Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my friend to leave?

83 replies

partytights · 28/12/2011 21:20

My best friend and I have known each other for seven years. She came out of a relationship and moved 100 miles back home but had nowhere to stay. I offered her my spare room as she said her friend was givibg her money or her first months rent and deposit on a flat and would only be with me a few weeks until she got a job.

That was two months ago. No job and not entitled to JSA as she left her last job voluntarily. She pays nothing yet has internet, food, alcohol etc free here and she gets to eat a takeaway when DP and I have one or a night at the pub where other people or I buy her a few drinks. DP and I have had more arguments since she's been here and he tries to make me see she's a scrounger and only conrributes occasionally to housework and has babysat for 8 hours in 2 months. He wants her gone.

Friend and I argued last night and she stayed with her brother 10 minutes away. Her brother is a single dad to two little girls, is on benefits, has their gambling dad living there and so she says she couldn't stay there.

AIBU to ask her to leave? DP and I don't feel comfortable in our own house anymore. She rarely gets up until mid afternoon and spends the majority of time in her room downloading and on Facebook. She's 25 FGS and I have a DP and two DD's on a small income. I can't afford this. She plans to 'pay off debt' when she gets her JSA, not contribute and instead of asking her brother for money for Christmas she asked (and got) comic books and Skyrim.

I'm fuming. I can't see her on the streets as she's been like a sister to me but I feel like a fucking mug.

OP posts:
Eglu · 28/12/2011 21:24

YANBU. She is a freeloader and needs to get out.

SantieMaggie · 28/12/2011 21:24

Sorry but you need to ask her to leave...

oohbabybaby · 28/12/2011 21:24

YANBU - She has to go, you have your own family to think of, all the extra food & electricity use must be taking its toll on your bills.

Winkly · 28/12/2011 21:25

Seems like she is taking the piss. At least stop feeding her. If you feel too evil just kicking her out give her reasonable written notice.

thepeoplesprincess · 28/12/2011 21:25

No YANBU! Absolutely not.

Have you independently verified what she's saying about the JSA?

TooMaryBaubles · 28/12/2011 21:26

YANBU! She's not exactly acting like a friend is she? Give her a deadline by which to move out, and don't be swayed if she claims to have nowhere to go. It's not your problem, you've done more than enough to help her - you need to put you and your family first.

CadleCap · 28/12/2011 21:26

Check forehead for MUG ! Give her a deadline and stick to it.

MrsSnow · 28/12/2011 21:27

YANBU.

When you tell her its time to leave (tonight not tomorrow) keep telling yourself either she goes or your relationship goes.

She won't be on the streets, people like that always end up somewhere.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2011 21:27

If you don't feel you can - present her with a list of things you expect her to do each do - including finding a job - and see how she feels about that. Tell her that she won't be accompanying you to the pub when you go with DH, but that you would appreciate some babysitting in return for your kindness.

Give her a month to get her shit together and tell her that she needs to find somewhere else by then anyway.

duvetdayplease · 28/12/2011 21:28

It doesn't sound like she's making much effort to contribute, I think you really do need to ask her to leave.

I think your DP is probably right. If she's been there for two months you've been very generous. Give her a deadline - two weeks? - and then say you need the room back.

Good luck!

AKMD · 28/12/2011 21:29

YANBU, she needs to go now. No real friend would do this to you.

chipmonkey · 28/12/2011 21:31

She is taking the piss. And being very unfair to you, your dp and dd's. Tell her to leave.

preciousmuch · 28/12/2011 21:32

I might be dreadfully out of date but I do believe that income support can act as an interim buffer forjobseekers who aren't entitled to jsa.

cees · 28/12/2011 21:33

She sounds like a horrible friend to you, I'm not surprised your husband has had enough of her. She has zero respect for you and your family, you need to ask her to leave, you need your home back and if you continue to let her take the piss like this, your friendship will be no more too.

skybluepearl · 28/12/2011 21:33

give her a dead line to be out - 4th of Jan or what ever. explain that you can't afford to keep her and that it's causing arguments between you and hubby.

Original poster
partytights · 28/12/2011 21:34

She's not here right now, she's with her brother but she still has lots of stuff here. I texted her and asked her to pick up her things tomorrow afternoon but she has no credit to text me back. I would call but I have no balls.

From what I know about JSA, if you voluntarily quit you are not entitled to it for six months. I think there is leiniency if you have dependents or a disabiluty but she has neither. I know her brother would get into a lot of trouble having her there as his father lives there illegally and someone else will really balls things up. Her only other friend gas a DC, DP and is eight and a half months pregnant so she won't take her in either.

DP said it's done now. She's gone and she can come pick up her things but he doesn't want her here overnight. He was fine when it was two or three weeks but we can't afford it on our relationship or incomes.

OP posts:
BandOMothers · 28/12/2011 21:36

tomorrow morning, go into her room at 9.30 and wake her up...tell her she has two days to find somewhere else...that's plenty....if she needs help then show her the SHELTER website....they will find her somewhere...a hostel...whatver. Not your problem.

lisad123 · 28/12/2011 21:37

shes an adult, behaving like a child!
Has she looked for a job?? If she was there before xmas, Im sure she could have found even a temp job.
DH has been reasonable but i think you need to out him first now.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 28/12/2011 21:37

YANBU at all. She's not a true friend

LydiaWickham · 28/12/2011 21:39

YANBU. She has somewhere else to go, her DB's, now he's not a long term solution, but good, that might make her get her arse in gear and sort her life out.

pigletmania · 28/12/2011 21:41

YANBU at all, she is a freeloader and scrounger and is taking the piss, ask her to leave. It may mean that the friendship will end, but then you and your dp will be back on track and your sanity restored Grin

Original poster
partytights · 28/12/2011 21:41

She won't go into a hostel. She has no.money but refuses to walk into Primark or buy underwear from anywhere other than La Senza. Beggers can't be choosers and all that...

She has said she's been looking. I haven't seen evidence of it though as it's all on her email. She's certainly not feeling desperate for a job. There were two jobs literally across the road as waitresses but because it was part time, it was a no. Muggins here (with a physical disability) went and got one of the jobs to help make ends meet. A full time job was going in a bar too but no, no CV sent in. She seems to have been looking at office jobs 30 miles away with no transport though Hmm.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 28/12/2011 21:45

Where she lives is not your problem, give her a list of places to contact, e.g. Crisis, Shelter, the LA

pigletmania · 28/12/2011 21:46

Well party thats her problem not yours. She will have to, if she has nowhere to go. Beggars can't be choosers

Cherriesarelovely · 28/12/2011 21:47

She is taking the piss. Quite simply, she is incredibly selfish. Most people wouldn't dream of taking advantage of a "friend" in such a way. Please stick with it and insist that she leaves. She needs to grow up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread