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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to never ever ever eat out with a toddler in tow. Ever.

102 replies

bbface · 31/12/2011 13:53

Just got back from disasterous morning.

Went to a toddler friendly museum, which was fantastic! DS (16 months) loved it, and DH and I loved being all together and watching him so excited.

Then....

We went out for lunch. We rarely do eat out with DS. With good reason it turns out.

We went to Byrons, it is an upmarket burger restaurant, but family friendly too. DS squealed, screamed, writhed, refused to eat anything other than breadsticks, threw water etc. DH and I wolfed down food and left. We were very stressed with each other, DH blaming me getting worked up about DS' lack of eating. As we walked out of the restaruant, all eyes were on us. Not my imagination, they really were!

I see other toddlers eating out in restaurants... how can I make this a reality for us? Otherwise, what age is good age to start going out?

DH and I still not talking to one another!

OP posts:

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 31/12/2011 14:09

Ds at that age wouldn't have eaten and wouldn't have sat still.

Dd is 15 months now and chances are she'd sit and eat everything in sight and seem quite delightful while 5 year old ds moaned and fidgeted.

However, she would also quite probably be sick if she gagged on anything and when we took her to a carvery once she was hysterical - wouldn't eat, wouldn't sit just screamed and screamed, no idea why.

Don't stress.

ArtSingh · 31/12/2011 14:09

It can be really difficult. I always end up going to the same places like Giraffe, PizzaExpress and Cafe Rouge just because I know it will be the least painful experience!

amerryscot · 31/12/2011 14:09

We have always eaten out a lot, even when our little ones were little.

We have been very messy, but I don't think too antisocial towards other diners.

One of the tips I would have is to have food right from when you sit down. This is where places like Harvester, with their salad bar, are very useful. Only order one adult course, so that there is no hanging around with no food in front of you. Don't be afraid to ask the restaurant to bring something while you are waiting.

Have a nice drink, so that you can relax.

Use lots of facial expressions to show disapproval rather than telling the LO off, but praise with words and a big happy face.

Try not to have too many gaps in your meal, but don't rush either. You are trying to train your LO to sit still and be patient. Try to have a conversation (as much as you can) with him - may be a quiet game of eye-spy, or whatever he can do.

I hope I am not appearing smug here. If we did have awful eating out experiences, I have forgotten them. You will too - I promise. (A bit like labour pains).

JustHecate · 31/12/2011 14:10

Your child wasn't being devilish - he was being 16 months old!

I've got stuff in my fridge that is older than 16 months

Honestly. Give him and each other a break! Don't be so hard on any of you!

I am sure your baby is lovely and you and your husband are too. You just need to adjust your expectations and not get stressed over stuff that really doesn't matter.

you're doing fine, you really are. xx

motherinferior · 31/12/2011 14:13

Sweetie, I'd just leave it. Leave it till they're, oh, about five. It is too horrid, and also too expensive, to endure. And too pointless. Just wait till they have attained an age of slightly more reasonableness, and then go to somewhere fairly child friendly (Pizza Express is my personal fave in this regard as you get distracting things provided for them to do). It's nothing to do with 'training', it's all to do with age.

By the time they are a bit bigger still, they will be quite pleasant to have around in a restaurant. The Inferiorettes are now 10 and eight, and quite charming to take out.

mrsjay · 31/12/2011 14:14

justhectate you are a wise lady its all about not expecting to much and chilling out about the whole thing

SmethwickBelle · 31/12/2011 14:15

Oh so very normal. We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and can just about get away with it with the pair of them now but it has only been tolerable in the last few months.

We only bother in certain tried and tested venues and only if timed so youngest isn't knackered - what you want is quick service and often empty so you can have some space from other diners. Nothing worse than feeling the disapproving stares...

JustHecate · 31/12/2011 14:18

it certainly is at that age, yes.

Here's where you change your mind and take back your lovely complement, mrsjay When mine were older and it was reasonable to expect quietly sitting at the table, any messing about and they would get a warning that if they didn't stop, we would leave. And we did. And we only had to do that a few times

But that's when they're older than a toddler. With toddlers you just have to remember that you're dealing with someone for whom you are still counting their existance on the planet in months! And take them outside to toddle if they are throwing themselves about, and don't worry about them eating and accept there's going to be a bit of mess.

It's a process.

DharmaCeutical · 31/12/2011 14:21

find a restaurant with booths and wedge 'em in.

ensure you have a veritable arsenal of distraction fodder. Colouring, Cbeebies mags, small things with wheels etc etc. iphone also vg for this purpose.

bribe with the promise of ice cream.

be REALLY nice to the waiting staff and leave a big tip.

fairimum · 31/12/2011 14:22

buffet is good, toys in bag/snacks good if have to wait and we did just carry emergency chocolate buttons, but shamefully this holiday we resorted to emergency peppa pig on my husbands iphone a couple of times....

naturalbaby · 31/12/2011 14:26

all eyes were on my family yesterday just having coffee - 3yr old half way up the stairs shouting, 2yr old slipping off his chair every minute or so, baby complaining that he was tired and hungry and fed up. then the usual scene of getting too and from the toilet and getting everyone togged up to go out in the rain again.

but my kids are brilliant going out for lunch because we do it a lot. i probably shouldn't but always have a bag of drinks/snacks in case there's nothing suitable for them or it takes too long and now take a book bag with drawing things and a couple of stories.

herewegoloopyloo · 31/12/2011 14:32

I agree that is a process - take them often as you can face/afford (even just to cafes), have low expectations, they will gradually get used to it - and so will you (the days of the long leisurely lunch are over for a while, if kids are in tow).

Go for fast service (this is where Wagamamma's comes in to it's own - many a successful meal there with 2 DC under 4yrs)

never order a starter

bring distractions/toys/colouring

bring snacks and something like a fromage frais/yogurt (if they like them) to help fill them up but don't fret about how much they haven't eaten.

Don't necessarily expect them to sit in the high chair the whole time at this age - once ordered, one of you can supervise a toddle (outside if necessary).

Try to time it so not too tired - we have been known to go at 11.30 am so that we are actually eating by 12.00 and can then get the youngest down for a sleep before over tiredness hits (remember that restaurants are v stimulating/tiring for little ones).

Don't go with big group/multiple other families

Agree re.Bribe with ice-cream

Expect mess and tip well.

Repeat and it will get better. Some days (and places) will be better than others but it will only get easier with time and 'practice'.

YOu may even come to enjoy it!

WishIwasCherryMenlove · 31/12/2011 14:32

OP and others totally sympathise with this, I have 21 month old wriggle pants DS.

However I do have a secret tip - which has earned me a few cats bum faces from other mothers when out and about - I download a few cartoons on my Iphone and DS watches that when we are out for a coffee or lunch. Not the best parenting in the world but I get 15 minutes to drink my coffee in peace and chill out, he watches Pingu and everyone's happy.

Downside is he is now obsessed by my phone and I can't leave it lying around otherwise I get demands for "Gugu" aka pingu or "beepbeep" aka Thomas the tank engine constantly!

Pandemoniaa · 31/12/2011 14:35

I'd advise sticking to tried and tested venues. Also, while toddlers can't wait for food, be prepared that they mightn't eat it either and don't invest any great emotional capital in whether they eat or not. Children won't starve on the occasional lunch of breadsticks. For sure, don't buy separate meals at this age though. You'll just waste money and cause yourself stress.

Also, if you've had an exciting morning as yours sounds, remember that little ones don't have "off" switches. So unless they've dropped off to sleep (always a handy time to go and eat as it happens!) the change from activity to sitting down nicely won't necessarily be automatic.

After years of forgetting some of the less successful meals out with the dcs, I'm now able to be rather more laid back with (nearly one year old) dgd. But I've also been reminded that, once you release them from the captivity of a high chair, it can be a divil of a job to get them back in again. So I'm a great believer in some walking around time (if practical) but this is best done at the end of a meal.

Is your LO interested in other toddlers though? Because dgd is always delighted to see another baby her age and has started to have animated "conversations". Last week her and a similarly aged little girl occupied themselves for a good 15 minutes in the Debenhams cafe when sat next to each other. Nobody else could understand what was being said but they clearly found it most amusing and the result was that all the adults had a nice chilled time themselves.

It's all a bit trial and error at this age though. Sometimes you'll have a great time eating out, other times will be quite the opposite. But don't let this stop you going for meals together and certainly don't fall out with your DH when things go a bit pear-shaped.

JustHecate · 31/12/2011 14:38

cartoons is a bloody good idea, IWish. Bugger what the catsbummouth brigade thought!

You know they secretly plonk their kids in front of cbeebies when nobody's looking, anyway

PicaK · 31/12/2011 14:43

You sound like me! It is so hit and miss - just had 4 meals out on holiday, for 3 of them my 3 year old DS was a star and then the last one he spent literally 2 mins on his chair and ate nothing.

Don't tear your hair out - be kind to yourself. You are lovely parents to be taking him out and about. Chill and move on plan is a good one.

startail · 31/12/2011 14:46

DH, dd1 (13) and I still slip out for pub/restaurant meals if DD2 (10) is at a sleepover.
She still painfully fussy, won't eat a decent amount and gets fed upend fidgety.
There is only so many times the rest of us want pizza or Nado's (even though i like Nado's and it's very chilli head DH friendly)

ivykaty44 · 31/12/2011 14:49

Op yesterday we went for a coffee and a small child threw a chair backward into my aged fathers ankle it landed, the mother of the child could barely muster a sorry

I am sure your hasty retreat was far better, sometimes its what you do. I know I did on more than one occasion as dd2 was not behaving. They don't always behave as we want them to and sometimes its better to go

ruddynorah · 31/12/2011 14:52

We've just had lunch at pizza express with our 5 year old and 2 year old. We have it sussed. You need places with fast service. Pizza express is fab for this. Go there next time.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 31/12/2011 14:54

Well I've been eating out since mine were tiny and I'm not sure how (and it's nothing to do with my patenting skills I can tell you) but I have never had a problem. My first top tip is that unless you Can guarantee that they will eat, feed them first before you go, or have something with you that you know they will eat. Second, Bring distractions like crayons, Fave toys, books etc. And be prepared to take toddler out for walks while you wait for food. Don't attempt to put in the high chair until you absolutely have to when dinner arrives. Once in high chair do not remove until you are done or meltdown will ensue when they have to be put back in the high chair later. Finally start off small, McDonald's for example. Work your way up to more civilised company slowly :0)

SoFreshNSoClean · 31/12/2011 14:55

My kids (6 and 3) are good in restaurants. Youngest has always been great, oldest has been OK since age of about 4.

However... they are appallingly behaved in supermarkets or shops of any description, really. Swings and roundabouts!

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 31/12/2011 14:57

we let DS chew on sugar sachets. (should i have name changed for that?)

cocoachannel · 31/12/2011 14:57

Byron Burger toddler silencer? Courgette fries...

FunnysInTheGarden · 31/12/2011 14:59

yep, ipod with cartoons on if you must go out or wait till they are about 5! Just been out for lunch too and DS2 was a wriggly PITA - he is 22 months. Forget the ipod! On the other hand lunch with DS1 can almost be enjoyable at times, provided I remember his Nintendo DS for when he is bored waiting for me to finish

sprinkles77 · 31/12/2011 15:00

DS is 21 months. Absolute fucking nightmare out for meals. Gets bored, won't eat, throws things about, then decides he will eat but only crayons etc etc. We just don't take him. We have social meals at ours or others' homes, or without him. I do want to get him used to restaurants, but there is no rush. I will take him for a quick coffee, if I know it will be quick, and keep him quiet with cake and cars, but half an hour is the max. The exception does seem to be macdonalds, which frankly is an embarrassment, though he will eat most of a happy meal in complete silence!

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