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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to never ever ever eat out with a toddler in tow. Ever.

102 replies

bbface · 31/12/2011 13:53

Just got back from disasterous morning.

Went to a toddler friendly museum, which was fantastic! DS (16 months) loved it, and DH and I loved being all together and watching him so excited.

Then....

We went out for lunch. We rarely do eat out with DS. With good reason it turns out.

We went to Byrons, it is an upmarket burger restaurant, but family friendly too. DS squealed, screamed, writhed, refused to eat anything other than breadsticks, threw water etc. DH and I wolfed down food and left. We were very stressed with each other, DH blaming me getting worked up about DS' lack of eating. As we walked out of the restaruant, all eyes were on us. Not my imagination, they really were!

I see other toddlers eating out in restaurants... how can I make this a reality for us? Otherwise, what age is good age to start going out?

DH and I still not talking to one another!

OP posts:
Lynli · 31/12/2011 15:01

My DGD is a pain in restaurants. I carry a bag with me with colouring books and sticker books. I keep an eye out for small craft items whenever I am shopping.

MegBusset · 31/12/2011 15:05

Eating out with young DC really can be fun, as long as you manage your expectations!

Pick somewhere where kids get colouring paper/crayons etc.
Order the kids' food asap (ask for cold plates to cut down on cooling time)
No starter - go straight to main course.
Be prepared for them to totally ignore their own food and nick bits of yours.
Let them have ice cream whether they've touched their main meal or not - this is when you get to eat yours!
Practise at coffee shops first til you feel more confident, if it helps.

DoMeDon · 31/12/2011 15:05

YABU - give yourselves a break. The competitive blame game is a nightmare - I've been there too. It must have been very exciting/confusing/intriuging for your DS.

I have eaten out from when DC were tiny (DD was only a few weeks old, sitting on my lap). We got out a lot and just eat out. Be it restaurants, cafes, picnics, soft play places. At first it is less food and more looking about because of all the distractions, but then they get used to it.

I took my own food (apparently frowned on in MN world) until about age 18 months - or let them share mine and topped up with breadstick/fruit.

Bag essentials for us are crayons, mini drawing pad, a ball, bubbles, a plastic toy they like (DD loves her duck thing at the mo), a plastic wipeable bib and cutlery.

I time it so they are hungry but not overtired, chat all the time, sing songs & pull faces if I need to. If they whinge we go outside for a calm down and a chat. I involve them in everything and don't sweat if they don't eat. I have also developed an amazing ability to ignore cat's bum mouthers within a 100 mile radius. I hve a 9 out of 10 success rate - that one time that none of it works I eat quick and run for my life.

MegBusset · 31/12/2011 15:06

And big NO to iPods/iPhones at the dinner table!

DoMeDon · 31/12/2011 15:07

Agree about the order their food to come first and the ice cream thing.

Also there is a new addition of plasticine to the bag - they do packs for £1 with a few strips in - such fun Xmas Smile

Raffiiscool · 31/12/2011 15:15

the answer is to keep doing it and you will all get better at it!

find places where the food comes fast
only mains for you.
take a book to read while waiting
go for a walk to th toilets
go and watch the cooks in the kitchen if you can
take some quiet toys
learn to eat fast!
give them pudding
be prepared to leave when said pudding finished!
get the bill while kids eating said pudding so you can leave straight away.
the more you eat out the better dc get at sitting.
mine always get the spiel ( now they are older) about the other people paying lots of money , noisey kids etc.
mine eat out lots, we follow this badic formula and they are well behaved and love it.
have taken any child outside before if kicking off.
we very quickly realised we had to adapt our expectations - lose the longer lunches for the sake of a stress free time.
ive got 2 ds btw...

Groovee · 31/12/2011 15:21

Dd was always easy to go out with for dinner. However ds was another matter. He used to scream blue murder so we gave up. We started with a food court when he was about 3 and progressed from there.

EmmaBemma · 31/12/2011 15:21

Agree with Raffiischool - got to keep doing it otherwise it will keep being awful.

We have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. The 4 year old is very easily bored. The wait for food is probably the worst part but now she's older she's more entertained by chit-chat. She has only just, in the last year, stopped always trying to get down and wander around.

Walks to the loos are an invaluable waste of 5 -10 minutes if the food is taking a while. Crayons are great if the restaurant has them, but we rarely remember to take ours - and I tend to think it's character-building to get used to being a bit bored/waiting for things without distractions - good practice for adulthood!

amerryscot · 31/12/2011 15:49

We have never intentionally done the toys/colouring book distractions, and I always avoided restaurants that gave them a goody bag. I think you have to start where you mean to go on, and expecting children to be seen and not heard is a non-starter. They just lead to electronic devices at the table.

You have to decide whether eating out is about taking on calories, or about being sociable with one another.

mrsjay · 31/12/2011 15:58

justhectate after they leave toddler stage then the expectations are Raised HIGH i wouldt tolerate a 6 year old running around or having a wobbley i have been quite dramatic with mine and marched them out to the car etc Grin as you said its a slow process , although hindsight is a great thing when you have older children it can be a bit ARGHHHHHH going out with babies and toddlers ,

BsshBossh · 31/12/2011 16:03

It does get better so hang in there OP. Take lots of distractions eg books, crayons/paper, small toys and get them out one by one as needed. We never stopped taking DD out with us for lunch. At 3.5 she's finally able to sit through a whole meal eating, chit-chatting, looking around and playing. It's lovely but it took time.

startail · 31/12/2011 16:06

Sorry iPods are essential if taking DD2.
She just eats so little compared to anyone else it is simply unfair to expect her to sit there while the rest of us eat.
She's also the least chatty of us, so conversation only gets you so far.

amerryscot · 31/12/2011 16:08

They hadn't invented iPods when my PFB was little. We survived without terrorising the neighbourhood.

startail · 31/12/2011 16:08

I don't think she'll get better until she's starring into her BF eyes and they'll still be eating pizza.

Meglet · 31/12/2011 16:12

I have the opposite problem.

They eat beautifully when we got out but behave like feral monkeys at home.

miSaltireandwine · 31/12/2011 16:22

Sofresh - my 2 were the same. They would be little angels when out eating but supermarket shopping was very stressful and traumatic

FutureNannyOgg · 31/12/2011 16:26

I don't think they get good at eating out if you don't ever take them, I may be very wrong, but I doubt a child turns 6 and magically gains public table manners. Loads of tips here, DH really needs to be onside though - its miserable trying to wrestle a toddler and eat on your own.

FrostyTheCrunchyFrog · 31/12/2011 16:37

I found with all of mine that they were beautifully socially acceptable until about 16 months, then dreadful until about 2, then learned the rules. They are now pretty well behaved in restaurants, aged 3,6 and 8.

The more you do it, the better he'll be at it. Never mind the stares, I bet half the people were looking in sympathy anyway.

PenguinArmy · 31/12/2011 16:42

have you read 'my child won't eat'

hopefully help relax you :) although its still stressful

recall · 31/12/2011 16:50

Take a packet of Milky Buttons, tear a tiny hole in one corner and give it to them. Keeps them quiet for ages Grin

Lizcat · 31/12/2011 16:58

The more you do it the easier it gets and colouring helps. I have to say we found that the better the place the more accomodating they are of children. At 15 months DD got a tour of the kitchens of a Michelin starred venue to keep her happy between courses I was jealous. The only nightmare we had was when DD knocked a glass of milk in France we were embarassed the staff were fab.

BrandyAlexander · 31/12/2011 17:07

We eat out at least once a week with baby (7 months) and toddler (almost 3) and we have thankfully never had any issues. We started eating out with dd when she was 6 months and I agree with others who have said that the more you do it, the easier it will be. You will learn what works with your children - e.g. we always tend to eat early at busy places so that food arrives just as dd gets hungry; we order for her before we have even sat down, even if it as simple as asking for the bread basket; I have colouring books and activity sets that are just for eating out and they come out as soon as we sit down; at places which are less child friendly, one of us settle children and the other clears the table near them of all the things they can knock over. I don't agree with having spare food (my attitude is you eat what is available) but do have something to snack on (e.g. mini breadsticks) if the restaurant is incredibly slow. The more your kids eat out the more they will know what is and isn't acceptable behaviour - e.g.getting down from any dining table without asking permission is a no-no.

FreudianSlipper · 31/12/2011 17:36

ds has been going to restaurants and cafe from a week old. we eat out probably twice a week (he is 4) and he is really good. more often than not he has some of mine and a plate of chips. i do not expect him to sit there for an hour or more without getting bored, he is a child not an adult so allow him (depends where we are) to wonder off or go for a little tour ourselves.

becasue he is so used to it he is fine, has had the odd tantrum but probably would have if we had been at home

today we went to pizza express which is a great place to take young children and the kids meal is geat value.

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 31/12/2011 17:45

At least you show some remorse OP. even though in the circumstances, you dont really need to! As a waitress, Ive seen some horrendous kids in our restaurant. Many people seem to think that 'child friendly' means 'let the little brats run around and wipe bolognese up the walls and on other diners coats'! Or 'buy it a ginormous piece of chocolate cake, and let them mash it to crumbs, throw it at people and permanently insert it into the weave of the LLoyd Loom dining chairs'!

Haziedoll · 31/12/2011 17:50

The other people are just lucky. Nine times out of ten it will end in disaster. Eating out is such a treat financially now that we don't take any chances. We are waiting until ds2 is much older. In the summer we do picnics and in the winter we have the occasional McDonalds. Too stressful!

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