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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by being treated as DP's possession?

96 replies

MizK · 02/01/2012 17:01

DP and I went to Liverpool for New Year's Eve, had a lovely time overall. We went into town at night, obviously the bars were pretty crowded and busy so we got a little bit bumped and jostled as we walked through places. All to be expected - however on two separate occasions, when a man would accidentally nudge or bump me, he would then look over at DP and apologise directly to him for bumping me! As though I was DPs pint that had been spilled or something! No apology directly to me at all. AIBU to think thats weird and annoying, and a little bit sexist? Also wondering if anybody else has noticed this....?

OP posts:
toweraboveyou · 02/01/2012 19:20

Having said that, they could probably have apologised to you both at least.

xyfactor · 02/01/2012 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

greenplastictrees · 02/01/2012 19:23

DP accidentally knocked a girl in the face with something he was carrying on his shoulder at a music festival. He didn't notice at first but I did as I was walking behind him. I shouted to him and apologised on his behalf before he noticed and turned round to apologise to the girl (a very overly sincere apology as this poor girl looked so upset and DP felt dreadful). Her boyfriend then came toward DP to smack him in the face. It was only because DP held his hands up in front of him then put his hands on the other guys shoulders in a calm down type way that the guy didn't smack him one. So I agree with those who say these guys were only apologising to your DP as he was the one most likely to whack them one.

Poor DP was mortified that he had kcoked this poor girl btw!

SardineQueen · 02/01/2012 19:27

"do a lot of women not look for 'a knight in shining armour'?"

No not really. IME anyway, obviously I do't know every woman in the whole world.

toweraboveyou · 02/01/2012 19:28

I didn't say every woman. Wink

SardineQueen · 02/01/2012 19:29

I know Grin

But if I had said

""do a lot of women not look for 'a knight in shining armour'?"

No not really."

Then certain people would have immediately said "HA! But you can't speak for all women" and started capering around shouting "1-0" in front of their laptops Wink

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/01/2012 19:32

Xu - I have asked MN to let your post stand. To show you for the nut job you may well be.

Well done on reading my name wrong.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/01/2012 19:33

To xy not Xu. Dyac

yellowraincoat · 02/01/2012 19:39

A lot of women do look for a knight in shining armour, but we feminists HATE those women and want them to all piss off into a hole somewhere.

NB - not really, but it's not really a healthy state of affairs is it? There aren't too many men out there looking for a knightette in shining armour, are there?

SardineQueen · 02/01/2012 20:21

What is a woman looking for in a man when she is looking for a "knight in shining armour" anyway? What does it even mean?

Anyone able to help with that?

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2012 20:27

Ok, i'm from Liverpool. Most of the fights started in the pubs/clubs in Liverpool (and no doubt anywhere else) is because of a perceived slight of the female partner.

When everyone has had a drink, it is a case of, if you say sorry to the woman, you have the man fronting you asking "why are you talking to her?", if you ignore the bumping into her, it's a case of the woman saying to her man "you letting that go?".

If you do what he did, everyone's happy, it called Avoiding Trouble (which in some places around Liverpool city centre you have to work hard to do and the moment), it's not being sexist.

BandOMothers · 02/01/2012 20:29

Did you spill my wife?

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2012 20:29

Knight in Shining armour, is looking for someone who will solve your problems, it after being taught "learned helplessness" because you are female, or someone who will throw their weight round for you.

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2012 20:33

Tower- you carn't speak to someone else's female partner, unless your with a woman yourself.

Band- if that was for me, my reply is, "and wot, lad"

yellowraincoat · 02/01/2012 20:33

But the avoiding trouble thing is part of a larger picture of sexism, I'd say. It's like saying a woman can't decide who she can and can't talk to.

Agree that a knight in shining armour is primarily a problem solver. Someone who takes away your need to make decisions because they'll decide everything for you. I've noticed a bit of a trend for this, women saying that their man wears the trousers and so on. Maybe it's seen as a feminine trait, to be defenceless?

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2012 20:37

Btw i make eye contact first with the female partner, if i do the same when out. It's just the politics of being out these days. Things get very violent very quick around city centres.

SardineQueen · 02/01/2012 20:39

Interesting on the knight in shining armour thing. I would think that a knight in shining armour comes and saves you - but from what?

Birds I think it depends on where you live / what sort of places you frequent whether looking at someone's "bird" results in a kicking. It doesn't happen so much around here. Fights occur for a host of reasons and that is amongst them, but looking at / talking to someone of the opposite sex isn't a no-no IYSWIM. On the flipside there is less restraint about becoming verbally and sometimes physically abusive to women as well. That's equality for you I guess!!! Hmm

toweraboveyou · 02/01/2012 20:40

Birds - I don't understand what you mean.

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2012 20:40

Yellow- you obviously haven't been jumped outside a pub and had the shit kicked out of you over something as simple as this.

It is just people trying to avoid a fight. I have stopped going into Liverpool city centre because i am sick of trying to keep the peace. A lot of the behaviour is because of the amount of cocaine and the aggression it brings, sorry but nothing to do with sexism.

Yiou will find things a lot different in the older men pubs.

yellowraincoat · 02/01/2012 20:42

Well I lived in Glasgow for a long time, Birds, so yeah, I have had that happen to me and seen it happen a lot of times, including to my partner. A group of girls kicked my face in because I looked at them funny and my partner's been punched more times than he can count.

Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean you should make assumptions about me.

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2012 20:42

Tower-what i meant was if you are a single man out in Liverpool, you make sure that any woman you speak to is definately out on their own. So you wouldn't speak to the female partner if the man was in talking distance. There is alot of roid rage about as well.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 02/01/2012 20:43

I'd say it sounds sexist when written down but more than likely it's self preservation, they don't want to end up with a pint glass in their face. I remember some bloke spilled his pint down my jacket, the most sincere of his apologies went to the bloke I was talking to, who wasnt even my DH!

toweraboveyou · 02/01/2012 20:44

That makes sense now.

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2012 20:45

So the girls kicked your head in because of sexism?

Why is the avoiding of a violent attack by a man seen as the larger sexist picture?

People just want to get home in one piece.
OP- Go to the Royal hospital and you will see the amount of men who have been badly beaten over nothing. I am not critising Liverpool, i love living here, but it is how it is at the moment.

SardineQueen · 02/01/2012 20:48

But the root of it is sexist, you can't say none of this has anything to do with sexism.

Men fighting over women is fundamentally sexist. For loads of reasons.