To think that if DH is going to spend in excess of half an hour laying a brown cable, he might give us some warning?

[BupcakesandCunting]

Plaiting my legs here.

DH went up for what I now know must be a monumental turd at 1900 hours. Gave no warning, didn;t say "do you need the bathroom before I plant my arse on the porcelain throne for half an hour?" Just goes in and doesn't emerge for ages.

I need a wee something rotten. He should give warning, right?

As we only have 1 bathroom, we have a strict timetable in the mornings - I'm first up into bathroom and have wee, then DH goes in for his marathon session and 30 mins later, he showers/shaves then DC get up and use bathroom. I then get to shower once they are all done. All straightforward one would think - except DH keeps getting up early - 5 mins before my alarm goes off and then I am desperate to wee (and I mean desperate!) so I hammer on the door - "I'm on the loo" he responds, 'well get off - its my time!" (edited version) conversation ensues, resulting in me shouting 'I need a wee" several times and waking up the DC. Then they need a wee ...
Why can't he wait 5 mins and go after me? I don't take any longer but he can't or won't get out any quicker than 30 mins!
I now jump out of bed and run past him into the bathroom when I hear him get up before my alarm!
It wouldn't matter if he was speedy in his toiletting or waited until I had been first but I/DC can't wait 30 mins once we are awake and he keeps going in first regardless.

We are currently planning an extension with 2 more bathrooms so we can all get up more calmly rather than current stressful sprinting to bathroom. Well it is either that or a divorce and he thinks the extension will be cheaper as well as add value.

How can he give you warning that he is going to be half an hour.

Wish i could predict how long my body is going to take to do things.

Oh come on Mini, we all know roughly how long we will be in the loo unless we are ill! And if someone regularly takes 30 minutes then surely they will know!

I am still amazed that with 8 of us in the house and only one loo, we dont have more issues. Although there has been the occasional "cover your bits, {young child} needs a wee" when someone is in the bath. Thats rare though, as we have a house rule that is the only one everyone keeps. You have to go and tell everyone who is awake if you are going for a bath incase they need to "go" and accept that anyone who is in bed (the youngest DCs) may walk in at any point, half asleep, have a wee and then leave without shutting the door behind them!

OMFG!

Just laughing told Dh about "leaving the turd in peace" (which made me snort laughing!) and he has told me the most disturbing thing I have ever heard!

Throughout most of his 20s he shared a house with his BF, they are still BF, he was our best man and I shall never look at him the same way again!

According to BF there is the "Poo Ferris Wheel". So, if you feel the poo nudging then it's car on the ferris wheel is right by your bumhole. BUT, if you dont get to the loo in time then the wheel moves on and empty car after empty car is presented at your exit. So you then have to wait the required amount of time until your poo's car comes back round again and, aslong as you are upon the the throne, your poo will exit the ferris wheel.

I dont think I will ever be able to go to the loo again without thinking of the ferris wheel up my bottom!

Plaiting my legs here

Feck me Buppy how long is your leg hair?
Get some Veet wax in the microwave while you're waiting.

BogeyFace - the 'poo ferris wheel' genius expression has reminded me of a film I saw, I forget the name, but a family is on a road trip and the young girl in the back of the car is wailing that she needs the loo and it is prairie dogging ... I presume because prairie dogs like to pop in and out of holes!

Is it worrying that I really want marmite on toast now?
I am on a diet - my stomach isn't fussy atm

at Leave it peace" and plaiting leg hair

Bogeyface, I've read DH your DH's BF's 'ferris wheel' analogy, and he's nodded sagely, as though this is common knowledge

He also agrees to 'it's the only time I get any peace'.

I never get piece in the toilet, DS is normally banging on the door shouting 'mummy!!!!'

piece? FFS. 'peace'