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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want ds to come into my bed?

112 replies

PavlovtheCat · 30/12/2011 20:02

He is a bad sleeper at the best of times, but...week before Xmas he was v unwell with virus, turned into ear infection. He had fever scmost of the time and v clingy so was in with us, then on Friday last week we went on hols with family, he was still poorly, first nights slept in cot, in our room til wee hours, then in with us. Rest of the trip he was in with us as not settling, clingy, wanted to come home. Settled in our bed straight ay each night.

tonight, first right home, he is in his own bed and NOT happy. He is crying so desperately

Mummmmmmeeeee I neeeeed you
Mummmmmmeeeee I you've youuuuu
Mummmmmmeeeeee peeeeeeeeeese mummeee bed? Peeeeeees need mummmmeeeeeee bed
Aaaaaaaaaahhwwwww mummmeeeeeeee I needed youuu

If I scope him up and put him in my bed, I get to snuggle with him and watch him go to sleep and he will be asleep instantly. Instead I am listening to him crying, and will go and stroke his face in A couple of minutes.

I have enjoyed sleeping next to him again. It just feels so wrong to have him do far away from me and unhappy.

OP posts:
MayaAngelsFromTheRealmsOfCool · 30/12/2011 20:56

IMO and IME, the best place for a very sick child is in their parents' bed. But you have to be aware that if you carry on that way post-illness you could end up still co-sleeping one or two years down the line, or longer. Things could end up pretty monstrous for all. I am, sadly, not exaggerating. Sad

Ismeyes · 30/12/2011 21:03

We always take DD into our bed when she is ill, she is 5. I know I feel better when I have someone with me when I am ill, so why wouldn't I show the same human kindness to my child? Makes perfect sense to me. She has never been a problem to get back in her own bed when well again.

NorksAkimbo · 30/12/2011 21:10

They are only little once. My DS, now 5, started climbing in between us when he was 3. We were fine with it; he's always slept fine in his own bed, and I figured that if he needed us at night, then there was maybe something he wasn't getting from us in the day. When he started Yr 1 in September, he asked to have a reward chart, as he felt he was too big to be sleeping with us, and needed some incentive to stay in his own bed. He's done it, bless, and I miss him now. You're not creating a rod...you're his mum, it's more natural to sleep with children than not.

SillyOldHector · 30/12/2011 21:58

We all co-sleep in our house. We have two doubles with me, dh, ds1(9) and ds2(6) in. Dh's relatives all co-sleep with their dc as well. Mine have their own rooms but have never slept in them. We'll definitely miss them both when they decide to move to their own rooms. Each to their own, but I we see it as perfectly natural to all sleep together.

Mishy1234 · 30/12/2011 22:05

Yanbu. It feels right to have him in with you because it is. It's natural for him to seek comfort and for you to want to give it. Go with it.

flibbertywidget · 30/12/2011 22:25

co-sleep, co-sleep, co-sleep :-). I co-sleep with mine on and off. In fact DS (2) ends up in our bed every night, normally between 3 and 5am. He likes to give DH a good kick in the back for about 2 hours. Whilst wrapping his chubby hands around my face and hair and cuddling til it is time to get up.

We have 2 double beds in a 3 bed room house. The DC's share a room for the mo. and it means that either one of us gets a good nights sleep by going to spare room (normally DH!) and I get to snuggle with DC's. In this instance, happy mummy, happy children.

pretty sure they wont be co-sleeping when they are 30, just like they wont be breastfeeding or using a dummy on their 18th. Kids need love and security, IMO

fuzzynavel · 30/12/2011 22:26

YANBU. I probably am as my DS is 14 in a few days and I still drag him screaming and kicking entice him into my bed for a sort of snuggle Grin

SalmeMurrikAgain · 30/12/2011 23:24

They're little for such a short time. Cliches are cliches because they are usually at least partly true. Cuddle up tight. Smile

seeker · 30/12/2011 23:27

Why are people so scared of co sleeping?

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 30/12/2011 23:31

What a lovely thread . Night co sleepers x

naturalbaby · 30/12/2011 23:33

we would keep our 2yr old in bed with us if he wasn't such a wriggly kicker Sad, which is a shame because he is an extra snuggly child but only wants to be on daddy's side!

tell your dh to give him a break, your child is ill/recovering. ask him what he wanted when he was a child and felt ill/sad....a cuddle from his mum?

bigbuttons · 30/12/2011 23:36

I nearly always have a child in bed with me, either because they are ill, but normally because they want to be near their mummy. I'm so glad they can do that. My 13 year old doesn't do this any more but the 12 year old will occasionally. ATM the 5 and 4 year olds are in my bed. I never know who's going to be there when I wake up. it's lovelySmile
Well I know it's not going to be anyone I fancy, put it that wayWink

FlightRisk · 30/12/2011 23:36

I'm actually torn on this one. I did it with DS twice even (god knows why I didn't learn the first time).

First time I used to fall asleep while breast feeding (puts on flame retardant jacket). It got to the point where he would only go to sleep at night while feeding, if I fed then tried to put him in his cot he would scream!! The only thing that finally stopped it was I laid him on a feather pillow in his cot so he would feel the closeness again.

The second time he was a toddler and his father had left so as we were both sad at the time I used to go to bed with him then I pulled myself together and he wasn't happy when I wanted him to go to bed on his own.

I know it makes you feel better that they feel safe and content but you will battle with him when you want your own space Xx

marriedinwhite · 30/12/2011 23:46

Sorry, but I think he needs to go back to his own bed. He is better now, you are all home and you need your routine back and a happy DH. DS will be fine in a day or two and if you don't do it now, he'll be there when he's 5.

Having said that dd snuggles in with me whenever dh is away. But she knows it's only when he's away - she's 13 Grin

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 30/12/2011 23:48

'sleep is still most perfect when it is shared with a beloved,
The warmth, the security and peace of soul,the utter comfort from the touch of another, knits the sleep, so that it takes the body and soul completely in it's healing .'
D.H Lawrence
Just reminded myself of that for when DS comes in at 3am saying ' I want to sleep with you mummy ...'

MJinSparklyStockings · 30/12/2011 23:53

We practically co sleep with ours (nearly 2 and 4) move them once they are sleeping - I would hate to sleep alone why should they want to?

unreasonablemuch · 30/12/2011 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winnybella · 31/12/2011 00:01

I always put DD in my bed when she's ill, she doesn't even have to ask for it. I feel better knowing that I can check on her throughout the night and she likes it, too. She never asks to sleep with us when she's well, though.

It's lovely snuggling with the little ones, they grow up so fast!

MJinSparklyStockings · 31/12/2011 00:04

Ds has just fallen out of bed and so is now snuggled on the sofa with me :)

PriscillaQueenOfTheDesert · 31/12/2011 00:15

Awwww glad you're snuggling now.

I miss ds2 now he's in his own bed but ds1 has started coming in for snuggles in the morning now which is nice.

It makes me Sad when I hear things like "make him go back to his own bed, you'll have a battle on your hands, he'll still be there when he's 5" etc

What exactly is wrong with a 5yr old wanting to get into bed and have a cuddle with mummy or daddy. Why does there need to be any kind of "battle"

Bunnyjo · 31/12/2011 00:29

Aww, this thread has made me warm. DS (7mo) is in our bed (he's teething and wants comfort) and I'll be joining him soon. DH has just got into the spare double bed and I can hear our DD (4yo) toddling over to that bed.

I remember getting in to my mum and dads bed when I was 8 and so does DH. I love my snuggles with my babies :) So does DH :)

slowburner · 31/12/2011 00:44

Enjoy your cuddles, we've full time coslept for over a year since dd outgrew her crib, we had no room for the cot due to a house move being delayed and by the time we had moved she was very nice and warm thank you very much and screams blue murder if I even show her the cot. SLeeps in one at nursery thou.Envy

DH has a double, I have a double with toddler who is currently wrapped round my neck. If DH gets a good nights sleep I feel it fair to hand over at 6am and have a lie in!

HeadfirstForGabrielsHalo · 31/12/2011 01:54

DC4 (4) has been in our bed for 2 weeks, he was poorly and needed us for snuggles. I'm really enjoying it as he has ASD and is not very affectionate usually, cuddling in bed has really brought a change in him and I'm enjoying it while it lasts! My eldest is 9 now and she rarely gets into bed for a snuggle,enjoy it because you miss it when it's gone.

HomemadeCakes · 31/12/2011 02:13

I would second the poster who said to try and encourage your ds to settle in his own bed now he is well again.

My DD was ill before Xmas and my Dh was working nights so I had DD in with me. Then I was ill so I struggled to have the energy to fight with her about coming in with me.

Now 3 weeks on it is taking at least an hour to get her to sleep in her own bed and she is waking 2-3 times in the night and we are having to sit with her at upwards of an hour a time to get her to sleep.

Before this, she had been sleeping through the night since 5 weeks old and always self-settled. She is 30 months. I am currently sat in her room waiting for her to fall asleep and have been since 12.30. My Dh is blissfully snoring in the other room... I'm exhausted and this is far from ideal when you both work full time...

seeker · 31/12/2011 07:57

Saddest post on this thread?

"Sorry, but I think he needs to go back to his own bed. He is better now, you are all home and you need your routine back and a happy DH"

and a happy dh? What the actual F?