new car

[pissedofforwhat]

to expect a car of the same value as DH. He thinks not and I am sad. Mostly I feel sad because it is like he feels I am worth less

I can only think of 2 families I know who have 2 nice cars. In most cases the woman drives either a 4x4 or an MPV and the man has something smaller like a Polo or Focus as a station car but where we live most people commute by public transport so have no need for anything fancier.

therefore I feel unworthy and he obviously feels that. It is not pathetic. Most of the mums at sch have them so it would seem thier husbands think theirs wives worthy. I cannot get a job. I have to run around after various children all day, and NO the car would not get dirty and damaged. we do not live like that

If you can afford a top of the range, Range Rover each then you can afford childcare.

So why don't you get a job and buy your own?

I can guarantee that the other mums at school did not buy their own cars and they are all SAHMS. DH told me I needed a 4X4 because of where we live and we get snowed in and he has to do sch run and everything else. I looked for a 4X4 and I hate them, the RR Sport I decided was the nicest, thats all there is to it. I do agree that I do not NEED to have car of same value, I wasn't even asking for it. BUT, the budget he has given for my new car is not big enough and is some £15k less than his anyway.

Get a job and get your own.

It looks like the only difference is that the dh wants to buy a second hand range rover for the second family car rather than a top of the line new one. If the top of the line car really is only used to impress clients rather than to big up his ego then that seems a perfectly reasonable approach. Brand new cars lose a big chunk of value the second they are driven off the forecourt, so getting one a couple of years old is much more sensible (I don't get the impression that the dh is thinking of an old banger).

To me the OP sounds very petty and somewhat childish, she wants her own 'show off car' because the other mums at school have cars as good as their dhs, and thinks that in principle she should have the same stuff as her dh. Now I am all for independence and would hate a set up where dh made all the money and I stayed home and ferried children around, but if you do opt out of the executive life then isn't a part of that not having the executive toys?

If on the other hand the dh is a bit of a controller and the OP feels stuck in a role she's not enjoying/ is undervalued then that's another issue, but it's not really about the car then is it?

Quite agree, just responding to the point that some people believe that cars do not infer status. That is simply a personal opinion and not a fact - which the contributor admitted but started by saying that the concept was "utter nonsense" which was obviously not correct.

Plainly, some people believe they do otherwise all the prestige car manufacturers would be out of business.

Way I see it, you have options.

Move somewhere more suitable.

Get a job and buy whatever you want.

Whine like a spoilt five year old till he either gives you what you want or dumps you for someone lower maintenance.

pendeen I know an awful lot of people driving £70K cars who have £500k + mortgages. The car may imply status but I would much prefer my life to be built on more solid foundations. DH and I are secure enough not to worry about the cars we drive. Jointly our cars are probably worth about £25K - our house is worth about £3 million and that's not much for where we live.

i offered to have an old one for a much lesser price and he told me it 'was not worth the money', I am up against a brick wall yet not able to extend the budget and get a decent one which would still be worth far less than his but would be fine as far as I am concerned, I am not being petulant or pathetic as some of you have called me. I am trying to find the car which he deemed necessary yet is preventing me from getting.

Oh, and I believe one prestige motor manufacturer went out of business just before Christmas and it wasn't so long ago that Jaguar/Landrover only just made it. I believe one or two luxury car makers will go in the next twelve months.

Quite quite worrying and very telling how many people on this thread are telling the OP to get a job and stop relying on 'her husband's money'. Attitudes really haven't moved on at all, have they?

OP, it's not really about the car at all is it?

pissedoff* my DH buys himself a pair of Church's shoes every year (they last years if they are repaired regularly). They cost about £400 but that doesn't mean I have to have £400 pairs of shoes. He needs a traditional shoe for work - actually I think he could make do with Loakes for £200 or less but he like the Church's ones. That doesn't mean that all my shoes have to cost hundreds of pounds. I am very happy with my Clark's flat boots that were less that £60 with a discount a few months ago and my Clark's boots with bit of a heel that I got for £37.50 in the sale the day before yesterday.

I really don't understand why you can't compromise with a nice little car. Lots of families at our childrens' school have one really flashy one and one supermini type one. I don't understand what the problem is - although I must confess I do have the better car

"the budget he has given for my new car"

There's your problem.

marriedandwreathedinholly yes I agree with you, it's so very sad that one of the last remaining major employers in this country is again at risk of closing with such awful consequences for thousands of families.

So he is offering you 15k less than you "need" so I am guessing you have a pretty decent amount of money left to buy a car with. Sorry op I really can't feel sorry for you, you are being greedy simple as!

He wants you to get a 4x4 and is giving you X to get it?

So why dont you tell him to find one for the money he is budgetting? or cant you find something to match that of the other ladies at the school>

Also, you say you're up against a brick wall and unable to get a "decent one." I'm sure there are other options. Don't close your mind, just because you can't have the one you think you want. That's what sounds petulant.

I cannot take seriously a person who writes "it matters to me because I have been waiting months to get new car. and he is not prepared to get me the same as he has"

Nothing to do with "get a job", more to do with a playground mentality of OP.

since i need a 4x4, i am only asking for what he has

I think it is a wind up tbh.

"Most of the mums at sch have them"

You sound like my 11 year old daughter. That is not a valid reason for wanting one. I see no need to spend the same amount on cars for eqality's sake. That is just pathetic and a waste of money. I drive a smaller car than OH because I am smaller than him, I don't want to spend loads of money on tax and petrol and I don't have a chip on my shoulder about the car I drive. Sorry, but I think you need to grow up. It isn't about not being valued, it is about being practical.

As far as impressing clients is concerned you have to tread carefully. OH is self employed. A few years ago he visited a customer - he was driving a 7 year old Mondeo. The guy he was visiting (he used to work with him) said "I thought you would be driving a Porsche by now". It made OH realise that it projects a negative image to clients if you look like you are unsuccessful. Shortly afterwards he bought a new Mondeo. A car doesn't have to be a top of the range Range Rover or similar. In fact if it is a very expensive car your clients will think you are overcharging them.

Why do you need a 4x4? Do you live in a rural, hilly area?

I don't think he's right about you needing 4x4 due to the snow. Where we stay in Germany gets a lot of snow in winter but there is an absence of 4x4s. They just drive normal cars with winter tyres. Am fully prepared to be corrected on this though as cars are a PITA in my opinion and I only take any notice of them when mine breaks down and needs replacing.

If I am right about the winter tyres, get what you want within whatever the budget is, stick winter tyres on it and job done