To be traumatised by this; at child's swimming lesson and what should I do?

[Zipitydooda]

My sons' go to after school swimming lessons at a pool. They are 7 and (just) 4 and have been having lessons here for 2 terms. Today was the first lesson of the term and the groups/teachers had swapped around.

Parents can watch the lessons through large windows to the poolside that are partially soundproofed both ways. There is a locked door to the poolside that teachers have the code for that can be opened from poolside with no code but handle too high for a child. They don't use armbands.

I was watching my 4 year old (non swimmer) go to the lesson his name was called for and I saw immediately that he was not in the right group (the children were all at least 2 years older than him) and was being led to the deep end. I banged on the windows to tell them. The nearest teachers looked at me and continued to talk to each other. I saw the children were jumping into the deep end one at a time. I banged louder and repeatedly; my older son was trying to leap up and reach the door handle from inside. I continued to bang; someone finally opened the door and I started telling him to stop my son jumping in, he can't swim etc, just as he jumped in. I continued to shout for what seemed like ages but was probably a matter of a few seconds as I saw my DS under the water. Thank goodness, he popped up and someone grabbed him.

He was very distressed, as was I. He is the most amazing boy and after cuddles and reassurance from me, went to the correct class. They had messed up with their paperwork and somehow had him down for his brother's group and vice versa.

He was fine, his older brother was in tears having watched, what he thought was, his little brother drowning. I was (and still am) in pieces about this. I feel that my trust in the pool people to ensure the safety of my child has been betrayed. Another child would have refused to swim again after this; my DS is the exception. I complained and was told no one from management was there and did I want someone to phone me? No apology, no recognition of how traumatic this situation was for me to see unfolding (it was like one of those nightmares where you are trying to run, talk etc but you can't), no nothing yet.

Am I unreasonable to be so upset? And What Should I do?

Written complaint.

Not unreasonable to be upset at all. I'd be the same.

In this day and age though, you tend to find that people will play down things like this and you won't get a 'sorry' from someone there and then, in case you use it as an admission of liability.

Not always. of course.

Of course you feel very upset - it sounds as if the swimming teachers were being very negligent. I think you need to ring up and make an appointment with the supervisor of all the swimming teachers (not the management of the pool) to discuss what happened.

For that age don't parents go with the child to the appropriate lesson before leaving them?

Written complaint - not verbal. A written complaint has to be actioned.

Write it tonight and hand deliver it tomorrow.

This is terrible!! The teachers definitely need to be more vigilant, my 3 year old is in a stage 3 class and all of the children are a couple of years older than him, every time there is a change of teachers they refuse to let him get in the pool and I have to go around and argue with him that he is actually in the right class - even though his name is on the register...

I can't believe the swimming instructors at your pool were not vigilant enough to spot he was not in the right class! They should have at least taken the register before they let the kids get in the pool! You're lucky your son doesn't seem to be too traumatised by this!

That sounds horrendous.

Gumby - no. My three year old is in a group of children (aged up to about 7 I guess) that get called to a teacher. She wouldn't challenge a teacher calling her by name to a group, although she would be obviously unsure, especially if I had warned her that teachers/groups were changing). The difference at our pool is that I would be able to get on the poolside.

I think you should ask for the handle to be changed. I have seen situations in swimming lessons where parents have shouted to a teacher/lifeguard to be aware.

In the nicest possible way, you probably made this more traumatic than it needed to be. I can understand the 'Oh Fuck He Can't Swim' moment, but surely if he's been going to lessons he could doggy paddle to the side. All you needed to do was alert someone to the possibility that he may not do that when he pops up and he may need help. Hysteria seldom helps any situation. They are learning to deal with exactly that kind of situation.

Why didn't either of your boys say 'I/he can't swim'?

I get your distress, I know if this would have been me my heart would have been in my mouth and I would expect an apology from the pool. But, do you honestly think the swim teacher would have stood there and let him drown? Surely as soon as they saw your son struggling they would have (and did) grab him and if they were not able to grab him I'm quite sure one would have jumped in without a moments thought.

I would be so upset too. Agree written complaint, about the incidence and their poor response to it.

Oh I turned up for my fIrst swimming lesson, the teacher said jump in thinking I was with the intermediate class before, I did and I lived.

Calm down.

Your son is fine, he was never going to drown in a pool with a teacher watching him and lifeguards standing round. Just take a deep breath and stop being over dramatic before you end up giving him a fear of the pool.

For what it's worth, it didn't put me off for a second either.

I'm so sorry this happened. It must have been horribly upsetting for you but I think you need to play it down. Seeing you upset would have heightened his anxiety.

However, I would not be taking them back.

Hysteria seldom helps any situation, it's a bit like hindsight then?
It doesn't sound like the OP was in a position to 'alert someone to the possibility' of anything, from behind a locked door.
I think this situation sounds awful, really upsetting. An apology should definitely be forthcoming.

How awful for you all. I definitely echo the posts above about written complaint. I'd also try to get them both back swimming at their next lesson (I know it's be easy to think about not taking him/them back there but think he needs to get back on the horse (so to speak) asap or he/they might start to think about the what ifs & be frightened of getting back in the water.)

I am angry for you. If it was me I would find a different pool or get 1-1 lessons. No excuses and swimming teachers and lifeguards at pools are not as interested in your child's safety as you are, talking from experience.

Bloody hell, after retrieving my heart from my stomach I'd have been furious. Of course, mistakes are made etc but the fact that you couldn't alert them to their mistake is wrong.

I think you will find it is not in the best interest of a swimming teachers or a lifeguard to let a child drown in the pool on their watch, therefore they are likely to be as interested as they need to be, though not emotionally engaged with your particular little poppet.

When I had an issue with my dd's swimming class, I said I wanted someone from the office to call me and explain. 15 minutes later the owner of the swimming school was at the poolside to check out what was happening. He came and spoke to me, apologised and rectified the situation. In your situation, I would insist on speaking to the manager, and if I didn't get a satisfactory response I would definitely move.

The locked door thing seems weird to me, too - we can sit around the pool if we want (but most of us go and watch from a balcony).

i would be fuming and a letter of complaint would be made.

I can't really get my head round this one, I think I'm superimposing DD's lessons onto the top of it. They shouldn't have got mixed up of course, and they shouldn't have let him jump in certainly. There should also be access from the watching area to the pool, that sounds a bit silly. Although I remember in my own swimming lessons adults watched from the bar which was on a different floor with a window vaguely looking at the pool! (any excuse for a glass of wine I reckon).

I'm a little confused on the armbands/flotation devices thing too I thought that was a given really with little ones round a pool.

Having said all that the first thing they told DD to do at her swimming lessons (she began at age 3) was to jump in the pool, and they have no shallow end where she has lessons, it's all deep. I've always encouraged her to jump right in! And if your DS has been having lessons for two terms couldn't he manage even a bit of a wiggle?

I don't think it should have happened but I think the danger is a bit exaggerated, he did jump in, he was pulled right out, he's fine, and likely if you'd been away from the window (at the bar - joke) the same would have happened and you wouldn't have known anything about it bar a mention of when he jumped in on the way home. I'm not sure either of your DSes would have been quite so upset if you hadn't been shouting and banging on the glass.

I am always in the pool swimming when DD has her lessons, maybe you could swim too if you don't trust them? Then you can do your own lifesaving if required ;)

I think YABU to be 'traumatised' but it wouldn't hurt to complain a bit as it shouldn't have happened.

The locked door is weird.
What if you need to get your dc in an emergency?

Thank you for your responses. I will put things in writing.

Just to add, I don't think I was hysterical, just worried for my son. I haven't been going over it with him, he is fine and will be fine to swim again.

As for why he didn't refuse; I saw him talking to the teacher before he jumped. I don't know what he was saying; maybe he was saying that he didn't want to jump?? I don't want to make him think this is a big deal, so I haven't quizzed him about it. He generally does what he's told by his teachers as he trusts them and I don't want him not to at 4.

Chippingin he can't doggy paddle, he's not swum without an adult with him before, he 'fakes' swimming with his feet on the floor usually. On holiday he wouldn't go in the pool unless he was being held. I couldn't alert anyone; that's what I was trying to do by banging on the window!
Don't know why my 7 yr old didn't say anything, I guess he didn't realise what was happening till it was too late ...... And he is 7?

I think you need to speak to some one who is responsible for the safety of the swimmers.

Also ask them why they lock the door so the parents can't get to the pool.

I would move your DSs to swimming classes where parents sit directly around the pool. Your inability to get the teachers' attention is scary - I find that worse than the admin error of putting your DS2 into the wrong class. Yes I'm sure they wouldn't have actually let him drown but if you had had direct access to the pool the whole thing wouldn't have happened.

The locked door is normal - to prevent parental interference which is unhelpful. I used to teach swimming and found it necessary to stop parents telling me how to do my job, hence distracting me from the essential observation of pupils.
This said I have just removed DS from swimming lessons after he had an asthma attack in the pool which they failed to inform me about. I wouldn't be happy in your situation OP.