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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not make his dinner?

105 replies

honda123 · 07/01/2012 19:51

Should I make my partner dinner every day?

He works in the building trade and obviously has a very physical job, I made meatloaf but had not done any veg, he came home and threw a wobbly because I was watching a film on the laptop and he said that I should have the dinner ready for him.

Should I??

9 times out of 10 I have made dinner for him when he's working and I'm off.

Each time I have not cooked or the times I've cooked something simple like sausage sandwiches he has been furious and said that I am having a lend of him for not making a proper dinner.

Am I?

My response to him when he says this is that it's not a restaurant and while it is nice if your partner makes dinner it is not compulsory. And that it is not the 1950's!

So, am I being totally unreasonable to expect him to cook himself some veg when he get's home or even not have made dinner at all????

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 07/01/2012 21:11

Jeez, this seems old fashioned to me. I'm at home but am under no obligation to cook for my husband. I am of course responsible for the kids' tea. If I have cooked for me then I will always cook for husband. But if I just have a sarnie then he just makes something himself, because I am NOT A SERVANT.

No, but one would hope you are in a partnership. And if you cant equally do things then it isnt an equal relationship is it? Otherwise it just two people living in a house, who randomly shag, produce children and live their own lives and sate their own needs.

chipmunksex · 07/01/2012 21:26

Having a full time job does not excuse anyone from taking care of themselves.

I work p/t and I mostly cook something for dh at tea time, because I am already making something for me and the dc, but if we have been somewhere and eaten out or only had a toastie or something, then dh makes himself something when he comes in.

Sometimes I just don't make him anything-he has never ever complained. When I go to work (at the weekend) dh sometimes makes tea for me, but mostly I make something for myself.

The idea of a Man coming home and demanding a 'proper' cooked meal is outrageous imo

NewGirlInTown · 07/01/2012 21:32

Surely the person who is in the house all day, with access to the kitchen, should prepare the meal? This is regardless of gender in my view, as you can get elements of the meal started and finished around other things you are doing, simply because of your proximity to the kitchen.
The person who is out all day, working to provide a roof over your head and presumably pay for the food you are eating would not be unreasonable to be miffed at you. His access to food during his paid work will be limited and he is probably starving by the time he gets home, it is just rude of OP to sit on her ass and watch movies without contributing. Forget marriage, imagine if this was a friends situation, where you were a non paying guest in a home being paid for by another friend.
The least you could do would be to prepare a meal.

Gay40 · 07/01/2012 21:33

In my house, he'd be told to go fuck himself.

RoughShooting · 07/01/2012 21:40

And in mine, Gay40. Did he not cook for himself before he met you, or is he one of those that went straight from being looked after by his mother and expects you to step in to her role?

BluddyMoFo · 07/01/2012 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lexie1970 · 07/01/2012 21:41

so where is Honda to give more info?

I don't consider myself to be a stepford wife but since being made redundanct and being at home with DS I now cook all the meals and do all the housework - that is the trade off with DP working all hours. However myself and DS eat about 5.30 and DP's gets plated up and he has to microwave it if he is not home when we eat. There have been a couple of gripes about me not waiting for him to eat but I eat with DS end of, and at weekends we can eat as a couple / or family....

I tended to cook previously as well a. because I can cook and b. I generally walked through the front door before DP. As previouse poster has said you are in a partnership not flat sharing.

Also think that if all your partner has to look forward to when he gets home is a sausage sandwich then I am not surprised he was hacked off - he probably had that at the cafe for breakfast!!

QuintessentiallyShallow · 07/01/2012 21:42

Yanbu to not cook proper dinners with meat AND veg, potatoes or rice, etc.

Surely YOU eat? Why not make enough for two?

If you both work, you should divide cooking between you.

skybluepearl · 07/01/2012 21:44

honda - more details needed. Do you have kids? how many? work?

solidgoldbrass · 07/01/2012 21:45

It does sound as though this man considers the OP his domestic servant, which is not good. THough there is nothing particularly wrong with one member of a family being the one who does most of the cooking if the other one hates cooking but does the bulk of different household jobs instead.

baubleybobbityhat · 07/01/2012 21:46

NewGirlInTown - imagine if he was single and going home to an empty house? how would he eat then??

minimisschief · 07/01/2012 21:46

why wouldn't you? in our house we have a meal time. Seeing as i am in before my partner i make the family meal. i would assume you made something for yourself yeah? so why is it too much to double the portion?

I do not understand this resentment people have with making meals for their partners/families. I would probably throw a wobbly if i came back and my partner had just cooked for herself.

YuleingFanjo · 07/01/2012 21:48

I wouldn't be makiing dinner for anyone who spoke to me like he speaks to you,

baubleybobbityhat · 07/01/2012 21:48

Actually I have no idea why I am trying to engage with you NewGirl because your post is such utter fucking nonsense.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 07/01/2012 21:52

Since when is sausage sandwiches adequate for your dinner at the end of the day? Especially if you have a physical job? Not very filling or appetising imo.

For breakfast? Yes

Lunch? Maybe

Dinner? Not really

However, do agree we need more info on your circumstance before making a final judgement

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/01/2012 21:52

I get in before DH and he always cooks dinner.

I am a spectacularly shite and disinterested cook though.

He enjoys it, gets himself a glass of red and thinks he's Floyd.

I do all the washing up, he uses every utensil in the place though.

Lexie1970 · 07/01/2012 21:52

baubly but the point of this post is that he is not single and going home to an empty house.

Would you not cook for your partner if you had cooked for yourself and kids?

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/01/2012 21:54

If he can't be arsed cooking, we get a takeaway.

I would never, ever, ever bollock him for not feeding me. Why should he?

startail · 07/01/2012 21:54

Details are totally irrelevant no fit healthy adult has the "Right" to expect a meal to be cooked for them unless they have gone to a restaurant.
It may be easier, fairer and more sensible for the partner with more time to cook, but they jolly well don't have to if they don't feel like it.
OP wants veg. he sodding well cooks them himself and shuts up.
My DH works long hours, but he still helps with supper, sometimes it's nice to do it together. Also someone else's input makes the menu less boring.

Kladdkaka · 07/01/2012 21:55

I think it depends entirely on your own set up. I'm at home all day, but with grown up yeah right child. I don't cook for my husband every night even though he works very longs hours (out 6.00 - 8.00). He wouldn't dream of kicking off, he just gets on with it himself. He knows though that I'm doing my best and so accepts any food gratefully, even if it's just a tin of soup and some sarnies.

startail · 07/01/2012 21:56

Op's DH wants veg.

If my DH spoke to me like that tea would be fish everyday for a weekGrin

blackoutthexmaslights · 07/01/2012 21:57

well dp must really be hard done by, i'm a sahm and he comes home and cooks.

if dp ever spoke to me like the op's partner has then he'll be lucky the door doesn't hit his arse on the way out

thepeoplesprincess · 07/01/2012 22:00

No adult has the right to demand a meal at the end of the day.

But equally, no adult has the right to sit on their arse all day, contributing nothing to the household whilst the other one is out working.

It's impossible to comment on the ethics without any further details.

And in future- buy some of those steamfresh bags of veg.

Kladdkaka · 07/01/2012 22:05

But equally, no adult has the right to sit on their arse all day, contributing nothing to the household whilst the other one is out working.

That's a rather sweeping generalisation. What about adults with conditions for which anything beyond sitting on their arse all day is a bonus?

SunRaysthruClouds · 07/01/2012 22:05

OP In an equal relationship doesn't each partner input an equal amount? If he came home and said the he decided not to work one day in ten so every tenth day there would be nothing to eat how would that work?

Irrespective of that your post suggests that you don't realy care that much. I may be wrong but I don't see yours as a partnership where both want to give.