To want to never ever ever eat out with a toddler in tow. Ever.

[bbface]

Just got back from disasterous morning.

Went to a toddler friendly museum, which was fantastic! DS (16 months) loved it, and DH and I loved being all together and watching him so excited.

Then....

We went out for lunch. We rarely do eat out with DS. With good reason it turns out.

We went to Byrons, it is an upmarket burger restaurant, but family friendly too. DS squealed, screamed, writhed, refused to eat anything other than breadsticks, threw water etc. DH and I wolfed down food and left. We were very stressed with each other, DH blaming me getting worked up about DS' lack of eating. As we walked out of the restaruant, all eyes were on us. Not my imagination, they really were!

I see other toddlers eating out in restaurants... how can I make this a reality for us? Otherwise, what age is good age to start going out?

DH and I still not talking to one another!

Ha! Wait until he can articulate well. Whilst on holiday in Greece in a very nice restaurant, dd announced to the world mummys just done a huge pooh .

I was mortified, and worse still, she had run ahead to the table, so i had to do the walk of shame on my own.

I'm with you op! We just got back from a week on the continent, with all the eating out that that entails, and my nerves are frazzled to cinders. The pinnacle was a hospital visit to dh's very ill granny on Boxing Day; we had been at pains to explain to MIL that 18 month old dd needed to eat at 12 so she could nap at 12.30, and she assured us this would be accommodated. Of course we were late leaving Granny, I suggested a quick dash into the hospital cafe - hardly fine dining but we could get a quick sandwich for dd and her nap would still be on time. But no. FIL had booked a 'nearby' restaurant, only 15 mins drive away. Of course in reality it took 25 mins to get there, dd getting grouchier by the minute, and the place turns out to be all starched white table cloths and classy ambience. My heart sank. We managed to persuade the waiting staff to bring out the only child friendly thing on the menu ASAP - a gigantic fish salad, which kept dd temporarily occupied while FIL faffed with the wine list and dh and I tried to order. It looked briefly like it might be ok; dd was now 45 mins late for her nap, but contentedly rifling MIL's handbag, and we'd finally ordered some food, again asking if it could be brought out ASAP. Then FIL decided he wanted a bloody starter, and I knew all was lost. We ended up leaving in disgrace with an overtired toddler in meltdown, not having eaten a thing ourselves, and I had to then drive for two hours feeling faint with hunger (I'm pg) furious with PIL, and with a screaming dd in the back who refused to nap because she was so overtired and overwrought.

Never eating out again till she's 18!

Small toys
Crayons and paper
Don't attempt to have any conversation between adults
Read menu in detail with DCs, as though its the most interesting thing you've ever read
Don't sweat it if they eat nothing
Order FAST
Pay QUICKLY!

ABout 40% of the time we manage it fairly calmly (DS is now 2.5yo, DD is 5yo).

When we went on holiday last summer, I spent at least 50% of every restaurant visit sat on my own (waiting for bill, waiting to order, waiting for dessert) whilst DH wandered aimlessly around with the DCs, trying to keep them amused. At least restaurants in the UK serve you quickly - the relaxed French restaurant experience is no good when you have feral kids!

And before I had DCs I used to wonder why kids meals were always so unhealthy and samey. Then I had DCs and realised that eating out is not the time to encourage a love of aubergine. It is crucial to get through the meal without being chucked out of the restaurant, and therefore Tomato Ketchup is your best friend!

So glad it's not just my DD who can be a horror.

One thing which I've found really helps is going to said restaurant with a large number of childless friends for whom a marauding toddler is a delightful novelty, and inviting them to take turns to entertain her.

Of course, though, it may only work the once

oh dear OP

i would advise starting "small" ie, regularly visiting places like supermarket cafes, mcdonalds etc to get them used to being in a restaurant. even just for a drink at first. also make sure they are hungry. another thing that helps is letting them wear themselves out first for example walking round town or something then they are grateful to be sitting down when they finally do sit down to eat. another tip is if they are getting restless take them for a little walk when you are in the restaurant even if it is just to the loos because a change of scene even for a few minutes seems to re focus and distract them.

i think its very important to get DC used to being in social situations like in a restaurant from an early age, and now aged at 2.6 and 5.6 i am very smug proud to say that the other day my 2 sat through, and ate, a 3 course meal in a posh restaurant with lots of our family. and i basked in the glow of smugness as everyone kept saying how good they were....

but believe you me Op I have had to sit through times like you described on many occasions to get them to this stage. but its well worth it.

Hi, agree with others on a range of distractions, forgetting about what they actually eat, mine have usually ended up eating just bread but they were happy! Much to several peoples disgust my iPhone is my saviour! I have downloaded loads of child friendly apps and it keeps her entertained for at least an hour. We holidayed at a 5 star hotel in August, DD3 22 months then. We put loads of Something Special episodes and Peppa Pig on the iPad. When we got to the restaurant we would feed her first, and then she was happy to sit in her highchair, headphones on, watching something, whilst we got to spend time with other two DD's and enjoy our dinner! in the past with older DD's I would probably have judged other mums who did this but, heh, we have no family and no babysitters so it's the only way we can do it, she's happy and so are we.

Taking toys, crayons and paper is a great idea. And smuggle in something edible in case the child is hungry; if it isn't, then who cares?

To add to RedHotSanta's tips, sticker books are also really great to have on hand (Usborne do a 1000 sticker book which has kept us going for a while). Also, tell your waiter that you want to order for them asap so you can help them with their food while they are hungry and before yours arrives (then they can colour etc).

We eat out a fair amount (DS1 is nearly 4 and DS2 19 months) and have done since they were tiny. However, we always frequent the same few places and that seems to work quite well. We know they will get something they want to eat, they know the routine and the people and it becomes almost like eating at home for them.

If we are on holiday and eat out in unfamiliar places it's often a different story. Distractions, unfamiliar food/people etc. Usually they are fairly well behaved, but they never eat well and we rarely have a relaxing meal.

It's extremely tricky, but when it does go right it's great. Like others have said, give it time. The little ones you see sitting nicely are probably like demons every other day!

i had my first in Singapore where we ate practically all meals out. it helps that the vibe is family friendly, but the parents tend to ve strict, or else the maid carts them away.

so we got used to eating out with a child.

that said, she's not the most biddable child and has gone from eating everything to becoming more fussy (it's about control for her) but i can still take her most places and she's a good companion and good traveller ( home is ahem, another matter.

i have eaten in super posh places in france but always waited until she was asleep in the ergo!

my tips:

don't fuss about what's eaten. no one will have fun and it doesn't matter
don't give too much thought to what others think, BUT if you think the behaviour is actually getting on nerves, rather than just attracting attention, take the child out for a change of scene
be jolly
talk animatedly about what you're having
go for walks to toilet, to the kitchen if you can
treat them to an outrageous pudding

don't do the ipod thing. it's the slippery slope.

My son is nearly 4 and we've taken him out from a young age. We started at small cafes and worked up to restaurants. We also didn't get stressed if he didn't eat. Happily now for us we can take him anywhere and he'll behave even if he doesn't always eat, it will get easier but I'd say persevere.

16 months is young. My DS2 at 21 months would be hard but DD age 8 and DS1 age 5 love eating out and can behave well.

Tips - make sure toddler hungry, have toy and drink to entertain while waiting for food. Maybe even breadsticks. Don't go somewhere expensive. Might even have extra things up sleeve eg baby jake on mp4 player to distract for a bit.

worst meal out - DS1 had gag flex vomited on a piece of bread, huge amount of puke on highchair table...he was about 18 months, will never forget.

We have taken DS and (18 mths) out to eat, some times better than others. Agree it's no good when they are tired. Some places may not be our first choice for food but do cater a lot better for energetic, lively little ones. One time, I said we would never take him out to eat again, last time we went he was so good....it does get easier, don't despair!

Which one of your two dining companions was the toddler?

Rules for eating out with toddlers:
Fast service/salad bar.
Anything edible = food.
Bribery acceptable.

Rules for eating with your spouse/partner:
Sit down together ahead of time and agree on expectations.
Do not start the post mortem until you're home and at least an hour has elapsed since the fiasco.
Actually, who said he was the one who got to judge how you dealt with the situation?

You both need to climb down, but he needs to be asked not to upbraid you in public.

I fear its possibly not gone well with the DH - where's the OP ?

Rhubarb - would be more inclined to say not eating out with FIL again not DD

keep at it - it was his first shot at eating out and I think he almost needs to get 'socialised' into it. We've started ours young and have learnt to develop a thick skin to what other diners think and I'm not afraid to discipline them too in public if they start chucking stuff (obvioulsy 16 months is a bit young for that - the discipline - not the chucking stuff that is).

I remember when DS1 was a newborn and DH used to stress taking him into coffee shops in case he cried. Now 5 years on we had a very successful brunch today with 4 of them aged 5 down to 10 weeks and I think it's because we're more practised at it. There was a young toddler next to us smashing her beaker on the table and DH actually joked 'thank god it's not just ours that do that kind of stuff' so I do think people may have some sympathy.

We've given up on expensive 'restuarant' venues after DS2 - we'd spend £50 on a lunch and it always turned to shit and I resented paying that for a dreadful experience. Now we do tried and tested coffee shops with kids amusements like colouring and a bit of space so they can get out of high chairs. We don't ever eat out beyond about 5pm unless it's Ikea (is that eating out?) as I wouldn't inflict my kids on other diners but lunchtimes are fair game in my view. Don't be so hard on yourselves - your child is an individual, not a robot and you can't control their every move no matter how good your parenting skills are. Only last week DS1 (5) scraped the coco off the top of his babychino and shouted 'doggy poo' at the top of his voice in Costa - I gave him a row but it's really not the end of the world - don't sweat the small stuff seriously

hope u & dh have made up? Not read whole thread but I know how stressful it is when you're out in public & things aren't going as you'd anticipated, both of you disagreeing & both of you knowing best and all the while mindful of the wrath of fellow diners!
We eat out a fair bit: 2 young children, a dearth of babysitters, not much social life so the babies just come with us. We tend to eat at the big name chains restaurants, making full use of any half price vouchers so we can eat nicely on the cheap & its not too distressing if it all goes its up! Toddler is pretty well behaved as long as she has lots to keep her amused, she doesn't always eat but sometimes surprising us with her willingness to try new flavours. the baby often starts off asleep but I invariably spend the meal breastFeeding & eating one-handed!
The worst ever experience was when we met a friend in a not very child friendly place. I hadn't thought ahead and brought things to amuse toddling child and me and friend were both breastFeeding our babies. Toddler wanted everything she couldn't have and went into the worst meltdown i've ever witnessed from her! My hands were tied as baby screamed every time I detached him to help her & my friend couldn't help! Diners actually got up and moved away. I was stressed as had never seen her tantrums like this, I wasn't too embarrassed but just wanted her to chill but my friend was mortified and really uncomfortable. Since then I never go anywhere without a bag filled with fun objects for her to fiddle with: precious items, pencils, crayons, stickers etc. The bag is her own and I put new things in each time. On the whole we enjoy eating out with our brood.
Happy new year!

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I've found that leaving the meal till later than their normal meal time (if hungry will eat eagerly!), buy a new magasine two minutes before, take pens and crayons, pay loads of attention to the child (unless they are perfectly happy in which case leave sleeping dogs lie!) and start off small at mcdonalds or the local caf lol.

Prepare for it like a military operation. I love eating out and am not going to give it up but it needs lots of thought.

Actually will add that we have had most success (bearing in mind we have 4 young children including one with autism) at Pizza Hut (quiet, attractive salad bar and ice cream machine, special offers), Wetherspoons (not too expensive and colouring in available) and a nice local Brewers fayre.

I have taken mine since they were born (now 2 & 3) and they are (usually ) quite well behaved. We take toys, snacks etc and turn a blind eye to what they don't eat! At 16 months though I would probably have taken a sandwich for DC and let them have that while adults ate the restaurant food. Always did with #1 and never got any complaints. #2 would eat virtually anything so have never bothered with this.

I eat out quite a lot with my one year old DS and he's generally very well behaved but that's mainly because he's a black hole for food and would sit still for days if he thought he'd get another spoon of yoghurt! I think the things that help though are that he's always fed in the high chair at home and if he starts messing about I stop feeding him for just a second (enough to make him notice), so he knows he can chat during mealtimes but pulling/grabbing/shouting are not on. I don't stress if he doesn't eat much when we're out and I make sure I either order or bring something that can be eaten with fingers (to leave me free to eat my food), that is involving and interesting to eat (such as oranges or a banana) and that he really loves (anything, pretty much). I only go to places where I know the service is quick and I try not to dawdle over my food, although to be fair to DS he can sit still for up to half an hour at a time if the promise of food is in the air (can you tell he likes food?). I don't bring toys because in my book food time is not playtime and I think DS gets that. Even if he's in quite hyper form once he gets in the high chair he is very quiet and smiley (most of the time!)

DS1, we didn't eat out from 4 months until about 2.5 unless completely avoidable and then ordered as soon as we arrived, one course only and out as quickly as possible.

DD has always been fine, sat nicely and we got complacent.

DS2, we are back to avoiding eating out with him, he is nearly 2. I either feed him before we go out or give him a packed lunch on our way to wherever we are going and then walk around until he is asleep. If we are really lucky he will sleep the entire meal, if not he will usually join us at the end. If he is even slightly tired he is impossible and it becomes a nightmare for everyone.