To want to never ever ever eat out with a toddler in tow. Ever.

[bbface]

Just got back from disasterous morning.

Went to a toddler friendly museum, which was fantastic! DS (16 months) loved it, and DH and I loved being all together and watching him so excited.

Then....

We went out for lunch. We rarely do eat out with DS. With good reason it turns out.

We went to Byrons, it is an upmarket burger restaurant, but family friendly too. DS squealed, screamed, writhed, refused to eat anything other than breadsticks, threw water etc. DH and I wolfed down food and left. We were very stressed with each other, DH blaming me getting worked up about DS' lack of eating. As we walked out of the restaruant, all eyes were on us. Not my imagination, they really were!

I see other toddlers eating out in restaurants... how can I make this a reality for us? Otherwise, what age is good age to start going out?

DH and I still not talking to one another!

It isn't fun is it :(
I spunked £30 at the gourmet burger kitchen last week on DH's birthday. DS didn't even eat his frigging chips. I paid £6 for him to drink a milkshake. He didn't behave toooo badly on this occasion- but let me advise you never to enter an Indian restaurant with a toddler, poppadoms are so delightful to crunch and spread everywhere

The toddlers you see sitting nicely are probably doing that for the one and only time in their lives!

We went out to lunch a few weeks ago and DS behaved like a tiny angel which clearly stressed out the family at the next table whose much older children were causing carnage. I basked in the rare opportunity for smugness!

It's always a gamble. Make sure toddler is genuinely hungry and not overtired before going. Start with places like Giraffe which are geared towards kids. Have small, distracting toys with you (little cars, books crayons and paper, balloons) - to keep them amused while waiting. Don't have a starter ever - just main and if it's going well then you can have pudding othewise scarper.

honestly?

I think it doesn't matter if they don't eat. Let him have the breadsticks, pull funny faces at him to make him laugh, carry small toys in your bag to keep him occupied, enjoy your own food and relax, knowing you'll give him something later and he'll no doubt eat it. One of you take him outside and let him toddle about for a bit if he's really restless then come back and wave the toys at him again Some things just aren't worth stressing yourself out over and I know from experience that if you start with the food battles, you will be tearing your head out and your child will think it's funny

The wriggling was probably because he wanted to explore, so getting him out and walking him round can help with that too.

But what's done is done. It's really not worth you and your husband falling out over, honestly it isn't. You're a team in this! You need to be able to laugh about it all together

Don't worry about him just eating bread sticks!
With your dh on this one.
However I do know how stressful meals out can be..
Try supermarket cafes for practice!

Does your toddler mess about at dinner time at home? If yes, then he is unlikely to behave in a restaurant. If no, then probably he was tired from a busy day and didn't fancy sitting in a high chair for a long period of time.

Generally, bringing toys to entertain while waiting for dinner is key to success. Dining out takes much longer than dinner at home. Also, taking the toddler out for a walk before or between courses can help. Eating in cafes regularly as practise to set up expectations is useful.

16 months is very young.. way too young to expect a toddler to know what sort of behaviour is expected in a restaurant... nor can you expect a child that age to eat when you want them too

it will get better though :)

16 months is still very young

I've got 3 and middle one was fine at that age but eldest - well it was only when he was 2 that eating out became ok.

Just keep doing it - little (as in short spaces of time) and often and go to low-stress places.

Thank you! Such a relief to hear that it is not just me. I guess I never really noticed pre-children.

We are quite routine-y people. He has lunch at midday and then a big nap. We tend to meet friends for lunch whilst he naps (for circa 2 hours). So he has no experience of restaurant eating. Went out for lunch yesterday, whilst DS slept, our friend's toddler wolfed down her lunch and then played happily with crayons. Whilst DH and I get to relax over lunch, I do wonder whether I am making life difficult in the long run but 99.999999% feeding him at home, same place, same time etc.

DH and I still not talking. I really can't convey how horrible it all was. DS was positively devil-ish!

I have three children, the youngest now 17. Very hard this... We vrtually stopped eating out with toddlers unless we could picnic. We would even picnic in the car rather than eat in a restaurant, however child friendly. On the rare occasions we did so, we would go in, "accost" the first waiter/ress we saw and ask for something we knew toddler would eat and ask for it to be brought, in a small portion, with all haste. The DC concerned would eat that while we chose, then have a desert while we ate a main course. It was the only way we managed - at one stage we had a 15 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. As to what age might be possible, it depends on the child. You could leave it 6 months for example then try again. Sitting still in unfamiliar surroundings is not a pleasure for most LOs but children do enjoy it eventually. It is soooo galling to see other weanies sitting quietly and eating

Never get cross about them not eating - that way madness lies.

Top tip for eating out - feed them from your plate - at 16 mo no way would I have bought a separate portion for DD - or be utterly prepared from the outset to pay for something that will not get eaten. Then chill.

At that age we used to wait until they fell asleep if we wanted to eat out.

Hecate has hit the nail on the head!

What hecate said.

DD is 3 (just) and we now don't order her a separate meal most times. We just ask for a separate plate for her, and give her a selection from our plates. If she is happy just eating beadsticks, that's ok by me, as long as she's not being a pest!

I always have a tiny colouring book and crayons in my bag, as well as a car or two, and as long ass she's distracted it's ok, provided she's not over tired or absolutely starving.

My other tip is to order the toddler's food immediately you are seated, with your drinks, and make sure the staff know not to wait for the adult order before they bring it. That way, the toddler doesn't have to wait ages, getting more bored!

But, YANBU, it can be really stressful!

I think you would be better continuing to acclimatise your toddler to restaurants, but perhaps go somewhere even more relaxed - Harvester style, or family pub places. Take stuff to entertain your toddler - I always have crayons and paper on me, don't always need them.

We started taking DS out when he was a few months old and he has nearly always been fine - the one time he really did play up was in a hotel dining room, after a long day's drive, and with other small children there who also weren't being particularly well-behaved. I sent him back to the hotel room with DH (who had finished his meal) while I finished mine, and took DS's meal back with me to the room so he could eat it in more peaceful surrounds.

I think also it is a risk when your child is already very excited and possibly a bit hyped up - they have been having fun, they don't want to sit still and be all polite now!

Also, we didn't start buying food separately for DS until he was about 2 1/2, possibly 3 - before that, he just had stuff off our plates, so if he didn't eat it, it didn't matter or feel like we were wasting money or food.

But persevere - or you're going to be stuck not having meals out with him for a very long time. And tell your DH to get over it, please - children are just like this, it's no one's fault.

Ah, DD always ate out with us from being very young, maybe he just needs more practice (maybe not something you want to hear !)

It gets better. DD was a complete nightmare to take out roughly from 12 month to 18 months, generally resulting in one of us spending most of lunch outside with her and then suddenly she became brilliant and loves lunch out now (22 months). My D Parents took us to lunch at michelin starred restaurant over christmas and i was a little nervous, but she was really good, trying all the food, eating her lunch well and chatting over the table. Just give it time.

Now starting to feel bad at being impatient with DS.

16 months.... of course I shouldn't bloody expect him to 'behave' whilst at a restaurant.

What were we thinking.

I am about to get up form this computer, go into the study where DH and suggest we put the restaurant fiasco behind us, and start 2012 on a positive note!

Thanks so so much for your titbits of advise and stories. MUCH appreciated

At 4.5 we have only just started to buy ds his own meal... Up until recently he just had bits of ours, substituted with rice cakes that we had stashed, or an extra portion of chips/garlic bread whatever.

Always take toys/book/iPhone. They get bored otherwise.

No starters. Ever.

One parent have a little wander around/outside with little legs once you have ordered.

Buffet restaurants although usually the spawn of Satan are ideal when you have toddlers, as there is no waiting for food, and you can get them a small plate with cucumber, chips, bread etc.

It will pass. I don't think ds was great at that age, but now, at 4.5 I would literally take him anywhere, and often do.

(loads of cross posts while I was slowly typing!)

Oh yes, and I do get terribly worked about DS' eating.

To look at him you would be dumbstruck at how picky he can be. He is tall, chunky and glowing. Only i know that some days he survives on a few bits of broccoli and a fromage frais.

I have lain in bed worrying about it in the past.

Right, off to DH

we used to take ours out or we would never get out to eat , top tip dont go realy expensive is a waste , order something that you AND your toddler likes and feed them from your plate , dont stress if they arnt eating you can give them something at home , at 16 months they can be picky and ordering a meal for them is a disaster i found , and if they just want breadsticks let them eat breadsticks and dont give a flying fig if people are looking at you ,oh and take toys and their own drinking cup with their own drink in it ,

Mines actually were usually pretty good in restaurants but these are the rules if you like to eat out:

Make sure they are hungry
Stick to a length of time thats realistic for them ie no coffee and liqueurs for a few year!
Get them to practise at home by all eating round the table
It's not a good time to try new foods!
Remember everyone who has children has had them kick off at one time or another.

And like I said, it worked most times!

We did much better once we stopped ordering them a meal. Just ask for a clean plate and give them bits of yours.