To be offended by being treated as DP's possession?

[MizK]

DP and I went to Liverpool for New Year's Eve, had a lovely time overall. We went into town at night, obviously the bars were pretty crowded and busy so we got a little bit bumped and jostled as we walked through places. All to be expected - however on two separate occasions, when a man would accidentally nudge or bump me, he would then look over at DP and apologise directly to him for bumping me! As though I was DPs pint that had been spilled or something! No apology directly to me at all. AIBU to think thats weird and annoying, and a little bit sexist? Also wondering if anybody else has noticed this....?

Birds no-one on this thread has said that all violence is to do with sexism.

But that violence over "looking at someone's bird" or similar is obviously sexist.

Is it sexist or just a convenient excuse for somebody who's looking for a fight?

But tbh if someone tries to flirt with my DP, who knows he is with me then i see it as a slight against me. So do most of the females i know (from Liverpool). Looking at the woman would be a slight against the man, nothing to do with ownership.

I will challenge another woman, if i think she is getting 'familiar', so would most of the women i know, it isn't sexism.
Different areas have different attitudes. The sense of humour is different area to area.

But why is it even considered to be an excuse in the first place?

What's wrong with "I don't like your face / your t-shirt / your manner / your hair colour / the cut of your jib" or anything else?

The idea that a man chooses who looks at or speaks to his female partner, and enforces his decisions through violence, is inherently sexist, obviously.

birds and tower you both seem to be talking about quite different situations to many of the others on this thread.
As with all of these things when people are talking at cross purposes things will be tricky to discuss coherently.

But you could argue that any person who wants to punch another person in the face isn't mentally sound anyway so it goes above simple sexism (I'm not shrugging sexism off as nothing there btw. )

Because Liverpool is getting very aggressive. There is a lot of drug use, weapon carrying, gangs meating up to do someone in, everyone is super careful.

I didn't say the girls kicking my head in was sexist, I used it as an example of why you shouldn't judge people based on their opinions.

You seeing it as a slight when someone looks at your partner has nothing to do with you being from Liverpool.

I was just speaking as someone who totally understands what was going on in the OP's senario and it wasn't sexism at play. You could have reversed the genders and you would find the same.

There are loads of things that happen when you go out though, the punching in the face is one extreme end of it. You have stuff like the OP - men apologising to her DP for banging into her, or the people like me who have found that men will stay away from a group of girls if there is even one man there, or that persistent men who won't piss off will suddenly scarper when a male appears.

I think all the behaviour comes from the same place - that is that men feel that women are "owned" by other men, and if there is not another man around then she is free to pursue even if she is telling him otherwise in a very direct manner.

Annoying.

If a woman bumps into a man in liverpool she apologises to the man's partner?

Really?

But I totally understand the OPs scenario as well and I'd say it was sexism.

Like SardineQueen says, it all comes from the same place.

Punching in the face isn't the extreme end of it. I was out two weeks ago, it kicked off, three people, one who had nothing to do with it was taken to hospital.

Your senario might be sexism, but most people out are just being careful not to piss anyone off. Sometimes you think it been let go and you bump into the other people later on, when everyone has had a lot more to drink.

I have had it happen the other way round and a woman has disappeared when i have gone to join the group. There are do's and don'ts when out, these days.

I think we're talking at cross purposes.

"If a woman bumps into a man in liverpool she apologises to the man's partner?"

You acknoweldge the female partner first (even if a lesbian couple) then play it by ear.

I go to the gay clubs in Liverpool a lot because you get no trouble. My DP is 'big' and when he had a shaved head he was astonished that for the first time (when going to a gay club) he hadn't been 'snarled' all night.

"You acknoweldge the female partner first (even if a lesbian couple) then..."

What half of the partnership is not female in a lesbian couple

I had a thread along similar lines a while ago: about the way in which women who are out with other women ie with friends can get a lot of harassment from a percentage of men who can't cope with the idea that women are free human beings. Quite a lot of men see women as objects that are either owned by a particular man or available to any other man who wants them and will not leave a woman alone if they can't obtain any evidence that she has a male owner.
I take on board the fact that some men will apologise to the male 'owner' of a woman rather than to the woman herself because they anticipate being beaten up if they don't handle the situation in that way, and can sympathise with a man who feels he has to do this, but that doesn't stop it being a sexism issue.

I had some unwanted bum feeling while at the bar one night many years ago (in merseyside, but not l-pool)

I gave him what for, and he asked what my boyfriend was going to do about it (pointing to short middle aged bloke from work who was helping me get the drinks in). I pointed out that he was not my boyfriend and that I would deal with him myself.

But I have to say that he did not give up until I pointed out that BF (now DH) was on his way back (DH is 6foot6 so easily visible over crowd) Then he gave up and went away.

The only redeeming feature is that he did not apologise to DH, but shook his hand, congratulated him and wished him luck.

It is absolutely an issue of sexism, and presumed ownership and lack of respect for women to own their own bodies imvho

Recently in terrifying Greenwich a man commented on my breasts. I told him to shut up. He turned round and said "shut up or I'll lamp your gay little boyfriend".

What could I do, my gay little boyfriend is not exactly intimidating to look at, so I had to shut up. There were 3 of them and I didn't want my boyfriend to die.

It really pissed me off that they involved him.

This is something that pisses me off bigtime! This really is a sexist issue in the most basic sense. I hate it when a man bumps me and apologises to DH, who usually just mildly says its not me you need to talk to.

Unfortunatly DH then often get an aggressive asshole squaring up to him trying to intimidate my very burly 6 foot 7 man. ( dosent seem to happen when he is wearing his karate club jacket for some reason though)

Trouble is it is mostly self preservation though.

Disclaimer ..... DH is actualy a very gentle passive man unless there realy is no other way out.