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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want a complete stranger in our spare room for 2 weeks

118 replies

soandsosmummy · 09/01/2012 11:24

DP told me this morning that someone new is starting at work with him on Wednesday and that as he's yet to find somewhere to live he's said they can stay with us for couple of weeks while he looks for a place.

AIBU to be completely pissed off especially as DP seems to think that we should treat them as a guest for this time and cook and eat with them as well as doing their bl**dy laundry.

DP can not understand just why I'm not happy about the idea and thinks its just the kind and sociable thing to do. At the moment all I know is they are male and nothing else about them

Apparantly he's turning up tomorrow evening Shock

OP posts:
TobyLeWolef · 09/01/2012 15:59

Should he arrive with an up to date CRB?

:o

Seriously, FFS people. The lad is trying to offer help and all of a sudden he's a potential paedo?

G1nger · 09/01/2012 16:03

Just a reminder that he's a stranger.
A reminder from someone whose parents let a strange man come and live in her house when she was a child and who almost got hurt by him.

OTTMummA · 09/01/2012 16:06

umm, no one said that toby, but op doesn't know this lad, and really neither does the op's husband, he has just met him, i don't think anyone would just hand over their children to a stranger to babysit, well i would hope not!

If he wants to help he can pay some rent, or offer to cook/clean for his board.

samandi · 09/01/2012 16:34

Aren't many babysitters strangers? I presume that if this guy has moved for work, he comes with good references. I think he sounds pretty genuine and find some of the reactions here a bit weird tbh.

BUT I would be absolutely furious with my partner if he had - as one poster put it extremely well - "volunteered my time and services" without even telling me (let alone "asking"!) beforehand. That is absolutely not acceptable IMO. It wouldn't even be acceptable if he was at home, but working away three nights a week???

Figgyrolls · 09/01/2012 16:51

If the poor boy has been given a job, many many companies check criminal records before employing someone so I wouldn't be too concerned. If he was a random off the street then perhaps but in this case I would be slightly less cautious. You can always ring his mum!

Rhinestone · 09/01/2012 17:01

The nice email makes no difference.

This is not your problem. Phone your husband's company, ask to speak to HR and explain that your house was volunteered without your consent and you're not a hotel and cannot put up their new employees.

Ask them to take over.

Gribble · 09/01/2012 17:21

YANBU absolutely no way would I have someone that neither me or DP know stay in our home. One night would give me the 'end of a sausage roll' mouth (ie. cats bum).

Your DP is after brown nose work points and even a total shit can knock out a nicely worded email.

OldMumsy · 09/01/2012 18:39

Pom we took in a Czech Au Pair who we had to rescue from an abusive family. This was done with total consultation between DH, DCs and myself. I would want someone to look after my girls too in similar circumstances.

trickycat · 09/01/2012 22:46

I take your point G1nger but perhaps others on this thread should go read the Kindness of Strangers thread in classics.

bobbledunk · 09/01/2012 23:15

He sounds lovely!

ImperialBlether · 09/01/2012 23:50

Oh for god's sake, he's a teenager leaving home for the first time! Get your DH to set some groundrules, and you're sorted.

grograg · 10/01/2012 00:03

I wouldn't have a problem with it TBH, It's not your ever going to leave your DC alone with him is it?

I think it was nice of him to send you a message, he didnt have to did he?

Please update up when you have met him.

needanewname · 10/01/2012 00:09

What a lovely message.

As lovely ad it is though I would still kill dh if I were you Grin

needanewname · 10/01/2012 00:11

What a lovely message.

As lovely as it is, I would still kill dh if I were you Grin

zipzap · 10/01/2012 00:20

And remember to talk about him staying for 'a week or two' rather than a couple of weeks, all helps to encourage him to find proper digs quickly!

Kewcumber · 10/01/2012 00:22

Kill DH and adopt the new lodger

Wittsend13 · 10/01/2012 00:44

Your husband sounds like a lovely bloke. I can see why you would be upset but me personally would have done the exact same if I were your husband (although I would have called up and squared it first)

This is a young lad I'd even go as far to say a kid. I'm quite surprised at some of the comments here. Would none of you help a work mate if you could?

The email is lovely and he comes across as such a well mannered lad. Not many of those about at 18!

TotemPole · 10/01/2012 01:39

He does sound lovely. I understand you being annoyed with your OH for not asking you first, but he probably just offered on the spur of the moment and was being nice.

perfumedlife · 10/01/2012 01:42

Lovely email but all guests are like fish, they go off after three days.

Rhinestone · 10/01/2012 02:44

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for helping people in a crisis, even strange Aussie backpackers.

But this is not an emergency and it's not the OP's problem. If he's relocating for a job then his employer needs to either put him up in a B&B or give him some time off to find somewhere to rent.

It's completely unprofessional of the employer to allow this situation - could have all kinds of repercussions for the OP's DH's working relationship with this lad.

redwineformethanks · 10/01/2012 08:32

The boy sounds nice and this isn't his fault

Think your DH was out of order to make he invitation without checking with you, but nice that he cared enough to help a stranger

AgentProvocateur · 10/01/2012 08:45

I would be quite happy if my DH had done this - provided there was a spare room and the guest was at work every day. It's not really that big a deal to cook an extra portion each night, is it? I'd like tobthink that if it was my 18 year old in his first job away from home that someone would take him under their wing and help him get settled.

We've had lots of friends of friends dropping by for a night or two over the years, and we still keep in touch with some of them now. It's nice to get out your comfort zone and meet new people. And if the boy turns out to be awful, well it's only for two weeks.

Bathsheba · 10/01/2012 09:06

Whilst it was wrong for your DH not to speak to you first, I think its an amazingly lovely thing you are doing...

When I was younger I always had a huge panic about where I was going to live. I know I lost out on 1 job straight out of Uni (at 25 so a lot older than 18) because I was so panicked at the interview about where I was going to stay - newcity, didn;t have a car and the office was about 4 miles up a country road, wasn;t convinced the bank would let me have a flat deposit etc...My uni lecturers, who knew the person who got the job as well, were convinced that the guy who got it did so simply by having a bit less "baggage" than me...

When I started at college at 17 I had a friend who was good enough to let me stay at hers for a week until my college found me a room in Halls - again, Iwa s really young and needed a friend/Mum during that first week.

He sounds alike a lovely young man, and try and see it as you are helping him in the very first days of his very first job, which is a horrible and daunting time for anyone.

muffinino82 · 10/01/2012 11:55

Extremely cheeky to invite someone to stay without checking it was okay with you, OP. Even worse that your dp isn't even planning to take on the extra workload and inconvenience, but will no doubt be taking the credit for being such a nice and generous man.

YANBU.

This. In its entirety. Fuck that.

legallyblond · 10/01/2012 12:10

I wouldn't be thrilled that I hadn't been consilted, but I wouldn't be too angry. this is EXACTLY the sort of thing my DH would (and probably has) done. I knew he was kind and chaotic and a "big thinker" (who didn't have a clue get bogged down with practicalities) and that is something I love in him. Plus my parents were very bohemien and basically ran a totally open house so I am used to it! We never, ever, as far as I can remember, had just our (large) family for a meal or even for a weekend - my dad picked up strays, just like my DH does.

I really wouldn't be too bothered (although I would have had the obligatory rant at DH) and I am sure the boy will be eternally grateful (and that is no exaggeration!)