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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to want a complete stranger in our spare room for 2 weeks

118 replies

soandsosmummy · 09/01/2012 11:24

DP told me this morning that someone new is starting at work with him on Wednesday and that as he's yet to find somewhere to live he's said they can stay with us for couple of weeks while he looks for a place.

AIBU to be completely pissed off especially as DP seems to think that we should treat them as a guest for this time and cook and eat with them as well as doing their bl**dy laundry.

DP can not understand just why I'm not happy about the idea and thinks its just the kind and sociable thing to do. At the moment all I know is they are male and nothing else about them

Apparantly he's turning up tomorrow evening

OP posts:

trickycat · 09/01/2012 12:44

He sounds a delightful young man send him round to lodge with me, I need a young man . Please keep us updated!

ChaoticAngel · 09/01/2012 12:45

Dear complete stranger in the spare room

You can help by telling my husband that he is lucky to have me as his DW and in future to appreciate me more and stop being an unreasonable, thoughtless knob and not to make any decisions that involve me without first consulting me.

Yours

Soandsosmummy

dinkystinky · 09/01/2012 12:47

I'd be livid with my DH for volunteering our spare room and my time and services without consulting with me - but not with the poor guy who he's invited (who sounds like a nice person and hopefully not too big a housepest)

dreamingbohemian · 09/01/2012 12:48

Oh he sounds so sweet!!

You still need to lay down the law with DH though

Original poster

soandsosmummy · 09/01/2012 12:49

Well I'll take him on adn see how it goes. It will be lovely to hve someone else to off load DD's reading onto for a little while.

I reckon his mums a mumsnetter - come on who are you?

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 09/01/2012 12:49

that is a lovely email take him up on the offer of cooking, let him know he can cook at the weekend. Also let him know that it would be great if he could baby sit as dh is taking you to a really really expensive restaurant on Friday night.... so that would be great!

I always do things like your dh and invite people to stay as we have a lot of transient workers, ts good fun.

Figgyrolls · 09/01/2012 12:49

Where do you live? I'll have him, fancy some babysitting, cleaning and cooking!

Bet he becomes your lodger, once you have had him in the house for 2 weeks you won't want to get rid of him as you can go out with the girls. Just tell him he will need to do his own washing (bet he takes it home anyway!) and put a tv/dvd if you have one in his room.

PITA hubby but could work out to your advantage

Chandon · 09/01/2012 12:50

so it might all work out. Great.

However, your DH is completely out of line to offer this guy YOUR services (as he will be away for part of it, and is not planning to be the one doing this chap's laundry, cooking etc., is he?!)

Sounds to me like your DH doesn't respect you enough.

LadyPeterWimsey · 09/01/2012 12:51

Actually he sounds like a sweetheart.

Although I would have been irritated by not being asked in advance, I try to operate in these matters by (sorry, bible quotation alert) Hebrews 13.2: 'Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.' I hope he turns out to be angelic!

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 09/01/2012 12:54

Hahaha I was all set to be livid but his email has melted my icy inhospitable heart.

Sidge · 09/01/2012 13:00

I think your DH has been very kind and generous, albeit in an arse-about-face kind of way.

Yes he should have asked you first but maybe when he met this lad he thought "Oh he's so kind and sweet, soandsosmummy will welcome in to our home and be supportive to him as he's such a kind and helpful lad." So it was a snap decision/offer?

Hopefully if he is a freaky one your DHs alert radar would have gone off and he wouldn't have made the offer.

This could all work in your favour, you could end up with a new au-pair!

BeerTricksP0tter · 09/01/2012 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhubarbgarden · 09/01/2012 13:35

This is precisely the sort of thing my dh would do. Before we had our dd, I was up for it. But life is complicated enough now so I would be pretty peeved too if he dumped this on me nowadays. BUT this kid sounds lovely so I would take full advantage of cooking/babysitting/homework offers.

G1nger · 09/01/2012 13:37

So I'm going to be first to point out that you don't know this lad well enough to leave your kids alone with him, am I? Oh dear.

Besides that, though, he sounds very nice. Let's hope he is!

AllGoodNamesGone · 09/01/2012 13:38

He does sound lovely but... I am imagining if my DS1 were to find himself in this situation a couple of years... he is lovely BUT would probably need a bit of reminding to pull his weight around the house after the first day or two! He would be full of good intentions but might not get as far as leaping up after a meal and getting going on the pots!

Make sure you lay down some ground rules from the off and stick to them!

I would be beyond furious with my DH if he did something like this (I doubt very much he'd try it as he would know what my reaction would be!) but I would feel more charitable towards a young lad of 18 than, say, a 45 year old bloke!

I would want an end date in place though.

Oh, and, if he is going home at the weekends, can he take his washing with him?!

IdontknowwhyIcare · 09/01/2012 13:40

Dont forget to prepare to tell him all about where and how to find somewhere to live. Good luck he sounds lovely and yes your dh was being very UR make sure he makes it up to you.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/01/2012 13:45

Oh he does sound nice

Still give your DH a bollocking for putting you on the spot though, because he is looking like the lovely generous host, when the reality is that he won't be there so it requires no effort at all on his part.

AThingInYourLife · 09/01/2012 13:55

If there is

OTTMummA · 09/01/2012 14:01

no G1nger, i was thinking the same, but i am sure OP has realised it would be innapropriate to have him babysit.
His email does sound nice, but why has he got your email?
And tbh, i may be a grumpy ass, but previous experience has taught me the nicer a lodger/guest is the longer they will stay, you will feel less motivated or able to get them to move on, you need to put a 2 week limit, and let the lad know that 2 weeks and thats it, times up!

Oh and you need to have a serious chat with your Husband, it was very disrespectful to agree to this knowing you would be alone with him and doing most of the care taking etc.

ihearthuckabees · 09/01/2012 14:09

I have been put up by people when moving to a new place (and also had the offer retracted at the last minute, probably because the DW has gone ape at the H for not asking first). I was always very grateful, and would do the same for someone else, even if I didn't really want to. What goes around comes around and all that...

NatashaBee · 09/01/2012 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoMoreInsomnia12 · 09/01/2012 14:16

You never know, he might be rather fit. insert devil horned smiley here

sparkle12mar08 · 09/01/2012 14:19

I'd rather have the money for his keep to be honest. I wouldn't want him anywhere near my children unsupervised ('helping with homework' WTAF?!), but then the whole situation would never have happened in this house. Even if dh had come home saying he'd made the offer I'd have simply said 'no, that's not happening' and told him to go away and sort it out.

OTTMummA · 09/01/2012 14:50

sparkle, through the fear of god my dh wouldn't even offer, he knows the death stare would be on full glare- me well!
I can't believe a husband would even think this was ok to do without a discussion first.

MabelLucyAttwell · 09/01/2012 15:57

G1nger

Should he arrive with an up to date CRB?

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