WIBU to loose it with MIL next time?

[inspireme]

So on Christmas day at my SIL's I started plating up DH's dinner, as all my sil's were doing for their DH's. My MIL went to grab the plate off me and said she''d do it, I said nicely, no it's ok you get yours, as she had already done PIL's, she said no I'll do it, once again I said it's ok u get your own as I had the plate in my hand and had already started it, so cue the too- ing and fro-ing of "I'll do it" "no it's ok you get your own and sit down" Etc.

So after a few of these i had to give in (as i knew it was gonna end in a row) and let her do it, I know its really trivial but it's typical of her not wanting to let go even though we're married with a DS.

The main reason I wanted to do it was the fact that she never makes vegetables for anyone as she doesn't like them and assumes everyone else doesn't too, when DH loves them so I knew he wouldn't get any.

She has also done this before regarding DS, one example is when Im about to feed him she insists on doing it to the point that I have to give in to avoid a row! (DS has reflux and is v hard to feed, and gets annoyed when other people do it)

AIBU to think that if u keep pushing people and insisting on doing things that they clearly don't want u to do they will eventually loose it??

So WIBU too loose it the next time she does this??

i dont see how you can argue that there is not big deal in you plating up, when it is clearly an issue your MIL wanted to.

Eh?

Why are you 'plating up' food for other adults?

I think I'd find it less nauseating if it was a mother doing it for her child, than an adult partner.

Wasn't there a dining table?

Mums become tyrants on xmas day. It's their job. Accept it.

My mum is in charge of cooking then directing us womenfolk which food to put on which plates for our menfolk and cubs.

It gets cold while she dithers over who gets breast or leg and barks at us for putting too many/not enough potatoes on. Then it goes back in the oven to dry -out-- warm through.

If anything's forgotten the menfolk venture back into the kitchen to get it.

And we put food on plates not 'plate up'. It's my mum's kitchen not bloody Masterchef.

Don't understand why plates/serving dishes on the table doesn't work, how hard is it for everyone not to help themself. Does the first person have to eat a cold meal while waiting for the last person dinner is served or do they start eating before everyone else.

So to stop it happening in the future have one or two women people dish up all the meals and one to help pass them to table.

"Eh? I am a MIL, and was born in 1969!!! Not all MILs are in their 70's!"

Seconded! Some of us are just this side of our dotage, y'know!

Also, despite being born in the 1950s, nobody in our family ever "plated up" a meal for anyone else. Everything was put onto serving dishes and you served yourself. The exception being children under about 8. After that, it was assumed you knew how much food you wanted to eat and what you wished to choose. The same goes for our family today since we'd all be totally about someone else deciding what we wished to eat and in what quantity and variety.

I don't think you are particularly unreasonable in wanting to choose what your DH ate - if that is the rather bizzarre system that pertains. However, I don't think something as ridiculous as a plate of dinner is worth starting World War III for. Choose your battles. There must be a better one worth fighting, surely?

Right. In our house ,and in every house I have ever been to for a christmas meal, the vegetables, bread sauce and gravy are put in serving dishes, the turkey and stuffing are carved and put on plates. Everyone comes in and carries plates and dishes onto the table until everything is ready and then we all sit down and serve ourselves and eat. Even if you don't have a dining table everyone can serve themselves to what they want from the kitchen and then find a seat.

Why not take turns to get your own dinner?!

Plating up is fine if you only have a small dining table, therefore limited room for big bowls of food out of reach of grabby children. Why are so many mothers findings that an odd concept?! If the OP had been sorting the children while the husband plated up there'd be comments about childcare work always being left to the women, can't win.

There are numerous threads about controlling MILs/mothers not letting go of adult children, battling with partners for supremacy, but for some reason everyone on this thread has chosen to focus on a very minor detail of the OP's life and decide that it obviously implies she is a surpressed 1950s housewife, because she was doing one family chore while her husband did another.

MN is an odd place sometimes.

Oh ffs the serving bowls on table thing doesn't work for us last yr, and i have never had food served like this anywhere i have ever had dinner. We went to my mothers boxing day and we did it the same way, my mum, myself and my brother served eveyones meals from the kitchen counter while everyone sat at table and it took only a few mins, we asked things like do u want many roasties, does DS like sprouts etc and everyone was happily eating within a few mins. IMHO it's a lot less chaotic than bowls on table especially when there are kids present.

Maybe it's a culture thing but it generally doesn't happen in northern Ireland. If you want more of something you get up and go get it, if you don't want something on your plate you don't eat it simple as

*didn't work for us (obviously)

MN is an odd place sometimes.

Only sometimes?!

Luckily it often bears little resemblance to RL!

OK, let's move on from the plating up (although actually, as someone who was brought up in England and Northern Ireland and had a family home there until 2 years ago, this practice generally didn't happen either!) onto the "but does it really matter enough to get into a strop over it?". Because actually, I'm sure there are better things to whip up bad feeling over.

OK. Will try

But it is so strange.... mmmph.. mmmph...

And if you didn't do it you wouldn't have this massive battle over who gets to feed your man......

OK...leaving aside the 'plating up' vs dishes on the table thing, as it's been done to death now!

Why not just let your MIL do it if she wants to? If she's putting things on your DH's plate that aren't what he wants, surely he's capable of telling her, or getting up to help himself to what he wants (or if he prefers, just accepting what he's given for a quiet life!). No need for you to get involved at all.

I don't mind her doing it in her own house when she's cooking but when I've already started doing it and she practically has to wrestle the plate off me it's bloody annoying. And yes I agree it's probably about a power struggle, and maybe I'm just as bad as her, but It's more about the fact that I always have to give in to avoid a row and she will not take no for an answer.

Why should she always get her own way, my mum is the same age and she doesn't go about doing what she wants or some of us would tell her otherwise. They are not elderly btw.

Can u tell I'm bored today DH and DS not here don't know wat to do with myself!!

at this "Amish" thread

I don't get why you did not let her. I would have, as it would have been completely and utterly unimportant who served my H his food 9if anyone would be ncie enough to do it ).

I don't get why she insisted.

You both sound mad.

HTH

She was rude to grab the plate off you. But still think you should just let it go, if she has so little in her life that getting the opportunity to wait on 'her' men is so exciting and important to her, she deserves sympathy more than anything.

On that note, I can't help but notice this: 'bored today DH and DS not here don't know wat to do with myself!!' - take care that you don't end up the same way!

Oh come on ephiny I have a baby son so obviously don't get much me time, especially not a day to lounge about the house so just flicking through telly and Internet to keep me away from ironing or going shopping- the assumptions made on mumsnet sometimes really are crazy!!!

I think you do know "wat" to do with yourself, OP. What you really want is an argument, isn't it?

I agree Alouisee there is something icky about the phrase 'plating up'. I know it's used in the restaurant trade, but for people at home to use the phrase makes it sound a bit like big dollopings of prison rations!

Right think it's time to hide this thread because all the stupid assumptions are really pissin me off!! Oh and the grammar police also- I'm on an iPhone therefore I am being perfectly reasonable to use text speak, and really wat v what isn't that big an issue!!!

I wouldn't nomallly use the phrase 'plating up' just easier to type instead of putting dinner onto plates. Iyswim.

Every bloody thing I type is getting dissected or twisted beyond belief. Not everyone has hidden issues!!! I'm off to do the ironing, more fun than listening to wannabe phycologists who think they know me better than I know myself! See ya!