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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have just sent my 5yr old to bed without dinner ?

120 replies

CoffeeDog · 09/01/2012 17:21

just walked up to local shops (5min walk) whilst we were in there she kicked/punched/pushed me repeatedley because i wouldn't buy x y z ? Got Really stroppy when i told her there would be NO moshi monsters today/tomorrow and increased the kicking my leg hurts like a bitch now

If i didnt despratley need milk/bread for breakfast i would have marched them all straight home... but no i had to stand i a long queue with her screaming and attacking me... thankfull very nice man behind me reminded me that this was him yesterday and will be somone else in a hour ;)

So we marched home and i have thrown her in her room (removed cd player) put her pj on her bed and told her i will not see her untill morning.

AIBU not to let her out for tea later / see daddy - he gets in at 630-645?

OP posts:
OldMumsy · 09/01/2012 17:58

And I am not getting into a smacking argument with anyone so thats the last I will say on the subject.

OriginalJamie · 09/01/2012 18:01

No problem. Doubt it would be worthwhile Smile

perceptionreality · 09/01/2012 18:02

I don't understand why smacking helps - it's a classic case of 'don't do as I do, do as I say' - you've kicked me, that's completely unacceptable - so I'll turn round and hit you...........doesn't make sense.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 09/01/2012 18:04

No argument necessary, OldMumsy, although I suspect your user name may suggest a more outdated way of dealing with things. I'm not sure of the wisdom of disciplining a kicking child by smacking them. I guess it's a "fight fire with fire" method, but probably not the most effective. It's great that you're friends with your children on FB etc, etc, it doesn't mean that smacking them was right, though Smile

4madboys · 09/01/2012 18:05

well if mine behaved like that then i would have warned them in the shop that they would be going home and straight to their bedroom. i would say that if htey are going to come down and apologise then they can join us at the table for dinner. if however they were to come down and carry on kicking/being aggressive/rude then i would sit them on the bottom of the stairs to calm down and i would warn them, either stop this behaviour or you will go to bed with either no dinner, or simply a slice of toast for their dinner.

tbh she sounds overtired and emotional, its a one of, so let her come down for dinner and you/your dh can have a chat when you put her back up to bed (straight after dinner!) and say that her behaviour is NOT acceptable, hence going straight back to bed. tell her if she is angry/upset then she can talk to you or hit her pillow to release agression but she is not to hit/kick anyone.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 09/01/2012 18:06

just like to conclude DD finally stopped kicking door :) Ate at the table with the twins fist then went into her room to tell her her dinner was on the table.......

The little miss has drawn me a 'sorry' card with flowers on the front and inside it says dear mummy i am sorry i was mean you are the bestest mummy in the would lots of love ...... HMmmmmmmmmm

She is eating now and is awaiting the arrival of daddy............. who will be having a serious chat while the twins have their bath

OP posts:
perceptionreality · 09/01/2012 18:09

It's good that she's apologised in a contrite way - I'd say you will more easily be able to get to the bottom of this now that the anger has passed.

OriginalJamie · 09/01/2012 18:09

Good.

Next time smack 'er though.

KateShmate · 09/01/2012 18:10

Is she still kicking the doors? She obviously hasn't calmed down yet, so personally I wouldn't be offering dinner until she had calmed down - otherwise that is kind of rewarding the tantrum and kicking. (Not that food is a reward).

I think to say that you are 'starving' your DD is slightly OTT - missing one meal will not leave her undernourished with a swollen stomach - but at the same time, I would probably give her dinner. However, I would call her down after leaving dinner on the table, and go into a different room and have fun with your DT's whilst she eats alone. Sounds harsh, but she needs to realize that it is unacceptable behaviour.

Agree with Jingle - obviously very naughty, but don't think you need to be phoning for help because she is so 'violent' - am sure shes probably tired - first week back at school has finally caught up with her and shes probably overtired and grumpy.

Have to say, I certainly wouldn't be 'encouraging' her to punch pillows, maybe its just me, but don't see that as a very good idea

BratinghamPalace · 09/01/2012 18:11

Thank you op, have a tear in my eye!! Happy days, quite the little girl you have there!!

justyouwaithenryhiggins · 09/01/2012 18:12

Bet you're glad you posted OP! There's some really OTT responses! Your OP said you were considering not letting her out of her room for tea, not not giving her any, right? If that's the case I don't think you are being unreasonable.

NorthernWreck · 09/01/2012 18:12

When my ds started school he was a complete shitbag to me. Hitting, spitting, the lot.He is better now, but has his moments.

Shops are still a problem. It astounds me how it can just go either way when we go to buy food. I am really sure that at 5 I had no trouble walking around a shop with my mother in a sensible fashion!

There are so many toys/sweets/comics in every shop and ds always wants something.
The thing is, i never ever buy him that stuff, unless as a pre-arranged reward for something.
I have never in his life said "Oh alright I'll get you some sweets". If I am going to buy chocolate (for us both) I will tell him on the way to the shop and say something like "I think we deserve a little treat today" .

None of this stops him nagging for stuff, and demanding, and sometimes having meltdowns. The other day I had to bodily carry him out of tesco, which at 5 is mighty embarrassing.

I do know that he bahaves like this more when hungry, so I make sure I don't take him in a shop hungry.

Also, I get him to write our shopping list and cross it off as we go round-this can be a distraction.

I don't think sending her to her room is so harsh-what she did was awful-but she may be actually really hungry (growing kids need more than you might think sometimes) so I would feed her, then sit down with her and have a talk.

Tell her how it made you feel in a calm way, and explain you were upset.
You are allowed to be upset! None of us are automatons, and what she did was hurtful.

Put a system in place to help prevent future events like this. And to the person who said something like "she wouldn't kick me more than once-I would put a stop to it"
OK, but how??!
It's no good being sniffy about it if you are not trying to help.

Hulababy · 09/01/2012 18:13

Actually the OP's title does say "without dinner."

mrsmaltesers · 09/01/2012 18:14

Have you read/heard of 123 magic?? It is really working for my two at the moment. The situation in the shop you had might have been slightly less harassing with some 123 stuff?? Not sure who its by but its very interestng(to me, anyway!!)

NorthernWreck · 09/01/2012 18:14

Ooops x posted coffee!
Good for her!

Hulababy · 09/01/2012 18:15

Glad you has apologised with her card, and off her own back too. Now she isn't so angry and will not be hungry, you have more chance of having a decent chat with her.

I do wonder if you should be the one having the chat though, as it was you she hurt.

NorthernWreck · 09/01/2012 18:22

Agree with Hula. I do think that respect for men comes easier to children (much as it pains me to say this) and you need to be making the boundries between you and her very clear. If you get your dh to do it it blurs things a bit iyswim.

5moreminutes · 09/01/2012 18:54

Good for your DD :)

I don't really agree with the people saying send your DH to talk to her - unless you can hear what is being said... My dad used to come up to my room after my mother had sent me there, and start his conversation with "You know what your mother's like..." Hmm Think you and dd need to have the conversation as you were the one who sent her to her room, and she has apologised to you. Or both you and DH together, after twins in bed.

Anyway glad it looks as though its soon going to be fine :)

FabbyChic · 09/01/2012 19:01

ITS NOT THE CORRECT PUNISHMENT TO WITHDRAW FOOD, FOOD IS NOT A LUXURY IT IS A NECESSITY, THIS IS NOT THE TIMES OF OLIVER.

FEED HER YOU MISERABLE MOO.

smithster · 09/01/2012 19:07

would everyone please stop going on about starving a child, get some bloody perspective, it's only one meal. i'm not saying I agree or disagre with OP but there are millions of kids starving in this world, one evening meal being missed does not equate to starving!

thepeoplesprincess · 09/01/2012 19:09

You go to bed without your dinner then smithster

FabbyChic · 09/01/2012 19:10

Its not acceptable to withdraw food as a punishment, its draconian and just not the done thing in the 2012.

Its a pathetic ill thought out punishment.

FabbyChic · 09/01/2012 19:11

It's lazy parenting.

ouryve · 09/01/2012 19:13

She was probably bad tempered in the first place because it was almost tea time and she was feeling hungry. YABVU.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 09/01/2012 19:14

TBH she has porridge with fruit for breakie school dinner and after school snack.... i dont think missing 1 meal will damage her - but i did let her eat dinner at the table alone....... with no pudding the twins had ice cream and jelly on the sofa within eyeshot

She is tucked up in bed now - only 1 short story no head stories and strict instructions not to get up.

OP posts: