To be traumatised by this; at child's swimming lesson and what should I do?

[Zipitydooda]

My sons' go to after school swimming lessons at a pool. They are 7 and (just) 4 and have been having lessons here for 2 terms. Today was the first lesson of the term and the groups/teachers had swapped around.

Parents can watch the lessons through large windows to the poolside that are partially soundproofed both ways. There is a locked door to the poolside that teachers have the code for that can be opened from poolside with no code but handle too high for a child. They don't use armbands.

I was watching my 4 year old (non swimmer) go to the lesson his name was called for and I saw immediately that he was not in the right group (the children were all at least 2 years older than him) and was being led to the deep end. I banged on the windows to tell them. The nearest teachers looked at me and continued to talk to each other. I saw the children were jumping into the deep end one at a time. I banged louder and repeatedly; my older son was trying to leap up and reach the door handle from inside. I continued to bang; someone finally opened the door and I started telling him to stop my son jumping in, he can't swim etc, just as he jumped in. I continued to shout for what seemed like ages but was probably a matter of a few seconds as I saw my DS under the water. Thank goodness, he popped up and someone grabbed him.

He was very distressed, as was I. He is the most amazing boy and after cuddles and reassurance from me, went to the correct class. They had messed up with their paperwork and somehow had him down for his brother's group and vice versa.

He was fine, his older brother was in tears having watched, what he thought was, his little brother drowning. I was (and still am) in pieces about this. I feel that my trust in the pool people to ensure the safety of my child has been betrayed. Another child would have refused to swim again after this; my DS is the exception. I complained and was told no one from management was there and did I want someone to phone me? No apology, no recognition of how traumatic this situation was for me to see unfolding (it was like one of those nightmares where you are trying to run, talk etc but you can't), no nothing yet.

Am I unreasonable to be so upset? And What Should I do?

I was watching a class. Teacher was so busy watching other children that she didn't see this particular boy in difficulties. The pool was noisy and I was poolside but could not attract teacher's attention so had to act. I fished him out. He was in deep section and had almost swum a width (older boy) but panicked and then got into difficulty. His mother was sobbing and very distressed.

Whilst I understand that over anxious parents are unhelpful, interfering parents can hamper and make lessons unsafe... not all parents are like this and some are justified in their concerns.

Mishaps do happen in every job. I'd have been frantic and more so by being prevented from alerting anyone to the problem. I hope they acknowledge your concerns and don't make the mistake of automatically defending their system without really considering what went on.

Can't help thinking you overreacted tbh. He was supervised. Your reaction will unnerve him more I would have thought.

Can't help thinking you overreacted tbh. He was supervised. Your reaction will unnerve him more I would have thought.

of course you didnt over react, i cant believe some people think you did and am sure if it had been THEIR child they would have done the same. all you did was try and tell them that he was in the wrong group and shouldn't be jumping in the deep end! can anyone truthfully say they would just sit and watch and think "oh well they will pull him out surely"

TBH, what would absolutely piss me off was the teachers looking & ignoring.

If not for that you could simply have calmly told someone that he was with the wrong group.

I remember getting out of my depth at a swimming lesson when i was about 4 I kept bobbing up gasping for air and then going down again.the swimming teacher was stood o the side of the pool motioning 'swim, swim' instead of getting a pole to pull me out or jump in to rescue me.I don't know how long I was drowning for but it felt like ages and was utterly terrifying.In the end i drifted up to the dividing rope and pulled myself to the side.

But instead of letting me go crying to my mum , they made me stay in the water in the shallow end holding my arms while i jumped up and down to begin with, til I'd calmed down, and then carry on with the class.I think the biggest mistake the pool made was not doing that.Credit to your son that he would carry on, but lots might have been too frightened to go back in if they weren't forced to STAIGHTAWAY.

Zipity I would change classes. Go somewhere where you can hear what's going on.

Our local pool had a similar set-up to the one you describe, an alarmed fire door and thick glass for 'spectators' to sit behind. There were too many classes, loads of kids everywhere and young instructors who did a lot of eye rolling.

We moved them to a lovely, quiet (more expensive unfortunatley) private pool within a club setting. I could sit at the side with a coffee, hear and see everything. Get them away from what soulnds like a bit of a shambles.

Learning to swim isn't supposed to be torture

Op I know someone who was the manager of a pool when someone drown it is why he no longer manages one! Please speak to the manager, they will take you seriously, as you should be, and they will take action.

But hang on, confidence is key in learning how to swim.

I have had a few confidence knickers myself, which really shook me.

I do persevere and I'm an ok swimmer now.

Teachers were negligent. Hand that letter in asap.

I would pursue this.

Play it down in front of DS,and go swimming at first opportunity.

I think this will have been an admin error.The teacher will have assumed particular abilities in line with the level of the group.The fact DS was younger wouldn't necessarily raise eyebrows (as with other things,some kids progress faster)But this admin error should not have happened.

The swimming teacher will either be trained in lifesaving,or there will be lifeguards present,so I think the danger was minimal.However,this doesn't lessen how traumatic this could be for a child who cannot swim.Its all very well to say that the child will be pulled out.BUT that experience could put them off swimming for life.

I can understand your feeling of panic completely and the feeling of helplessness.Some pools put locked doors in place as parents have dived in and pulled children out when there was no problem and caused a traumatic incident in doing so,or because the teachers are permanently being asked questions and being pulled off poolside when the should be teaching all the other children and (more crucially) ensuring their safety.I am not entirely sure where I stand on this.

I think you need to ensure that your concerns are not brushed off.Perhaps some sort of a system could be put in place to stop this happening again.

But I also think its vital you don't transfer your feelings on this to your DS ,and work to keep his confidence with swimming.

I hope you get some answers.

I'm a nervous swimmer myself, so have sympathy with you. On the other hand, the children were jumping in one by one, supervised by a teacher and your son was pulled out of the pool as soon as he was in difficulty

After some reassurance, your son was happy to go back in the pool. I think you can choose whether or not to complain, but would be far better not to let your children be aware of your concerns

Where my DD has lessons, parents are not encouraged to sit by the side of the pool. I am content to trust the teacher to be in control

I agree with CountessBabycham.
If this had happened to my 5 year old I know we would have had a massive job to get her back in the pool, regardless of how I reacted at the time. and I am a qualified swimming teacher.
It was an accident yes, but it could have easily been prevented and you need to complain in writing.
I don't think you over reacted.

I can't believe that anyone would regard your reaction as unreasonable.
Any parent who would calmly watch her non swimming child jump in the deep end whilst the teachers gazed on with bored indifference is an arse.

Do people really have absoloutely faith that every swimming lesson is run by total professionals who feign ignoring a distressed mother but are silently attuned to the every need of their charges - in spite of their already having cocked up the groupings

I would make a complaint to the manager of the pool but also carry on regardless as far as swimming is concerned.

I found that regular swimming lessons were too easy for my daughter to lose herself in and the instructor never knew whether she was paying attention or not so I have switched to 1-1 lessons so I know she is in safe hands.

Totally agree pagwatch.

Written complaint, request refund for this term and find new swimming classes. But you know, they cocked up; but they jumped in fast and rescued and your ds wasn't so bothered he couldn't join his next class. You have two boys at same school, same surname = admin error. Are you sure you aren't more stressed by this than your ds?

Wow - I teach babyswimming up to about age 4 and I really struggle with the idea that people are happy letting their 3/4 year olds into the water without an adult with them. I understand that the ASA teachers don't get in the water with the kids but teach from the side which IMHO is fine for older kids, 5/6 up who have some understanding of school style discipline, the little ones don't and even if they have floatation devices they will put themselves in danger somehow. I'm not happy with any class that puts kids into deep water on their first session back either.
Some kids have a natural affinity with the water, some don't. I've seen 3/4 year old kids swimming without floatation aids. I've seen kids who sink like a stone and don't enjoy the water. You have no idea what you are dealing with until they get in the water. You can't have a meaningful conversation with a four year-old about swimming, the only people who know are the parents. When I get in the water I have to make a risk assessment and for me part of that is knowing that mum and lo are relaxed and happy. Happy mum, happy kid, happy swim. If anyone is tense then it's not going to go well and no learning is going to happen.
I would write and complain.. and find a different class. They put your kid in danger why on earth would you go back to them for further lessons.

Yanbu, complain and they need to change their procedures

I think the OP is right to be upset. Some people say the boy wouldn't have drowned; well, maybe not, but an experience like that can leave you with a lifelong fear of water.

I think it's very wrong that parents are effectively locked out of the pool when their children are swimming, particularly when the children are so young. My DD started swimming lessons as a baby; the parents all went in with the children. When they could swim, the parents all sat around the side (and incidentally I never once saw a parent try to interfere with a lesson). What is more, the teacher always went in the water with the children, and we trusted her completely.

Having made a formal complaint, I would definitely move to a different swimming class.

In our local pool the parents stay with yhe children until they are with the appropriate teacher as there may be children with the same names and teachers sometimes change for various reasons - is this not an option at your pool?

I agree it was very scary and you should ask to find out what happened and why but i think a formal complaint and changing classes is a bit extreme.

Unfortunately it is quite common that parents will not necessarily interfere with a lesson but perhaps engage in a conversation or questions that then shortens the lessons for other pupils,and distracts the teacher which can present safety issues.

If a teacher is in the pool there should be a lifeguard present.A teacher in the pool does not have the same overview of the class as a teacher on the side.

I certainly think you should complain OP,and make it clear that you won't be satisfied until a working practice is put in place to make sure this isn't allowed to happen again - which can,and should,be done.

YADNBU!!!!!

This is outrageous! I would complain very vociferously. Ok, it didn't traumatise him, but it did you, and your older son. I know my DS1 would have been very upset by this.

I don't think you were in any way hysterical, I'd have done exactly the same in your situation. They were negligent, plain and simple, in not checking who was in their group. You'd think they'd have noticed a 4yr old in amongst older children. And they should NOT have ignored you, plain and simple.

Sorry, don't have time to read the rest of the thread, will check back and see what you have decided.

But YADNBU>

Sorry, I haven't had a chance to update till now and see many more replies!

Well I have written and hand delivered a letter and had a phone call from them saying they are looking into the matter and need to speak to the teachers concerned before getting back to me. Fair enough. I will hopefully hear something on Monday.

I think someone asked about teachers being in the pool and they would expect that for little ones. IF he had been in the correct class then the teacher is in the pool with them and they are at the shallow end not out of their depth but he was put in a class of 6/7/8 year olds and the teacher does not go in with them.

Also the reason I chose this pool rather than one where you sit poolside is due to having a new baby and having sat poolside with DS2 as a baby; him wanting to crawl around and getting very hot and bothered each lesson, I thought I'd save myself the stress! Also the pool has a very good reputation for its teaching.

Both boys are keen to go back next week; I'm not quizzing them but they have said so and do generally love the lessons. I tried out 3 different places with DS1 for swimming lessons over the years and I have been mostly pleased with this place. It all depends upon the response from the management really, I'll update you when I hear. I hope those of you who said 'leave now!' won't be disappointed with me!

God, how scary. I feel really sorry for you. And I disagree with posters who said it was no big deal, that he would have been fine. Have you ever seen a child drown? I have, and it's a very quiet thing that can v. easily happen in a busy pool.

A friend had to jump in and rescue her own 3yo during a swimming lesson when the teacher had turned her back. So no, yadnbu.

I hope they can resolve this for you but yes, their attitude post-event would definitely have made this worse for you. Big sympathy from me and hope you can all get past it so your boys can become strong swimmers.