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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want a complete stranger in our spare room for 2 weeks

118 replies

soandsosmummy · 09/01/2012 11:24

DP told me this morning that someone new is starting at work with him on Wednesday and that as he's yet to find somewhere to live he's said they can stay with us for couple of weeks while he looks for a place.

AIBU to be completely pissed off especially as DP seems to think that we should treat them as a guest for this time and cook and eat with them as well as doing their bl**dy laundry.

DP can not understand just why I'm not happy about the idea and thinks its just the kind and sociable thing to do. At the moment all I know is they are male and nothing else about them

Apparantly he's turning up tomorrow evening Shock

OP posts:
Laquitar · 09/01/2012 12:00

Shock@ doing his laundry.

Apart from the hassle (food, bedlinen etc) i think it is a tricky way to start a working in the same office relationship. Holidays and housesharing bring out the worst in people. Especially single person v family.

FWIW i would agree if he was a long term friend (minus the laundry) but i think this is a bad idea for your dh.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 09/01/2012 12:00

start as you mean to go on OP - don't treat him like a guest, get him to help from the word go - you're doing him a favour so he can learn how to help around the house

BluddyMoFo · 09/01/2012 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ephiny · 09/01/2012 12:03

You can still say no. It'll be embarrassing for your DH to have to go back on his offer, but he's brought that on himself by not consulting you first.

dreamingbohemian · 09/01/2012 12:03

Errrrrr.... there are so many things wrong here, where to start!

Of course he has other options. If he's 18 especially, he can stay in a hostel £15 per night.

I don't think your DP is being kind at all. Yes, maybe kind to this kid, but deeply unkind to you in just expecting you to host a complete stranger while he buggers off for work.

I would personally not care whether he made an offer to this guy, I would put my foot down and say no way.

dreamingbohemian · 09/01/2012 12:04

'Well am not happy but its too late now as offer has been made.'

It's not too late!

Don't be a doormat, seriously.

WowOoo · 09/01/2012 12:04

Dh did a similar thing, but asked me first. I was a bit anxious and stressed about it.

He assured me that it would only be for 3 nights. 2 weeks and I would have freaked beforehand.

It was only 4 nights and it was lovely. Guest surprised us by cooking and offering to pay for takeaway on his last night. He really was no trouble at all. Does your h know anything about him?

As others have said, your h should have asked you beforehand. If you say no, your guest will have to get an hotel and your dh should be fine with this.

coppertop · 09/01/2012 12:04

Extremely cheeky to invite someone to stay without checking it was okay with you, OP. Even worse that your dp isn't even planning to take on the extra workload and inconvenience, but will no doubt be taking the credit for being such a nice and generous man.

YANBU.

TobyLeWolef · 09/01/2012 12:04

You know, I don't think I'd have a problem with this at all. Including the cooking and laundry. But that's just me.

I don't necessarily think you are BU to have a problem with it, though, if it bothers you that much.

Jasper · 09/01/2012 12:06

that does make it not so bad and your dh is very kindhearted - on your behalf Sad

fwiw I have some sort of family reputation for international hospitiality and several times a year am asked to have some young friend of a distant relative to stay with us.

i always say yes, always feel scunnered, but it always ends up quite nice really

Jasper · 09/01/2012 12:07

If your dh had phoned you to ask, would you have said yes?

OTTMummA · 09/01/2012 12:08

what's wrong with your husband?
This is so god dam rude!
Please OP, just tell your 'd'h no, this is not happening, especially with him away for 3 nights a week, fuck that!

MabelLucyAttwell · 09/01/2012 12:11

If you haven't done this before, I understand your trepidation about it. My husband and I felt confortable enough with each other to do this. I asked people for a meal (different, I know) and he was fine about it but he did the same. We encompassed each other's lives.

You are older than the 18 year old so will have the 'authority' to be nice and get him involved, when you can, in the household tasks - washing up or clearing tables or setting them. You can show him how to change his bed at the end of the visit and how to use the washing machine. He might offer anyway. Don't assume that he's a yoof with a drug addict or is straight from prison.

It's also possible that your DH was inveigled into offering the accommodation by his Line Manager.

MabelLucyAttwell · 09/01/2012 12:12

comfortable

Original poster
soandsosmummy · 09/01/2012 12:32

OMG just received an email from HIM - its so sweet I think I've just melted:

Dear soandsosmummy

Your DP has very kindly asked me to stay with you for a little while whilst I find somewhere to live.

He has refused for me to pay any rent so I was wondering if there were other ways I could help. For example I have 3 younger brothers and sisters so am very used to children and would be delighted to babysit or help with your daughters school homework sometimes if this would be useful to you. I could also cook some meals or help with housework and will of course bring some food with me.

I really hope I'm not causing you any inconvenience and I'm very grateful to you.

Yours

complete stranger in the spare room

OP posts:
hormonalmum · 09/01/2012 12:36

ooh that is kind of him. Take him up on offers of cooking!

dippydoodah · 09/01/2012 12:36

God, this would be a deal breaker for me! YADNBU, I'm outraged on your behalf.

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2012 12:38

You've clearly struck lucky (hopefully).
But you really need to sit your DP down and excplain very clearly what he has done wrong.

TobyLeWolef · 09/01/2012 12:39

Oh, what a sweetheart.

coppertop · 09/01/2012 12:40

"Your DP has very kindly asked me to stay with you for a little while whilst I find somewhere to live."

When your dp said "a couple of weeks" did he mean two weeks or 'as long as it takes'?

I get the impression from the e-mail that it's going to be for as long as it takes to find somewhere else rather than just 2 weeks.

Technoviking · 09/01/2012 12:40

Shag him, that'll learn DH!

eurochick · 09/01/2012 12:41

Aw, that is sweet. Take him up on his offer of cooking and show him where the washing machine is so he can take care of his own clothes and sheets.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 09/01/2012 12:44

He sounds lovely.
Tell your DH he is never to do this again, then make some space in the fridge for your houseguest and show him how to use the washing machine.

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/01/2012 12:44

I think its sweet your DP looked out for him and made the offer. From his email it sounds like he is a nice young man.

Perhaps your DH hopes that karma may do the same for him some day if your teens need a helping hand to set them on their way.

OlympicEater · 09/01/2012 12:44

He sounds lovely - his parents have either brought him up well or one of them is a MNer