Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not make his dinner?

105 replies

honda123 · 07/01/2012 19:51

Should I make my partner dinner every day?

He works in the building trade and obviously has a very physical job, I made meatloaf but had not done any veg, he came home and threw a wobbly because I was watching a film on the laptop and he said that I should have the dinner ready for him.

Should I??

9 times out of 10 I have made dinner for him when he's working and I'm off.

Each time I have not cooked or the times I've cooked something simple like sausage sandwiches he has been furious and said that I am having a lend of him for not making a proper dinner.

Am I?

My response to him when he says this is that it's not a restaurant and while it is nice if your partner makes dinner it is not compulsory. And that it is not the 1950's!

So, am I being totally unreasonable to expect him to cook himself some veg when he get's home or even not have made dinner at all????

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 07/01/2012 22:07

Oh FFS Kladdkaka. Do you really need to be so pedantic? I shouldn't have to stick a disclaimer at the end of all posts saying they only apply to adults with all use of their limbs.

Kladdkaka · 07/01/2012 22:08

OP In an equal relationship doesn't each partner input an equal amount?

Depends on how you define equal amount.

NewGirlInTown · 07/01/2012 22:09

Stupid bobbity hat or whatever your name is, do please continue to not engage with me. You sound delightful.
And by the way, if he was single he wouldn't be supporting op financially for her to sit watching movies on his dime.
If SHE was single and made redundant I doubt she would have the luxury of watching movies in a warm home, she would have to get on with finding a job to, you know, make money to buy food?

baubleybobbityhat · 07/01/2012 22:10

Lexie - what is it about living with someone that gives partner a the right to expect partner b will cook for them every single day of the week?

Where does it say in the op that honda has cooked for him/herself and the dc (are there any dc?) but has not provided same for partner?

Kladdkaka · 07/01/2012 22:10

Oh FFS Kladdkaka. Do you really need to be so pedantic? I shouldn't have to stick a disclaimer at the end of all posts saying they only apply to adults with all use of their limbs.

What are you getting your knickers in a twist for? You made a statement. It didn't seem right to me so I asked. Confused

McHappyPants2012 · 07/01/2012 22:14

I love my dh but if he came home demanding his dinner I would be telling him to fuck off. If I am cooking will ask if he want anything...... But I didn't get married to be a maid

Original poster
honda123 · 07/01/2012 22:18

Hi,

haven't read all the responses yet but just a few things,

we both work and make the same money, he works a lot more hours than I do which is a big source of frustration to him, particularly since he physically works and is very tired at the end of the day.

I wasn't working today, cleaned the house and relaxed.

during the week he get's home before me and usually cooks the food that I pick up on my way home, he usually insists on cooking. I never expect him to cook for me, it honestly never occurred to me that he would do my dinner if I'm home late - I have no problem with cooking for myself when I get home

OP posts:
baubleybobbityhat · 07/01/2012 22:19

"if he was single he wouldn't be supporting op financially for her to sit watching movies on his dime."

Op says "9 times out of 10 I have made dinner for him when he's working and I'm off".

from which I extrapolated that op works too but wasn't working today.

But even if op never did a days paid work, are you seriously saying that op should jump to attention and provide a fully cooked meal on demand for the working partner? Because if you are then

baubleybobbityhat · 07/01/2012 22:21

x posted with op.

Original poster
honda123 · 07/01/2012 22:22

we don't have kids, both work full time he gets home for 6, I get home for 8

with regards to the sausage sandwich, he came home and I said I had steak or sausages for dinner, he said he wasn't very hungry. I made the sausages and he didn't say anything until a few days later when he flipped

OP posts:
SunRaysthruClouds · 07/01/2012 22:25

Ok Kladdkak let's avoid definitions and truly there is no reason for anyone to be aggressive and demading after a days work.

But...this OP sounds like she doesn't care too much and thinks he should just put up with it without discussion.

So on that basis she is BU

Original poster
honda123 · 07/01/2012 22:25

I did tell him to fuck off, I am not his servant and as a few people have said - what would he do if he was single???

I agree that it is nice to look after your partner and as I said I do make dinner for him, the expectation of it and the idea that it is my 'duty' makes me see red!

I do not expect him to do anything for me!

OP posts:
SunRaysthruClouds · 07/01/2012 22:26

Opps missed an 'a'

oh and an 'n'

SunRaysthruClouds · 07/01/2012 22:27

Except work and bring home the bacon, Honda!

SunRaysthruClouds · 07/01/2012 22:28

ok may be not the bacon but a couple of slices of ham Smile

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 07/01/2012 22:30

Well if he said 'sausages' he cn't moan at 'sausages'! Confused

Original poster
honda123 · 07/01/2012 22:32

And obviously if I cooked for myself I would cook enough for him, that would be incredibly inconsiderate otherwise.

And as to the equal contributions comments, I do 90% of the cleaning and washing, and buy most of the food. He in no way supports me financially, in fact I occasionally have to lend him money or pay bills myself instead of splitting them.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 07/01/2012 22:33

You don't have to explain yourself honda

He was being a twat.

SunRaysthruClouds · 07/01/2012 22:35

Depends if they are Richmand (oh dear) or slightly more exotice sausages eg Toulouse

SunRaysthruClouds · 07/01/2012 22:35

I really can't spell this evening

troisgarcons · 07/01/2012 22:35

If I were him, I'd ditch you.

Out of your own mouth = during the week he get's home before me and usually cooks the food that I pick up on my way home, he usually insists on cooking

mynewpassion · 07/01/2012 22:37

Seriously, if he is doing his fair share of the cooking, then you need to cook for him when he gets home on your day off.

He does it for you, you should do it for him. Or if you aren't going to cook, you should at least let him know so he could pick something up on the way home.

Original poster
honda123 · 07/01/2012 22:43

Well, some of you are saying I am unreasonable and some people are on my side

I guess I feel like I'm a good partner who thinks of and considers her other half but I am not here for the sole purpose of looking after him. And to be honest not making a proper dinner once every few weeks is not a big deal at all, what about all the other times I do do it? And when I do his washing or buy him new socks?

The way he is reacting over this is extreme though, he is convinced that he is absolutely right and I am totally out of order.

I don't know where to go from here, I can't promise to have his dinner ready for him every night, and I'm already getting anxious about what I'm going to cook for him tomorrow

OP posts:
BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 07/01/2012 22:47

Well, imo, if you have this much of a faff over dinner, who does what, what's equal and fair, then I wouldn't recommend having kids with him!

Blimey!

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/01/2012 22:47

He does not get to demand that you cook for him.

You are not his employee.