To be offended by being treated as DP's possession?

[MizK]

DP and I went to Liverpool for New Year's Eve, had a lovely time overall. We went into town at night, obviously the bars were pretty crowded and busy so we got a little bit bumped and jostled as we walked through places. All to be expected - however on two separate occasions, when a man would accidentally nudge or bump me, he would then look over at DP and apologise directly to him for bumping me! As though I was DPs pint that had been spilled or something! No apology directly to me at all. AIBU to think thats weird and annoying, and a little bit sexist? Also wondering if anybody else has noticed this....?

Isn't it because it is "usually" the bloke who wallops the bumper?

It has nothing to do with the bumper actually being sorry and everything to do with them not wanting to get their head kicked in.

Are you sure they knew it was you they'd bumped and not DP? If they knew it was you then YANBU, how odd that anyone would do that (small proviso - is your DP big and scary looking, were they trying to make sure he didn't smack them one for shoving you iyswim?)

yes, but still a bit weird, what kind of places ? WERE they rough?

Happens in cultures where men are likely to be possessive and aggressive, so yes, you are being viewed as a possession that your DP might fight over.

agree with the poster who thinks it was to avoid a kicking!

That has never ever happened to me.

What has happened a lot is men bothering me in bars/on the street/whatever when I'm alone/with female friends, but not when I'm with my partner. I find that incredibly sexist and annoying.

Yes it probably was to avoid a kicking, but there's a strong element of tiresome sexist assumption in there too. The pushers assumed that MizK would not defend herself, and that her DP would, so it was him who needed to be appeased.

It's hardly a negative sexist assumption to assume you wont get walloped by a woman.

I didn't say negative. It isn't a positive assumption to always assume someone will act on her behalf.

Women have fists too. Often handbags as well.

The bars we went to possibly were a bit rough, full of groups of twenty somethings on the pull, but still... it feels a bit tragic that women don't merit a quick 'sorry', better to speak directly to her DP... oh well! I shall just make sure my DS never does this :)

I would say it was because you were in Liverpool where men fight with each other and women are seen as hotly and incapable .

Disclaimer, my family are all from Liverpool.

Don't know what that hotly was about stupid iPhone

Do men bother you all the time yellowcoat?
When you are in bars with your friends the men bother you?
But not when you are with your partner.
And you find this sexist?
Strange assumption.

I'm also confused by yellowcoat. What do you mean by 'bothered' by men? They ask you out? But not when you're with your DP? How is that sexist? I'm very confused.

I've had this. Never in the South West where we live but visiting the North East where I used to live. DH was a bit perplexed.

I'm sorry if I didn't explain properly. I don't mean asking me out. I mean bothering me, eg asking me out and if I say no calling me a stuck up bitch. Or whistling at me in the street, but not if I'm with my partner. Or touching my arse when I'm dancing with my friends. Or not leaving me alone when I've asked them politely to go away.

It's sexist because it's like saying I'm fair game if I'm alone, but if I have a man, they don't want to get into a ruck with him. It makes me feel like I'm his property.

My partner once asked a man to leave me alone, and he left immediately. That's never happened when a female friend has asked the same.

I understand your first points yellowcoat but that's not exclusively a male trait.
Manchester ladies come on strong too you know?
But it's not sexist not to approach you when you're with your partner and it isn't fear either, it's just obvious you are not single.

I agree with xyfactor there. A lot of middleaged women have grabbed my crotch when drunk and laughed about it with their friends but never when I've been out with a partner. I think the presence of a partner issues a subconscious hands off message.
Also, it's natural that a male sees another male as more of a physical threat.
Doesn't make any of it right or any nicer for you but I'm just convinced that it's sexist as such.

Not exclusively a male trait, but I'd say predominantly. I've never heard any of my male friends complain that a woman wouldn't leave them alone after being asked. It's obvious that I'm not single because, hello, I've told them about 20 times I'm not.

Not hearing them complain doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
You're probably just as naive as you sound.
Let's leave it at that ehh?

Oh gosh, yes, xyfactor, I'm so very naive, thank you for educating me though, no doubt you're far wiser than me.

It probably is predominantly male because men are more likely to approach. Doesn't make them reasonable with their persistence though.

The thing that is interesting is that if you are in an all female group then you get the pestering, but if you are in a group with only one bloke then the pestering doesn't happen, although obviously you are not all going to be going out with him. That is a bit odd and does seem to be something to do with men not wanting to interfere with each others property than basic "she's already taken" stuff.

I have always been apologised to when bumped into though so that is a bit odd.

This thread's going to be a long slog mark my words.
Dworkinisms galore and more Greer than you can shake a stick at.
Nobody gets more jealous than a woman or possesive than a woman.
Women do that very well.
Just pointing the finger proudly at men makes you look silly.