a bad idea.
But then, I am a lone parent, and as such both Mum and Dad, so I have to be a hardass just to keep my authority!

thepeoplesprincess · 09/01/2012 20:33

Are you taking the urine MrsJasonBourne ? I do hope so.

perceptionreality · 09/01/2012 21:09

Northern, I agree that children have to learn how to control their tempers but we are all capable of unreasonable behaviour when tired aren't we.

smithster · 09/01/2012 21:32

peoples princess, i'm not expressing an opinion on OP, just on the use of the term 'starve', ok?

Arachnophobic · 09/01/2012 21:37

I sent my DS to bed last night with no bath and no books. Ialsoforgottocleanhisteeth.

The complete change of routine was enough to punish him IYSWIM.

Arachnophobic · 09/01/2012 21:38

Ha ha I also forgot to clean his teeth

MrsJasonBourne · 09/01/2012 21:39

Um, no, I'm not taking the piss, was just sympathising on the going to bed without dinner part. They won't starve because they don't get one proper tea. Don't worry about it.

olgaga · 09/01/2012 21:57

At that age, my DD would behave like that after school if she was thirsty, hungry or tired - or all three. I used to take a drink, and maybe some pieces of orange, or a banana or apple.

I would also try to avoid taking kids that age shopping so late in the day. At that age all she wants is your attention - she's been away from you all day.

It's a long day for a five year old when they start school.

Original poster

CoffeeDog · 10/01/2012 08:00

DD got up this morning laid the table for brekie.... ate nicley with the twins then has taken herself off and got dressed for school (NEVER done this without promting repeatedley)

She obviousley know she did wrong - although our little chat last night didn't shed any light as to why she did it?

But i am just really happy we have our little girl back..... and big shop arriving today so no more trips to co-op ;)

OP posts:

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