for saying that I believe "most" women aren't that interested in porn and for getting upset when DH tries to prove me wrong

[idiotwind]

DH and I have been having this "debate" for a little while and I have to admit it makes me feel a bit under pressure to conform to his ideal - ie that most women do watch porn. This evening, I happen to have deleted the history on the computer purely because it was getting busy and he joked that I had been looking at porn. Which I wasn't. I don't really have any interest in it and, though have done very rarely in the past, it's not something I really enjoy. If anything I find it degrading to the women involved. When I stated this, my view, once again to DH he started looking online and printed out an article which vaguely implied that 40% of porn is downloaded by women and left it by the cooker. I said well that still doesn't mean "most" women.
I feel upset that he's tried to discredit my view and make me feel like there is something wrong with me for not being into it. He says, I quote "you are not all women so you can't speak for all women". He also says my reaction, ie getting upset by him doing/saying this is just hormones. I'm pg, 1st trimester. Which I again, feel like a devaluation of my feelings. But AIBU? Is it just hormones? Do most women in fact watch porn?
PS I'm a regular but have namechanged for obvious reasons

ok, you can live like this

I could not

if this is "better" I feel horrified for you all over again

hissy ffs, where are you ?

Oh idiotwind this just gets worse and worse....

He 'mirrors' you, so its YOUR fault when he's in a bad mood?

He is sometimes 'amazing' (just long enough to get you thinking everything's going to be fine this time) but then abruptly changes tack, making you waste time and energy wondering what you did to make him change?

You seriously doubt his mental health (he probably isn;t bipolar, but it suits him to have you looking anywhere but him to blame his behaviour on)

He has convinced you that his abuse of you is 'part of his culture' - so not really his fault.

He acts up when he doesnt get your attention?

This is properly bad, and isn't going to get better.

I agree that what everyone else does is irrelevant and he should resepct how you feel.

I think that women are made to feel that they shouldn't like porn, but that's a whole other issue. The fact is he doesn't respect your feelings and that's the problem.

He sounds exhausting

Do you really imagine there is some magic sentence you can say that will finally get through to him that he's behaving badly?

It sounds like you are willing to allow your children to continue to hear him emotionally abuse you because you think someday he will magically get it and become a good person.

Most likely, he is not a good person who sometimes acts badly. He's a bad person who acts good as long as things are going his way and everyone is dancing to his tune.

I'm sorry to be harsh but I think you need to be a bit more realistic about the chances that he will improve, and more alarmed about what you are putting your children through whilst you're waiting for him to reform.

I think if he realises that civilised people don't act this way then he'll change

Yeah.

He won't.

He already knows how civilised people act, and chooses to behave differently.

How other people behave is irrelevant. If 99% of women are interested in porn it doesn't mean that you have to be.
I would dispute it. I find it boring-I like a story and my imagination.

"I'm probably just as much at fault"

OMG of course you are not.

He´s an adult-why in God´s name would he wind you up?

If you've been together for 10 years and he was an adult before that then he must have had quite a lot of exposure to 'civilized' people surely? Does he come from somewhere like the Middle East and have very different social norms?

Given the concerns, what is your objection to being checked by doctors in his country OP?

He won't be the first foreigner to believe the NHS is worse than their own country' health services - and having lived in quite a few countries abroad I'd be inclined to agree with quite a few of them!

IdiotWind - if you are named after the Bob Dylan song, then I think it's an apt description of your husband )-:

you are fully justified in not liking porn and shouldn't feel wrong in doing so. Stay strong!!