To want ds to come into my bed?

[PavlovtheCat]

He is a bad sleeper at the best of times, but...week before Xmas he was v unwell with virus, turned into ear infection. He had fever scmost of the time and v clingy so was in with us, then on Friday last week we went on hols with family, he was still poorly, first nights slept in cot, in our room til wee hours, then in with us. Rest of the trip he was in with us as not settling, clingy, wanted to come home. Settled in our bed straight ay each night.

tonight, first right home, he is in his own bed and NOT happy. He is crying so desperately

Mummmmmmeeeee I neeeeed you
Mummmmmmeeeee I you've youuuuu
Mummmmmmeeeeee peeeeeeeeeese mummeee bed? Peeeeeees need mummmmeeeeeee bed
Aaaaaaaaaahhwwwww mummmeeeeeeee I needed youuu

If I scope him up and put him in my bed, I get to snuggle with him and watch him go to sleep and he will be asleep instantly. Instead I am listening to him crying, and will go and stroke his face in A couple of minutes.

I have enjoyed sleeping next to him again. It just feels so wrong to have him do far away from me and unhappy.

We are creative, tho our lounge sees a fair bit of action. Kids are asleep upstairs so no greater risk of them disturbing us than anyone else. Also dh doesn't roll over and go to sleep, well he couldn't as we aren't in bed. Ive never been a shag in
Bed girl anyway and no wet patch to sleep on

As a long term co sleeper and extended breast feeder, dh is still in my bed and we managed to have sex twice in the space of 12 hours last night and this morning.

We also have teens - so we have to be really inventive.

Lots of early morning/late night nookie for us.

We move them once they have gone to sleep and then when they wake they come back in.

I think it's beautiful - we borrow our children, they are tiny for such a short time - I don't see the need to force them to grow up faster than they need to.

MJ - Wow! When do you get any sleep? Sounds like your nights are spent shagging, lifting kids into their beds or getting wake up calls from them...I salute your energy!

*Add message | Report | Message poster maypole1 Sun 01-Jan-12 14:54:44
Just gose to show this co sleep bull shit is about the parents needs nt the child's at all

Why can't you go and comfor him then leave when he is sleeping

The waking and pleading will be he knows you are weak and will give in

People who don't give in don't have the pleading

Moving your oh out of his bed were he is supposed to be to move the children in we're their not supposed to be their is just somthing very unsavoury about women desperate to sleep with the children and kick their husbands out yuk"*

And this post is at the best sad, as well as completely ignorant.

I want my children to know I am there for their emotional needs. You sound absolutely cold maypole.

You know, this thread has made me wonder whether with our DS's sleep problems we should just stop shoving a square peg into a round hole. Every family is different, and some kids just need more closeness and reassurance because that's who they are. Thanks to the OP for starting this thread and to all the posters - even the acidly bitter ones, as you've made me realise how I don't want to turn out!

hand with loads of children and attachment parenting (without the sling), i think it is really important to maintain your relationship as a "couple" - because it's so easy to let it slide and then one day wake up and realise you are just mum and dad.

I probably don't get enough sleep tbf - dh usually goes to sleep earlier than me and one of us will wake the other.

Believe it or not the teens are much more of an inhibitor than the minimes - there is nothing like knowing they are still awake to kill passion !!!

MJ, I agree. Couple time is very precious to me and that's why for me, co-sleeping wasnt going to work - at night I want our room to be a sanctuary for us to read, talk, rest, have sex etc. In the morning it turns not a bit of a free-for-all depending on who's getting up / going to work / getting the baby / making the tea etc.

Turns into, not turns not

I have two things to say:

1. in response to Moving your oh out of his bed were he is supposed to be to move the children in we're their not supposed to be their is just somthing very unsavoury about women desperate to sleep with the children and kick their husbands out yuk my DH never left the bed, he was out for the night, and returned to the bed as normal, just a bigger one. Last night we did the same. we all slept together. And over the last almost two weeks when he has been with us in bed, DH has been in bed with us for all but two nights - 1 because he worked until 1am and did not want to disturb a poorly boy and 2 because DS was burning up so much the bed was roasting and DH could not sleep. And, for those whose DH's do sleep in another bed - once upon a time, seperate beds were normal and not so that women can develop unsavoury bonds. What an odd concept

1. tonight. both children are sound asleep in their own beds. There have (so far) been no tears from DS, he went to bed with his normal bedtime routine in his own cot, and there were no fusses. he said 'mummy-daddy bed?' and DH said 'no, rooroo bed tonight' and he responded with 'oh' and i said straight away I said 'goodnight xxx see you in the morning, love you' followed by a night night mummy, i yuv you', and no more fuss about it. DH put him to bed and not a peep. He may well wake up later and we will settle him in his own bed, and if he really does not settle he will come in with us in the AM.

So, I have learnt - if and when my children are ill and need me, or are out of sorts and need me, they will sleep with us for as long as it takes to help them feel ok in their own beds again.

Thanks for a great and thought provoking thread, and for the immense support given by those who get how I felt.

oh AND. For the first time since DS has been born (possible earlier, as DD is a relatively early riser at 6am) - we ALL had a lie-in until 9am, dozing in bed. the kids did not need to come in with us for a cuddle, which by the time this happens they are awake and wanting to be up, they woke, had cuddles immediately, dozed back off and we were able to extend the getting up for ages!

Fabulous.

Pavlov - glad to hear your ds is better xx

we only have a normal double bed and I often wake in the morning to find 5 of us squeezed into it... I love the fact they feel able to come into our bed..